Another one.
Back in the dark ages, when I started my degree, as a demo of the web, one of our lecturers let us loose on her own website.

My mate clicked on the top link on the bookmarks page and got taken to a online shop selling "sexy" lingerie.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:58, Reply)

I'll get this posted before "I found my dad's porn" becomes the next ice-cream van
I was bored one night and decided to check the cupboard by my dad's side of the bed, knowing that there were condoms in there from a previous time. After finding several 70s-era sex shop catalogues (think Les McQueen sunglasses) I realised it would be a good idea to move my search to the computer downstairs.

Now, he uses Firefox, while my mum is still on IE, thus eliminating the chances of her stumbling across anything - so presumably he thought it was safe to leave his dirty deeds in full view in the Firefox history. And how wrong he was.

The first finds were nudist forums, where sad people came to discuss where they could take their clothes off. This was amusing enough in itself, but the best was yet to come, in the form of a Google search for "Blackpool cock and ball torture", and the unfortunate results thereof (namely, leg-crossing-inducing websites advertising the painful services of certain ladies of ill repute), and an actual website with reviews of such ladies all over the country.

Naturally, I set about telling everyone I knew straight away and laughing at his expense. I'm still waiting for a good reason to blackmail him.
(The Worminator I have discovered that Quavers are nice, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:46, Reply)

Just tried it on my wife's computer
Google autocomplete:

hitler
nazi marching
air raid
blitzkrieg
infantry german
nazi rally
wehrmacht infantry
wehrmacht rally








If she wasn't a history teacher I'd get quite worried
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:45, Reply)

Don't google your boyfriend...
Because if you do, you'll discover that they're not 30, like they said, (and that 10 year age difference was a bit dodge anyway) but actually 40.

It is never a good thing to realise that the grandpa you're shagging was the same age as you are now, when you were born. Eeeech....
(Thursday Next, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:41, Reply)

Today's handy tip
Don't save all your bookmark lists on a public drive at your workplace, especially if:

(a) you're known as a bit of a dirty bugger,
(b) you put them in a folder with the cunningly encoded name "John's Bookmarks",
(c) you have all your bookmarks sorted in order of, shall we say, "extremity".

All and sundry (i.e. me) will immediately hop in and take a look. And it will confirm (a).
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:25, Reply)

Syrup
I have always been very vigilant when it comes to covering my tracks on the web. While I was still living with my parents I had a regular procedure that I would follow after every stint of one-handed web-surfing. However, it seemed that one day I became complacent and failed to mask entirely the nature of my online activities.

An hour or so after I had used the computer, my mother sat down and booted up, ready to hit Friends Reunited and locate a new shag for the weekend following my father's untimely death the day before. After a few seconds of typing, she realised that her fingers had become somewhat clammy. She then looked up at the screen, only to find that she was unable to view an ex-schoolfriend's profile due to a large arc of cold jism that had flung itself diagonally across the monitor screen earlier. She then realised that the entire room, though only small, was bedecked in glistening silver cock-syrup. My game was up! Mother was horrified at first, but she soon saw the funny side of it, and we still laugh about it to this day.

Even now, I'm no more careful where I'm pointing my widgy, and I make all kinds of typos when the screen has been obscured with my he-milk. But as I always say, if you van do it woth two hnads, you can doit wioth one!
(stusut79, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:25, Reply)

Sorry mum
I changed my name using a deed poll and didn't plan to tell my parents, my da found the history which I had stupidly forgotten to delete, cue lots of crying from my mother "whats wrong with the name we gave you?"

Also when my mates were over and we were drunk someone typed in L and autocomplete helped out with "Lindsay Lohan".

And the time at my mates when we opened his my documents and the computer near ground to a halt with the absolutly shocking ammount of hentai stored there (thousands of pictures) as our jaws dropped.

And finally; the time my mate proudly declared "I bet you wont be able to find any porn on my computer at all!!!" with a huge grin on his face, I then went to search and put "." as the only search term and selected to search for pictures and videos, wiped the smile off his face pretty quick... sick bastard..
(ShizerKaiser, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:23, Reply)

Tasty
Someone (I know not who) has used the guest account on my computer to search for "Genital Warts".

