More terrifying than terrible.
This is an absolutely true story. Half a lifetime ago I stayed with my wife at a family run hotel at Olivet near Orleans in France. It looked promising in the Michelin red book. The location was in woodland adjacent to a tributary of the Loire called "Le Loiret", and approached by a long narrow driveway lined by dense hedges and overhanging trees. When we arrived, the hotel looked like it was at one time a fairly grand residence but has since gone rather downhill. What was probably once a garden, but so overshadowed by the canopy of trees that it had become home to mushrooms, ferns and moss covered statues. To start with we thought that we had made a mistake, because there were no other cars and the place looked deserted. I parked in the driveway and approached with slight trepidation. As I got nearer to what I assumed was the front door, a figure emerged from around the corner of the building. It was a short and quite portly middle aged lady, who was smartly dressed but most remarkable for being quite appallingly ugly. Her grotesque face was made yet more repellent by thick white make-up, crudely rouged cheeks and gash of scarlet lipstick. She greeted me with a sickly smile and ushered me into a side door. It seemed that this was after all the right place and we were expected. After the checking-in formalities, we were shown up a grand staircase to our room by another lady very similar to the first, with similarly unsightly features. At no point did we see any sign of other guests. The room was enormous, entered by double doors and served by a bathroom almost as big again. On the mantelpiece was a rather satanic looking bronze statue of Pan, complete with goat's feet and horns. Rather than give a complete description, I'll just say that the environment gave the overall impression of being the set for a horror film.

The twin sisters had a younger brother who appeared to be a bit 'special'. I met him when returning to the car to collect our bags. He was wearing blue overalls and was carrying an axe. His dead looking eyes set in a grey pallor and slack jaw made me think that he might have a pile of dismembered bodies hidden somewhere in the forest.

As we got ourselves installed to our room, we tried to make light of the situation, making jokes about the ugly sisters and the axe murdering brother, but at at the same time both genuinely uneasy. I've never known a place quite so creepy. I hardly slept at all, and what sleep I did get was filled with dreams of the statue of Pan coming alive and dancing around the room.

We didn't stay for breakfast.
( notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 13:18, 5 replies)

Riverside hostelries in North Lancashire are under-rated.
There's more to Ribble hotels than you might think.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 29 Nov 2014, 20:48, 3 replies)

Next time, I'll just STFU and smile.
Mid 70s. Working as a bellhop in the Hotel Drake Wilshire in downtown San Francisco. Dressed as an organ grinder's monkey, schlepping a couple of cases downstairs for a couple. Standing in the lift: They are chattering away in machine gun Russian. I am zoning out staring at the brassworks around the floor numbers.

At the lobby, I hold the door open for them. They say "Thank you" in moderately accented English. I give them a polite you're welcome / "Pazhaloosta" in reply. The woman steps around and presses the Close Door button and then hits Stop. The guy, chattering excitedly pushes me up against the far wall without really touching me; asking how much I spoke, where I learned it, etc, etc...

What the unholy fuck they were talking about, I had no idea; desperately telling them that I got the sum total of my rooski from the movie Patton, that I was a student, this was a temp job, I wasn't a CIA operative, and certainly not stupid enough to blow my cover if I WAS. (The CIA was a little bit smarter back then, ... or ... at one time I used to think so.) Took several minutes before they let me out. Scared me no end.
(shamblinthru Grasshopper! Next time use the potholders!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 18:31, 6 replies)

Tenby
We "won" a holiday in Tenby in mid-November.

Gale force winds & rain all weekend, nothing seemed to be open, and the only entertainment was provided by a television that we had to feed with £1 coins every 15 minutes.
( rofl harris, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:56, 1 reply)

The Oasis Hotel
Harlow, land of my dreams.
After the wheels came off, I was temporarily housed in the Oasis Harlow.
First night there, about 2 in the morning

Having a fag outside when this chinese fella, wearing a smaller persons t shirt and a towel round his waste came stomping over to me and sshouted "you're one of them! I recognise you!"

Then he was off.
Next morning's chat, turns out the chinese fella had picked up a working girl and took her to the oasis.
He'd just got his clothes off when two geezers came in, slapped him about a bit and took off with his clothes and car keys.

