Secrets of an all girls school
I found a padded cell in my school - to be fair, it was hidden behind a thick wall behind a screw-on wall panel, hidden behind racks of clothes in the props cupboard, so you could only get in if you had a screwdriver handy, but still - I was delighted!

Apparently it was for the ventilation system. I didn't know our ventilation was mad...
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:23, 4 replies)

Desk Drawer of DOOM
For one roller-coaster year of my life, I worked in the headquarters of a large motor parts company.

Things were going pretty badly for them, and came the day that the staff were lined up against the wall and there were dozens of redundancies. Amongst these was the financial director, who was roundly blamed by many for paying more attention to chasing skirt than chasing the company's debts.

So, after he left the company's offices for the last time - given all of two minutes' notice - I drew the short straw to clear out his desk and arrange to have personal items sent to his home. Let's see:

* Nine-inch 'Monster Kong' vibrator and several packs of AA batteries

* A large quantity of specialist gentlemen's leisure magazines, most with the word "Rubber" in the title

* Several items of soiled lingerie which were clearly not in his size

* His 'Little Black Book' containing brief details of every female in the building ("Julia, document archive: Bad tempered, great arse. 6 out of 10.")

That Tuesday afternoon, knowing he was down the Red Lion drowning his sorrows and/or eyeing up the barmaid, I drove the box to his house in my Austin Allegro, rang the doorbell and fled.

Edit: Buggrit, I've written up a 12-inch remix version HERE, with only minor traces of fiction.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:22, 7 replies)

Found out last night...
The new(ish) woman in my life is married.

And I seem to have morals...
( snee held his breath since, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:21, 6 replies)

I
once found the mystical clitoris...

lost it a bit later tho
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:17, 4 replies)

When I was a wee lad
Me and my brother found a purse containing forty english pounds, which just happened to be lying on the ground... Right outside a retirement home nearby to our house. We could have been good little boys and handed it in to the poor old dear who at that exact moment was no doubt fretting about having just lost her weeks' pension money, but on the other hand that was more money than either of us had ever seen outside of Christmases and birthdays and temptation got the better of us. Of course, we couldn't spend our new found wealth any big purchases because if mum spotted a new computer game or some such the truth would come out and she'd make us pay the money back.

So we blew the lot went on sweets.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:16, 1 reply)

At a temp job there was a big artists folder thingy
left there by some long-ago worker.

I looked inside and ther was a black-and-white picture of a girl with a gun in her mouth.

Fucking arty gothics.
(teebie jeebie, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:15, Reply)

Mana from Heaven
At a time in my life when there wasn't really enough money to go round, my partner and I managed to scrape together enough money to go on a holiday - the first time we'd managed if for several years. Popping down to the travel agents we discovered, to our joy, that if we took every bargain basement option available to us we could just - just - afford to to the golden triangle of Italy: Venice, Florence and Rome, something we'd always wanted to do.

We were overjoyed, but there was a small problem. There was very little money left to actually take as spending money. So we arrived in Venice with very little cash and had to ration it very carefully. Once we'd spent on various entrance fees we couldn't afford to eat out, even cheaply, so we were buying basic foods in supermarkets and scoffing them in the hotel every night.

Still, the sights were so fantastic we didn't care all that much. Venice passed and we went on to Florence. And on the second day in Florence we were sitting, with hundreds of other tourists on the steps of Florence cathedral, enjoying the sun when my partner suddenly gripped my arm.

"What's that?" she asked. And, as carefully and unobtrusively as she could manage, she pointed.

What's she's spotted was a dropped money clip. A clip stuffed full with a big, fat, wad of cash.

We argued briefly about who, if anyone, should go pick it up. Eventually I agreed and again, as unobtrusively as possible, I went and picked it up.

We counted it. It was in Lira, obviously, but it came to about £200. A lot of money. For us, then, a small fortune.

We debated on what to do with it. At first I was all up for handing it in to the police. But the police in Italy are all corrupt, aren't they? But we should still do it ... but then again it's in a clip with no identifying features. Anyone could pick it up and claim it, either from the steps or from a police station.

And slowly, gradually, we convinced ourselves to keep it.

And then we went out to an expensive restaurant and then got horribly, horribly drunk. And did the same the next night and every holiday night thereafter. And we still had some change left when we got home.