Now I think about it, I don't really want to know who it was.
(Eli-T, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:16, Reply)

I believe my sister once stumbled upon my porn collection...
Few years ago I was regularly using KaZaA to download music and, naturally, a lot of porn. These porn films are often long and so I'd leave my PC going overnight to download fully.

I woke up the following day and went to work forgetting about KaZaA. I suspect my sister borrowed my PC, whilst I was out, to download some dance songs, because when I got back, I found in my KaZaA downloads folder MP3s of "House Anthems" and "Clubbing Classics" alongside the titles "Cum Loving Sluts" and "Lesbian Pussy Licking"... oops...
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 17:13, Reply)

Cameras
Not giving myself away but...

theres a wonderful free piece of software thats called pc inspector smart recovery, that allows you to recover deleted images, primarily intended for accidentaly deleted photos on digital camera cards, but it also works on hard disks - yay!

So, i often get asked to fix other peoples pc's and when they are done the obligitary search ensues and all manner of stuff comes up - girlfriend/wife pics etc etc but the best find so far has to be a selection of pictures featuring a guy at work in his early 30's dressed in a variety of womens underwear and boots sticking various sized dildos up his own arse and pulling himself off (the biggest one of these must be about 10 inches long, pretty fat and in up to the hilt)

This would also be appropriate for last weeks "accidentaly erotic" question, as in some pics he actually looks quite good and i must confess to the odd wank to them, and am still in 2 minds about approaching him regarding a bit of "experimentation"....
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 16:54, Reply)

had to clean my dads pooter as it regularly crashed
found far to many autocompletes for dogging

both in this country and abroad where my parents go on holiday

still makes me shudder
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 16:38, Reply)

This would have been difficult to explain
I was trying to find a link to a website that holds embarrassing pictures people have taken of their mates, you know the kind, girls giving head on dancefloors, people pissing themselves while asleep pissed etc. There was a picture on there that a guy had secretly taken of his older brother sucking his own cock, which was the one I was specifically looking for so I could email the link to some mates (honest guv). Couldn't find the site, so I left it. The missus wanted some help finding something on Google, so I went to do a search. Autocomplete popped up with "my brother sucking his own cock". My hands have NEVER moved so fast. Got away with it, I think. Well, either got away with it or she was too freaked out to mention it...
(mr pete, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:56, Reply)

A few years ago
for my sins I was working at currys. I was a regular target of the bosses tirades of management speak and threats to sack me due to my utter refusal to sell extended guarantees. One day I was following up on a customer complaint about something breaking down so I went online to find out some bits for them when some porn pop ups started to appear. Naturally I didn't want anyone looking in the history to think I had been looking at porn at work. So I open up the history file and find that the bosses late night stints at work to catch up on paper work coincided with vast amounts of porn being looked at on his pc. My last two months there were considerably easier then he knew that I knew, as do most of the staff there now.
( Fish, My keyboard has dsylexia built in., Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:52, Reply)

Not mine, thank god!
The campus newspaper at my college ran a story about a guy who was reported looking at pron (and I don't mean little shrimp - that's prawn) in the computer lab. The guy who reported him said he noticed the header on the website of "Midgets and Amputees" when the guy stood up and shoved his hand down his pants. The offender left before the lab proctor could be called over.

The paper had what they called "Quick-Es" which were one-liners people could email in. The next day, one said: "Okay, be honest, who looked up 'Midgets and Amputees' on the internet last night?"

Was tempted, but restrained myself.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:44, Reply)

The joy of College
My friend learnt not to let anyone alone with his laptop at college after he did one day, and after we got bored of playing games, we decided to find how much of the hard drive he had filled with pron. So we did the usual, bring up cmd and as you do the standard search:
c:\ /s *.jpg
which needless to say seached his whole hard drive for jpg files.....

After a while we noticed that c:\documents and settings\admin\desktop\New Folder\porn\
was appearing for quite a while, so had lots of pictures in it, so we closed cmd and went over to this folder and opened it in full view of everyone.....

The cry of disgust was heard from the next block, and it turns out he has a granny fetish.

Lessons to learn from this are:
1) Dont keep your pron in an easily accessable folder.
2) Dont keep your pron in an easily accessable folder labled porn.
3) Dont keep your pron on a laptop which you take to college regularly.
4) Dont let bored and curious friends near your laptop without your supervision, should it contain a large volume of pron.

