Recent holiday. Kids compo on plane. Cue my 7 year old daughter.
On a plane to Majorca the cabin crew announced a competition to draw a picture. The winner on the plane gets a prize and their entry also gets the chance to go into the national compo and possibly win the grand final to be in a cancer awareness charity calendar. Nice one! My daughter toiled for nearly 3 fucking hours. I even chewed the wood back at the sharp end of the colouring pencils she was given, (we had no pencil sharpener).
WOO, she was announced the winner and was asked to stay in her seat at the end of the flight, (they really hyped it up the cunts). We did stay patiently in our seats while the whole plane emptied, speculating what she may have won, a colouring set? holiday vouchers? cash ?!?!?!?! We really thought she might be in for a treat... Finally, long after everyone had departed, the cabin crew arrived to award the grand prize...
A shitty bar of dairy milk, not even a big one, normal size.
I know it was for charity and whilst I do hope she may have contributed to saving anothers life, I still think it was a wanky prize...
We then had to get on a coach filled with nearly 200 people who had their holiday delayed for a bar of fucking dairy milk. They all knew it was my daughter who won and rather than congratulate us, they just stared menacingly at us as we descended the stairs of the plane. Even my daughter felt embarrassed.
(iluvtehfluffeh, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 23:19, Reply)

Mog The Cat
Not really an actual cat. I entered a colouring comp at the local libary about 11 years ago i was about 6 mayb even the wise old age of 7 and i came first and won a mog teddy bear (cat) and some books about the cartoon cat!!! Woo me !!! I hated cats and my mum made me do it. I decapitated the cat on the way home, felt damn good too.

Come to think about it might have been called Meg
(Bhougal...hang me upside down from a banana tree and call me BERTTIE BHOUGAL>>>Oh Yeah...!!, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 22:10, Reply)

well having won nothing ever - my luck changed recently at a charity casino night. I gambles - i won! i beat everone there and ended up with an MP3 apparently worth £80! then in the raffle i won a lovely handbag!

two weeks later and my MP3 has broken and the hadbag is actually a really odd colour. I havn't been given a guarante for my MP3 and i'm quite annoyed. bugger.
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 18:34, Reply)

Date with a gay man
In my first year of Uni, I had rather a large crush on a charming fellow student who worked in the union. Seemed like everyone but me knew the reason behind his clean smell, impeccable manners and soft voice were down to him batting firmly for the other side. One day, me and my friends are listening to the campus radio station and they have a competition - first person to phone in gets a date with him. Of course my friends phone in.

Bad thing 1. - He was wearing a pink t-shirt.

Bad thing 2. - I had a pint of Carling.

Bad thing 3. - He ordered a bottle of Blue WKD with a straw.


Bloody gay.
(Northern Lovely, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 18:21, Reply)

Cancer resurch uk
are fucking sneaky cunts, when it comes to collecting money they nip round our local pub at chucking out time rattling tins and giving out stickers. they get a shitload of money this way off drunks. (it was the only time ive put more than 10p in a collecting tin).

i should know this as I personaly oversaw a raffle in thier name a few years ago. With the help of some friends I managed to extract ticket sales with maffia/debt collector effecency.

After i had about £100, i felt it was time to draw the prizes. First prize was a tenner, but i needed some crap to give away as back up prizes. Rooting around my room i found a (i shit you not) "best of ground force video" to give as second prize. In a truly inspired moment my friend suggested the third prize, and so it came to pass

for third place i gave a Broken biro and the leftover raffle tickets as a "make your own raffle kit!!"

If anyone dared to question the crapitude of the prizes the satndard response was " well ill just pop down to the CANCER WARD in lister hospital (local hospital) and tell them THEY cant have more money because YOU want a BETTER PRIZE"
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 17:00, Reply)

Carnival Prizes
I went along with my Sister and her Husband for a trip to the fabled "Glen Burnie Carnival" in Glen Burnie, Maryland, just outside of Baltimore. They were taking their daughters, aged 6, 10 and 12.

They had a few games where every kid was a winner, every time. (political correctness gone crazy) So this one game was a ring of water where the child reached in and removed a duck...underneath the duck was a number and that number corresponded to a prize.

Joy.

My Niece, Halley had her go and won (insert trumpet fanfare here) an absolute crap stress ball with a management training company's crap marketing message on it, in the shape of a brain.

I was literally standing there, mouth open in utter shock. Someone, in their preparation for the Carnival decided: lets contact a company that makes crap marketing stress balls and see if they have any old crap they want to donate.

