Getting old
Well I'm no coffin-dodger
but I've just had a phone call from a rep of a high street stationary retailer trying to sell me private health cover (which, granted, is a worry in itself). Thing is, I actually found myself for the first time considering thanking them for their kind offer and yes please, I would very much like to take out a policy.

And I'm only 15.

Actually that's a lie.

I'm 23 and I guess I really should be thinking about what would happen should I be struck down with foot rot.
(lost_monkey, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 19:08, Reply)

The evidence that im getting old is
that with each somatic mitotic cellular division my telomoeres shrink and my genetic material succums to oxidatitive stress, free radical degredation and mutatgenic alterations
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 18:44, Reply)

and whats more....
Dear Husbando & I (who both still assume we are youthful; we still own t-shirts with skulls on them, albeit full of holes...) went a-walking on a Sunday for some 'for some fresh air and excercise'.

At the peak of aforementioned walk we saw some lovely birds. We sat down and watched them. It dawned on us later that we had in fact been 'BIRDWATCHING'.

The end to this particular geriatric act came when we realised we had to get home as that interesting documentary was going to start soon and we needed to get the fire laid and the kettle on before it got going.

As it dawned on us with horror what we had become, we decided to lock ourselves away from the telly and listen to some Motorhead.

Fun as that was it didn't last. It really was a very GOOD documentary.... and pretty birds are rather nice....

The Nanna life? I say BRING IT ON! (and put the kettle on again while you're at it, would you? Aren't you nice.....)
(MissusVroom, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 18:31, Reply)

Young men in nightclubs
I'm not that old, being the non-wrinkly side of 20. However, during a quick jaunt home to my old local "nitespot", I became horribly aware of my impeding age... Spotting a group of young males, I thought to myself, "They must be sixthformers." So I strutted over, as you do... The one lad I had my paedophiliac eye laid upon was a fine example of his blonde-maned type. "So," quoth I, "What A-levels are you doing?"

"AS levels," was the smooth reply....
(kilogranules Questioning your authority since 1986., Tue 2 Nov 2004, 17:51, Reply)

TV License
The TV License man just called round, and as usual, I lied and said that I don't have a TV. BUT for the first time ever, I think it might be time to start paying.

Oh, and I have an IKEA store card.

And I finally stopped dating 19 year olds because 13 years is too big a gap...
(juicer, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 17:40, Reply)

I look rough
When I started uni 5 years ago I was awesome with birds. I pulled good looking girls, and they seemed to want to pull me.

Now I pull myself off because I look rough as arse. Podgy, wrinkly, receeding and miserable because of the deteriation. Bring back 1999.

I need that cup of youth like on Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!
(dogger collymore, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 17:39, Reply)

Old?
My boss is younger than ME
( The Lurker Plenty One, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 17:32, Reply)

I don't want
to talk about it.
I just don't, ok?
Right.
( blyerkit e k trilby, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:36, Reply)

These kids with their playboys and gamestations.......
When you mention an old game to a kid, and how you'd wait 10-15 mins for your commodore 64 to load it up (and even then it might fail). They just look at you in disgust.

And how they look all frustrated and confused when you play some platform scroller and beat them at it. Seeming to not understand the games been exactly the same for the last 20 odd years regardless of console....

And the ultimate. 'l337'. They call themselves l337 or elite, then you mention your Cobra Mark III and the don't even recognise the reference....
(Klynton, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:35, Reply)

At 21...
1.Ive lived on my own for 2 years
2.I work as a full-time professional in construction
3.Ive had a 3year relationship which ended like a divorce
4.Ive got an obsession with alcohol
5.I hate teenagers (chavs and grebes)
6.I never stop reading the news ALL DAY LONG
7.Got a receding hairline
8.This list could go on.....


Still, im getting the ride every week,hahahahaha!

Keeps me young
(graemesdog, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:35, Reply)

budding breasts
I started feeling old when my breasts started developing. I am niether female nor transexual.
(Chillumm, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:23, Reply)

Oldies Goldies
Turning 40 makes you realise a few home truths :

1) You can't have a skinful and not expect to be up at 5am to empty your straining bladder.

2) Whatever you eat goes directly onto your expanding gut.

