Worst, and incidently only date
was very young and decided that i fancied this girl i knew called sarah. i kept it too my self for a very long time till my best mate found out. Then all he cud do was tell me that i should "go for it". In the end i did, and we went to the movies. I asked her friend what i shud wear to impress her and she tells me, "wear a shirt, nice jeans, the whole 9 yards". So i go, see her there, shes brought a friend with her (who was another girl) and is wearing totally casual clothes. I end up looking like a big overdressed twat, not talking to her the whole duration of the crap movie, and we end with an akward hug. Put me off dates forever.
(nickanytime, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 19:26, Reply)

First date woe
Desperate for somewhere to take the lovely Ms A for a first date in the cultural desert that is the town of Reading, I took her to the flicks to see that delightful romantic comedy, Platoon.

Blood, guts, gore, young men in the prime of life having vital parts of their anatomies blown off, it was the grimmest slab of celluloid I have ever paid money to see.

We are now married.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 18:57, Reply)

Date? DATE?!
There were no dates. He was afraid people would look at me. We were going to get married.

...wish he'd stop calling, it's been 18 months...
(underachiever, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 18:44, Reply)

Twelve other people
Alright then. There's a girl, let's call her Kim (you can edit if you want a false name, I hope she burns). I lost my virginity with her two days after my fifteenth birthday. A ticket to a gig three days later went spare, I offered it to her. She accepted. There was a plan to meet her in Camden Town station on the monday before the gig, at one. It was three o'clock and me and my mate were pissed off that she hadn't turned up.

Got home (with mate), picked up my mobile. Voicemail. She's going to appear at my local station, at four. It was about 3:45 at this point. Me and Mate leg it to the station, luckily it's 10 minutes away at a stretch. She doesn't show up again. But luckily our other mate with a ticket shows up at five. Fuck this, we think, time to round up all our other various friends and appear at the gig.

Now my phone is on the blink or something, because I don't get the voicemail until 7. "It's 6 o'clock, where the fuck are you, what the fuck is going on, you bastards are standing me up. Get off the fucking train and fucking appear or I'll leave. Love you bye." she says. I still have the voicemail saved.

So anyway, up we come. We find her outside of the gig hanging out with a bunch of people we've never met (and neither had she, it turned out) already half-pissed. She snogged my best friend, who is a girl and taken, on sight. Later on she moved to no less than four of my friends. She snogged them all straight in front of me. One of them was a straight girl. Right, I thought, not to be outdone. I snogged my male friend, the second one who showed up, who is straight (unlike me). He actually gave a bit of action back, too. But he was reluctant to do any more than that. Alright, thinks Kim, I'll go one better. She goes after my first mate. As soon as she's near him he shouts "FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING WHORE!" quite audibly. She looks a bit dejected, then wanders over to my best friend, the girl, again. Who won't snog her either. At this point I was moshing to a song. Then I looked around and she was lying down on the bench to the left of me. "Dude!" goes a mate. "I think she's passed out!".

I turned round and left. They dragged me back, though, and Kim spent most of the night god-knows-where, but it wasn't with us. I drank heavily, moshed heavily, and had one of the best nights of my life.

Found out last week she bought her total of snogged people to twelve. Four of my male mates, five male complete strangers, me, a female bi friend, and a female straight friend.

It still took me a month to tell her quite forcibly to fuck off.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 18:43, Reply)

thought of a more recent one- long sorry
My girlfriend and I took vacation in Edinburg. First night there she falls madly in love with this guy we meet in a club. Asks him back to the flat we've rented for the 2 weeks. Of course his mates have to come with him. we all have a few drinks on top of being stupid drunk already, have a few laughs, then I decide I best go to bed and pass out. I wake up mid/late morning the next day and it's a beautiful day, so I want to take a picture (dork I know). I start looking around for my camera. No where to be found. I go in my girlfriends room (much to her dismay as I see her boys bum hanging out of bed). Ask if they have it in there. Nope, she gets up and her wallet is gone with all her money and access to her money. So here we were 2 weeks in Scotland, I have no camera and am the only one with money. I call the police and give them all the info, and they someone is coming out to get more info from us. We sit around all damn day waiting for them to show up, I finally call back only to find out they didn't send anyone. Nice second day of vacation waisted waiting for NOTHING!

