bumper cars
me and my mate - amos, we went on the bumper cars.... ...we where the only mugs on there... the "track"(?) was on a slant... struggled to get up the hill and we wherent allowed to bump into each other... yeah that was "fun"
on the plus side when it went away (we used to walk his dog in the field) we found a gun :D (only a .22 from the shoot the metal target thing) and had great fun shooting at a plank in his garden for years to come :D
( SkUG >_O i got a couple of stitches in my eyeball... ow, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 20:39, Reply)

Theres loads of places haven't been mentioned yet.
Or am I the only sad act in the northwest that went to Camelot and Gullivers World.
Camelot is fun, not only the thrils and spills (sometimes literally) of the rides but also the Lankyshire weather, Horizontal rain, Arctic wind. Then there are the delights of Gullibles World, a theme park for children and migets, in salubrous Warrington no less.

The traveling fairs were great in the 80's, Riding the Bars on the speedway, 4 up on the grasscutters with your fattest mate on the inside edge squashing everone in the carridge. Riding the Walters with the safety bar up. Good idiotic times.
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 20:32, 3 replies)

Jorvik Viking Centre Ride
www.jorvik-viking-centre.co.uk/about-jorvik/19-/
What did the lady who worked there say to us as she made sure that my fiancee and I were seated properly in the "Ghost train " type carriage ?"This ride is rubbish really!" It was OK actually but they were certainly right about the ahem "Authentic smells".
(Mackeson_drinker, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 20:01, 2 replies)

Memoirs of Alton Towers
Corkscrew: Fibreglass seats + Steel safety bar covered in foam pipe lagging. Not very comfortable...

Thunder-Looper: I was always the one who looked after the coats whilst everyone went on it - the idea of a lap bar keeping me in my seat whist hitting a 90ft loop at 60 mph terrified me. After several years I joined the queue and took the plunge. Was back to coat minding duty after that.

The Black Hole: For those with a keen eye - you will know that this was also in the guise of another ride called 'The Beast' but in a dark tent.

Huanted House: Bloody awful - now a shootem up laser type thing which is even shitter.

Runaway mine train: that bad you have to go around twice.

Gravitron: one of those spinning things that made you stick to the wall - but in a dark sealed unit so you couldn't see outside. This stopped you getting dizzy as there was no point of reference to focus on.

The Enterprise: Even if Prof Brian Cox explained the laws of gravity and offered me £5k to get on it, i'd still tell him to fuck off. if it goes up side down and there's no seat belt - i'll meet you in the souvenier shop.

Hex: Treeds and chains and a room that rotates whilst you stay still... James Earl jones telling a story whilst you queue... Still shit though.
Its a bit like this if you've never been: www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5rZmUPDHCk

Rapids: no amount of precision planning will preventing you from being in the seat that gets a tsunami rolling over the side. But Hillarious if its not you.

Wave-Swinger: Nauseating death trap

Log Flume: Remember there were dinosaurs in the woods and some cavemen underground??

Cable cars: getting stuck over the gardens and bouncing up and down - like the scene from 'Where Eagles Dare'.


The rest of the rides were pretty good though
(Pat mustard, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 19:59, 2 replies)

The corkscrew at Alton Towers.
In case you, like me, have wondered about the physics of spitting whilst on a roller coaster, here is the lowdown. (Firstly, I don't advocate spitting unless necessary, I only justify my own actions in the name of science.)

Spittle will leave your mouth in the usual fashion, it will then describe two perfect circles in the air in front of you. As you watch, amazed, it will then follow the usual laws of gravity (which you will suddenly recall) and return from whence it came. i.e. Right in the mush.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 18:59, Reply)

When I go to a fairground.
It's got to be perfect, it has to be worth it. Too many people take second best -- it's got to be perfect.

I am so sorry, but I blame a previous poster.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 17:58, 2 replies)

Heavy Metal
The Fair used to come three or four times a year to the park near my childhood home. We used to head down there as soon as it left, to trawl the grass for lost coins, in the manner of guttersnipes the world over.

One day I was "working" the shooting gallery pitch, and I noticed all the splatted air-gun pellets lying around. These were clearly lead, or something similar, so we collected a coke-can full of them and took them home, with the intention of melting them down and casting our own lead soldiers.