Best holiday ever!
(MattDP (Squiggle), Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:12, 4 replies)

I found a bag of money.
When I was a wee lad one year(1976) we went on holiday to Scarborough, and as all small boys do I wanted to play in the arcade.

So one evening we were walking to the arcade when I noticed a plasic bag on the floor. I picked it up and much to my delight found that it was full of 2p coins, about £5 (a lot of money at the time).

I was chuffed, and it payed for my arcade trips for about a week!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:11, Reply)

I once found a bloodstained five-pound note when I was a kid.
(A fiver to a twelve year old kid in the eighties was serious wonga, I hasten to add.)

I like to imagine it fluttered out of the hand of some dying criminal, shot to bits by rival gangsters, then dumped in an alley.
With his last breath, his life flashing before him, he realises ruefully that all his life he has been alone, never truly able to trust anyone. On the cusp of the yawing abyss of oblivion, he regards the bloody five pound note as it flutters out of his weakening grasp.

Well, it could have been that, or somebody might have dropped it coming out of the butchers shop down the road.

I spent it on sweets, probably.
( Smallbrainfield, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:08, 1 reply)

A diamond
On the streets of New York

...however, on further inspection it turned out to be a massive cubic zirconium :(
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:08, 2 replies)

I found an iPod outside my house one saturday morning
the following saturday morning I found a £20 in the same spot. There are a few pubs near my house, and my street is a bit of a thorough-fare for people heading home, so a lot of useful things get dropped on a friday night.

The only time an Apple product will ever be allowed inside my house.

The iPod belonged to someone called Sally, according to iTunes.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:07, Reply)

Things what I have found
A quarter oz of hash, whilst staggering to a shop one morning, to get my anti-hangover orange juice. Score!

A telescopic sight for an air rifle, lying in some woods.

A life size dress making mannequin in the shed of a house I lived in for a while, which we dressed up in the garden and used for archery pratise, using the metal tipped arrows, and bow set, we found in another shed.

A carrier bag full of cooking equipment, mainly frying pans, on a grey (traffic control sort of thing) box outside a supermarket. It didn't help that I was tripping at the time, and thought this was a most excellent discovery, so claimed them as my own. We carried on our tripping adventure through town, ended up walking through a building site on a shortcut, when a local resident phoned the rozzers on us. Blissfully unaware, we strode through this playground of awesome, gathering large demolition signs and the like, all donning hard hats, and whatever other amusing building gear we found lying around, until we exited the site, and came face to face with two police cars.

Trying to convince them we were certainly not up to any mischief, no sir, whilst wearing hard hats, clutching signs and a carrier bag full of frying pans, was somewhat taxing. So much so, they asked me to turn my pockets out, after listening to my tale of finding the bag of cooking equipment and found it unconvincing. It took about 15 minutes to empty my pockets, due to wearing all manner of combat gear, and having about 60 pockets. I alslo liked collecting random things when tripping, so had a veritable assortment of goodies; shiny things, packs of crisps, string, bolts, bits of tree etc. After I finished emptying my pockets, they gave me a sympathetic look (normally reserved for care in the community types), told us to put the hard hats back, and be on our way. The jokes on them though, I had a large JCB sign jammed up my jumper.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:05, 3 replies)

A few years back
I was having a bit of a clear out of the lab, and at the back of one of the less-used shelves I came across a bottle of liquid. The bottle itself was remarkable, in that it appeared to have been used for whisky in a previous life, and the liquid inside was slightly turbid, and yellow in colour. No label was attached to give a clue as to its nature or composition.

Undaunted, I removed the lid and brought it to my nostrils. A quick whiff and I saturated my olfactory sensors with a characteristic odour, instantly identifying it. I therefore prepared a suitable label and affixed it to the bottle, replacing it on the shelf for the amusement and delectation of future scientists.

And that, dear readers, is how to this day there remains a bottle on a shelf in my lab with the legend "Fusty Pish" on the label.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:02, Reply)

I was about 15
My mum used to sort out the clothes for local jumbles sales - people would drop them off a couple of weeks before the event and she would do the male/female casual/formal sorting. Every so often she would tell me that there was some good stuff there and I should go and have a look.