ended up having a great 2 weeks despite very little money- never enough for much food but pleanty for the drink.
(yarr_matey, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 18:23, Reply)

Please get away scary lady.......AWAY
#1 Not too long ago I met up with a really rather spiffingly attractive Russian lady I met at a party. Got rather drunk, took her home and did what one must in such circumstances. When the AM made it's evil way around I had another go, and said Russian lady looked over to be post coitally and said "Ha ha! Now you have my AIDS!!" Phrases like WTF etc shot through my mind with both fear, anger and relief that I'd rubbered up. Especially as she is laughing a little too heartily. After my stutterings and anger she pipes up that this was a joke, and she'd thought that being a liberal fella with a left of centre sense of humour that she'd thought I would find such a quip funny. Five minutes later she was standing on the hallway outside my flaty half dressed being told firmly that I'd rather her not come anywhere near me again. Got tested. All cool. Still rail against the entire cocking country though. Vodka drinking, cossack drinking potato monkeys the lot of them.

# 2. Out on Saturday just gone. Was in posh bar in centre of Town with nice new shiny possible new bird type. Was chatting with some mates I'd run into when she rushes up and grabs me by the arm and pulls me to other side of teh bar to show me something amusing or summit. In process of doing this she knocks over the drinks of a bunch of chavs all over said chavs. Chavs don't like this. Am sure is kind of like some kind of Chav Pearl Harbour. She, in reaction to their cries of "Whadafuckayadoin????" decides to try and pull out some kick ass ninja moves. Fails. Falls on her rather lovely arse. Chavs take it up with me. I end up denying any intimate knowlege with said lady and distancing myself from responsibility for her actions. Somehow get away intact without either of us buying them replacement beer. She put out as well. Fucking woo on a stick, says I.
(Lord of the Pies, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 17:59, Reply)

Nightmare
Just thought of another. Used to play in a band as part of my music lesson with people I didn't really know- certainly not my mates or people I could get lashed with. One young girl came along who was quite tidy, but was only 16 (I was 18 at the time), but a young looking 16.

She went to the same school as my mate, and told him that she wanted me to take her out. My initial reaction was 'no chance', as I wanted to avoid the obvious 'paedo' chants from my mates. My mate, however, wanted a bit of one of her friends (equally young looking), so I reluctantly agreed to a cinema trip.

So we meet them at the cinema- they are dolled up to high heaven (we are just in jeans and t's)- mini dresses and stiletto's and shite loads of make-up, which had the net effect of making them look even younger. At this point we are shitting ourselves, hoping that nobody sees us.

That was where the problem was- as we walk in we see about 5 different groups of people we know- I'm talking the footy team, people from both our 6th forms and even some neighbours.

Needless to say we got dog's abuse for months- the comment which still haunts me was 'Oh, is this your little sister?' Aaaaaaah- wrong!
(dogger collymore, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 17:45, Reply)

Someone I had known in school (girlfriend of a mate at the time)
few years later, met her while back home from Uni, discovered she was single, progress made.

invited her down to stay with me in London next term, she is very keen. All good. Until we're in bed in my flat, she announces that we can't do anything as "God wouldn't like it"

OK, I think, this is fair enough, her choice, next day we are discussing this like adults*, I say "how did X (mate from school) react when you said you didn't believe in sex before marriage?"

Turns out she had slept with him. A lot. And other boyfriends. But had recently decided that sex before marriage was bad.

Rearrange the following into any order. Horse, stable, shut, door, bolted, after.

Balls like fucking watermelons all weekend before she went home and I could safely empty the tanks.

*may contain traces of truth
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 17:35, Reply)

Thought I'd be smart....
.... and took her to a Cantoneese restaurant in Leeds City Centre. Ordered noodles myself, attempting to impress her by eating with chopsticks and talking about my time in Hong Kong.

It appeared to be working until I dipped into her seafood soup, pulled out some Calamari and fully choked on it. I mean 5 minutes of coughing and gasping for air, eyes watering, dribbling and assistance needed from fellow diners and waiting staff.