Another night.
About 1 in the morning, I can hear some woman walking round knocking at people's doors, screaming "I need some fackin foil, I know you ave, gimme sam fackin foil.

-------------------------------------

Some shouted "use a fackin' spoon"

After a disturbingly long period of absolute quiet, she pipes up
"Spoon! I need a fackin spoon, I know you've got some.........."

For your amusement, go to tripadvisor and look up the reviews of the Oasis Harlow,
(woff, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 18:15, 7 replies)

Hotel Wanker
Many incarnations ago, I booked into a budget chain hotel in one of your Earth cities. All was well to start with - female receptionist friendly, everything clean, no offensive odours.

So I took the lift up to my room with light hearts, and opened the door with not entirely unjustified expectations of a decent, clean room. This did indeed appear to be the case - but my attention was distracted by the large, naked, black man sprawled on the double bed, wanking his oiled black cock to the porn channel on the room's TV.

Our eyes met and his face assumed an expression of complete mortification - as, I suppose, did mine - and he stopped wanking - though his penis remained fully erect, rather admirably in the circumstances.

We stared at each other for a few seconds in complete silence save for the groans and moans and cheesy music of the porno movie soundtrack. Then I retreated and gently closed the door, and made my way back down to reception.

Then I remembered the cheerful, young, innocent looking girl manning the desk.

Bugger, I thought. She smiled as I approached the desk and I smiled back, my mind racing, wondering what I should say.

'Er... I went up to my room... and there was somebody in it,' I muttered.

'Oh' said the receptionist, looking surprised. 'Did you ask them to leave?'

'Not exactly,' I said. 'Look, it's a bit embarrassing, he was naked, and -'

'Was he black?' she interrupted.

'Y - yes,' I stammered. 'A big, bald, black guy...'

She asked for my key and quickly processed me into another room on a different floor. I approached this room with trepidation but it was thankfully devoid of masturbating men of any skin colour. (Except for me, later, as I was a man back then, and - well, that's another story).

When I went down to the carvery later, sure enough, the carvery chef was this very same bald black guy.

I'd always idly wondered if black people could blush.

LAIGHTERZ SWEEETIESE!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 18:34, 4 replies)

Thistle hotel Glasgow.
As I was going to be staying for 30 nights (Detached to the airport), rather than pay myself and claim the money back I got my boss to get HR to supply me with a bankers' cheque for the full amount barring expenses (Which I would pay myself as and when) This was because on my previous detachment it had taken the lazy incompetent fuckers at PPA Bath 8 fucking MONTHS to process my claim and pay me back.

So, I arrive at 6 in the evening and am told that my room wasn't ready yet. An hour later it STILL wasn't. An hour and a half after that it finally was, I go up and there's no running water. I go back to reception and demand another room, this is sorted within 5 minutes. Now, when checking in, I'd explained my situation as to the length of my stay, had handed over the bankers' cheque and explained that it could be cashed by the hotel the next day, and that any room service etc would be paid for by myself rather than covered by the cheque. The receptionist seemed to understand this perfectly.

Two nights later I return to my room to find a note on the bedside table asking me to contact the duty manager "Urgently". I go back down to reception, and ask for the duty manager, who had no idea what this "Urgent" matter was.
The next morning I get a phone call asking me to meet the duty manager, I go down to reception and am guided into an office where the duty manager says "So, you've been here for a few nights now, and I need to know how you're intending to pay"
Me: I've already paid, you got a bankers' cheque for the FULL 30 nights from me when I arrived.
DM: Oh but we need paying for the time you've stayed now.
Me: The cheque I gave you COVERS THE WHOLE of my stay.
DM: But that will be post-dated, we need to know you're not trying to defraud us.
Me: I'm a MoD Civil Servant, the cheque is NOT post-dated and the covering slip is signed by the Met Office's head of HR and stamped as official HMG correspondence, I am NOT trying to defraud you, YOU are trying to scam money from ME.
DM: I can call the police you know.
Me: Go ahead. Call them right now, because I have to work tonight, and I'm tired of this bullshit.
DM: I CAN call them.
Me: I am TELLING you to do so. Now. In addition I want you to check whether or not the bankers' cheque has cleared.
DM: But the cheque will still be in our safe, we can't cash it until you check out.
Me: Then you're an idiot, that cheque is to pay for my stay and SHOULD have been cashed the day after I arrived. As stated in the covering letter I handed over with it.
DM: I don't know anything about that.
Me: Good job I kept a copy for myself then. Rest assured that I WON'T be recommending that the Met Office, OR the MoD uses Thistle hotels in future.
DM: *Checks records* Oh, it seems you're right, I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:11, 6 replies)

