Gary Glitter
Because:
1. He touches Kids
2. He's written a very catchy Christmas song that reminds me of someone who touches kids
3. His head looks like an onion
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 13:14, 1 reply)

Hulk Hogan
For knocking down the twin-towers, and making a big show of it, the monstrous walrus-tached cunt.

I know it was him, I've seen the photo evidence.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 13:11, 1 reply)

Beyonce Knowles
but specifically...'If I Were A boy'.

Up until recently, this was just another shit song on the radio by some soundalike popstrel but I found myself killing time in a bar where the radio was on too loud and I got to hear it in all its' glory and every soppy poorly-read-lyricist word.

It's Beyonce Knowles - you know the self-obsessed one with teeth like placards and huge, goggly, thoughtless eyes (could be any of them, I know) but this one appears to have been dipped in cappucino ice cream and had a perpetual motion spring fitted at the bottom of her spine so she bounces back and forth whenever you set it off? Yeah, her.

So she starts off talking about how it would be cool to be a dude for a day and I think to
myself,

"Yes, it would be cool, Beyonce. I can assure you of this cos I am a dude every day and it is cool".

She makes it through two verses talking about drinking beer and hanging out and not taking forever to get dressed and you're thinking,

"Yeah, it is cool to be a dude - nice one! Shame you're only a stupid, rubbish, silly girl!"

But then it all goes wrong - she starts banging on about women and her feelings and listening to the missus problems and how she would try to be a better man. Her voice goes all shouty and whiny and she seems to be in pain. (I suspect the discomfort of having two consecutive sex changes might be the cause).

She bangs on a bit more getting progressively more shouty and I'm thinking,

"You wanna go back to being a boy, love. You can throw on some comfortable clobber. I'll get the beers in and we can have a bit of a chinwag - maybe watch the match or something. All this shouting is getting us nowhere and you're just getting yourself upset".

In short, you're not going to become a better man if you keep carrying on like a woman!

It's a shame really - a terrible waste of what could have been an interesting song about being a lad penned from the POV of a lady but she blew it! She made the fatal flaw of thinking like a lady and bringing lady feelings into it. Next thing you know she's off on a tirade about lads carrying on and not caring about womens’ feelings.

Well, this is the thing, Beyonce love! If you were a boy, you wouldn't waste your time
thinking about peoples feelings, would you? You'd just get on with things and try to make the best of it.

Then you would be able to stay focused and on-topic and write coherent songs about cool stuff like girls and beer.

To be fair, you came close when you mentioned 'beer' but instead of talking about girls, you talked LIKE a girl which is really the beginning of the end, pet.

See, girls are awesome in some ways and if you were a boy, you would know those ways but (BIG BUTT) you're not a boy, are you? Thus you ruined a potentially cool thing by carrying on and shouting and getting stupid feelings involved.

So do you see the difference, Beyonce?

Am I being clear enough for you?

If you were a boy, you would be awesome and cool and fun and not a banshee-shouty whinging twat obsessed with your own stupid feelings.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 13:09, 11 replies)

I fucking hate stewart lee with a passion
I don't know why he just looks well cuntish.

I don't watch anything with him on it. It was probably those adverts for his tv show that put me off
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 13:03, 3 replies)

The Black Eyed Peas
utterly talentless, abomination to music. I cannot stress how irritating their noise is nor how little mercy their eternal suffering would evoke in me as it would simply never equal the misery they have inflicted upon people who listen to proper music.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 12:10, 19 replies)

The Bus
The beloved Mrs Trumpet and I have a hypothetical bus, not just any bus mind you but a bus that's about to plunge headlong over a cliff to certain doom. This bus is however, in a state of limbo, it has not yet set off on it's final journey to allow for almost infinate replacement of it's passengers, but it's eventual departure is unavoidable.

Whilst passing quiet evenings tellyviewing the inevitable "they'd be on the bus" will at some point be called out when some media whore is paraded for our derision.

The passangers on my bus include
James 'Smug Cunt' Whitaker,
Piers 'Morgan' Moron,
Ian 'why are you here?' Wright,
and Elaine 'EP...shut your fucking mouth' Paige
to name but four. The joy of the bus is that there is plenty of room to add passengers as and when it seems fit.