Looked like a right tool- luckily she seemed quite taken by this and we ended up going out. I sacked her because I thought I was a bit of a ladies man. I wasn't, and when I stumbled upon her on a recent business trip down south, she was looking awesome. Bollocks.
(dogger collymore, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 17:32, Reply)

Thai Green Curry
I was going on a date with a guy who Id known for a while, it wasnt anything big, just meeting up to play pool and have a few drinks, see how it goes.

A number of things went wrong that night.... the first was that my mates turned up in the same bar (against my better judgement Id told them where I was going!!) making it look like I had blatently bought them along to check this guy out. They sat in the corner laughing, pointing and generally doing anything to make me look plain stupid!!!

The second was much worse and probly more embarressing then my darling mates. The previously mentioned darling mates had cooked a group dinner of Thai Green curry for the house and managed to persuade me to join them telling me that Thai Green Curry wont have any effect on my notoriously sensitive stomache and that I would be fine to eat it.....bollox!!! I had to spend the majority of the night running between my date and the toilet with my mates in stitches as I had to empty my far from happy bowels repeatedly!!! I know that sounds bad, but not that bad....it gets much worse....

I stupidly drank a few which considering my digestive state wasn't to smart. We were walking home and were about to go our seperate ways and by this time i was feeling really ill and just wantewd to get home and to my toilet but I didnt want to seem to keen to get away, anyway as we say bye he goes to kiss me and as I go to kiss him back I can feel my stomache rebelling and then it happens....im vomiting....in his mouth, I just cant help it.... it was so bad, all over his face and down his jacket and even in his hair.

I just handed him a tissue, apologised and ran off. It would be good to say that it was laughed off and we have been together ever since.... but get real that only happens in fairy tales!!!! Iv never spoken to him since!
(Red Button, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 17:20, Reply)

bad times
In high school I went to some dance (could really care less what it was for at this point) with a guy in my science class. He was funny, nice, pretty much an all around good guy. we went out to dinner at the local mexican resturant chain. Had dinner and a good time, then went off to the dance (which was in the gym- great time...). WELL needless to say I lasted about 20 minutes at the dance then had to run to the restroom for about 20 and decided it would be best for me to just go home. That was some bad mexican, and that chain of resturants in now closed due to food contamination... hum.... never asked to another school dance again.

Sophmore year at the university, when out on a date with the bouncer from the local bar. He took me bowling, I managed to fall flat on my ass and slip a ways down the lane. Decided it best to get very drunk at that point... still could have gotten lucky had I not passed out on the poor guy. Which turns out to be a good thing for me, come to find out he was quite the loser.
(yarr_matey, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 17:19, Reply)

started bad, kept getting worse
When I was 17 I had a "friend" I had chatted with a bit online, but never met in person. She was in uni and a few years older than me, and generally not interested in seeing me in any sort of romantic capacity. However, she had a younger friend who she claimed was like a younger version of herself and whom she had to introduce me to. So I agreed to meet them at the mall, about an hour's drive away.

I get to the meeting place, and spot two rather large and generally nasty looking girls. This was to be the high point of the evening.

Their plan was to walk around the mall and buy some new clothes - not a fun time for me, and not good first blind date material, either. As I'm thinking of how to escape, the three of us are heading up an escalator when my "date" decides to start back down the other escalator, then turn around and try to run back up. Five seconds later, blood is gushing from her knee, and she and her friend are in the w c cleaning off the blood. I spend the next ten minutes on a bench, and finally the other girl comes out and tells me they'd called for an ambulance and I might as well leave.

It was the last time I saw either of them, thankfully. But I told the story to a friend the next morning, and by that afternoon most of the school heard that I had pushed a girl down an escalator to get out of a bad date.

edit: changed "college" to "uni" and "restroom" to "w c" so as to blend in with the brits
(joe stoner dot com, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:56, Reply)

Probably no-where near as interesting as the others on here...
...as it doesn't involve sex.