Bastards.

What the hell is a 6 year old going to do with a stress ball?! She is six! Her idea of stress is a heavy load of homework on spelling: CAT, DOG, CRANBERRY and TWUNT.

Said niece then asked me for a dollar and ran off to the musical ice-cream van. How we laughed. Until the little cow got served! Apparently, you're all lying. Bastards!

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 15:34, Reply)

Kiss FM "League of Gentlemen" competition
Last year (?) I was listening to this popular London based commercial station and won a pair of tickets to a film premiere. Unfortunately the film was "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" which died on its arse in the cinemas, I didn't get to mingle with celebs, the young lady I went with didn't succumb to my considerable (ahem) charms and she couldn't even stay to eat at Planet Hollywood as included in our prize.

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play..?
(Glen Moranjie, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 15:22, Reply)

My tradition.....
It's a tradition of mine to be a week late to post a reply on QOTW!

I've done it again haven't I!........ BUGGER!

Sorry
(thROB, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 15:19, Reply)

Radio phone-in
...which just goes to show my lack of judgement in the first place.

Using my skill and judgment to identify The Beloved's "Sweet Harmony" played backwards on Reading's ALL NEW 2-TEN FM, I won two FREE tickets to the Skoda International Snooker Championships televised to huge national indifference at the Reading Hexagon.

First Qualifying Round, Monday afternoon session. Face value: 1 (one) english pound. On my way to the venue, I noticed panicking sponsors giving away armfuls of free tickets to passing shoppers, who, in the main, refused. The lucky bastards.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 15:16, Reply)

DOG FOOD
I won a years supply of dog food, WOO...

instead of it being delived in 2/3 seperate wossnames, it all come in one lump, well 30 big bags of the stuff.

so i had to store in my shed, but teh bloddy miceses got to it. and eat nearly half of it, but they all died (YES) as their poor little tummies expanded as it was dry food.

oh and it was the gayer organic dog food veriety...
( unclewilco, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 14:39, Reply)

I won a bottle of red wine on a tombola
Not a crap prize in itself, but I was only six and I didn't like wine.

My parents could have kept it for when I grew up but instead they just drank it.
( Pachey, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 14:18, Reply)

Frisbee-eee-ee-eeeeee-e-ee-e-eeeeeee-e-e-e-eeeeeeee
About 6 or 7 years ago a few mates and I used to frequent a pub quiz - the free beer often made it worthwhile. We won a rather poor frisbee once - the DJ who did the quiz had got it with some crappy alco-pop promotion or something.

As rubbish as the frisbee was, it lasted a surprisingly long time, particularly as we were throwing it to each other on the way home down the main road. It eventually got smashed by a mate of mine who slung it full pelt into an iron fence. Never mind...
( milkybarnick is calming down Boris on, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 13:21, Reply)

The last raffle i won...
I once went to the sailmakers jazz night, which holds an incredibly stupid raffle every sunday along with an incredibly good open mic jazz night... Me and my friend made it our mission to win the regular handknitted hats with er...a bit right on top of the head shaped like the male genitalia.(yes the owners of the night like to knit...)

We bought about 20 raffle tickets because we were THAT determined.

We won first time round... We got the silly hat.

We then won two more times. We won a stupid stuffed pinnochio doll.. I think i lost that on the way home..

And we also won a McDonalds Employee of the Month 2002 plaque. It has pride of place in my living room. I never got employee of the month before! let alone at a raffle![and ive never worked at macdonalds im glad to say...] ^_^
(Salbo_baggins, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 12:46, Reply)

Bending the rules of the question slightly
My mum is a nursery school headteacher and they were trying to raise funds for the school. Since the Right Hon. Tony Blair MP had been on telly talking how education was his biggest priority she wrote to him asking if there was anything he could do to help. Being something of a smug, patronising cunt, he sent her a signed photo of himself that they could "perhaps use as a prize in a raffle".

On the day, my mum put it in an auction and not wanting to let the nursery down I opened the bidding at £5. Not a single other person wanted it so I ended up taking it home and put it up in our downstairs toilet.

Fast-forward five or six years to today where after this weekend's house party, I have just finished cleaning off the congealed spit and mucus our guests felt obliged to hock onto our esteemed leader's face while they took a piss. You may have won some crappy prizes, but to have won something that people feel compelled to spit on when they visit surely takes the biscuit as the worst prize ever.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 12:42, Reply)

Booze for Books
When I was 17, the school, in its wisdom, decided to hold a Mastermind competition, revolving black chair and all.