We put a few in an old pan on the stove, and sure enough, they melted quite easily. We soon had a pool of shiny liquid metal roiling around in the pan. Quite thrilling for a young lad!

Now, it so happened that the kitchen had just been redecorated, and there were expensive new waterproof carpet tiles down. We were under strict orders not to get them dirty or damage them in any way. So, when I managed to fumble the pan of molten metal, I naturally tried to stop it spilling on the floor. By catching it in my hand.

Clearly that wasn't a workable idea, and I believe I might have said "Oh Dear" or something to that effect. I needed to get rid of the hot metal quickly, so did the obvious thing -- still worried about the floor, I tipped it into my OTHER hand.

"Whoops" I said once more, before finally, and inevitably, dumping it on the new tiles. So as well as hugely blistered hands I got a blistered arse from mum* too.

I never did like fairs, much.

* Easy, tiger.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Portuguese water parks
These really took off in the early 80's as a way to make a SHITLOAD of money from basically chucking up monstrously tall water-slides on some undeveloped land.

Which is exactly what they did. With no thought for safety barriers up to the tops so it was basically a sheer climb up 100 with only a flimsy handrail either side.

Much more 'exciting' than any of the fucking slides.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I went to Alton Towers a couple of weeks ago....
Why did they ever get rid of the Black Hole? Or am I just remembering what was actually a shit ride, but I was just about 9 the last time I went on it?
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 15:44, 17 replies)

Not a story but a link
www.popularmechanics.com/outdoors/sports/physics/4323692?page=1

Includes photos of the infamous Action Park and a human trebuchet
(Smale is stuffed, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I was on a history school trip in Belgium.
Visiting the battle of the Somme and other such areas. In the town we were staying there was a funfair. It had one ride that was worth going on. It went totally upside down, me and a mate went on this ride. At the top when I was totally upside down all the stuff in my pockets fell out. When the ride stopped I got all my stuff back. It was awesome.
( BindiBaji, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 14:30, 18 replies)

New Brighton fair
I was on a date (with a girl) with limited places to go, so I took her to the fair for the afternoon, candy floss, hot dogs and suchlike before sampling a few rides, she wanted to go on the waltzers so on we got and the pikey's (staff) started doing their thing spinning us around as fast as they possibly could, the ride ended and off we got ever so slightly dizzy.

Time for a sit down I think, too late my body's already thought of that, when I wake up my date was looking bemused, almost as bemused as me actually, so up I get and sit on the bench then proceed to decorate the promenade with the foodie delights I'd eaten earlier. I was ashamed, She was horrified, I was 19*




*so was she
(Kip, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 14:17, 3 replies)

Scariest roller coaster in the world

I have been on the Scariest roller coaster in the world.

Is it the nemesis at Alton Towers? you ask or one of those big buggers in the states? No it's in Barry Island pleasure park the most oxymoronic location in the world.

It was a fair old time ago when I was a student in Cardiff Uni so they may have scrapped it. The reason it was so scary wasn't because it went massively high or bewilderingly fast. It just made you feel like you were going to die at any moment. The 'safety' bar didn't fix down, it held you in place by dint of being a little bit heavy & there were no high sides to the car you rode in adding to the feeling of looseness and it looked rusty and worn. The icing and cherry on the cake of doom was it was being run by Wales' finnest, the sort of knuckle dragging doombrain that doesn't inspire confidence in running anything more mechanical than a spoon.

We went on again after a quick hit on a bong just to add to the fear ;)
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:44, 1 reply)

It's been posted before, though not in this QOTW, but I would have liked to have gone to Action Park
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_Park

"At least six people are known to have died as a result of mishaps on rides at the park. It was nicknamed "Traction Park", "Accident Park", "Class Action Park", "Danger Park" and "Death Park" by doctors at nearby hospitals due to the number of severely injured parkgoers they treated. Little action was taken by state regulators despite a history of repeat violations."
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:59, 6 replies)

