Whilst working for a certain UK cable company
Not long after being notified we were all to be made redundant we decided to have some fun.
The calls my department took were from front-line staff both in the UK and India.
So when we got calls asking why things weren't working we would give random reasons out (some star wars/ star trek quotes as well)
My favourite being that the playback function of their cable tv box was broke due to the flux capacitor not working and would require a technician to go out and fix it.

The agent actually put this in the fault report :D
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 15:02, 2 replies)

I was testing a Girl in sales PC after putting it back together
You know how it gets in office desks, the cables go everywhere and are immpossible to plug back in even though you just removed them 5 minutes ago. She's Standing at the seat of her desk thanking me for doing this and she is sorry about the hassle. I'm sat in the footwell (is it a footwell in a desk? or just the leg well?) telling her it's no problem this is my job after all. Then her phone goes, it's a customer, I've just switched her computer back on. I hear "Just give me two seconds I just need to log on to check that for you" and she sits down. I am trapped under a desk with a mimsy blocking my escape. I have no idea where the hell to look, what is the etiquette in such a situation? Do I tap her on the leg to let me out, do I shout, or do I sit there quietly until she finishes her call and stare at her pink knickers?
Length? about 26 minutes.
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 15:02, 15 replies)

Although I'm not strictly on IT Support, as a trainer I get a fair few helpdesk calls bunged my way.
Back when I worked in Northampton one guy could not for the life of him get into one of his systems. We'd tried resetting his password, even deleting his account and creating a new one, all to no avail.

Finally we decided there had to be a hardware issue somewhere, and paid him a visit.

Whereupon we found the reason he couldn't log in was that he was spelling his name wrong.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:51, 3 replies)

Secret codes of the IT industry
If an IT guy ever tells you 'that's interesting' while looking at your problem, it means he hasn't got a clue.

A quick visit to Google will probably be in the not-too-distant future... most problems are fixed this way!
(Jester_, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Back at school...
When I was a slightly younger IT geek and computers were geek toys we would have computer lessons and I would generally have more knowledge of the computers than the teachers would.

One of these lessons the teacher decided to have a quick fag break and leave me with my dimwitted and IT stunted class mates.

One kid asked for help with the immortal line:

"Help my computer has gone into space!!"
(ldwater otherwise known as a 'jive turkey', Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:48, 1 reply)

Not so computer savy
Another family related story I am afraid.

Imagine is 1978, my soon to be father (man wearing a desperately unfashionable maroon suit and shit brown shirt). Mid way through his computer science degree, he had to go and do some work experience. So, he got a placement and off he trotted to Marconi (it is 1979 remember) my old man is well in radios and he loves this place. And dutifully they think he is smashing too.

So buoyed up by this experience he invites his girlfriend (my soon to be mother) to come and have a look at his ‘work’ and meet the people his works with. All is going well mother is making all the right noises ohhh ahhh, what does that do? Etc…

For my dad the excitement is building he is going to show her the one. In the large open plan office/work area, new colleagues present, he points and says ‘this is the new computer it's a Motorola blah blah blah’. Mother was slightly confused but said nothing.

Later that evening in the pub Mother chatting with friends retelling the days events Mother explained that at his work they have a Motorola blah blah blah, it’s a funny looking rolly computer. Father now slightly confused - rolly computer? Yeah, you know the thing you showed me. Then realisation dawned on Father; Mother had been looking at the rolodex.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:40, Reply)

for many years i have worked in creative agencies
I work with designers an also guys who build websites; write scripts/code whatever, techy stuff basically. People who are just as likely to be good or bad guys as the creatives, the account handlers or anyone else in the office.

But I have noted one thing that instantly polarises and stereotypes the 'divide'. It’s not the Mac PC debate (though clearly there is no debate, Mac users appreciate things that are easy to use and are well designed – PC users shop at Lidl).

The thing is this though: if a computer being used by a techy does something odd or becomes suddenly obstreperous, strange noises will start to emanate from the user, like Mr Bean trying to open a mysterious package. These noises have the effect of a mating call. Soon another likeminded soul will gravitate towards their desk. Excitement will rise. Soon more boffins will arrive on scene from nowhere to start crawling under the desk, checking cables, holding down secret Masonic combinations of buttons. Soon a huddle – sorry a ‘convention’ of nerds will be jostling and talking in binary. A carnival atmosphere will spring up around the stricken machine.