The other added feature of the bus is the in flight entertainment it offers. Music telly and film are all available, no doubt the greatest hits of Carol King and Sammy Davis Jnr's "Candy Man" would play on an 8 track loop to the accompaniment of The One Show and Horne and Corden.
(MuckTrumpet is winking furiously, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 11:59, 3 replies)

Summed up through the medium of a joke
What do you call a dog with five dicks?

Mariah Carey and Westlife
(Although the chubby one dropped off a few years back.)
(Cylon Bum Raider already knows how this will end, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 11:41, 1 reply)

That Jack Haley
He played the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz. His terrible acting ruined that movie for me. You could tell his heart just wasn't in it.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 11:29, 2 replies)

Tony Blair
Is it just a coincidence his initials are also a deadly infectious disease?
( SpankyHanky, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 11:18, 2 replies)

Claudia Arsehole Winkleman
What a talentless and pointless presenter, who suddenly becomes an expert in utter shite programs that she is in.

What a waste of fucking space.
(Headsbollockskuntz, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 10:44, 5 replies)

Giles Coren
Not only is he is a bully - that most despicable of creatures - but he knows damn well he would never have attained his lofty position in the media without being Alen Coren's son. Talk about talent skipping a generation.
( electric_goat, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 10:21, 2 replies)

that fucking wankspanner steve "smug as fuck" right, if its such a big fucking show then why do you have to keep going on about it you fucktard.
also why does everyone who goes on there have to start by saying how much they enjoy the show, it must be a lie they make everyone say, he just cant have that many fans. and what is with his shit gobbling side kick piping up like jabbas little mate, mouth still dripping from all that arse he's been licking.
steve right you fatuous smug hollow, vain twat.
i hate you, i hate your show and i hate your face.

this message has been severly edited to tone down the venom
(dismayed, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:55, 1 reply)

KD LANG
For her crap music, her grating voice and her insistence on using lower case letters...
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:54, 3 replies)

All of the celebs that hold benefits for aids and poor folk
Stop asking me for my money and use some of your own you selfish cunts
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Hate? Nah. Irritates the fuck out of me..........?
Catherine Tate and Russel Brand leave me cold and in fear of my soul.
Who is it that actually finds the funny? I am being serious, who is it that is keeping them in the Media?

All of that said, I have met a few famous types in my time and not one of them was an complete asshole, when met in real life.

c'est la vie
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Paul Henry
You need to be in NZ to understand this, but Paul Henry is a moron TV presenter who talks absolute bollocks, insults people and gets away with it because he is a "straight talking, good old Kiwi bloke"

Fuck you up the ass with a cactus you cunting moron, fuck off and die painfully. I hate your sub moron IQ demographic almost as much as I hate you.

I love it here, but that prick represents all that is wrong with New Zealand.

Sorry Australia, but my need is greater than yours. If you can't die fuck off to Aussie, so you can annoy them.
(micmac is happy as a pig in shite, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:27, 4 replies)

Billy Connolly
All he does is swear, and then giggle at himself swearing, and then swear a bit more, and a bit more. The audience seem to love it.

Perhaps it's funnier if you're Scottish, but I don't get the joke.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:23, 7 replies)

I hate all beautiful female celebrities
for not shagging me.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 7:18, Reply)

Mariah Carey
Dickhead.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 7:12, Reply)

No! Dramatic! Headline! Here!
Is it just me, or is this qotw just bringing out the worst in b3ta's thicker members?

I'm not right keen on Russell Brand.

I remember watching him on Rapture TV (a long defunct club tv station) when he used to rip the piss out of spangled clubbers. That was very funny.

What I really dislike is his dress sense and, in particular, his use of pseudo-Victorian speech. He 's like an unfunny version of Viz's Raffles the Gentleman Thug.

He's crude, and generally offends my sensibilities.

I'd like to see him (and Jonathan Ross, actually) fight a bear.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 10 Feb 2010, 7:12, 3 replies)

All reality Tv show stars..
For one thing they're famous for being shameless, impossibly wretched and ultimately agonisingly shit.

While such Tv shows inhabit the lives of the boring, the unlucky few who have managed to break free from such parasitical diversions have to face the drudgery of headline grabbing reminders and parroted topics of 'conversation' from the crettinous droids that watch such drivel.

I fucking hate the faux-fame of those released from the Big brother house or 'jungle' back into the 'society' as they then milk the fucking media cow dry for another six fucking months, until the next bastard series invades everyones lives.

It's even worse when a 'real' celebrity joins in on the fun, effectively lowering themselves several rungs on the ladder of social respect as the whole world watches them skin a rat or boil a kettle.

