I found that playing
"The vagina game" gets you thrown out of most public places.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:52, 3 replies)

I found that it isn't true
that if you unscrew your belly button your arse falls off.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:51, Reply)

I found that
I can't be arsed to read through really long posts.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:50, Reply)

I found that Arsene Wenger
has selective eyesight.

What a cnut.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:49, 2 replies)

I found a way out
of my Austrian cellar after twenty odd years.

Probably bindun but feck it.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:49, Reply)

I found an intruder
in my farmhouse.

So I shot the fucker and did some time.

Not right is it?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:47, Reply)

I found Willie Nelson
after he'd been run over.

He'd been playing on the road again.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:44, Reply)

I found a pound
on the underground.

it was my finest hour.
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 13:22, 3 replies)

I found some corn
in my stool. Has anyone lost any?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 12:10, 1 reply)

I found a human heart
in San Francisco. It turned out to belong to Tony Bennett.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 12:09, 2 replies)

karma working her magic
yesterday i went for a few drinks for happy hour with my mates (early doors jobbie). as it was cheap, like a bunch of pikey students we made sure we got a few drinks in during the 2 hour window of opportunity.
(so much so we had to make sure our waitress bought the last round to our table before 7pm ... we sent one of our party to the bar to chase our drinks!)

anywhoo i was gonig to go home at the point, but being happily merry was pursuaded to stay out and go to the poolhall.

i stopped for one and then got a text asking if i was going to the local lesbian bar... i should have said no but i cant say no to the ladies- so i recruits me a fag hag and off we go.

at this point im several sheets to the wind and still not been home since i went to work. i decides as i it will take me an hour to get home on the night busses i want to leave (after 2 drinks and a little dance and a flirt) and get the subway

god knows how i did it, was i was very pished, but i got n the last subway before it closes at midnight

im swaying along with the train and sees a note on the floor (no sportsfan i didnt pick it up... not yet) and someone had drpped it. another person picks it up and pockets the note without alertng the other person.

the person who dropped the note exits the train non the wiser. the person who pocketed the note then drops it, without realising...

so all the people around me are eyeing the note and checking their consciences... me... i pick it up as the metro pulls into my stop and swiftly depart the train.

i think karma is showing herself as i was a responsable adult and decided to leave at a reasonable time- rather than stay out and get into a state!

its only now i check i realise the note is worth about 60-70 quid... the elation of finding the note is soured by a small pang of guilt...

should i feel bad about the find- there is a pair of trousers i want, but they will always be the metro money trousers - should i buy them knowing how i obtained the cash to buy them??

apologies for length- needed to get this off my chest now im sober and thinking straight :o)
(jenko83, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 11:22, 3 replies)

I found a 20 quid note
on the pavement in Marylebone High Street when I used to work in the area some years ago.

I picked it up & stood there looking round foolishly. If someone had come up & said "It's mine" I'd have probably given it to them, being stupid, like.

I noticed a bloke sitting at a table outside a cafe a few yards away was watching me. He looked familiar & I suddenly realised he was the actor Steven Berkoff. He grinned at me manically (like he does) & said "It's all right mate, you can 'ave it!". So I said "Thank you Mr Berkoff, I will!" & walked off feeling smug & 20 quid better off.

Later that week I found a small bag of skunk in the street 20 yards from my house.

They are the only things I've ever found ever, ever, ever. Must try harder...
( Dunks, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 11:19, Reply)

My mum
once found a God awful diamante studded Playboy watch in the park whilst walking the dog. It hung around garishly in the house for ages until I sold it to some plump chav kid at a bootfair for £2.

Now that may not sound like a lot but take into consideration that it was a bootfair in Gillingham and paying over 30p for anything is deemed extortionate.

I even remember the child squealing with delight at the find and rushing off to borrow the extra £1.70 from her parents to purchase the thing. Good times
(Eldoofus, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 11:11, Reply)

I just
found this:

labour-party.org.uk/manifestos/1997/1997-labour-manifesto.shtml

...and can't believe we were all taken in.
(dchurch bah, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Nice one Grandad...
My father-in-law found a mountain bike and a skateboard in the basement at the flats where he lives, he gave them both to my son. Only later did he realise some other poor old geezer was storing them down there for his own grandkids!