Anyway, I met a rather lovely girl at a Drinking Wine society do at uni. We were both - unsurprisingly - quite merry by the end of the evening. I offered to walk her home, and she agreed, as we had to go through the scary park. On arrival at her halls we stood below them saying goodbye. She looked up into my eyes with her beautiful, big blue eyes and coyly - full of natural innocence - said "do... do you mind if I kiss you goodnight?"

To which I reply, shouting, "Yeah, that would be pretty cool, wouldn't it?". Oh dear.

Well, she did agree to go on a proper date with me. There was a stand-up competition in the union the next week and, having been in it the year before, I thought it would be the ideal way to impress her. So along I go, and I grab a table for us both. Before long she arrives and fails to see me so I wander up to the bar to get her.

The Ents manager of the uni was at the bar and thought I was going to talk to him.

"Hello, FB," he says, "how are you? Written any material for the summer ball yet?"
"Gosh" think I, "she's standing right behind him. She can hear all this. What an ideal opportunity to demonstrate what high regard I am held in as a comedian around here".
"Not yet, Mr. Ents Manager," I reply, "I've been pretty busy with my coursework. But something will come soon, I have no doubt".

I make eye contact with the girl of my affections. She looks impressed. For a moment. Because then the ents manager says the following haunting line:
"Oh, you need a fucked up relationship with some really screwed up girl. That's where all your best material comes from".

Had a happy ending though. She saw past that one incident.
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:53, Reply)

Crazy psych mad looney did i mention crazy...
I'd just moved to Sheffied after breaking up with a long term gf. Quite upset at the time but decided to get back on the dating scene.
Met a friend of my new neighour. All good, quite fit; so I decide to ask her out, just for a drink mind.
The date was a bit boring, we didn't really connect in the way I thought we would so being honest and not wanting to string her along,I told her at the end of the evening, shortly after she invited me in.
She didn't take it too well...
She starts sreaming crying and banging her head on the floor. She runs to the stairs, looks back at me with crazy eyes and throws herself down them screaming "Why can't anybody just like me!?!"
I proceed to try and calm her down saying the usual placating sentences "it's not you, it's me" ect...
I then decide it's time I left, before I got sucked into a crazy vortex or found my bunny boiling on the stove, so made my excuses. She follows me to the door and pulls out a small knife (a little bit freaked now) and starts cutting the back of her arm and sobbing in the door way.
Maybe I should have stayed but I was a bit pissed off by now (most girls I seemed to date ended up being crazy) so I look the knife off her and left.
Never saw her again. Hope she's not dead.
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:52, Reply)

Underage chav pissheads
Out with a mate a while back, we both pulled a pair of cousins. My mate was already seeing someone, but thought it'd be rude to say no, so we both spent the evening getting a bit of finger action.

I text the one I met and arrange a date to see the new exercise movie Pilates of the Caribbean. She asks if we can double date, and although my mate referred to the cousin as 'a fucking right munter', he agreed for the sake of me not being single.

Get to the cinema. Buy tickets. Buy popcorn. Meet women. All going fine so far.

We sit to watch the film, arranged as me, my date, mate, his date, empty seat, aisle. 5 minutes in my date needs the toilet, and drags her mate along. They come back, but somethings different. I can't quite place it. Then I realise. The seating order is now me, empty seat, my mate, his date, my date aisle. Now I'll admit that, true to form for any self-respecting male, my interpretation of female body language may be somewhat flawed, but I saw this as a potential negative. Add to this the fact that the film was utter shite, and my mate had his tongue down the throat of the 'fucking munter', and you see that this date wasn't ideal.

End result? I walk out 30 minutes into the film. My mate follows me 10 minutes later, manages to blag a refund on the tickets, and we go to the pub and get severely pissed. At this point my date texts me to inform me that they're both 15.