If a Mac breaks (rare) the user will stand up. Swear. Call a nerd, then fuck off until it’s fixed.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:40, 17 replies)

Ways to get ahead
Highlight of day at the Univeristy IT Support desk was this email:


Hello Sir / Ma'am,

I am the female in the age of 31 from Myanmar.
I am trying to get a scholarship or the aids to upgrade my education.
(yadayadayada, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:39, 1 reply)

Now, I wouldn't
say I was that technologically great. I muddle along fairly well, by the simple expedient of if I can't work it out myself, someone somewhere probably has had the same problem as me *and* has found a solution. Google! However compared to some of the people I've met, you'd think I was an IT genius, a paragon of eternal wisdom. My two favourite instances are these:

(1) When I was 17 or so we moved to Ireland, and for a bit I went to an Irish school, where being English and with a very very English accent, in an area of Ireland renowned for holding onto grudges I didn't get along well at all, what with my newfangled ipod, and all. I was the only person in school with an ipod- some had cd players, a few had tapes. This was about 3 years ago mind and absolutely nothing to do with relative wealth, since most of them due to the massive boom were hugely wealthy farmers girls. I went into the IT lesson where at age 17 I was taught how to use Word, playing along I got out my USB drive a simple 1GB and stuck it in the only Windows 2000 PC they had (the rest were 95 or 98.) The IT teacher came up and stared at me. "What's that?" she asked. I thought she was joking and played along. "It's a USB drive." "Oh," she said. "Does it play music? Where are the headphones?" I sunk my head in my hands. She combined teaching IT with PE, with savage results in both, and for the short time I was there a battle of wills developed. I'm not very sporty and resolutely anti touch-rugby where any 18 stone woman is allowed to throw herself on top of me and slam my head against the wall. For every insult and (quite literal) punch, I got my revenge slowly and subtley. She used me as IT support, but couldn't quite figure out why her computer was the only one with popups, and all those other minor inconveniences that make computing hell. Eventually I got out of there, simply walked out of school and asked my parents to send me back to England. Got an email from her asking why she couldn't get her laptop off this bright blue screen.

(2) Makes me giggle when my little sister dropped my dad's laptop with the DVD drive out, and it wouldn't go back in properly. She was crying her eyes out asking me to fix it. It was simple enough- a bit jemmying around with a screwdriver, putting it back in etc, but before I handed it back, I tried the good old magic trick- mutter a few funny sounding words and smile. She was seriously impressed.

Yes that is the limit of my impressiveness- amusing a seven year old.

Apologies for length
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:38, Reply)

If a user told you they could only send emails to people that lived within 500 miles, and emails to people who lived further away
got rejected, you'd probably think they were crazy.

Not so, amazingly. www.ibiblio.org/harris/500milemail.html?

Sorry, no knob jokes - it's more interesting than funny.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:38, 3 replies)

absolutely true
i once got lost in a server room and to signal for help i rammed a series of onions i had hanging from my belt into the servers due to pure frustration on my part, the helpdesk then rang down to a nearby phone and said that this QOTW would be the most boring shite possible for non techy people and i should start my own QOTW in my head about mecha-kittens and come back next thursday.

true story

no really

c'ee
u
next
thursday
(amazinglasercow now sporting terawatt mining lasers, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:35, 7 replies)

Heads talking about head and the delicate pink caterpillar
“Do you know what I’m going to do to you? I’m going to take you into the store cupboard and lick you ‘til you’re hard, then I’m going to slowly tease my tongue round your cock and rub my lips on your shaft...”

Now. It was common knowledge in my office that the Head of International Corporate Sales – a rather foxy lady in her late thirties who looked like Goldie Hawns sluttier, chestier sister was knocking off the Head of Finance (the lucky, lucky, lucky BASTARD).

And she continued, the Head of International Corporate Sales, sat in the conference call room on her break opposite her fuckbuddy: “I’m so fucking horny for your cock. I want you inside me so desperately. Do you want to know something?” She asked slyly.

“Go on then,” said the lucky, lucky BASTARD – (he looked like Wally of Where’s Wally fame, for fucks sake).

