This
cellar.org/iotd.php?threadid=14137


Venison? Anyone.

May or may not be SFW
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 18:32, Reply)

not the worst but close
I'll keep it short and cryptic - 9/11 aftermath - Ground Zero - about 4 weeks after - shovel - liquid - bodybag.

What a way to start my posting career... ugh.
(donutsnprayers I have no idea what's going on..., Wed 27 Jun 2007, 18:27, Reply)

not the most horrific,
but the most time wasted being fed subliminal messages here.
leekspin.com
( Dr Scunner She’s a he, technically, but she’s scalding hot, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 17:51, Reply)

Oh Christ no
Just seen my wages for the month...
(kitescreech still here, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 17:20, Reply)

Tramp
I was waiting for a bus at the old bus station in Derby surrounded by the days rubbish when a tramp walks past kicking all the rubbish, stopping every so often when he thought he'd found something worthwhile. He then decided to try the bin and spent a good 10 mins looking through the rubbish in said bin, he pulled out a Greg's carrier bag and in it a half eaten sandwich which he then started eating. I was seconds away from bringing back my own dinner.
(NotSaying lurking is fun, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 17:08, Reply)

nuts
On holiday by myself in Turkey, on a deserted beach about 19k long, sunbathing. Luckily two German OAP's decide to pitch up just behind me (what about using the rest of the empty fucking beach you fucknuts?!).

Actually not so bad as I was laughing to myself as they stripped down to their birthday suits (with the bloke leaving his baseball cap on, nice look). Anyway I lay down again to sunbathe.

After a short while i turned onto my stomach only to be greeted with the c.70 year old man bending over to get something out of his bag. With his back to me.
All I could see were his bollocks hanging down somewhere around his knees and a peachy shot of his splayed, old, arsehole....
(King Baldie, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 17:07, Reply)

disgusting
also, looked down when having a wank yesterday, it filled me with revulsion. The smell should have warned me off but the taste will stay with me forever.
(King Baldie, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 16:48, Reply)

Not me but some Japanese tourists...
It was a beautiful summer’s day amongst the dreaming spires of Oxford, no-one could have predicted the abject horror that would come crashing down from the sky.

A good mate of mine was whoring himself out as a labourer on a buiding site for the summer holidays. After a hard mornings work he stopped to eat a light lunch of fois gras and tongue sandwiches. Chatting idly with a co-worker on the third floor scaffolding he dislodged a brick which, as would be expected, plummeted towards the hungry earth.

Unfortunately directly below him was a fat, one footed sky rat, A pigeon, going about it’s business pecking at mouldy food and trying to rape other pigeons. The brick struck with exocet accuracy, crippling, but not killing the pigeon.

Racked with guilt my friend scuttled down and retrieved the mortally injured bird. Once back on the third floor he asked his colleagues opinion as what to do with it, “it’s fucked mate” came the eloquent response, “break it’s neck!”

This seemed like a relatively sensible idea; break neck, put suffering animal out of pain and dispose of the resulting corpse, job done. My friend takes the pigeon in his hands grips tightly on it’s body and it’s head. Twist and pull. As it turns out a pigeons neck is’nt especially strong and with a gentle pop it’s head was separated from it’s body.

Shocked at this gruesome turn of events my friend did what any self respecting bloke would do, squealed and threw the offending carcass off the scaffolding. The body flapped and twitched in a graceful arc before landing in the middle of a crowd of Japanese tourists who screamed and ran. That is apart from the ones who gathered around the still flapping bird took photos of Oxford’s famous headless pigeon to show the folks back home.

Length…head and shoulders below the rest.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 16:41, Reply)

Bike accident
Also, the only time I saw someone get killed in front of me. I was riding my motorbike into London, and a guy riding the other way had an accident right in front of me and ripped his neck open. Very nasty indeed to witness.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 16:39, Reply)

Road Kill
There are some fucking rough stories in this qotw..but I keep on reading...why?

Anyway, on a walk in the Devon countryside with friends once, going down a small country lane we came upon a strange large fleshy bloody thing that we couldn't recognise, strange..and then as we walked on we found it's skin..it was a badgers skin/fur etc with it's body some 10/15 feet away. No idea what happened, very very very fast car + badger???
Very unpleasant and very odd..although gave us the opportunity to make jokes based around "jumped out of his skin" etc.......I've got a degree in funny, so fuck off.
(King Baldie, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 16:37, Reply)

Skinning a live animal
I once saw an animal rights campain video about the fur trade, where an animal of some sort got skinned alive, and then writhed in agony as it slowly died. I am neither a vocal animal rights campaingner or a fur-trader, but this was just a little bit too nasty to bear.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 16:34, Reply)

Cold Turkey
Heroin detox's aren't a pretty sight.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Wed 27 Jun 2007, 16:15, Reply)

Video nasty
A few years ago I worked for a magazine's website. Money was woeful, but I got to go to numerous "celebrity" parties. Anyway they were doing something called "Carnival of The Grotesque" which had some fairly ghastly pics and online they wanted some videos too. After pointing out that one clip which had been sent in (turns out it was from Meet Joe Black) was fake, because you could see an edge as he's being hit by the second car, I was put in charge of weeding out fake clips.