The antisocial behaviour of boys at a Manchester suburb
Where I grew up in Manchester there was always a rough element and they got especially rowdy the day before the funfair was off to its next destination.
I remember a young guy being mugged and was stabbed behind the carousel but nobody could hear him as it was behind the diesel generator and knowing that had just happened you just felt dulled like you were a bit drunk in the atmosphere that that created.
That same night I remember seeing an actress from Coronation street making the guy that she was with laugh and she rejected his marriage proposal as she was more interested by what she earned and making more of it than the ring he showed her.
On the waltzer I saw this girls skirt fly up and that everyone was watching, a trait she got from her mother apparently but not in a nice way.
When your young you notice the blokes who work on the rides and despite their poor hygiene and unwashed hair always seemed gets the girls interested and then coercing them to write their names with a pen like a prison tattoo as a gesture of their commitment to them. The school age girls would come out with silly things like wondering about the speed of their demise should they not arrest their descent with a device that utilises ballistic nylon after jumping from the top of a ride.
I never went home with anyone after going to the fair but it didn’t make a difference to how I felt about love itself.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:33, 11 replies)

Centrifugal Puke
Old father Prime takes delight in telling a tale of woe from his youth, involving the 'Wall of Death' - the spinning disc which pins people to the wall as it speeds up.

He tells me how everyone in the first 30 seconds laughed and cheered as the speed picked up, pinning them to the wall until they were completely unable to move.

He tells me how they all laughed when a young lady projectile vomited, only for the vom to be violently splashed back in her face thanks to the laws of centrifuge.

He then recalls the laughter turning to terror as the sick slowly worked its way around the 'wall', people realising they were helpless to move out of the way of its advance and having to accept a warm, chunky doom.

He said there were bits of carrot that got stuck up his nose.
(Roddimus_Prime Should be revising, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:24, 3 replies)

Another tale from my days at Woburn Wild Animal Kingdom
On Sundays I used to drive the train. This was a narrow gauge railway which ran through the deer park, from the amusement area, around the boating lake to Pets Corner, and back again. On the one side you had a lovely view of the boating lake, on the other side it was a picnic area and overspill car park. Not the most picturesque of rides.

The train itself was a red diesel engine with a smiley face painted on the front. There were 2 stations, the main one at the amusement park, and the second one at the Pets Corner end. At each end you would uncouple the train and drive it on a small loop of track back past the carriages, and re-couple it again, so that the train was always pulling the carriages. When driving round with the carriages full of passengers, you would travel at a fairly sedate speed, about a jogging pace. The whole ride, including the re-coupling at each end, would take about 20 minutes. Train rides were generally every half hour, leaving 10 minutes between rides for the carriages to fill up.

In this 10 minute period between rides, I used to sit in my little train drivers shed. The shed contained drums of oil, diesel, grease, tins of paint, oily rags and other bits and pieces pertinent to the running of the train. You could either sit on one of the oil drums, or on the small shelf which ran along one wall of the shed. In the old days, before I worked there, people would have to pay to go on the train ride. This shed had been the pay kiosk, and as such it had a flap in the side, hinged at the top and held shut by a couple of small brass latch bolts.

So this one particular Sunday, I’m sat on the shelf in my little shed eating a bag of crisps with an oily hand. It’s a beautiful sunny afternoon and the park is packed. Without warning, the flap in the side of the shed, against which I am leaning, suddenly comes open and I fall backwards through the hole in a cloud of dust and salt & vinegar crisps. I end up hanging upside down by my knees, the flap banging down again against my kneecaps, covered in bits of crisp, still holding the (now empty) packet in my hand, and looking at a hundred or more upside down people. There’s a moment where everything goes quiet, like in the aftermath of an explosion, and everyone just stares at me. Then they start laughing. Hundreds of them. Arse. (I’m just glad this was before the days of mobile phones with video cameras and youtube!)

Now there was no dignified way to get myself out of this situation. So I did the only thing I could do. I hauled the rest of myself out of the shed into a heap on the floor, picked myself up, dusted myself off, performed an overly theatrical bow to the laughing crowd, put my train drivers hat back on, and took the train out.

The people were laughing all the way round to Pets Corner. They were laughing while I re-coupled the train, and they were laughing all the way back to the main station. I never sat on that little shelf again.
(Lionel Tiger, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:15, 1 reply)

The carnival of life.
It all started this morning. I woke up with the routine morning wood, leapt out of bed and forced my clothes on. Upon achieving this task, I pondered downstairs to the kitchen to make breakfast, surstromming and an apple (an apple a day keeps the doctor away!). Breakfast filled me up real good, so I brushed my teeth, washed my face then set off to work.