And then the Head of International Corporate Sales said it. She breathed lustily: “I’m not wearing any knickers...”

BBBB-AAAA-NNNN-GGGG !!!

Moments later I saw my mate Dave, the IT support layabout walking through the office rubbing the back of his head, looking a little flushed. He’d been under the table the whole time working on some cabling for the big conference call later that afternoon.

"Her quim looked like a delicate pink caterpillar wearing a little black fez..." he said, with a silly far-off glint in his eye (and a rather alarming bulge in his trousers).
( SpankyHanky, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:33, 6 replies)

The other day
IIS6.0 on a win2003 svr decided, following a reboot, to start dishing out image files with 1 sec gaps in between, resulting in very slow load times for all users.

Ethereal showed that there were no network/latency/dns issues, procmon showed nothing unusual, same for perfmon on the relevant counters. The issue seemed to be definitely be with one of the IIS processes.

Turns out, there was a third party program - NewAtlanta's Servlet Exec - installed, but not running. Anyway, after speaking with one of their techs, turns out there's a specific hotfix for the issue. As it turns out, didnt need to actually apply it, it was just a quick mod of the web.properties file and bingo, problem went away.

True story.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:24, 7 replies)

Secret File Sharing Network
My last palce of work we had 2 hidden PC's on the system. 1 for programs and 1 for ghost builds. This was great cos we could build and install on any PC on the network wereever we went without carrying a load of disks with us (I'm guess 99% of IT systems use this)

But then came the time when the HD's got too full and needed to be upgraded. They gave the task to us, the 4 20 soemthings who kept everything working.

So we found the best broken *cough* PC's, canabalised them and used some spare parts to make a decent machine. We also managed to get an order for 2 1 tet HD's for the programs and ghost builds. (ran windows off a 3rd drive)

Now since we didn't technicaly need that much space for the programs we created a hidden folder that only we 4 knew about. We then promtly started bringing in last nights downloads, putting them in this folder and grabbing the others downloads from it. This is still probably going on today but they let the 2 temps go (I was one of them) so I'll never know.

I still managed to get some files from them after I had left thanks to the copy of their VPN I had installed on my home PC and the lazyness theat kept them from disabling my account until 3 months after I had left.

What fun, what files. They probably still hate me for giving them "2 girls having fun with a cup"
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Ahem
I planned to have an early evening meal, however it turns out all we have in the house is a bottle of Portuguese fortified wine.

My wife is out, she left a note that simply says :

"High Tea? Sup Port"
( doog Don't read this., Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:19, Reply)

I had someone call me
and tell me their router was wibble wibble wibble.

Wibble wibble wibble, and she'd only gone and wibble wibble wibble!

Now you know how everyone else feels, IT people.

EDIT: computer geeks! Be sure and have a spiteful little whinge in the comments section. This will make my post not true.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:11, 7 replies)

I almost feel sorry for our IT boffins.
Although, as they're basically EDS, they deserve much of the abuse.

However. I work for a fairly well known UK company. In fact, probably the most famous logo / brand name in the world (although we no longer make cars.) So, a company at the leading edge of technology, communicating round the world on VERY safety critical products. You my have guessed the name, but we are Really Respected.

We still use Windows 2000. And the default PDF reading sw is Acrobat Reader 3. Lord Delpus.
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:10, 5 replies)

My boss - the scourge of IT...
Constantly moaning about his PC being slow (that'll be the numerous porn sites you access daily then), brings his personal laptop in at least every other week for cleaning (so you were surfing and a pop-up said you had viruses and you needed to download their program?).

Always makes me giggle when he's on the phone though: "OK, what's your email site?" (muffled sound from the other office as snee crams paper in his mouth to stop himself exploding with laughter).

And, to top this all off - at least once a week, he'll bring out the immortal "This network isn't running quite right - you need to buck your ideas up snee..."

And Corina in the office (bless her), comes out with some classics: "snee - my Google's gone funny..."
And: "I need an email program on my laptop at home - how do I get one?" how I managed to not say "Sacrifice a small chicken, or maybe a goat and pray to the great wise gods, and Thunderbird will appear on your desktop." is still amazing me to this day...