This was much less fun than anything I'd done before, as being sent execution movies etc from sites such as ogre.com just isn't nice... especially when you have a hangover. The worst video I saw though was of a yugoslav soldier of some kind being slowly decapitated with a huge commando knife - the guys eyes as he realises that they have just stuck a wacking great blade into his throat. It's one thing watching a horror film, completely another seeing somebody actually being killed.
Obviously, we didn't put anything like that on the site but there were still a number of complaints. To this day though the memory of that one video still haunts me.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 15:03, Reply)

Not so much seen as heard too much
Whilst just literally on the phone to my boss he walked into the bathroom, advising me that this was indeed where he was going.

The tinkling noises that followed left me in no doubt that he was in fact having a wee whilst talking to me of a particular order that needs sorting out, it was horrible and I am scarred for life!
( 99redbuffoons Reversed the polarity of the neutron flow at, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 14:17, Reply)

hells angels party
I was a 'hangaround' = wannabe H.A. (but more reliably: biker in over his head) when I got invited to a weekender party, a full patch member speeding off his tits drank a half barrel, needed a shit and did it there & then, pulled his jeans down to clear the mess (using more beer) fell over, shat further, then puked into the forming quagmire & carried on drinking the rest of the barrel...it got really horrific when he dropped the acid tab he wanted to ingest into the sticky mess, then wiped it on his shirt, swallowing and before tripping about being back in the sandbox....he made his own way home-nobody wanted to help from there on....
(mickturate if i could be arsed i'd be bored, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 14:01, Reply)

Tramp with no legs
I was strolling down Clapham High Street on a beautiful summers day when what should I spy in th middle of the busy street but an old tramp with no legs sprawled on the floor in a pool of urine next to his wheelchair. He was wearing only a T-shirt, naked from the waist down absolutely hammered, obvlivious to the world around him and was merrily tugging away at his middle stump.
(Egg Lord, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 13:59, Reply)

i used to work
for a law firm that did a lot of personal injury work for the insurers. so the opposite of "where there's a blame there's a claim" ambulance work in that we defended claims and reduced awards where they were inflated (or where the insurer client could get away with it, sadly. i fucking hate insurers.).

i've got to say, i don't know how anyone does PI. reading the witness statements and medical reports of those who were involved in the ladbroke grove rail disaster or the poor woman whose holiday safari jeep flipped and landed on her head, turning her from a top city trader into a helpless tetraplegic in seconds flat... the one that really stuck with me was the poor bastard who looked the wrong way crossing a one way street and lost his foot. it was the description of it: "as soon as i got to hospital i was told i was going to lose my leg. my foot looked like a badly crushed animal".

that was due to red ken's disabled friendly crossings; your average man in a hurry doesn't necessarily realise he's stepped into a road if his mind is elsewhere and there's no kerb jolt to wake him up.

but what really sickened me were the people who were blatantly exaggerating or making it up. using all sorts of fair means and foul to catch them out - including the guy i had video'd running into a ski shop and buying skis when he was claiming he couldn't walk without crutches - that was a joy!

but even so, i think i'll stick to property, thank you very much. at least i'm just boring and cynical rather than hopelessly desensitised.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 13:42, Reply)

My sister saw this
It was her friends birthday and she had drunk a bottle of tequila, so was a little smashed and threw up all over her kitchen floor. Seeing this, her dog walked over and happily began to have a munch on the chunks. As you can imagine, this sight disgusted her and she threw up again. On the dogs head.
(tomshave, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 13:29, Reply)

Plane vs helicopter
One afternoon I was doing something dull at home when there was a bang in the sky above then a couple of ground shaking crashes...turns out a spotter plane and a police helicopter had crashed together more or less directly overhead. The plane and its pilot were an undramatic crumpled heap on one side of the motorway and the helicopter, with three policemen inside it, was a massive fireball on the other side.
Beastly. But when you think that this happened in the CBD of a reasonable sized city, with bits of helicopter falling down over the area of half a block, and both aircraft coming down on two of the busiest motorways in the country in rush hour, it was kind of impressive that no one else was killed.
(scuttlefish is drifting into the arena of the unwell, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 12:43, Reply)

My Reflection in the Bathroom Mirror.
After I got up in the middle of the night with a fucking cock like a baseball bat.

I went for a piss and preceded to piss in my own face.