3) Economy/Hairline. Only one is in recession, sadly (unless you're a cunt with too much money) its an irreversible trend.

4) A combination of 2) and 3) means you're never at a loss for fancy dress ideas. Simply paint yourself gold and go as buddha.

5) Online games : OMFG, WTF h4xor n00b? You're forty-fucking one, let it go. MSN do a decent whist night.

6) The woman from the AA ad, with all the tools on the backseat gives you a hard-on. (When you finally stop admiring the ratchet set, and she catches your eye)

7) You realise you'll never fuck a nineteen-year-old again, without prescription drugs and sleight-of-hand, or a grubby wad of cash.

8) The niece you used to bounce up and down on your knee is now 21 and drop-dead gorgeous. You curse the sense of timing.

9) On appropriate occasions, you are reminded of an old joke "seven inches, one wrinkle" with a certain bitter irony.

10) Your short-term memory starts to...err...uhmm, something to do with goldfish.
(f0zz, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:22, Reply)

A girl told me a long time ago!
The girl who used to take the piss out of me for being 30 is now 30!
(tookey2k, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:18, Reply)

Language
I know I'm old because the other day when I stepped into a puddle my immediate, spontaneous outcry was..... 'Jesus Chuffing Wept'.
( neonpinkish, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 16:06, Reply)

When you understand Andy Capp Cartoons
And can relate to the charaters
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 15:58, Reply)

I'm not getting old. I'm not getting old. I'm not getting old.
I turned 28 last week. Then I realised that for about 3 years, I have been seen by chiropractors to get my dodgy back sorted more times in the last 3 years than I've been to nightclubs, that hangovers are a similar fate to a brain haemorrage and like so many of you, I too hate/don't care about what's in the charts at the moment.

However, my alcohol tolerance has gone up, so I can drink highly intoxicating beverages and not get utterly shit-faced, I notice that female TV presenters are wearing less and think it's a great thing, I am now no longer the youngest person in my office, and I got to see Madonna naked before she dropped 2 sprogs. Top.
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 15:40, Reply)

Getting old
Hmmm, it's only really hit me that I'm getting old in the last few weeks. I turned 40 in sept and a quick recap of my recent life has me
a) getting tattoos and considering piercings
b) learning to surf
c) I actually listened to Radio 2 for the first time a couple of days ago, and liked what I heard.
d) I also have no idea who is No 1 in the charts
e) I used to know all the lyrics, the track names and the order of tracks on any popular album of the time, now I just now the tunes I like by how they sound, I mostly couldn't give a toss who records them.
f) youngsters are all cunts

Someone elses comment on this board that most 18 year olds you meet, think your a wanker, seems to sum it all up for me.

Fucksocks.
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 15:08, Reply)

You know that you're getting old
When you stop getting letters demanding money from the Child Support Agency.

Forget the CIA, MI6, SAS or SBS...Give the contract to the CSA to hunt down Bin Laden, they'll bloody find him.
(Cockney Boy, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 15:01, Reply)

The ultimate evidence that you're getting old...
I tucked my shirt into my jeans because it looked cold out side.
(cherry B, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 15:01, Reply)

I can't wait
If wanting to live in an old peoples home is evidence of impending old age then i must have been aged from the age of about four. The idea of sitting about all day watching telly and having your meals made for you has always seemed very appealing.

I'm not bothered about wrinkles either, i think my face is a bit dull so a few character lines wouldn't be so bad.

I'm not keen on piles though, which i'm reliably informed is to be expected in ones advancing years. Oh, and prostate cancer.

Aside from that, bring it on!
(mudflaps, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 14:59, Reply)

I'm not old... everyone else is young!
I'm not getting old, so much as what is "old" is getting younger.

For example, I started university at the ripe old age of 19. I barely felt ready to live on my own.

I'm now in second year, still living in residence, and they dropped a year of high school. No more Grade 13. And with some kids (oh yes, they're kids) fast tracking so they graduate a year early, I've ended up with some sixteen and seventeen year olds on my floor.

They're infants. They giggle, listen to crap music at all hours of the night, the girls spend all their time in the bathroom (as in they just lean on the sinks and hang out there. What the heck?) and they try and get me to buy them booze.