Oh wait - the boss rang me when I was onsite one time..."snee, nothing's working." After 10 minutes or so of me asking questions, I established that he wasn't receiving emails (NOTHING to do with the fact he clicks buttons 10 times or so if something doesn't happen immediately), so in his wisdom, had done the 'turn it off and on again' with the server...which was now busy checking the filesystem.
( snee held his breath since, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:10, Reply)

"Carry on up the callcentre"
RING RING

CLICK

Sid - "Hi this is Sid how can I yelp ya?"
Babs - "Oh 'ello Sid I can't get me big bloomers on the screen."
Sid - "Muwhahahaha..."
Babs - "I've been keeping my gardening site up to date see. And putting photos on my website, pictures of all me roses."
Sid - "Bet you keep your bush well pruned mwuhahaha.."
Babs - "My bush is of the highest quality."
Sid - "Muwhahahaha..."
ETC ETC

Rather more back in the real world I did take a funny support call once which had a major tongue slip-up;

"Hi this is Jeccy, hows can I help?"
"My internet's not connecting to emails or browsing."
So we start walking through the checks and the woman comes out with the following;
Her - "Sorry, I'm having trouble typing....my son's left this keyboard all sticky."
Me - "Oh um...."
PENNY DROPS.
Her - "OH GOD NO, HE'S ONLY 4!" before she proceeds to piss herself laughing.

Seriously this QOTW is gonna be rp'd to hell.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Testing! Testing!
A few years back, we used to have an IT filter on our PCs at work. You'd try and look at anything inappropriate and get blocked.

Now, we also had an extremely aggressive Head of Department in one bit of the company, who was renowned throughout the building for the bollockings he liberally distributed and his no-nonsense manner. He was also a boozer and schmoozer,,and Thursdays and Fridays were lunch days. Let's call him Jim Clark (not real name).

One afternoon when he was out on the lash, his Department concocted a test to see just how scary he was. They would email various people round the building with ridiculous requests and see how quickly they were complied with.

So someone walks into his office and sends the following from his terminal.

To: IT SUPPORT
From: JIM CLARK

I've just some back from lunch and sat down at my computer, and when I've tried to go on a site, I've got a message saying 'This content may be inappropriate, etc, etc. etc., ... contact an IT Supervisor if you need to access for work reasons.'

I'm Jim Clark. I'm Head of Trading. It's a Friday afternoon, I've had six pints, and I've got the fucking horn.

If there aren't pictures of tits on my monitor in the next five minutes, I'm coming up there.

Jim

Five minutes later, everyone crowds into his room and someone refreshes his inbox. Sure enough, there's an reply sent 2 minutes after the original email, from the Head of IT, no less:

To: JIM CLARK
From: HEAD OF IT

Jim,

Apologies for inconvenience, filters removed.

Regards,

Andrew

Thus proving conclusively that this man really was rather scary....

The follow up? An email to Facilities with 'SENT FROM MY BLACKBERRY' appended to the end, saying 'I'm stuck in the door to my office. Send someone to free me, NOW!.' (he was a bit of a porker...)

Sure enough, two blokes in overalls turn up five minutes later, looking apprehensive, to find a department in hysterics and no Jim Clark stuck in the door.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 14:01, 6 replies)

Considered writing this for last week's question
For a tricky Windows NT to 2000 upgrade the company I was with took on a couple of contractors to do the project. One of them was a good laugh, and one was the typical nerdy IT guy.

One lunchtime I came back to my PC to find that someone had done the old classic hide-all-the-icons-and-start-bar-and-put-an-internet-explorer-window-with-goatse-image-on-the-desktop trick. I managed to get rid of that just before the IT director came bounding round the corner with some inane question about which way up his mouse was meant to go or somesuch. Revenge was to be had!

My plan was similar only I locked out right-clicking the desktop to get the desktop properties page. Ho ho ho. The next morning I came in to find that everything had been disabled - desktop, icons, star menu, context menus, the works. Bastard! I basically had a blank screen and everything resulted in 'This operation has been disabled by your administrator'.

Things went back and forth for a week or so. Switched keys, locked accounts, cable swaps, etc. After he deleted the ntldr boot file from my PC (easy to replace if you know what you're doing) I decided enough was enough. Luckily for me he asked me for a copy of some files and I told him I'd burn them to CD for him overnight.