Actually, that date sounds a lot worse without that last paragraph. Never mind.
(bblgoose, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:50, Reply)

Crystal Golf
I still shudder at this some 20 odd years later. Me and a pal were on a double date with the girl he was seeing and her mate (who was hideous)- For info, we are all aged about 13. We are at my pals girl's parents house (who were out that eveing) and it was a pretty jazzy place. The family obviously had a few bob in the coffers. So me being a bit of a flash mouthy bastard back then was showing off. Anyhoo, the four of us are playing snooker in the "snooker room" (told you they had a few quid) and I'm bragging about how good at golf I am (fuck knows why) where I go on to demonstrate my super backswing with the snooker cue.
What I didn't notice/realize was the fuck-off big crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling out of my eyeshot.
Everone froze at the sound of the snooker cue connecting with crystal. My mates mouth hung open with that "whatthefuckhaveyoujustdone" look. Of course I had to follow through with my swing and pretend I hadn't noticed/heard the explosion when all I wanted to do was sink into a hole in the ground and die a million deaths.
The girl started to cry as her parents were going to kill her. I mumbled a very embarresed apology and me and said mate exited stage left very shortly after. It turns out the two girls spent the next two hours superglueing the broken bits back together and attaching back to chandelier Apparently, her parents never noticed.
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:44, Reply)

Well it all started...
..I liked this totally wild girl and decided to meet her at gravesend, which is about a hour and a half train journey.
I arrive and they decide to have a midday drinking session...with cider.
I was only 15 at the time and hadnt much experience of drinking, but in a bid to attempt to impress this girl, I decided to have a drinking competition, with her and her two mates.
needless to say, 2lts later, I was anybodies, and was being offered a wide variety of stimulants, red bull, vodka, special brew, beer and a host of other things i dont remember.
in a bid to sober up I decide to eat a mc donalds, which didnt agree with me. I manage to grope the girls sister and then collapse in a giant plant box. i pass in and out of conciousness, to realise they all gone to get last bus home.
I decide to try to ring home, and after 22 attempts of DIALLING the number, i finally get the right one.
I blurt out my location, and drop my phone, then proceed to vomit over it.a friendly man helped me by supplying water and looking after me while my parents come, the water makes me worse.vomit runs down the pavement.
I go unconsious for over 2 hours and wake up in hospital pissing in a bottle behind a curtain, my head seized up in pain....just as i finish, i turn and see my mum looking beside me worried.I got blood posioning and proceeded to have a 32 hour hangover.

I think that was a pretty bad date, ive got quite a few others as well tho.....

as an afternote, this girl goes home, proceeds to challenge her mum to a tequila drinking contest, and wins!!! I certainly pick them
(Mr Potatohead, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:40, Reply)

Last date
My last 'date' which was a couple of years ago now, was me and the weird guy that my friend said reminded them of a 'overboard silent romantic psycopathic maniac'cause he wouldnt say a word to me, just stare..... This guy Id been trying to break up with for ages as gently as possible but he hadnt got the message. had been going out only 2 and a bit months of hell. About a week after that valantines day we had a macdonalds in town. Then he said

"My mum and gran bought me a fluffy purple thong which said it suitted me"

I broke up with him over an email that night.
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:30, Reply)

Ok.
Met Louise in a club, and after much alcohol, flirting and filthy talk, we went back to her flat with her friend, Lisa and Lisa's boyfriend Peter. It turned out that Lisa was a bit more than just a friend, and I got treated to an amazing exhibition followed by an even better spot of audience participation, so to speak. An incredible first-night experience.
I received a text message the following afternoon which read "Had an amazing time last night - let's get together without the others tonight for some even filthier fun! Meet in The Traveller's 7 o'clock?"
I know you can probably all see what's coming - but I had no idea, and it didn't even click when I turned up in the pub and saw Peter sitting at the bar. I thought it was coincidence, and the penny didn't drop until about twenty minutes later when he put his hand on my knee.
Rabbit, headlights, Stella through the nostrils, and many subsequent hours of wondering if I was really sure about whose hands belonged to whom on that first night. *shudder*

I've seen Louise a few times since, and she still thinks it's hilarious to remind me - especially during the more intimate moments. Bitch.
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:23, Reply)