I won it. Prize? £5 book token.

I traded it with a schoolfriend for £4.50 in cash and went out and got rat-arsed (this was the early 80's, in which £4.50 could buy an awful lot of booze).

I should mention that the friend in question, who had shown no evident academic promise up until then, eventually got a Ph.D. and has had a successful and prestigious career in medical research. I like to think that book token gave him his start.
(><(((">, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 12:08, Reply)

Always ask what the prize is....
Did the weekly quiz with some mates in a rough-ish pub in Leeds and then entered the raffle.

It was a meat raffle. I won. I am vegetarian.
( Dirty Bob hasn't been here for ages, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 10:40, Reply)

a "swan"
made of an old truck tire specially sawn then somehow turned inside out. The rubber rings where the rim goes on each side became the "wings", the underbelly became the body and a bit from the top was bent over and shaped into the head. The whole thing was then painted white and used to prop the door open. At the end of the night, somebody (me) was unlucky enough to win it. I never took it home - I wonder who has it now?
( Frumbert has no sig, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 10:10, Reply)

Wow! 10 Years to late.
For those of you who live in London, I'm sure you've heard of Brent Cross. They ran this prize thing where you went around the whole store and had to figure out answers to questions and stuff and then post your entry, and hope you had most right answers. And then won the draw.

I did so at age 12. I felt TOP DOLLAR, but I had no clue what the prize was. Arrogant little child I was, I said that it was just the achievment I had wanted.

I recieved my prize, as the HUGE (It was as big as me) box was handed to me. I felt great.

I opened it at home, and what was it? A freaking hamster run-around thing for 3 year olds. I couldn't get in the three-year old hole, being 12. I was a tad upset, and ended up giving it to charity.

My brother (Age 8) won the comp the next year. He won a hamster-thing too. He got to change it for a Buzz lightyear toy as big as your torso, that lit up and everything.

I apologise for length, and the emplied nudity of my b3ta cherry popping.
(Lofn and Idun, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 10:02, Reply)

Bentleys a touch of class..
I recently went on a golf trip sponsored by Bentley who were providing all the prizes etc .
There were three prizes for overrall winning team , longest drive and closest to the pin . They handed out the longest drive first which was the use of a new Bentley continental GT for the weekend . So i was getting quite excited as my team won the overrall day and i had closest to the pin , what did we get overrall winners a Bentley umbrella each !! and closest to the pin ( a test of true skill rather than brute force ) a poxy metal dinky toy style replica about 1 billionth scale.
Just because of that i decided not to order a fleet of new Bentleys and stick with my bashed up truck instead.
(shaggly, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 9:51, Reply)

ohh i just realised
when i was in comp school they did a raffle sorta thing for attendance so that all the skiving twats would actually come to school.

this happened twice for me. first time i was actually skiving off that day which was a bit of a bitch, but the second time my name got called. i though fuck aye and went up to claim my prize which they said was £5. fucking great but it turned out to be a 5 pound gift voucher for wh smith. i wanted to call them cunts but i hesitated. i used the voucher to get a cd there which was shit.

one year later they decided to do mountain bikes. MOUNTAIN BIKES!!! FFS
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 9:51, Reply)

A Fucking Exercise Wheel
After winning a drinking competition down the local boozer. Fantastic you might think, some free beer. No!!! a little mat for doing squats and an exercise wheel. Bastards!
(stuwads, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 9:38, Reply)

I won
a David Bellamy lookalike competition when I was about 10 (note: I am a girl).

My prize? A signed picture of the man himself.

I'm embarrassed to admit I was quite chuffed with this and stuck it on the door of my bedroom.
( Pachey, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 9:02, Reply)

as a child aged 10
I was at a children's christmas party playing bingo & won, for the first time in my life I had won something. I had discovered the thrill of winning for the first time ever, I was elated. Then crushed when I was given 2 pairs of day glow yellow toweled socks - the 80's sucked.
(Baron Greenback Still in Sunny Singapore, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 8:26, Reply)

Mate wins a night with another bloke
Out on the piss on a weeknight with a wog mate and his girlfriend.

For some reason we ended up at this gay pub.

When you walked in, each guy was given a number to stick on their shirt. Having been to this pub before (got dragged there by a couple of gay mates), I knew this was so other guys who were interested, could ask the host to make an introduction.

My mate didn't know what it was about, so I told him it was the lucky door prize.

Couple of beers later, the host reads out my mates number.

