Ah.. young love
It was when I was six and he was called Simon. Blond hair, blue eyes, a little freckly. I wanted to marry him and cook him plastic bacon and eggs on my a la carte kitchen. I even made him a valentine's card out of macaroni and glue.

How did the aryan arsebuckle thank me? By doodling on my coat during assembly. It's a surprise I didn't become a lesbian :(

Next crush was Captain Darling out of Blackadder. I think it was the moustache.
(theneuroticpanda, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:46, Reply)

First love & humiliation
The year was 1983; his name, James.

He had a thatch-like mop of straw-hued hair and a lazy eye, but to my five-year-old heart, he was beautiful.

And smart.

(At least compared to Tony, who didn't speak English, and could only write IOIOI OOOO IIOI (maybe he was trying to create some strange binary code?))

I had elaborate daydreams about him holding my hand and sharing my bed (but only AFTER we were married - I was a good Catholic schoolgirl!)

I drew a picture of the two of us together, complete with abstract hearts and the proclamation, "I Lov James".

Mum comes into the room, sticky-beaks over my shoulder and decides to give me one of only two pieces of relationship advice she's ever offered to me in 28 years:
"Oh, put an 'e' there. Mmm. You should take that for Show 'n' Tell tomorrow!"

"Good idea!" thinks I, since I never had anything cool for S&T, being kinda poor-like.

So, I proudly present my artistic declaration of affection to the class.

My teacher turned to him and joked,
"Well, James, looks like you'll have a new member in your family!"

Everyone chuckled.

He just sat there.

It slowly dawned that he would never marry me and join my friends & I playing 'The Goodies' in my backyard.

It's been downhill ever since ...
(Celerydemon, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:39, Reply)

Ahh, first loves
And yes, it is meant to be plural.

I was in infants, they were in juniors. They thought I was cute. I straight out loved them.

I called each one of them my girlfriends.

At the time it was perfectly normal to me, but now I realise that I was 4/5 timing them.


I am a horrible pig.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:20, Reply)

My first love...
has always been myself, of course.

Me: I'm only gay to the extent of my narcissism.
Friend: You must be the gayest man I know.

Don't know if any past girlfriends/crushes count as "love," so maybe the current girl is the one.
( kingoffools, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:19, Reply)

First Love...
We were born close together in time, our parents reckoned we could have been siblings. Her name was Deborah, which never seemed to be right for her. Everyone thought we'd get married and be together forever but we never did, although it alwasy crossed my mind. I once suggested meeting up in the new millenium, but it never happened, but it would be strange seeing everyone again, since they've all grown up.

Sorry, now you can all beat me to a Pulp ;)
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:18, Reply)

I was obsessed with......
Debbie Harry!

I hasten to add I mean the 1978 model not the rather saggy 2003 one!

Showing my age a bit there.

I feel old now.

Bollocks!
(El Cabron, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:15, Reply)

my loverly wife Rebecca of course
but really Katie Powell, when we were both 6
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:15, Reply)

Pure Class
Jimmy Bob (name changed, obviously). We shared everything, from the age of four till our tragic parting 5 years later...

We promised eachother that after we got married we would have matching everything, this included matching Ferraris in pink and blue. Bless us, so náive.

I played with his action man and he'd play with my Barbie. It was love. Pure love.

Then comes May 1995, a sad sad month. My Dad was transfered to Malaysia and his to Barbados. We were distraught.

However, he is now 20 and has fathered a bastard child to an 18 year girl whom he had a one night stand with. So, in conclusion, I don't think that I missed out on anything.

Ps. I missed you Legless!
(Spoil Me please, oh, please, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:13, Reply)

I was about 6 or possibly 7
I can't remember.

But I remember her, OH YES! Do I ever?!

Her name was Hannah and she went to school with me at Tilford Primary School. She was tall (ok, I was a runt) with lovely long hair. So what if it was the most flame red I've ever known? It did it for me. We used to go swimming once a week and the sight of her in her swimming cossie made me regularly get 'too embarrassed to stand up'. I didn't know quite what was going on with me, so I asked my mum...

Right, talk about being too embarrassed. She went on to 'splain EVERYTHING (she's a nurse, so it was graphic).

Lordy.

When I left I never got to see her again. Pity, she was a corker! Though I doubt she could even see me, let alone knew of my existence.

[edit] Oh yeah, and of course Kelly le Brock from "Weird Science"! [/edit]
(Woodgie is back, but for how long?, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 14:10, Reply)

Many firsts
I was six years old, and in my class at school there was a girl named Jody Chandler. What exact chain of events led up to this I can no longer recall, however it came to pass that one day we were sat together at the back of the classroom drawing crude crayon drawings of men with huge cocks.

Anyhow, out of the blue she asked me if she could come into the toilet with me. Confused, unsure, but with a strange and inexplicable eagerness driving my actions, I said okay.