Hôtel de Ville, Paris.
Turned up late afternoon, but the lights were all off and no sign of any staff around. Managed to jimmy the door and make it inside the building. Since noone was about we just picked a room and stayed there.
The beds were made of solid pine, with keyboards instead of mattresses. Barely slept a wink before being forcibly ejected by some irascible gendarme around mid morning the following day.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 12:16, 10 replies)

Opening the gate...
The year was 1996, the destination Palma Nova, just down the road from Magaluf. The end of A-Levels resulted in 8 of us, 5 lads, 3 girls begging for money off the parents to go on an all out party week.

You know the scene from the Inbetweeners film, when they arrive at their hotel and they are the only people getting off the bus, at the complete shit hole. We had the opposite. It looked lovely. Clean, tidy, busy bar, clean corridors. Thing was, it was about 4am when we arrived.

But the rooms, dear God the rooms.

We'd paid for all inclusive, 3* hotel with everything including bedding and towels in the price. 3 * Twin rooms, one double for the couple. 2 of the twins had no running water, the double and 2 of the twins had bathrooms that could only be described as "smeared in shit". The air-con in all rooms seemed to function, but we soon realised that there were more cockroaches coming out of the vents than cool air. The beds had no mattress, just one of those camping matts over the wooden slats. Sheets? Nope. On investigation, in the small print, we saw the surcharge of £40 per person for a sheet and a towel. According to the hotel, the camping mattress was enough for most people.

We got through the first night sitting in reception and complained to the manager. We were told that they were the only available rooms and as we had stayed one night, we had forgone any chance of a refund. We had stayed about 30 mins in the room taking pictures but this was deemed enough.

We had breakfast before leaving, and this turned out to be the worst mistake. 3 of the party had the rotten shits about an hour after eating, which lasted a day, but Emma's ham omelette ended with a two day stay in hospital.

Camping and tents for the rest of the holiday meant the last 5 days were just peachy, but Hotel Palma, now a gigantic apartment block, you nearly did for us.
(The Kitchen Sink, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 22:30, Reply)

hotel europa, malgrat, 1993
first clue should have been the fact that i was the only person in a group of 72 to be staying there.
the room was a shoebox with a broken window, there was crumbling plaster everywhere and the air conditioning squeaked like a pair of humping gerbils. at mealtimes, the first 10 people got lukewarm chips. everyone after that got freezing cold mash. hot food was not something that ever happened there.
after 3 days, i was told that the maid had complained because i had clothes drying over the bath. i said if they were willing to give me a room with a balcony so i could dry my clothes in the fresh air, i'd happily remove them from the bathroom.
i didn't realise the first room was one of the better ones.
they moved me to a cubby hole so small i could open the window on the other side of the room whilst lying in bed. the wardrobe was a curtained-off alcove, the balcony a rusted health and safety nightmare and the shower dribbled like an incontinent stoat. i didn't sleep very well, as the only curtain in the room was the one doing service as a wardrobe door, so i spent a fair bit of time by the pool. not in the pool, mind; when you see that many dead insects in the water, you are disinclined to enter yourself. it was almost as if a carpet of death was spread over the stagnant contents.
the bar was staffed by one man, who worked from lunchtime till whenever he felt like going home. cheerfulness was alien to him. that being said, most of the other staff seemed quite pleasant. still couldn't wait to get out of there, though, despite the bakery next door selling the best doughnuts i've ever tasted.
the next year, the hotel europa had been removed from the holiday brochure. i can't imagine why.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Nov 2014, 17:23, Reply)

Celebrity Toenails in Huddersfield
When I first entered my room and put my bags down, there was a piece of paper on the dresser with a list of "Celebrities Who Have Stayed At The Huddersfield Hotel" - Ewan MacGregor, Jane Horrocks, the cast of Heartbeat, Bernard Manning, the cast of Last Of the Summer Wine etc. etc.