As I arrived at Poundworld and place myself behind the till, my co-worker Glenn broke the news to me,
"You're not gonna believe it Harold, but Jonesy's dead",
And at first I didn't, but then I heard the tone in his voice. I felt as if I had been hit with a poisonous gas, I couldn't think straight, and suddenly I threw myself at the shelves, ripping items off them, shouting, ripping items off them. I had made a fine mess of the facility, and I was panting for breath. I finally fell to the floor, crying my heart out.

After a long hard 3 hours work, I hit the staffroom. I poured myself a coffee and ate 3 bourbon biscuits. A female co-worker, Jamimah, walked in. I said,
"Hello Jamimah!", she didn't say a word, but she walked closer to me. Jamimah certainly wasn't a pretty picture, a short, fat mess of a human being, but suddenly I became overwhelmed with sexual desire.

I dropped my mug of coffee, Jamimah dropped her pants. Next thing I knew we were going at it like Speedy Gonzales and Roadrunner. It was an intense experience, I won't go into much detail as my 7 year old son might find this, but boy, my sausage roll had never been so turgid.

Just as I finished pumping jazzy juice into her wizard's sleeve, my boss, Ross Lacrosse, walked in. He was a medium sized, stocky young man. He saw me pulling out of Jamimah's cunt and his expression changed to one of pure rage. Time seemed to freeze for a moment, then he let out a glass-shattering bellow before grabbing a broomstick and running at me. I jumped out of the way swiftly, but less than a second later I found the long, wooden pole entering my trademan's entrance! My face turned white, and I fell four to the floor. Jamimah screamed,
"No!", grabbed the kettle and threw it at Ross. Ross screamed,
"No!", and ran to the toilet. Jemimah hurried to pull the broom out of my sphincter and asked,
"Are you ok?", I pulled up my boxers and trousers, brushed my shoulders and replied,
"You're talking to mr Cool as a Cucumber."

That evening was eventful to say at the least. I was back at the till and doing body pop jigs to the tunes pumping out of the speakers such as "HIM - The First Cut is the Deepest" and "Willy Mason - Smells Like Team Spirit". A man walked up to the counter with a mac and a hat.
"That's two quid please, mate", I told him. His eyes shifted left and right, then he leaned in and said,
"Do you have any condoms?",
"No.", I replied. He passed over ten 20p coins, took his mac and hat (now placed into a plastic bag) and walked out the shop.

When work ended at 5, I was glad to be free. I went straight home in my Vauxhall Nova and took a seat in my living room. Suddenly, the telephone rang. I answered.
"Harold?",
"Speaking", I cheekily said to whoever it was on the other end,
"Harold, you gotta come here, you gotta see this, I'm at Leverwell Park", and before I could ask what was happening or who it was the other person hung up.

I walked to Leverwell Park, it was only a 5 minute walk after all. As I bust onto the scene I saw my friend Sanjib. I walked up to him.
"Was that you on the phone?" I inquired,
"Yes, yes it was", he replied.
"Well? What was it you wanted to show me?" I asked,
"Well. There was a woman here who was juggling with 4 juggling balls but she's gone now."
I was majorly disappointed. I walked back home.

As I reached my door, a man came up to me,
"Would you like to buy some smack?" he asked, raising his left eyebrow,
"No. Not my game, mate", I replied. He skipped away. I finally got in and sat back down on my armchair, but then the clock caught the corner of my eye,
"Blimming heck, it's 8pm already! I have to be up at 5am to go fishing with the lads!", I said to no one in particular.

So I hurriedly brushed my teeth, had a shower and laid down in bed. I had a funny dream, it involved paint and a sculpture of Hercules, but that's another story.
(SirStromming, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:33, 5 replies)

Just a little one.
A couple of years ago we took our eldest to the fair. She was only 3 but even them almost fearless. She loved those bouncy castle type inflatable slides and went on at least four of them. On one of the later ones her ascent was hampered by a girl about twice her age who must have gotten scared half way up and stopped for a cry. Littlecloud #1 quite literally climbed over the top of this much bigger girl, standing on her head etc to get to her next adrenaline rush.

I was so proud.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:21, 2 replies)

Great Yarmouth
Quad bikes.

I was about 13, me and a friend on holiday together with our parents spotted the Quad bike track down on the promenade. £15 for 15 minutes. We stumped up the cash and headed to the bikes.