Old is a relative thing. They make me feel old.
(dragonrose, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 14:49, Reply)

Who's that in the mirror? - my god - it's a wrinkly me!
can't face it - I have a shed, and a piece of wood to stir paint with. I am a girl. I have old mans syndrome. *sob*.
Children these days... don't know they are born! god - I'm my mother and my father rolled into one. I'm going for a nice cup of tea!
i'm only 27, still time for me yet - maybe
(daftmoo, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 14:31, Reply)

Oh gawd...
My baby sister passed her driving test, and then got pregnant.

What the hell? She's 12 years younger than me! At least!
( Biggus Dickus , it was like that when I found it, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 14:29, Reply)

I'm now offically old...
The other day while walking down the road, a small charver (I'm from Newcastle, we add the "r") trying to blag 30p started his patter with, "'Scuse me mister". A few scant years ago, it would have been, "'scuse me mate". Mister, MISTER! Fuck...
Oh, I'm 25 since everyone is posting their ages.
(James_Doc, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 14:18, Reply)

The fact that...
...I find myself starting many a vitriolic sentence with the immortal words "the youth of today" before launching into a heated rant about how they're seemingly embracing illiteracy, have no work ethic, don't know how easy they've got it etc.

I suppose It's only a matter of time before I add to this with "when I were a lad" or perhaps "back in my day"...not that I mind of course, I rather enjoy my role as narky old sod ;)
( The Reverend Lord Lizard, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 13:57, Reply)

Early mid life crisis
This year, I have:

Sold my house

Quit my full time, well paid office job to go and work in a pub

Moved into student halls

Filled in the application form for Uni

Celebrated the fact that, at 14 months and counting, my current relationship is the longest I've ever had.

Realised that life is too short to spend it sitting staring at b3ta all day while pretending to work

Contemplated whether it'd be easier to buy a TV license than to keep telling the gestapo to fuck off every time they knock.

I'm 24.
(bblgoose, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 13:54, Reply)

In honour of Bob Monkhouse:
You know you're getting old when you walk into a room, and you forget what you went in there for.

And the room is a toilet.

BOOM BOOM
(Grey Triggerfish, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 13:37, Reply)

I've sold out
At work there was a "team building" day, and one of the parts was everyone to take a favourite CD. I pulled out my Beasts of Bourbon CD, played a few tracks and decided I couldn't take it in just because of a song starting "I wanna tell you 'bout a whole lot of shit..." and "...for entertainment I go out and pull behind the twin". This is a song that I stood up on a (small) stage and covered live (in a very crappy way) not so many years ago, now I can't even bring myself to take it to work.

ffs!

Plus when I compromised and took the Stone Roses, only 2 of 8 others had heard of them before!!! Years ago that would have made me feel superior and feel that they were ignorant. Now I just feel old.

/32
(Skippyfillet, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 13:21, Reply)

Getting Old is......
Remembering when TV was good.

Airwolf, Wonder Woman, BlackAdder, Dukes of Hazard (Daisy Duke !!), Battle Star Gallatica, Knight Rider, The Young Ones, ALF, Willow the Wisp and of course The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Remembering when TV was bad.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Hi-De-Hi!, Robin of Sherwood, Challenge Anneka and of course The Cosby Show (WHY BILL WHY !!!!).
(suntoucher, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 13:20, Reply)

Your old.
I'm now 34, and I kick ass at UT2004.

1. When MPG is more exciting than BHP.
2. You consider lobbying a car giant to produce electric car.
3. Conversation with anyone under 21 seems tedious, and trivial, when discussing garage doors, children and mowers.
4. You hear "Floppy disks were 8 inches, and stored 100k?"
5. And then "What does a black and white TV look like?"
6. Watching "High-5" for all the wrong reasons.
8. Everyday is heart-attack day.
9. You ache the following 3 days after a workout.
10. Getting drunk, isn't sensible.
11. I insure my Imprezza WRX for £550 fully comp. Then sell it when I realise it did 22mpg.
12. You FaxYourMP to bring penalties for drivers the "beep" when they drive away, as if to say "bye" or "hello" -- stupid twunts.
13. You use FaxYourMP.
14. Saturday afternoon is sleepy time!
(Coffee Monkey, Tue 2 Nov 2004, 13:07, Reply)