As I went to bed that night, I put my book on the floor and noticed a fair-sized pile of toenail clippings, all neatly swept into the corner by the bedside table. As I turned the light out, I wondered who might have left them there: Ewan MacGregor, Jane Horrocks, the cast of Heartbeat...
( fred zeppelin II: Electric Boogaloo, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:57, 1 reply)

Once shared a hotel room with a friend from Liverpool,
when I woke up my pillow was gone.
(hiraeth SPACE £19.99. I say yer buy one yer get one free, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 21:45, 2 replies)

Cairo & Montreal
My girlfriend and I had saved up our pennies for a trip to Egypt. The hotel in Cairo looked ok, but in the room the lights didn't work, then the airco didn't work, and then the toilet paper ran out and there wasn't any more. So I phoned reception, and soon a guy knocked on the door. "How many sheets do you want?" I tried to negotiate one entire roll, but he wasn't having that. Apparently we'd have to phone again once we'd used up our allocation. Luckily neither of us got 'gyppy tummy.

On another occasion I was travelling in Canada on my own, and trying to keep the costs down. In Montreal the youth hostel was full but they pointed me in the direction of a street with cheap hotels. The one with the best prices was called 'Love Hotel'. Being young and innocent, I thought the fact that you could book a room by the hour was a quaint Canadian custom. The receptionist looked at me oddly when I said I wanted to stay an entire night, and I was obviously on my own. The room itself was very nicely decorated, all in red and black, with a big bed and a big bath as well, but it did smell a bit odd. All the lights were very dim so I could hardly see to read. Receptionist looked at me very oddly again when I asked if the lights were working ok. Still, it was a very cheap night's stay.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 13:02, Reply)

I went to The Blackpool on a stag do. Apparently as the best man I should've arranged accomodation. all day the whiny bitches were all
"Where are we staying?" Etc.

We had arrived in Blackpool at 11 and at 4 in the encroaching dark of a horrible February afternoon I found our group a lovely BandB. 7 twin rooms for £56. Yes, £8 per room, £4 per person. We agreed to the breakfast upgrade which was £2.50.

The place was well worth the money and the breakfast was impressive. I did not stop there. The place had nylon sheets ffs and so I stopped at Norbreck Castle and went back for breakfast.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:34, 1 reply)

Apparently it's common in the Netherlands to find holiday bungalows on the edges of small towns,
just for no particular reason other than family get-togethers. Not near any particular tourist attractions or anything.

We used one for a conference. Now normally they have to be booked Monday-to-Monday. To use them for an odd 6 days over an off-season weekend, we actually had to book for 2 consecutive weeks, then negotiate down from there. Such is the way of things in a flat land below the sea.

So we turned up; they're lovely and modern, clean and well-equipped (overly done-so, such that they may even function as recuperative homes), and we settle in to a few evenings of dinners out, a bit of self-catering and a lot of beers.

Until we return to the park one Monday after business to find the cleaners have gone in early and turfed our stuff out; contents of the fridge dumped in the bin, clothes stuffed in the nearest case and left outside, and any other posessions left out in bin bags.

Now this was hugely aggravating, but a conceivable administrative error - at least nothing left out was stolen, or rained on. But on going to the site office to complain, we found the team of cleaners had done exactly the same thing to 24 consecutive bungalows, all the ones we were using, without once stopping to contact a superior to see if there was a mistake.

The sheer bloody-mindedness it takes to perform such a feat beggars belief.
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 17:52, Reply)

Stayed in a smoking room in a cheap motel the other night
There was blood stains on the sheets, fresh, not dried still soggy spunk on the carpet found this by standing in it, barefoot and to top it off the microwave never rotated, causing a bag of tasty popcorn to catch fucking fire.

The towels were almost see thru and thread bare too.

Also they only had decaf. FUCKIN DECAF?

So I stole the ashtrays, in way of compensation. Nice big glass ones too.
(yeswehavenopasties, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 8:10, 2 replies)

Not so much terrible
just odd.