We walked into the cubicle and with confidence belying her years she grabbed my trousers, tugged them straight down, and there in front of me jutted something I don't recall ever seeing before that moment; I have since learned that it is called an "erection", and surely an example so fine can seldom have been seen on a six year old boy.

We both stood there staring at it, neither quite sure what to do with it. But suddenly there it was again, that uncanny voice in the back of my mind, now compelling me to return the compliment and yank down her elasticated green nylon flares.

But before I could act, the cubicle door, which evidently neither of us had remembered to lock behind us, flew open. And there stood this kid called Craig, a bit of a dirty gippo type not too popular. His jaw hit the floor, his eyes bulged, and he blurted out "uuuh! aah! ummmmm! I'm telling Miss!"

Quick as a flash, Jody said to him "I'll stop you telling"; she grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulled him into the now rather crowded cubicle - and gave me an almighty shove. Out I flew, the door slammed shut, and there I was stood in the middle of the school with my pants round my ankles, a great big hardon, and an irresistable urge to cry.

Many lessons were learned on that day.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:59, Reply)

After getting the piss taken out of me...
..for admitting I had a crush on a girl in primary school I repressed my attractions to the ladies until my late teens. Well it was part that and part low self esteem.

As a result I became quite the little heart breaker on our many family holidays abroad. On numerous occasions girls would tell their friends who would then wander over and say 'She fancies you'. I would look up to see embarrassed cute smiley girl and say 'I'm not interested' then walk off kicking myself once more. I also ignored the attempts at interaction from my next door neighbour who used to invite me round 'to fix her computer'. I'd get there to find it working perfectly and it didn't occur to me that she had an ulterior motive.

My first love eventually came during my university years. I met her through a mutual interest in music and it took me 3 months to work up the courage to ask her out and kiss her (Read: Self worth issues, why would anyone want to date me?). From then on things were fantastic and we had some great times. Alas, I treated her unfairly and we parted after some seven or eight months. I was left broken hearted for a good twelve months and very fragile for the next three years. Kinda stupid now I look back on it but my emotions were out of control.

No regrets though because it helped me self-analyse and pick up on why I was such a bastard to her at the end.

6 years on and I've met my match, we got engaged two weeks back and are due to marry in 2008. Never been happier :D
( beefandcheese, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:59, Reply)

Oh no... i'm gonna get soppy now!
Six years ago, (aged 17) I began to work in the kitchen of my local pub, there was a young barmaid there called Carlie (aged 20). after a few months, Carlie went back to Uni and left me in cornwall.

Cue feeling of loss, but this cant be right? she was just a friend.

Ah well, never mind...

Carlie came back during all available holidays and worked in our pub again, and after 2 years i finally plucked up the courage to ask her out.

"Aw thats real sweet BUT we are such good friends that it would just feel wierd!"


BUGGER!

nevermind, we still carried on being close friends and looking out for one another.

Suddenly in June this year i realised that i was spending every night sleeping with her and we were discussing getting a place together and also a CAT!
This is honestly the first time i have been like this in my life!
I am madly in love with this woman and am having a great time after waiting so long for her!


Kitty if yer reading this...


I LOVE YOU!
( Druss_The_Legend Splurge!, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:54, Reply)

She had the best tits in the school...
and I'd fancied her for ages, calling her names, tripping her up etc.
Eventually I asked her if "she'd go out with me" and she said yes!
My two best friends got really jealous and stopped talking to me (one of them turned out to be gay.. sure it was because he fancied me!)
We were together for about a year then I dumped her... because I was bored!?!

Met her again in July last year, both still fancied each other and got on really well now that we'd grown up - so I asked her to marry me!!

We got married in August this year and she’s still got amazing tits!!
( ashurek, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:46, Reply)

Her name was Lisa and we were 6ish
She gave me a Tonka JCB and i kissed her. Then she moved away. I don't want to talk about the rest.
( NewArtRiot Rockin' it, Jesmond style., Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:38, Reply)

I've had more first loves

than Harry Heller.

(read "Steppenwolf" by Hermann Hesse)
(roysin, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:30, Reply)

I, sir, am an arse
Her name was Susan. She sat beside me in class in primary school. She was really nice and really pretty. One day I bumped into her and a friend at a swimming pool. "She fancies you," quoth her chum.

Sadly, at that very moment a pathologically shy, socially unfortunate, bumbling moron of an erse from outer space possessed my mouth and, instead of replying "cool, I like you too", I got all shy, called her some names and said I didn't like her.

Doh!

Inevitably I then developed the world's biggest crush on her. For years. And she, rightly, despised me.

Doh! to the power of 2.