My Worst Date
Many years ago, I used to work at the head office of an electrical wholesaler and took phone orders from the branches for stock replenishment.
Anyway, there was this bird from Stevenage that I used to talk to who had an amazingly sexy voice. Anyway, we made arrangements for me to go up there and meet her one weekend. So I got to Stevenage station and slowly walked along the platform watching to see who met whom and trying to put a face to the voice. Needless to say, all the fit birds dissapeared slowly leaving this one ...dwarf left on the platform. She looked like a cross between George Best and Mr. Punch (nose almost touching chin) and was about 4'3".
Sadly, the train had already pulled out of the station, so I couldnt get back on. I ended up spending a couple of hours there with her.
It was scary - she kept talking about leaving home and having sex. I was terrified she was going to suggest we did it. Anyway, I escaped, but had to endure her rasping tongue action. There were endless calls at work until I quit.
(qod, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:23, Reply)

Eww first kiss
Im one of those people that hardly has a bf, I prefer male buddies and the men that usually go for me are total weirdos with no sence of humour. The only decent guy I was with was throughout primaryschool who I later found out was cheating on me. The only 2 ive 'gone out with' were pushed on me who I wernt really into.

First Snog was horrendous. A friend of mine tried to match me up with one of her mates who id know for a few years and who'd gone out with most of my mates. I thought, what the heck.
Me and some mates were at his dads house playing music n stuff when he took me into the kitchen, plonked me on the edge of the kitchen surface and kissed me. You wouldnt believe how bad it was and it would have put me off for life if it wasnt for some guy at a party a year later when I was drunk. As well as his tobbacco/kebab reaking mouth, his tongue was..lets just say a washing machine.
Anyways I felt like I was getting watched and looked out of the kitchen window to discover my geography teacher tapping on the window , yelling to turn the noise down. To this day I still dont know why he was next door as he doesnt live any where nere there.

Only lasted a week or 2

Years later when I told my mate who set us up that he was my first kiss she actually appologised cause she knew he was so bad!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:20, Reply)

Trumpet
Actually, now that I remember... not quite worst date, but definitely one of worst 'morning afters'.

Went out, got on well, got drunk, back to my place, sweet love making until the early hours, best night's sleep I'd had in ages lying in her arms.

Next morning she has to get up early to go to lectures so she's up and getting dressed whilst I'm still asleep. I'm lying on my side with my bare arse hanging out of the bed when nature decides I have to pass wind.

And what a passing it was. Must have been the way I was lying. The fart went off like a gunshot, woke me up instantly and I leaped up onto one elbow, turned around to her and said "What?"

Oh how we laughed... about 5 years later by long-distance phone call.
(Gilbo, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:08, Reply)

Valentines day with my last BF
Valentines day with my last bf who id been trying to dump for 2 months who was a weirdo

After almost got runover getting to his place, had a nice meal whith his mum singing in the kitchen, badly.
His Parents go out while we watch some telly (stuck watching the simpsons that id seen before), beeing stared at by all the scary paintings of native american that covered every inch of the room.

When his parents came back his dad promtly said
*to me* "Oh, thought you'd both be upstairs" *wink wink*
*To his son* "'av ya shagged her yet?"

I dumped him over an email a week later.
Little did he know his son was bi.
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 16:05, Reply)

Kiwi bitch
Slept with Kiwi bird at a party in Croydon. Started 'seeing' her. Almost go to 'do' her but her brother turned up, saw me lying naked in her bed and gave her a talking to.
Next party (again in Croydon), she turns up with a Jonah Lomu look alike. Turns out this is her fiancee, who she calmly introduces me to. Her brother stands there giving me a knowing smile.
Following week, she starts calling me at work again. Thank goodness for voicemail.
(jaguarsxe, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 15:59, Reply)

Nice eyeshadow, seen that somewhere before...
Happened a while ago, but the "what the hell" factor still remains.

Started a new job, after much persuasion from best mate. The job was crap and the wage blew goats, but i needed the money, so i stayed. Only to unwittingly become a victim of the self appointed company match maker who set me up with a guy called ...actually, lets just refer to him as R. Being on the rebound, and seriously fed up, i threw my caution to the wind and went on a date with R. Fair enough, i will admit, in his work uniform, he was bloody gorgeous, but fuck me, was i in for a suprise.
R turned up, much to my suprise, but what shocked me further was his outfit- brown cowboy boots, black leather trousers (so tight they were obscene) and a shirt identical to what my grandmother had bought previously, ruffles and lace.
And full make up.
Needless to say, things fizzled out within about an hour. Mainly cos i was flirting with a guy at the bar (who is now my current boyfriend).
Next day at work, R is giving me an evil glare, possibly trying to curse me, and match maker flounces in, certain she has done something good. Couldnt be more wrong, and i tell her the only thing that me and R have in common is the fact that we wear the same colour and brand of eyeshadow.