I worked in China a few years back and was given the use of a large serviced apartment to use.

One day after working a long night shift, I was woken about 10am by knocking on the door. Thinking it was one of the flat mates - i left it knowing they had a key, they knew i was asleep - more fool them if they forgot their key. etc.

an hour or so passes by and more knocking. At this point it had gone past convenient for me to do so as I was now sporting a heavy dick, and in the hot weather i wasnt wearing any clothes.

an hour passes and the knocking was back - quickly followed by what sounded like the door opening.

The next thing i knew there were chinese officers of some sort - government officials? Followed by the local security, then the police, then the fire brigade, with an axe, and one carrying a hose of sorts.....

and me... naked.

No one can speak English.... I cant speak chinese. It felt like some sort of weird dream.

As quickly as they all arrived a woman with a clipboard and a man in overalls with a small toolbox arrived. and all the other men (about 10 by this stage - total overkill - left) She spoke english - barely.

"you not hear us knock on door!?" she angrily explained.

I knew she wouldnt grasp my explanation about night shifts, so simply shrugged... and in typical westerner expat style went back to bed - to let it all sort itself out...

an hour or so later the chinese maintenance man came into my bedroom whilst i was asleep and said alot of things in angry chinese again, and left.

The Musical washing machine (yes musical - they love that shit - www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDMEF-aTzh8) had overflowed and leaked downstairs.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 0:59, 2 replies)

Cops
I used to travel to a place near Houston, Texas quite regularly, and stayed in the same hotel every time, a Hilton Garden Inn. Only one time I couldn't get in there, so I was booked into a different hotel, the 'La Quinta', right next to the highway.

The receptionist was wearing a hard hat and didn't look at me once during check in: he kept his eyes glued to a screen, but I couldn't see what it was showing. There were women who were very obviously hookers hanging around in the lobby. Breakfast was from vending machines. The bedroom itself wasn't too bad, but it was noisy, and there were suspicious stains everywhere.

But the thing that made it really memorable was when I was woken in the middle of the night by a lot of loud noises. Looking out of the window I saw a police helicopter hovering overhead, shining a very brght light into the hotel car park, while a voice over a loud hailer said something indecipherable. Would have loved to know what was going on, but in the morning the hard-hatted receptionist just told me that it was normal.
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 20:56, Reply)

A single, bare 15-watt bulb centered in a 12-foot high ceiling
gave sufficient illumination to see the sixty or so cockroaches sharing my room. (I extrapolate from the actual fifteen I counted in the basin.) Multiple smoke detectors with failing power chirped throughout the building.

The scuffle opposite my room woke me up for the cockroach cotillion. A thief, having lost his wallet in the room he broke into, returned to fetch it, but the hotel guest had since returned.

I don't know what kind of place it is that the police can arrive in five minutes after a fight starts.
( tromboner cherophobia is my kind of fun, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 19:18, 4 replies)

I went to stay in a hotel in Beijing with my (Chinese) girlfriend, just before the 2008 Olympics.
The reception staff said that foreigners weren't allowed to share hotel rooms with locals. Not just that hotel but every other one we tried. We eventually had to pay for a single room on top of our double to be able to stay somewhere.

Truly jaw-dropping.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 19:13, Reply)

Communism v Capitalism
Once stayed in a State run hotel in Guiyin that had green mould growing up the walls along the corridors.
Finally got someone to admit that a guy was paid to mop the carpets. Seems that he'd been employed to mop the floors when they were lino, but they'd upgraded to carpets & as long as he turned up & did his job, they couldn't sack him.
Will never forget the smell in that place, but at least it didn't have frogs living in the squatter toilet like the one we'd just moved out of. My mate had a dose of the crab-apple-splatters & it was a noisy experience. There was a soundtrack like Derek & Clive's "Nurse", followed by a giggle & a not-too-bad impersonation of Miss Piggy saying "Hi Frog".
(stygof, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 15:26, Reply)

I once saw Alexei Sayle in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6.
I was on my way to a hotel at the time, I think it was a Premier Inn or something like that. It was fine.
( brb Learn Ukrainian and prepare for a referendum, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 0:11, Reply)