This is the man who also found a strap-on dildo in a carrier bag by the main door and started knocking on doors asking if anyone had lost it!
(minky, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Just found..
..a lovely, attractive girl, with who I'm a wee bit smitten.

That is all.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 10:44, 3 replies)

the intrawebs
I found this one day on the tubes garyc.mooo.com:3232/rr/
it is SFW by the way
(seshmarls, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 10:38, 6 replies)

I also found
a 70's style chopper pushbike in a skip, near a tesco carpark, unfortunatly the wheels were flat and buckled to fuck, but didnt stop us from razzing it round the car park.
The advantage with it being a kids bike, it was incredibly light and I was able to pull off some huge bunnyhops.
Our fun was spoilt when some security guard came along and told us to move on, and took the bike and threw it into the river...
(Lord Chode, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 9:12, 7 replies)

Stuff I have found ohhh...
I found a Silver and Turquoise Braclet once just laying in the street, turned out to be quite the high value little item, which was nice.

I don't know if thats the best thing I have ever found but its the first thing that springs to mind.
(Captain_lambkin adifferent.me, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 8:26, Reply)

A tenner...
on a narrow path, half way up Hellvellyn.

Made it all worth it once we made it back to the pub.
(UXB you said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 5:50, 1 reply)

littlerock's post just reminded me
i once found a copy of the joy of sex under my parents' mattress.
the photos in it were less disturbing that the thought of my parents(who look like courage the cowardly dog's owners) doing the incredibly nasty.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 3:42, 2 replies)

Abbey
I just found an email in my inbox from abbey national saying there was a problem with my account and that I had to click the link and re-enter my details to confirm who i was.
Shame I don't bank with them, they seem so efficient...
(Something funny, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 2:22, 4 replies)

My mum, god rest her soul
...once found a slightly battered but still serviceable zippo lighter had fallen into her handbag in the pub. A change of wick, a refill and it served me well for a good few years.

Mind you, she did "find" a few pub ashtrays and glasses had "fallen" into her handbag over the years too.
(Tyburn Finds the name Lauren Muff inexplicably funny, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 1:08, 1 reply)

Some people have all the luck when they find things


( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 8 Nov 2008, 0:37, 5 replies)

A twig caught painfully up my snout...
I was with my pals walking the streets of Downham when we came across these 'abandoned' allotments (empty at time of encounter and slightly overgrown grass and shrubs is the kids definition of abandoned).

Not satisfied with kicking a few rocks and such we then proceeded the climb a fence. I volunteered to go first shooting upwards with enthusiasm. Missing my footing, I slid down only to some how on the way down position myself perfectly the receive a sharp and strong thin twig up my right nostril at quite a fucking speed!!

I shot back up and cleared the twig only to think before I went back down and jumped away from the wall to clear the brain piercing death trap.

I was in such paid and my eye watered for hours after. Not to mention copious amounts of snot and blood!!
($wift, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 0:23, Reply)

Bees Shagging
Walking down the alleyway next to my house, smoking a spliff I came across two bees doing it doggystyle.
($wift, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 0:13, 6 replies)

two snails mating..
I was a kid and as usual in the garden playing around the plants, stones and lumps of dog shit within the garden at home. Near the 'mother made' rockery I came across a pair of snails connected by a tube from the open part of each of their shells. I pondered for a moment fascinated by it. Then all of a sudden, I pulled them apart really quickly and malicously. Like a horrible little spoilt kid who commited the offence when her adoring parents looked the other way.

I'll never forget that I did that and ever since then I've had a real respect for them and hold an interest for them too.

Sorry snails...
($wift, Sat 8 Nov 2008, 0:07, 1 reply)

I
opened the door this morning to go to work, and I found a big black coffin.

So I gave him a locket and sent him on his way.
(dchurch bah, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 23:22, Reply)

I found a tenner in Morrisons.
Just lying there, crisp and unfolded, god knows how nobody else spotted it, 'cause it was in quite plain view.

I slyly dropped a 50p coin near it, and bent down to pick it up, along with the tenner.

Made me feel like a right little rascal that did =]

Thank you, whoever was stupid / ignorant enough to drop it, you helped a poor student get by for another few hours.
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 23:17, Reply)

Christ it's cold out.
Ive just found a brass monkey outside looking for his balls.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 23:13, 3 replies)