Until, years later, a friend set me up with her at a disco. Was looking good BUT then the pathologically shy, socially unfortunate, bumbling moron of an erse from outer space possessed my legs and I simply wandered off. Just walked away from this girl who I'd fancied for years. To this day I am at a loss to explain it apart from the fact I had been drinking and it must have effected my then young and inexperienced frame in a way that .... oh, sod it.

Crush magnificently unrequited.

Doh! to the power of 3.

Mercifully the alien being has since been exorcised. No pathologically shy, socially unfortunate, bumbling moron of an erse from outer space stands a chance against the not insignificant charms of Mrs C.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:22, Reply)

Ah first love.
Still not sure which was my first love. At a very confused 7 years old I couldn't decide between Sophie Smith and her pink BMX (who didn't notice I existed)or Lucy Dunlop who had a moustache but who would let me hold her hand and very occasionaly kiss her. Should have stopped there really as the next girlfriend I had (aged 10) was considerably taller than me and after a tiring game of "kiss chase" consented to a quick smooch. Rather than do the sensible thing and stand on tip toes or gently pull her down to me I decided to jump up and plant a big smackeroo on her. Unfortunately I went a bit too far and head butted her in the nose causing blood to piss out all over the shop. Hope you don't have a crooked nose now Victoria Wright - SORRY!!
(Bearos, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:15, Reply)

Cheetara
Seems I'll have to fight "100% Cock" for her. If he wins I'll go with the Fun House Twins. Just to make my post slightly more interesting when I was 11 I got a part in Cinderella, the xmas panto in Redhill, they were in it and I was in heaven. I even heard one of them swear. That just made it all the more erotic.
(smuj83, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:11, Reply)

Mt First Love.....
French girl. met her on holiday when I was 17. We spent two weeks in the South of France. Great fun on the beach. I was heart broken when she left, still we kept in touch and saw eachother lots more.

Perfect holliday romance you may say.......wrong!

Firstly we never had sex while she we were in France. She came to stay with me one easter. I had her all to myself for two weeks!!!! I thought this is going to be amazing. I wasn't dissapointed. We fucked so many times, she told me she was a virgin which i could quite beleive but she was naturally talanted! The icing on the cake was when she stopped half-way through doggy and put my cock to her arse. She sat back and we went from there!!! I was fucking amazed!!! After not lasting too long post anal I did what I needed to do and she cleaned herself up. Then she drops the bomb!!! I thought she was 16. Turns out she was 15 and therefore making it illegal!! That was not pleasant I can tell thee. I had just fucked a 15 yr old girl in the arse!!

Terrible you might think., and you would be right! Still was fucking great sex.

Couldn't get any worse right.........wrong!

After her confession I though what the hell, it's too late now anyway and we contined shaggin plenty more. Anyway after about a year we broke up becasue of the distance and we agreed to just be friends and keep in touch.

Roll on to when I was 20. Decided to go on holiday with my parents and little sis who just so happened to be best friends with French Ex-girlfriends little sister.

Long story short - Ended up taking ex-gf's little sisters virginity. I made sure she was legal this time though.

Some might applaud this behaviour, others may deplore it. Needless to say when my sister grassed me up to my parents they went fucking ape-shit!

Anyway, French girlfriend's parents never found out, nor did ex-girlfriend for that matter, so they still think I am a charming young English man who dated their eldest daughter.

Still totally in love with French-Girl to this day.

What does that say about her little sister though?? Dirty Bitch! Nevermind I guess it's true what they say about the French they are absolutely filthy.

I may have neither length nor girth but hey two french sisters can't be wrong!
(McBollocks stop being so fucking pretentious., Thu 20 Oct 2005, 13:08, Reply)

First love
The woman in the movie The Red SHoes.... don;t ask me why - never seen it since.

In terms of actual real toucht feely type person - Suzanne Alford, 1st year Devizes Comprehensive... She was great...then moved away..but had the decency to dump me first...

And with that, I have potentially revealed my true identity....

shitbiscuits...
(Rockster77, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:59, Reply)

The weird old gypsies next door
to the house where I grew up as a kid (the bloke was actually called Gordon Bennett, hahaha) had a granddaughter who used to visit on school holidays, called Emma. We were about 6, and we used to always sneak off and hold hands in the rhubarb patch at the end of our garden, with a little bowl of sugar each that our mums had given us to dip the stalks in. We'd sit there for hours, just lying in each others' laps and talking about the shapes in the clouds or where we'd run away to if we could go as far as we liked. Then one day she threw her sugar in my eyes and started thrashing me really savagely with this massive piece of rhubarb - at one point she smashed me in the nose with it and blood was just pumping out, all over my favourite Winne The Pooh t-shirt. I was blubbering like some kind of, er, big rubbish duck (?) by the time I got back to my kitchen, whereupon my mum understandably went nuts and stormed straight around to see the grandparents.

Turns out this girl was a complete fucking mentalist, and "occasionally just did stuff like this". Apparently, "completely random things seemed to trigger her off". She'd thrown her rabbit out of the window the year before because it "wouldn't answer her or look in the right direction".