Harrow...
Would seem like a lovely place to stay.
I booked it on the internet and it was dead cheap, like stupendously cheap. I didn't see the point in spending any more than I thought I needed to. I really, honestly thought that £30 per room per night would be adequate in North London in 2008. Thats what you think if you're living in the North.
I thought it odd that I had to pay in cash before we saw the room. I still paid though and it was at that point, I realised it had all gone wrong.
On the upside this place was the kind of place where the cockroaches had all gone because it was too far gone for them.
The breakfast was Morrisons value brand marmalade , bread and cereals with a big tub of margarine.
We really should have walked out and gone to that "Grove" place we had passed on the journey in...
Still the "Euro hotel" remains in our collective family memory and I have been reminded of it on more than one occasion.
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 21:28, 3 replies)

Mirrors on the ceiling, pink champagne on ice.
That's the last fucking time I'm staying in the Brighton YMCA.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 19:17, 5 replies)

Stayed in a self-catering apartment in Prague with a mate, was haunted. Or it was the beer.
There was a little entrance hall with the door to the other apartment opposite ours.
Nobody was staying in the other apartment, as I found when I got a bollocking from the manager for using the shower there. I'd thought it was part of ours as they'd left it open.

He said he had locked it and accused me of breaking in. It all got a bit unpleasant for a while.

On the first night our bedroom door opened repeatedly and someone would lean in and look at me.

I'd hear the door move and when I turned over I could see the person in the light from the street. Looked like an adult in a dark hoodie with their face in shadow.

The flight had been rough and the beer strong so I thought, heh, the doors're locked, I'm dreaming!
i'd stare a bit and then start to sit up, at which point the figure would slip back through the door and close it.

This happened about three or four times. I wasn't afraid - it was a dream, right? - and in the morning I tried the doors and it they were locked as we'd left them. My mate hadn't seen or heard a thing.

We wondered if someone'd moved into the other flat in the night and was fooling about but they hadn't.
Perhaps the staff were playing silly buggers?

Next night I locked the exterior door again and jammed a chair under the handle, and locked the bedroom door as before. The same thing happened. I was highly entertained.

I offered to swap beds so my mate could see it too but strangely, she refused.

We stayed for a few nights and had a great time, loads of sightseeing and plenty of ale, and the 'visitor' popped in every night.
On the last night I locked the exterior door as usual but left the bedroom door unlocked for a change.

On that night, just once in the small hours, I heard the door open again. This time I didn't even open my eyes. One hand was hanging out of the bed and I felt an icy-cold hand slip into it and hold it. It stayed there for about a minute and then withdrew.

Well, that was a vivd dream! I thought, and pausing only to break wind, went back to sleep.

I've stayed in hotels all over the world, some good, some terrible, but that Prague apartment was the best. Or perhaps it was the Czech beer.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:54, Reply)

Re-Re-Re-post! The True Budget Inn, Hull
The True Budget Inn, Hull
Sweet god alive - this story is legendary AND 100% True - I'm sure someone else has bound to have stayed here.

Stag Do to Hull about 4 or 5 years ago, Mini bus with about 25 Gerodies on, the hotel had been selected for it's cheapness - £15 a head if i remember correctly - how bad can it be? it'll have a bed - that'll do. how wrong we were...

Think that film 'Hostel' - that was the part of town it was in, so we turned up, It looks from the outside like a cross between a 1950's formica factory and an insane asylum. Red brick, cheap rotten windows, hand painted sign. Inside, it's like a big insane asylum once again, 1 long corridoor down the middle painted white, rooms off either side, it stinks and looks like a hospital. There's speakers up and down the corridoor blarring out scouse house - it's 2pm in the afternoon. We book in to be told "there's strippers lads at 6pm in the function room" - ohh it's looking up maybe!

The Rooms - Most rooms were like hospital rooms, with enough space for 2 beds in each, except there were 4 beds in each room - As you do, you go look around your mates bedrooms to compare your facilities;

(*) Room Number 1 - All beds pushed together, filthy bed sheets and empty bottles of baby oil everywhere.

(*) Room Number 2 - All bed clothes on the floor covered in sick, buckets next to 2 of the beds - full of sick. It stinks of piss.