How glad I am of my external hard drive!
( Jimbo314 is drunk on, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:43, Reply)

I don't want to have this conversation
Using my Dad's computer the other day I found a picture I wanted to save, so I went to save it in My Pictures. This pulled up the folder and with it an array of big breasted girls wearing pearl necklaces, receiving visitors, etc.

I didn't want to talk about it but I know his girlfriend is computer savvy so I suggested creating a sub-folder called 'Accounts' and putting the porn in there. An incredibly embarrassing little conversation that was. But after all, we all wank and perhaps I should be glad he doesn't secretly like boys / that he's still got lead in his pencil. Euurgh.

Anyway, it was awful but also not that harmful and I had forgotten about it by tea time. Then that night I was on the couch with MY girlfriend having just watched the Devil's Advocate and quite frankly about to have dirty sex. I get a phone call.

'You rotten bugger' opines my father, 'you've corrupted all these files there's just little numbers here now.'

I had to talk him through the display properties... Sitting there half undressed and swatting my girl away from my rapidly deflating cock while I slowly and repeatedly talk my Dad through the business of setting his wank bank up as a slideshow. At which point he cheerfully shouts 'Good one, boy, we're good to go!' presumably referring to himself and his old chap, and hangs up on me.

I felt like I was trapped in my own peculair hell, a nasty quagmire of freudian system administration. Yuck.

Sorry, that is a bit long. Not as long as my Dad's.
(Boss Killer, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:42, Reply)

Just rememebred another legendary one.
I was once having an MSN conversation with a mate, when the optin to download a sent .jpg popped up on my screen, shortly followed by several "OMG! Don't open that file! Pleasepleaseplase!" type messages from the friend in question.

Opening the file revealed a most interesting picture of the gentleman in question's then-girlfriend & a carrot. I'll let your imaginations do the rest of the work.

Best thing is, it apparently went to everyone in his address book.
( Sylia Stingray is pilfering the biscuits on, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:27, Reply)

Caught!
About 2 years ago now, I'd been chatting to this dirty old mint for a few months on MSN.

Nice enough gal, but fucking hanging, however one hell of a filthy mind! if I remember right she was about 49 at the time, however she loved to go on webcam and ping one out in full view.

More comic value than erotic.

So move on a bit and I'm at home one afternoon watching the footy with friend and messing about on the PC, when she pops up with Hi on MSN, we get chatting and she inevitably suggests her going on webcam and giving me a show! I try to say it's ok, however my friend notices and say go on let's have a look.

So banter insues and we are treated to a 49 year old whale pleasuring herself with a large blue dildo.

At the time my connection was not very good and the FPS was terrible, after a few minutes watching I suddenly see her legs close in a jerky slow fashion considering the connection speed, as she moved in a sidewards fashion out of shot and the connection is lost.

Fair enough, 20 minutes later she is back and I asked what happened? It turns out that whilst she was thrashing one out for all to see on her webcam, her 19 year old daughter walked in the room!

God I would have loved to hear that conversation! "Muummm!, what are you doing?"

Don't speak to her anymore
(DiamonKn My Nan Smells of Twigs, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:24, Reply)

Oh dear
Mrs Tugnut was very amused to see 'Bonnie Langford Nude' in the cache and promptly told all and sundry. What a bitch.

(I was searching for a potential cd cover - honestly.)
(DrTugnut, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:18, Reply)

I used to admin the network
where I used to work. I was kind of figuring it out as I went along, frequently posting on newsgroups about specific problems...

I got an email saying "regarding your newsgroup posting, go to this website", and like a total numpty did. I then had to explain to the girl who sat behind me why on earth I was looking at nekkid ladies in full view of everyone....D'oh!

Also, there was this guy who always stayed in the office while everyone was out. Our server kept a record of every site anyone had been on, and I noticed quite a lot of porn stuff coming up.

I removed the records from the server and told Tim (for as is traditional, that was his name) that he'd better clear out his cache and be a bit more careful, as ths boss wouldn't be so understanding if he saw it...

Of course he didn"t and Becky, a colleague had to use his computer, and discovered via autocomplete, what a merv he was.

She discovered it very loudly, and vociferously, as only girls called Becky can.

What japes, eh?
(teasus likes tea, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:16, Reply)

A guy I worked with once lent me his log in...
I was covering his job for the day and he had certain privledges that I didn't normally have access to that I needed for the job.