Funnily enough, it's been a variation on that theme with with nearly all the girls I've been close to since - so she actually prepared me quite well for dealing with the myriad hidden horrors of subsequent adult relationships.
Thanks Emma!
Mad bitch.
( grey kid is breakdancing to save a community centre, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:58, Reply)

Fanciful infatuation junkie
Childhood: I was friends with my next door neighbor, and would often claim (jokingly) that I was gonna marry him one day... While they've never moved, we lost touch.

Around the age of 8 or so I would seek out specific boys on the plaground... and scratch them! It must've been my little psychotic mind sublimating the "look at me!" feelings with the "EEEW, boys!" feelings. My mom kept warning me about "One day, you're going to need help and maybe one of those boys is the only one who can help you and they won't because they'll remember what you did!" My mom is nuts.

High school: Developed a very persistant crush on a guy in art class. A "we're just friends, right?" talk did nothing to halt the prickles of excitement whenever I saw him. I have a photo from prom of just me and him, and as they're my memories... HA!

Freshman year at college: Hooked up with my first (and only) boyfriend after watching, of all things, the extras for Phantom Menace (much better then the movie). Weirdly enough there was no infatuation on my part leading up to that. Broke up 3 months later and my stupid heart didn't listen to my practical head and I hurt for a long while. Seeing him in math class every other day and being alone at mealtimes didn't help either.

Currently, after hearing my friend Penguin's tales of romantic woe I'm perfectly happy to remain single as I am too lazy to deal with drama... although there is a guy I rather fancy (not that he'll ever know)!
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:56, Reply)

a nice young
*american* girl called Jess. I was moved to the naughty seat at the front of the class and she sat behind and would poke me in the back so I would get in more trouble. One time we climbed a tree and she held my hand

c'est tout
( Neon Blue Ah ha ha haa! I feel positively capital!, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:51, Reply)

Cheryl
From what I remember she was blonde and pretty. We were both 8 years old, and my parents hated her. They thought she was a stuck-up little bitch who was far too used to getting her own way. In the end it turned out that they were right. Cheryl used her feminine wiles to persuade me to steal the odd quid from my grandparents to buy her sweets and pop. She told me I was her favourite boyfriend ever. A few months down the line it all ended in disaster when she caught me playing Kerbie with a different girl one weekend. The 'lovely' Cheryl uttered a 'naughty word' in my general direction, thumped me in a most sensitive area, and ran home crying. She didn't even give me the chance to tell her it was my cousin I'd been playing with, because my parents had told me to 'play nice or else'. After all, I didn't want to be smacked on the backside with a shoe by my scary mother.

Anyway, traumatised by being beaten up by a girl, I could never completely trust a female again. I'm now happily living with a boyfriend and two cats. Yes, Cheryl turned me gay.
(bedsitmartyr : Doctor of Bottles, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:39, Reply)

my 1st love
1969/70, Northolt Primary School, West London. Girl called Julie Bragazza, I must've been 5 or 6 years old. Sighs.... 2nd love was Daphne from Scooby Doo. Shortly after this I fancied/obsessed over just about every pretty girl I ever met.

Julie, if you read this then Hi from Den
X
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:37, Reply)

You mean First Loves *other* than Lego?
If we're talking childhood crushes, then it had to be Corin. We watched the first ever episode of the Muppets at her house (aged 7).

Because of her I still remember the first time I was told the 'official' name for female genitalia - one day when I had gone over to her house, she rushed up to me breathlessy and said "I know the proper name for my ladies bits! It's called a Fajina".

We moved away and I didn't see her again for years. She grew up to be fantastically attractive, really funny and I *never* got to snog her.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:37, Reply)

First love? Oh dear...
About 8 at the time. Next door lass was 7, her brother a year older thanme and my sis the youngest at 5.
For some reason, we were sleeping in my room, her brother on my bed, my sis on the floor one side of bed, me and the lass the other. Snogging. As my dear sister was wtaching under the bed, a row of books were propped up block her view. I had a stonk-on. I didn't know what to do with it. Still not sure now.

Legless -you're a bloody legend! Ever thought of writing your memoirs?!
(CdrVimes, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:32, Reply)

The first guy I sorta fancied was originally made to sit next to me as punishment away from his friends
I was around 10-11 and his name was Johnathan Barton/gateonbry or something like that, In my final year in primary school. He was naughty and rather mean to me but not as bad as the bullies. Slowly but surely we teamed up in class alot and both got detention when we were working on the pc at breaktime. One day when we were both on the same computer, he asked me if I fancied/liked him. I still wasnt sure if he was my friend or not, but i did fancy him so I said no.

Never spoke to me again, and I always remember that too *sniff*
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Thu 20 Oct 2005, 12:28, Reply)