I was trying on a dinner jacket left by the widow of some old colonel/admiral type. It fitted pretty well, except for something hard in one of the pockets - I reached in and fished out a very nice little flick-knife. I always wondered what sort of party the old chap used to attend
(conanow, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:02, 2 replies)

blindingly good reads
When I was renting a flat a fair few years ago (early nineties), the landlord was a bit of a recluse and lived in the basement flat. Couldn't put my finger on it exactly but I reckon he was en ex spy or something. On a ledge outside my flat door, accessible by a daring leap on to some opposing banisters over a full flight of stairs were a load of large brown plastic boxes.

Bored one afternoon, I decided to explore said area to find this guy's life history within those boxes. The first few contained evidence of a range of boon-doggling jobs the likes of which someone on the run/ on witness relocation /bedding down as a former spy would easily do with the minimum of effort.

The next few boxes and I had hit the motherlode: seventies porn. Loads of penthouse and playboy all neatly stacked within said boxes.

A few years later I moved in with mrs mersault and reluctantly had to leave the mystery history behind. We nicked his chair though; revenge for him 'never getting round to putting up some shelves'.
(mersault, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:00, Reply)

Free piss up!
Many moons ago when £40 was a lot of money I went for a weekend with good mates in Blackpool. I was a bit hard up and borrowed £40 for a night out from my mate.

We hit the town hard and eventually rolled back to our grotty B&B where earlier than evening the landlady had given us stern warnings about behaviour including "not shitting the bed"!!! (I can only assume this is a Northern thing?)

Anyway, while we were fumbling for keys at the front door I look down at the ground and see something sticking out from under my shoe...

I bend down and pick it up, to my delight it was £40 neatly folded up!

I gave it to my mate and thanked him for a cracking night out!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:59, Reply)

I found the love of my life.
Can I be sick at my own cheesiness now?

Leaves. The door hit me on the way out.
( TheGirlWithNoName, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:58, 6 replies)

Things I have found.
first page, at least....yay for me.

So, things I've found...in no particular order:

1) A crisp £10 note stuck to the bottom of a starfish under Great Yarmouth pier when I was a kid - not ten feet from a fool with a metal detector who had spent all day looking for coins dropped through the wooden floor of the pier.

2) Dodgy photos of my old boss on the web - he volunteered for an amateur bukake party and I found the images whilst trying to find his contact details for a reference. Needless to say, the reference was great after he realised I'd seen the pictures.

3) A pair of knickers with a post-it note saying "thanks for last night, you forgot these" in the internal mail (they were in a clear bag) whe I worked for First Direct as a student. We had to draw lots to see who'd deliver that particular parcel whilst trying to keep a straight face.

4) a love of putting socks on the heated towel rail so they are warm in the morning (ok, that's more a discovery).
(Chad, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:58, 3 replies)

Marriage
I've found that marriage can ruin a relationship.

*signs away half of his house this coming Monday*
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:57, 10 replies)

11th
woot!
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:54, Reply)

I found
A dustbin bag full of darts trophies at the dump. There were like 40 of them. Now people think I'm fucking excellent at darts, and I can refuse any challenges because as a 40 time champion I won't play against mere amateurs.
(GONEism, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:49, 5 replies)

A sandwich
I was working in a shop and one day I was asked to clean out the security office no one had used for years.

After taking all the stuff out I started on the furniture and found a plastic bag down the back of a desk.

Inside was a pristine shaped sandwich.

Interestingly it was pool chalk blue/green otherwise it looked the same as the day it was made.

No one would eat it though, not even for a fiver!
(Wooden meal is. Or is he?, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:49, Reply)

Prosthetic Arm
Found one in a shopping trolley once. Not just a fake rubber arm but a lifelike medical replacement. Seriously, how the fuck do you lose you own fake arm?
(Krizla6.9, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:49, 4 replies)

Big bag of Drugs.
On the pavement, by the back of the car. Big bag of pot, all divided up into smaller bags, ready to be distributed.

Good stuff, too.

Bet someone got their knees broken for dropping that...
( IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis most likely working from home on, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:49, Reply)

shite
ahh, bollocks
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:48, Reply)

Finding
out the way my cock works properly was pretty ace.

Win
(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:48, 1 reply)

I found B3TA :)
Do I win?
(i should have joined myspace, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:48, Reply)

woo-hoo!
Somewhere within the first 15!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:46, Reply)

2nd
Yay
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:46, Reply)

First?

Mwuhaahaaaa

There I was, minding my own business...and I found this new QotW lying around...so I thought I'd post something.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 6 Nov 2008, 12:46, 2 replies)