My god that woman was a twunt.
(cookie_freak, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 15:53, Reply)

my first ever date
I was 15, he was an 18 year old bloke called Dave that I met at a field party who I agreed to go to the cinema with to shut him up. When arriving at my dad's pub (local country inn) to pick me up the whole place came to a stand still to watch him ask my dad if I was there - on the way out he cracked his head on the door, at which point the whole pub erupted with laughter. A then red faced Dave told me of how he'd slightly crashed his car and driven over a round about on the way to my house - because of nerves. On the way to the local cinema in the next village, he slowed down and asked me where I wanted to go - I said "dur - to the cinema" He said he had no money and thought we could do something else. I paid for the cinema. He chose 'Leon' thinking I would be scared or hate it - although I actually enjoyed myself. At the end he drove me home, crashed in to the fence then tried to stick his toungue in my mouth. I told him it wasn't going to work out and I didn't want to see him again. He burst into tears - then proceeded to stalk me for a month.
Ah, well they do say the course of young love does not run smooth.
I am happy to say they have improved since him.
(bangirl, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 15:39, Reply)

Heavy weight
I had a date once with a chick I met on ICQ. It was not the first date I got this way, so I wasn´t worried about this one. We were to go to the theater to watch Pearl Harbor (dark place, long movie, mostly boring, ideal for a kinky date).

So I was there, and she arrived. When I saw her, I was stunned: a Boticcelli goddess, Miss Whale 2001. Roughly, she was half my size and double my weight. I was surprised that her clothes didn´t explode due to internal pressures.

Well, I though that, in the darkness I could imagine I was kissing and grabbing tits of Angelina Jolie or something, so I decided to go on. Although she probably hadn´t kiss a man in a long time (the probability of finding a man willing to do so was just too low), she didn´t want to do anything with me. So I was forced to sit there and watch Pearl Harbor till the end, the most boring movie ever.

It was no fun.
(Monocromatico Lady Godiva's horse, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 15:27, Reply)

lesbians and sex (not here though)
I have MANY of these, this is the most printable one. I have erased a LOT of this story, to protect the innocent (ie me). Sorry.

Once upon a time, I started seeing some bloke. Sparks flew at our first meeting, and our first proper date went without a hitch. I have to say, in hindsight, I did not realise my top was see-through, as it has been pointed out since, so this may have had a great deal to do with it.

We go back to his, and quite bizarrely end up having a whale of a time over an Oliver Reed documentary, which then, as programming gets later, turns into a Hammer lesbo-exploit movie. More laughs, then a slightly wierd roll in the hay (he wouldn't undress in front of me, and that's just for starters). All in all, good night spent.

All good you may say. But no.

What, in all that, is bad? From his angle, he's pulled a cute girl with a fantastic body (it was then) who likes his local, thinks Oliver Reed is fantastic, laughs at lesbian horror movies, and is up for it.

And he never calls me again.
Answers on the back of a postcard please.*

(and people say the female psyche is incomprehensible)
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 15:20, Reply)

Not really a date as such...
Me and my girlfriend would often go to each other's homes after school, to take advantage of the magic hour between school kicking out and either of our parents getting home from work. Plenty of frotting gave way, over time, to heavier petting until finally, one day i was lying prone on the bed in her spare room, while my girlfriend enthusiastically gobbed me off. The next bit seemed to happen in slow motion. The door swung open silently and i found myself looking straight into the eyes of her father. He looked at me , looked at his busy daughter, looked at me again and then quietly closed the door again.

He never mentioned it to me and (to my credit) i never mentioned it to his daughter. By Christ she deserved to be told though, the three-timing little bitch.
(inactionman, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 15:11, Reply)