I wish I'd never looked in his internet favourites. Date rape drugs anybody?
( darth munki is flipping livid, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 15:08, Reply)

Not given away but found
My mate had a nice computer, which his wife also used. When they split up he moved out leaving the computer behind. Later, Windows crashed in a spectacular way and she just bought a new one, and offered it to her ex for £50. A bit cheeky, but he bought his own computer back off her and we took a look. One quick re-install of Windows and the thing worked fine, giving us access to two years worth of saved e-mails in her AOL folder, and both of us were mentioned often. Basically when his kids were talking about "mummy's new friends" they meant the different blokes she was shagging on a weekly basis that she had met over the Internet.

The same friend joined me on a night time drive around the local area with his girlfriend's laptop and a USB wireless adaptor. It's amazing the number of people that don't password-protect their wireless Internet connections. They don't even change the default password on the router, which is usually "root" or "admin". The best SSID had to be "GetOffMyNetworkYouDog". We uploaded an entire website to our FTP server before rebooting his router.
( Amos E Wolfe makes vinyl signs and things like that, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:44, Reply)

Pron
Dont have to be worried about all the porn websites in my browser history, its all part of my job :)
(loquis, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:37, Reply)

Hmmmm... *thinks*
I accidentally found out what my boyfriend has got me for my birthday - he'd used my computer to order it off eBay (with my knowledge - he'd told me that's what he was doing and said "don't look", and I had no intention of doing so, but about a week later I'd forgotten about it and was looking through my history for a site I'd visited earlier the same day and... well).

I've also stumbled across an indecent picture of my mum on my dad's PC :S I was looking through some photo's - normal sort of thing, family holidays, Christmas etc, then this one of my mum sat on one of our sofas in some very raunchy red lingerie came up. It wasn't even hidden, it was mixed up with all the others in his "Everyday" folder - seeing as the whole family use that PC for printing and so on, you'd think he'd have the sense... no, perhaps not. I don't sit on that sofa anymore.

I also found some rather incriminating MSN chat logs on my PC after my mate had been on it, talking to her ex-boyfriend. I only glanced at it, but it was fairly obvious from what they were saying that he had his nob out on webcam.

Only time I can recall being caught out myself is when the same friend was looking through my pictures while we were both very drunk, and she came across my "secret" folder - I think I'd called it "Random Crap" or something. Anyway, she was presented with a nice picture of my gob wrapped round my boyfriend's cock, and we had a good laugh about it. Then she found another one that I didn't even know was on there, that the boyfriend must have taken - to sum up briefly, it was of my top half, stark naked and passed out on my bed, and he'd stuck one of those dymo labels to my tit reading "Sex Godess" (sic). Freaked me out, because I never realised he'd done it - I only found the label on the floor a couple of months later, so it must have come off in my sleep.

Seeing as my little (11 year old) brother uses my PC frequently, I'm rather glad I haven't found anything worrying on here. I'm also glad he doesn't know the password to my laptop :)
( useful_idiot, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:37, Reply)

my brother left this
"how do I perform a decent murder?"
(Baron von Aaron CHARGE!, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:35, Reply)

staying at my uncle's house
I always make sure to turn off auto-complete. my uncle however was not so clever, so typing in address became quite entertaining. typing "www.s" added "pankedschoolgirl.com" to the end, while "www.d" added "isciplinedomestique.fr"... and he had some of these sites in his favourites, in one of those default folders that IE has (such as "channels").

what makes this particularly disturbing is the fact that he's a teacher.
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:28, Reply)

pr0n
I'm amazed by the amount of people that are ashamed of having all sorts of pr0n on their pooters.

we all have it, we all fwap. why be ashamed? be a wanker & proud of it.
(Lord of the Pies, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:22, Reply)

Pam
When I was back in school I did some summer work for an engineering firm. I was given the computer of someone who was on holiday and since my job was very basic, I had lots of spare time to look through his personal files.

Pamela Anderson. In every possible pose.

Not really shocking but still this was a work computer. Someone spotted me looking at it and instead of doing the obvious calculation (me=temp, bloke who owns computer=permanent) and taking the blame, I just told the truth.

Never knew what happened to the guy when he came back from holiday but his manager was not the happiest of campers.
(breakfastwithjam, Fri 10 Feb 2006, 14:17, Reply)