The next morning I came in, and started working as normal. After a while I gave him the CD as requested, but said nothing. I was tempted to ask him to test the CD to make sure it was OK, but I was wary of giving the game away.

After a while he did decide to try the CD. At that moment the IT director came round and asked for everyone's attention as he had an announcement to make. He stood in the middle of the office, right behind this guy's desk. 5 seconds later there's a loud siren noise and flashing black and pink, full screen, is 'I AM GAY'. Pretty much everyone on his side of the desks saw.

The IT director thought it was funny (lucky for me) and the pranks stopped after that!
(Jester_, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:57, Reply)

25 fucking years I've been doing this
25 years in IT Support - I could write a book on the fuckwits I have had to work with. What does appear to be apparent is how some people are when it comes to technology. Computers are not difficult, yet some people see something on the screen that is slightly out of the ordinary they will just pick up the phone.

Up until last year for example I worked for a bank - it has gone bankrupt now - hardly surprising when when I would get calls like this from people who had worked there for years, with a computer on a daily basis:

Waynster: "IT - how can I help"
Plank: "Yeah hi - I have a message come up on my screen telling me my password has expired and I have to enter a new one. Does this mean my password has expired and I have to enter a new one?"
(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:47, 1 reply)

A pearoast - but on topic (kinda)
Back when we still used FileMaker (I know, I know) my PC at work was called 'God' on the network...which led to this happening one day:


( snee held his breath since, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:47, 2 replies)

me again
as a school we do have large amounts of storage, but there are designated places for stuff. one of the new teachers copied her entire iTunes folder to her documents folder...all 12GB of it. Shortly after the server screamed at us as it had barely 500mb free (the user disk is about 200GB) We moved it onto the storage server...that's a good 1.7tb.

another teacher wanted her muisc copied across, so we started it. While copying, I had a poke around her laptop and found a "limewire" folder...uh-oh...and seconds after on the sever screen behind me "bink...bink...bink...biiiiiiiiiiiiiink" virus...trojan...spyware, whatever. Her music didn't go on the server...and we ended up wiping her laptop.
(tb2571989 dies at precisely, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Advertising People
I was working in IT at an advertsing agency in London, at 2pm on a Friday one of the owners strolled in and put two phones on our desk saying "I want all my information transferred from my old phone to the new phone I've just bought and I'm leaving the office in two hours" We ran round like idiots setting up email, copying his address book, etc. and go it done as he was walking out. My boss got a call on the Saturday with screaming that his phone didn't work, threatening him with the sack when he got back, etc. My boss asked where the director was calling from as if possible he'd go there straight away and fix it - the reply was "I'm on a boat in the middle of the Mekong Delta in Vietnam on a friends satellite phone" to which my boss calmly replied that he didn't think Orange would have a signal in the Mekong Delta.
(bagend, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:41, Reply)

The telltale typo
Maybe this would have been better suited to the call centre question a while back, but never mind.

I work in "support" for a company who run websites on which you can make applications for stuff (for two more days, yippee). As you can imagine, applying for stuff makes people as mental as a barrel of screeching weasels. Completely batshit nuts.

In my very first week someone rang up to whinge they couldn't type in any of the fields on our site. Being new and keen, rather than laughing mockingly (inside) and asking them to get their internal IT to have a look, I asked them to go to Google, via typing in the address bar. No joy there either.

"Are you on a laptop?"

"No, I don't own anything that fancy, I'm not technical"

"Erm, this might be a silly question, but have you checked your keyboard is plugged in?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, I'm not technical"

"You keyboard, the thing you type with? It should be plugged in via a cable to the back of your PC".

"So you're saying your website has broken my computer?! I shall be taking this to the highest level of complaint!"

"Er, no, it's not possible for that to happen because of a website.."

etc, etc, ad nauseum. I eventually had her crawling around under her computer following the cable to see where it was going. She tried to plug it into the wall. That's as far as I got without briefly squeaking "you'll need IT to help you, I can't", corpsing and hanging up. I suspected it was some kind of first week hazing ritual until she actually made the complaint after all.

But the best support calls are the "I'm really angry at your service but actually I'm an idiot" ones. So satisfying when someone rude (usually the posh ones) finally realise they're dumb and you're excellent. Names and emails slightly changed to protect the deranged and over-privilieged, and my job.