*barfs*

NB*- Dont piss with hard ons
(hoogie Original Cunt Horse Author, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 12:34, Reply)

Walked upstairs one day
to be greeted by the sight of the wide-open bathroom door and my mum sat on the bog inserting a tampon :(
( Droog is too orangey for crows, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 12:09, Reply)

this sickens me!
www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/music/michael-jackson/ just look at him, how can he be real?
( Dances with Rabbits Back to Education i go, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 11:43, Reply)

at college....
... the building I was in for Software Engineering was also the building which had the vocational courses and, of course, the special needs students...

One afternoon I was about to eat my lunch when i overheard a LOUD conversation between a bunch of windowlickers...

w/l #1: SHUT UP! VIRGIN!
w/l #2: WHO YOU TALKING TO? YOUR A VIRGIN TOO!
w/l #1: NAH I'M NOT! I SHAGGED TRISHA (*points to girl I can only assume is Trisha*) LAST NIGHT! DIDNT I?
Trisha: Yeah... we did it...
w/l #2 - 5: RUBBISH!
w/l #1: RIGHT! I'LL PROVE IT!

windowlicker #1 then proceeded to pull his pants down, pull Trisha's pants down and started humping her over a canteen table...

it took two security guards to get him 'out' and his cock was waving about the place as he desperately attempted to get back inside to finish up!
(likeajackhammer, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 11:19, Reply)

Bunny Dancer
it's a man for fucks sake....

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or-Bq3yNto4

posted b4? i've tried reading backwards, i'm onto about page 15... but i physically can't do it anymore. traumatised.
(TheManofScience, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 11:04, Reply)

A taxi driver from Glasgow called Shirley once wanked off my cat and ate a shit and is tubgirl.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 10:28, Reply)

The biggest list of Shock Sites....
bluwiki.com/go/Shock_Sites (SFW)

The page itsself is clean but has the biggest list of shock sites, personally I haven't been intrigued enough to go on them just the description is horrid enough thanks.
( Drunken Vet, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 10:23, Reply)

Fun day at the beach
I was at the beach the other day, and in the change rooms, I leaned over to get my towel, and when i raised my head, I came face to crotch with a hairy man, compeletly starkers, with only his hands gripping his balls tightly to stop me from getting an eyeful of testicle.

Repulsed, shocked, aroused, and bewildered, I quickly turned my head in the opposite direction. Only to find a large mirror on the wall... and by this time, the man had taken his hands away, and i could see EVERYTHING.
(partyoflemons, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 10:17, Reply)

In the 1980's I was 18 or so...
...and escorting a group of 6 9 year-olds from London to Leeds for a disadvantaged kids' holiday. We were bombing along in a comfy intercity train at 125 miles an hour or whatever, when suddenly there was a big thump.

Someone had jumped off a bridge and landed on the leading corner edge of our carriage. His body had burst open upon impact and his innards were squashed all over our window. Poor feller (we knew it was a man, we saw 'outards' as well as 'innards').

The children weren't that happy, believe it or not. We had to stay there as the train stopped and the staff came to inspect the damage. They wiped the messiest and lumpiest bits off our window eventually and were limped into the next station, where we had to get off.

It wasn't all bad though, on the platform we met top singer of the day Marc Almond (out of Soft Cell) and the kids cheered up. I think this was the days before his stomach-pumping.

Happy happy days.
( Zaphod's Wombat - Never did quite get the hang of, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 9:58, Reply)

not me but
A few years ago i met a bloke who worked for the council drainage department who shared this story with me. His job was to inspect the sewer system . Normally they did this by sending a robot thing with a camera on down the pipes. They were looking for illegal connections , broken pipes , blockages that sort of thing.

In the main sewer lines every so often their is a sort of pan which acts as a collection point . The idea is that any big or heavy items will collect in these pans before they can block the pipes or a pumping station. Think what kids flush down the toilet keys, toys etc and you can understand why .

AS the storey goes our hero was doing a routine inspection in a quiet suburban street one day just after lunch time. Sitting in the back of the van watching the monitors they hear a knock. Opening the door their is an old man looking a bit distressed. Turns out this man lived a few doors down and had just managed to flush his false teeth down the toilet. (apparently this is quite a common thing to happen ,god knows how)
He wanted to know if they could "keep an eye out for them"
The chances of the teeth being found were pretty remote .

However as it turned out at the next collection pan along , sitting covered in shit on top of a heap was a set of false teeth!! The robot was able to get hold of them and bring them back when the inspection was finished.

The crap covered gnashers were carefully presented to the old man "um are these yours?" . The old man picked then up , (no gloves here!) brushed them on his shirt a couple of times and PUT THEM IN HIS MOUTH. A few test chomps later " yup these are mine thanks" and walked off happy.

My old mate said to me that he had seen and smelt lots of awful stuff in that job, but this was the only time that he ever came close to loosing his lunch.





legnth ??? boiled in a bucket of bleach for at least a week with any sense
(welgar, Wed 27 Jun 2007, 9:08, Reply)