Up he jumps, yelling out, I've won, I've won. Runs over to the host asking where his prize is. The host points to a obviously gay bloke.

You should have seen the look on my mates face, while me and his girlfriend pissed ourselves laughing.

And yes, he did manage to extricate himself without too much trouble.
(Kaer, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 8:20, Reply)

one trip to france...
...two crappy prizes.
i must have been about 14 or so and on the coach trip to france i won a teddy bear in the raffle that was designed to stop a bunch of teenagers from going completely insane on the motorways between newcastle and dover. while we were in france we had to keep a diary - to justify the educational nature of the trip rather than the 'buying local wines and getting shitfaced' nature that the rest of us adopted. when we got back to blighty we had a prize giving session for the diary writers. i heckled the guy who came in second place (first and last time i ever did this) and then promptly won first prize. bastard. i won a 'snoopy' stationary set. it was in french. it was as gay as a bag of butterflies.

[edit: after reading through some of the other crap prizes i've just remembered that i won the meat bingo at some pub years ago. i was vegetarian at the time.]

lh
(localhost, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 7:11, Reply)

laundry utensils
As a small child (
( wingpig wish I'd known about liquify eighteen years ago, Mon 8 Aug 2005, 6:28, Reply)

Blockbusters - the board game!
YEARS ago i was at a mates house playing the boardgame version of 'blockbusters'. It all got very compettative as we we're promised a great prize at the end for the winner! Mate's brother wanted this prize so badly he started crying when he lost.....I however was overjoyed when i opend my eyes to see what had been placed in my hand.
A fun size kit-kat from a multi-pack. Had to pretend i was dead chuffed too...cheap bastards
( Victor Meldrew, Sun 7 Aug 2005, 23:07, Reply)

puffin facts
Went on a boat to see some puffins once when I was a nipper, learnt everything there was to learn about 'em from the helpful tour guide.
Won the tour raffle thing, fist prize was a book to tell me all the facts I should ever wish to know about puffins. grrrr
(tompot Ian Beale can't catch oranges, the tit., Sun 7 Aug 2005, 23:04, Reply)

Nice one.
Local radio cryptic quiz. Kept listening as people repeatedly gave the wrong answer, so through annoyance as much as anything I rung up and gave the correct one (answer was Superman but the questions elude me). Anyhow, they make good their promise and later that week I get an envelope.

Well excited I get me Dad to drive me to the radio station. Stride in and hand the envelope to the 'stunning' receptionist. The stunning part being that he was so fat he had to lean backwards in order to walk forwards as he begrudgingly (TBH, it musta been an effort) shuffled off and retrieved my prize.

My thoughts were racing as I bounced around the reception waiting for him to return. And return he did, slapping a Lantern FM mug in my hand with a "Cheers".

Cheers indeed. It was so unfeasibly filthy I didn't know where the scum finished and the logo began, yet even that didn't hide the fact it was pre-cracked.

They may well have found it funny at the time, but I ain't tuned in since. Who's laughing now?!

/sniff

(Oh no. I was proof reading this and I was gonna add about how I always wondered what they had been using something that 'scummy' for. It was a lie though cos I hadn't ever wondered what they had been using it for. Not til now)
(Filthy Rich, Sun 7 Aug 2005, 20:01, Reply)

I am a priest living on an isolated island off the Irish coast
A while back I needed to raise some money to fix a hole in the roof of my house. I had the idea of holding a raffle, but that started to go wrong when the car I got from the bishop got smashed up in an amusing incident involving smoothing out a dent.

So I borrowed an identical car from a friend. However, as it was borrowed, I quickly came up with another cunning plan - the raffle would be rigged so that my curate (who we'll call Dougal) won, thus enabling us to return the car to its owner. After I tried to explain the plan to him (with hilarious consequences) the raffle began.

Soon after he almost didn't win (by looking at the number 11 upside down) it transpired that an elderly priest who was also living with me (let's call him Jack) had, in a drunken stupor, crashed it into two trucks (which he explained loudly with the help of several empty beer cans).

However, we then discovered that the car's owner had recently died of a dancing-induced heart attack. At least we didn't have to get him a new car, and we still had the money raised by the raffle.

But then I found that it had all been stolen by a bearded twat in a stupid jacket to pay for gambling debts which, ironically, had accumulated through buying a huge supply of tickets for the raffle.

And just to make it worse, someone went and televised the whole thing.
(The Worminator I have discovered that Quavers are nice, Sun 7 Aug 2005, 19:16, Reply)