The Telltale Typo, a play in one act

"Hello, bolshevette speaking, how can I help?"

"I'VE REGISTERED ON YOUR SITE TWICE AND STILL NEVER RECEIVED AN ACTIVATION EMAIL!!"

alarms bells - super posh angry person, sounds too much like my mum, attempt not to stutter

"Ok madam can I take the address please?"

"Why on earth do you need that?"

"So I can find your records and try to help".

"Fine, I suppose. It's firstname.blackpool@famousstoutstereotypicallylovedbytheirish.com"

*searches database*

*suppresses enormous wave of laughter*

"I'm sorry Madam, you'll need to register again, you've made a typographical error in your email address"

"That's certainly not the case. What do you have there for me?"

"It's under firstname dot BLACK POO at (famousstoutstereotypicallylovedbytheirish) dot com."

"Oh." *click*.

Reader, I nearly died. Come to think of it this could have fit just as well in the childish QOTW.

Apologies for length, but I've been here 18 months and it's eaten my life.
(bolshevette, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:41, 3 replies)

Geordie Dave , IT Superstar & the Expert Opinion
We held a Christmas party in the offices of the small insurance company I used to work for. Booze, party poppers, office equipment, a bunch of fuckwits, more booze... It made for a volatile atmosphere. Great party. But as with all great things, there were inevitable consequences.

The next morning Mr Spencer, the managing director, pulled us all into a meeting room. He was fuming, completely apoplectic with rage. He waved round a bit of paper, pointing at it, bunching his fists, then he’d reach for another sheet of paper and do the same thing, spitting pure fucking hatred towards his down trodden workforce during the season of goodwill.

Then Mr Spencer points to my mate Geordie Dave (who was the IT fella), and says: “Dave can tell me who did this!!! He’ll look it up and tell me!!! So whoever it was own up now!!!”

And Dave sort of gulped, went a bit white and started shaking his head: “Errr, Mr Spencer – no I can’t tell you.”

Mr Spencer, the MD, reared up like a raging bull and boomed: “You’re the IT expert! What the FUCK do I pay you for! Tell me who this FUCKING WELL belongs to!” And he jabbed his porky little finger at the sheet, almost punching a hole through it.

Dave looked round for help. No fucking chance. We were all scared shitless of Mr Spencer. But Dave wasn’t one for taking shit. Especially when he was nursing the kind of hangover that’d make Gazza proud. So he sort of shook his head and said: “You’re probably better off asking Sharon in accounts for her expert opinion.”

And the room errupted in laughter.

Thinking about it, Dave was probably right, Sharon was more likely to recognize which of the fellas had – during the boozy session the night before - unzipped, whapped their cock and balls on the photocopier and pressed the little green COPY button several dozen times.

I mean, she’d seen at least three-quarters of the cocks in the office firsthand at one time or another...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:40, 1 reply)

It breaks down to this:

1. I work in an office. I work in IT... wibble01001001fnar//user=clulesstwat:linux>killMacuser<_info//gotostarwarsgag/

2. I work in an office. I use a computer... when it breaks down, a bloke with a ponytail and clothes that used to be black but have gone grey, comes over, patronises me for a while then fixes it.

.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:39, 2 replies)

Recycle bin filers.
I loathe these users. They seem to think that the recycle bin on the desktop or in their mailbox is used for filing important documents and messages that they want save for future reference. They read all their emails, deleting each one in turn, then complain that they are receiving message informing them that their mailbox is full!
Customer: "Why am I getting these messages, there is nothing in my mailbox?!"
Me: "You appear to several hundred MBs worth of items in your recycle bin."
Customer: "That is my archive, it doesn't count."
...twitch...urge to kill... rising...
They know that the bin is inherently worthless, since it "doesn't count" so why use it as a place to file documents?
Do they do their weekly grocery shopping, drive home, unpack all of the bags and place each item safely in the bin?
(Szetak fears the wurst! (Saus-o-phobe), Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:36, 4 replies)

Just wondering...
If I switch my computer off and then back on again, will the QOTW change to something we’ve not already covered off about 6 times?

This is going to be pearoast/lifted from an e-mail chain week I fear.


Mullered.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 24 Sep 2009, 13:31, 5 replies)