(*) Room Number 3 - Someone had shit the bed then wiped there arse on 1 of the bed sheets. The room stunk of piss

(*) Room Number 4 - Beds together again, sheets covered in blood. Pissy smell again.

and so it went on... "We haven't cleaned yet" we were told. no shit. We all decide at that point we're 1) going to pull some local and stay at hers 2) we're going to stay up all night and not go near the beds.

The Function Room 6pm - Turns out it's the reception/bar/breakfast room/kitchen all in 1. The stripper was beyond belief. Nasty and rubbish. After a short while of pleasuring herself with an old and well used vibrator, she called the stag over and promptly shoved it in HIS gob - 50% of the audience dry heaved at that point. I Think most of us left half way through the show. So we head out into Hull for the main show.

Most of us return between 3 and 4am to find the music STILL being pumped thru the speakers so we head back to the breakfast area and decide to play cards for the next 5 hours till it's home time, powered by coke, speed and a few pills. The most horrific thing was around 8am, a couple came down for their breakfast, complete with 1 year old in high chair, sit on the table next to us and start eating a full english?!?!?!? THEY STAYED HERE?!?! What must have they thought coming down to breakfast to sit next to a table full of pilled up idiots playing cards, smoking and swearing?!?! i felt so sorry for them - but why did they stay? it's horrific? ON HOLIDAY?

the mini bus left around 8:30. I've never felt so dirty

~~~~~~~~~~
Since posting this, i've Google Street Viewed it and it looks like it's not a training centre or something. *shudders*
(TheManofScience, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:33, 4 replies)

Travelling in Wales on a shoestring budget, many moons ago
Booked into a cheap hotel that seemed to be run entirely by a bunch of crusty students, who were all about the massive drugs. Paid extra for a double room and my other half at the time and I were shown to our quarters for the night. There was no lock, nor even any handle on the door.

When I enquired if there was any way of keeping the door shut at night, as a token way of protecting our privacy and maybe even preventing the dodgy pillheads hanging around in reception from stealing all our stuff, the manager pointed to a football-sized rock in the corner of the room and said cheerfully "You can prop the door closed with that."

No theft occurred during the night. Neither did any sleep.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 4 Dec 2014, 16:59, 4 replies)

When working away
with a well known Welsh band boasting 2 channels instead of 1 we would regularly go to hotel rooms in mainland Europe and wonder if there was some kind of mistake. I have seen abandoned properties all over the world, and quite frankly many of these were in better condition. I remember one hotel in...... I want to say the Czech Republic....... that had simply curtains instead of doors, a cable running through the door (under the curtain) with a taped up electrical socket on it. Into this you could plug the light, OR the tv that didn't work, or something else if you dared. There was a single tap over the bath in which water that was slightly warmer than you'd expect to find from a cold tap came out. the bath itself was clearly old enough to have hit puberty, as it seemed to have more hair in it than me. The bed (singular) was merely a wooden board on the floor with a mattress ontop. now i come to think about it, i believe if we had flipped it over the wooden board would have provided better comfort. the singular elongated pillow ensured optimum discomfort. And the curtains. imagine our surprise in the morning when we thought it was still dark, opened them to find that actually it wasn't a window anymore, just a board. if this was the best they could do for a multi million record selling band then i hate to think what the rest of the people managed. Maybe they had to share a power socket.
(clayud, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 21:31, 6 replies)

I have a colleague who used to work in the management of a motel chain in the US
Their biggest expense in the business, bigger even than salaries, was specialist cleaning of rooms after they'd been used as meth labs.

I was akshally quite impressed.
( Ghoti Fingers, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 20:28, 2 replies)

Spain lol
We get key to hotel room. Trundle upstairs with bags. Arrive at room. Scratch heads. Return to reception.
"There is problem?"
"Yes. There is no door"
"Que?"
"There is no door to the room"
"I don't understand"
"THERE IS A BIG WOODEN HOLE BETWEEN THE ROOM AND THE CORRIDOR. THERE IS NO DOOR TO FILL IT. WHERE IT IS? I DON'T KNOW. I KNOW WHERE IT ISN'T - WHERE THE SHOULD BE A BLOODY DOOR"

first post since 2007. What do I win?
( nnnndave, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 6:19, 14 replies)