I had been on quad bikes about 3 years prior, though these bikes were alot bigger and resembled the ones farmers use (with a bail of hay and a sheep dog lying on the top type ones). The owner tried to offer some sort of guide of how to use the bikes, but me being the know it all brushed the man aside shouting "Dont worry I ve rode one of these before" over the sound of the engine.

My friend was then offered the same advise - and listened intently.

The chequered flag was raised and off we went. My friend crawled away from the start line, where as i cranked my hand and zoomed away, with a little bit of a wheel spin for glammer.

...until the first corner 40ft down the track... pulling the brake I seemed to just carry on. and on, and on, into the stacks of tyres lining the track. These fuckers hurt if you hit them at speed. Picking myself up - i see my friend slowly overtake me doing ~5mph, i notice lots of scuffs and bruises on my legs and side, look to my parents to see them in fits of laughter.

Ill show them i thought.

I notice the Pikey owner on his way over on another quad bike. He arrives - inspects my mangled bike and says its broken, and i can have his instead to finish off my go. On I hop...

Only to do the same thing at the very next corner.

At which point I picked myself up, took the helmet off and politely walked off the track.

£15 for approx 50 metres of Track, 3 minutes on a Quad and lots of bruising.

I love holidays.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 9:53, 2 replies)

In Ireland
we have our fair share of shabby travelling fairgrounds. These were very much a highlight of all our younger years. Back round the time when Kevin Costner was Robin Hood and it was the only video my nan had for us to watch, a fair arrived in our little village.

My friend and I scoured the entire show which took a whole half minute. Deciding we love life too much (The next village a kid would die on one of the rides)we settled on the games of chance. After too long at the pluck a duck stand we headed over to the sucker arrow crossbows.

No one ever won these. But young Daz began to sing the "Dundadundadundadundadundaaaadundaaaaaduuunnnn" from Robin Hood and BAM. Bullseye. My friend and I stared. 20 Pounds!!!!!!

We called over the attendant and displayed my triumph. He glanced at it, grunted and hit the board causing the arrow to slide down the board out of the winning zone. Now being much smaller we were smart enough not to argue too much.

But that, dickhead, is how the same night your shitty little stall got covered in old paint.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Tue 14 Jun 2011, 8:12, 2 replies)

Go on a masturbating chipmunk
In my previous post, I mentioned I was going to an abandoned amusement park last weekend. Turns out it wasn't so abandoned after all.
daehanmindecline.com/image/go.jpg

What this is:
xkcd.com/chesscoaster/
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 4:24, 2 replies)

Tasty Snacks
Well, I was anyway.

Four years old, wandering around a travelling fair in Potten End with my folks. The Alsatian in the arcade decided he didn't like me, grabbed me by the face and threw me around a bit.

Aside from a lot of screaming (mainly from me), I somehow got away with only a few scratches. Dad won me a goldfish to placate me.

I was easily bought-off back then.
(Glis, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 0:28, Reply)

Planks
Until yesterday, the best random thing we ever heard was a man nodding in agreement to his wife, mumbling "1000 watts? Yes, that IS a powerful Microwave".

Whilst on holiday.

So what happened yesterday? The Cornwall County Fair, we're walking through the Frank Dibna groupie section (steam engines etc) and towards us staggers a pikey with two freshly sawn 20 foot long planks.

I mean, fucking huge planks.

Out of nowhere, a friendly fair-goer in a wifebeater offers to lend him a hand with his ridiculous burden, and just as we pass them, asks

"so where are we going?"

To which the immortal reply was given

"To the Wall of Death".

Best overheard conversational snippet in 35 years...
(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 23:19, 5 replies)

The Most Boring Job in the World
Walt Disney World. On the exit to one of the rides, the cars disembark onto a moving slidewalk, like you get at airports.

At the end of this was a woman in uniform, walking backwards, smiling, gesturing at the end of the moving section with one hand and saying "mind your step".

To every single passenger coming off the ride.
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 23:15, 7 replies)

Mentally Scarred by Legoland
When my brother and I were youngsters, my parents decided to take us on a family holiday to Denmark. As if 19 hours in storm force 9 crossing the North Sea by ferry wasn't enough (mom doesn't like flying), the holiday was nearly blighted by a family tragedy whilst visiting Legoland.