Oh and Jimmy Carr. Un-funny pug faced crettin.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 7:10, Reply)

while i'm at it
John Leslie - the groping scottish suposedly innocent rapist, what a long streak of piss, I instnctively loathed the fucker before it all came out and was I a smug fucking monkey when he got his comeuppance.
Jamie Theakston - another LSOP, so far up his own arse the mayfair trolloping fucking spanky boy.
every Fox news presenter, ever.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Wed 10 Feb 2010, 1:31, 1 reply)

Trainer
remember that?, made a microceleb of Mark Greenstreet, did a tour with him in my early theatre career and he variously ignored and patronised me for 5 months as I had a few lines and had to pack up his props. He was an utterly ungracious, talentless shitbag.
Few years later with a few bob nicely tucked in the bank due to some nice jobs and a bit of luck, he found out and was touting for investement in a film he was producing he 'bumped into me' at a job i was doing, he came on all matey, 'so good to see me' and talked about what a 'great time we had on the tour' and this is a 'great investment' this would be for his old mates..I had the greatest pleasure of stringing him along for a while pretending to be very interested till I told him he'd have more chance getting a wank off the pope and then to just fuck off. never heard from him since, funny that. oh yeah on IMDB 'caught in the act' synposis has this to say 'Overall, this is an enjoyable comedy which deserved better reviews (and a wider audience) than it received at the time of release' damned by faint praise
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Wed 10 Feb 2010, 0:51, Reply)

Last one, honest
Sky Sports presenters.

Ok - a bit vague bit my reasoning is sound.

Their use of the word "genious". "Christiano Ronaldo is a genius", "Shane Warne is a genious" blah.

No they are not. OED and MENSA state that a genious has an IQ over 130 (may be 140 tbh). You show me any sports person with an IQ that high (apart from may Chess players, although it's not quite entertaining enough for Sky) and I will point at a big fat liar.

That is all.

PS - my spelling is appauling. Sorry.
(gjb006, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 0:35, 8 replies)

i've had a sit down and got my breath back and blood pressure normal
but Gerry 'daddy didn't touch me' Adams and faux curly wigged evil lepracunt side kick Martin Mcguiness need nutting the pair of them, so they fucking do. Every time the lying frog mouthed McGuiness and the beardy bottled glasses murderer steps up to a microphone to outpour some hypocritical nationalist mealy mouthed incomprehensible psuedo intelectual republican speak, I itch in phantom pain at not having my finger pulling the trigger of a Barret 50 cal to send a titanium tipped leaden cartridge to explode through their dirty black hearts to pay for the misery he and his shit sucking cohort have inflicted on decent people.
The murder and torture they have sanctioned, witnessed and participated in screams from every pore of their fenian beings and begs to be avenged. and I bet he has got bits of his dinner festering in that grotty beard of his too...
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Wed 10 Feb 2010, 0:13, 17 replies)

all i have noticed is that people are swearing alot
I don't like Jonathan Ross, He's a bully and tells shit jokes. Unlike rob Brydon, He is amazing.

That is all
(Original Badman Is easily amused by the word chumbawumba, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 0:05, 3 replies)

Who really pisses me off?
Twats with a full head of hair who shave the cunt off. I wish I still had hair to enjoy. CUNTS!!!! Just rub it in why don't you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 23:16, 5 replies)

A few weeks ago...
...I was getting shitfaced with a new crowd, and got talking to a guy. Out of no where he comes out with;

"I fucking hate celebs strutting around is if they fucking own the place the cunts I fucking love calling them cunts look at their faces when I say it CUNTS fucking cunts they think they're special cunts"

and on and on he went.

And I was thinking what a strange sad man.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 22:55, Reply)

I have issues
Paula Yates, smug smackwhore, wife of wankstrangler kylieshagger Michael Hutchence out of pisspoor inxs, cheating daughter of Hughie Green who gave the world Peaches Geldof. Had the grace to shoot up and pop off on your daughters 10th birthday. Never liked her.
(nimrodihnio making gravy for one., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 22:40, Reply)

Radio 1 dj Famous son of leeds Chris Moyles
Fat Cunt... from Leeds my arse.. nobody in Leeds has that accent.. (http://i175.photobucket.com/albums/w146/mrsharkaverage/chris20moyles.jpg)
HE'S ABOUT AS LEEDS AS A FUCKING MANC'
(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 22:26, Reply)