My brother at the time being around 10 years old, had a go at driving an oversized Duplo vehicle around a mocked up town with other children doing the same. They were out of "cars" so he had to make do with a Duplo tow-truck type thingy. Running through the middle of this giant Lego town was the Lego train track, which carries jolly visitors all around the park.

Well, my brother gets to the part with the train track, just as a train is approaching. Like a real level crossing, lights flashed and the barriers started to lower themselves. My brother, being the cautious fellow he is, duly applied the brakes.

Unfortunately, the eight year old girl behind him decided not to stop. Whether through malice or a serious case of away-with-the-fairies, she rammed the back of his truck, which careered straight forwards. The barrier lowered, landing on my brother's lap. He was trapped with the train steadily approaching.

You should have seen the look of horror on his little face, and the expressions of the train passengers as they juddered past him, barely two inches from the poor little blighter, just missing him. I can still hear my mother's scream of horror to this day, slowed down somewhat in the style of a bad overdramatic action movie.

My dad put all of our Lego in the loft when we got back home.
( Krakapotl picks a pot of cracker petal potholes, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 23:12, 2 replies)

This looks like a pice of piss....
Said I....

as we walked up to the The Steeplechase - Blackpool. - Possibly the only ride of its kind on the planet. Sitting on a mock horse which transports you in a juddery fashion around a'course' complete with 'hedges'.

Using nothing more than an old stretched seatbelt from an Austin Allegro to act as a restraint, I mounted the immitation horse and off I went...

Being somewhat slimmer than your average man - for the next 3 minutes, my coxis was going to take one hell of a beating. The start stop/jerking/accellorating/stopping was pure agony. They may as well just sent you Zorbing down a hill in a metal ball. And all the seatbelt did was make it difficult to get off the damn thing when it had finished.

Also - anyone been on the Rollercoaster in Great Yarmouth??

in the middle of the cart is a bloke sat on what looks like a bar stool smoking a hand rolled fag - operating the brake...

Length: about 4 feet above everyone else...
(Pat mustard, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 22:12, 8 replies)

Oakwood Deathtrap...um Park
A good few years back around the age of me late teens a few of us decided to borrow our mate's work van and high-tail it on a nice day out to Oakwood Park. For those of you un-educated in Welsh "entertainment" this was Wales's version of Alton Towers, except it wasn't even a poor 2nd compared to the illustrious qualities of the modern-day theme park (possibly).

About 6 of us were in the back of a transit and drinking heavily (except for the designated driver, we were good boys) and arrived at the park on a rare sunny day. We wear sunglasses and speak quietly at the ticket desk as to avoid being banned from entering (as some of us were a bit halfcut by the time we got there) and stumbled around the park looking for "fun". A few laughs driving the go-kart circuit pissed and a few turns on the big wooden roller coaster didn't really impress us (apart from one of the lads totalling a go-kart into the pit-lane while shouting "Weeeeeeeeeee" and getting banned from that activity for the rest of the day). We were bored, and a bit drunk to boot.

Then we spied it. Possibly the most unsafe ride in the park, although it looked normal enough when sober, let alone pissed. The Pirate Ship.

"Lesssss go 'n' that thing" mutters one of the drunks, so we all queue up and clamber onto the thing while it's stationary. We decide to sit on one of the back seats, so we'd be looking straight down at the highest point of the ride. There was something a bit odd about this ride though; there was no harnesses or shoulder straps to hold you in. You had a bar which dropped down and stopped literally above me knees. It barely held me in where I sat. Uh oh...

The ship started swinging, and in my drunk state I realized that this bar may not actually be enough to keep me in. As it got higher and higher on each swing I was starting to slip out from under the bar. I clasped my arms around the bar and tried clamping my legs into the foothold, so my arse and feet were wedged firmly onto the seat, and at the apex of the highest point I was literally hanging on for dear life, at the point where I would fall out. After a good minute of this the ride started slowing down and eventually stopped. Even after it stopped though I was still clamped into my seat, scared shitless and vowing never to go on that again.

A few years after this a similar thing happened there that made the news; Death at Oakwood Park. I doubt she was pissed up though :( Although with that tragic accident she collided with a small boy from Swansea, who's parents used to be a customer in an old computer shop where I worked and he was a right little cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 18:27, Reply)