THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT!!!
I don't get why anybody would 'vote' for a neo - conservative, christian and failing oil baron.

Bloody idiots!

(maybe it has something to do with his dad being a 33rd level mason and the powers that 'really' rule the world!)

ILLUMINATI ANYONE?
bastards...
(Kayozz, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 18:23, Reply)

People who spell the word 'lose'
as 'loose'.

I can't understand how you can be presented with evidence to the contrary every day, and still get it wrong.
( the_other_jeff_lebowski Croutons on my tits, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 17:50, Reply)

Now I think about it....
...I know what molest is there for, but I've never understood the need to filter 'hug'

Edit: bother, someone's already said it. I still don't get it though....
(sky blue sam, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 17:38, Reply)

Colin Farrell
I admit he is fanciable. The thing I don't get is "The Recruit". What the hell was that all about?
( Queen of Cheesecake, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 17:27, Reply)

ITV?
Good point, what the fuck is up with ITV? How many burberry clad viewers are there in Britain?
(-mimo-, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 17:21, Reply)

poo
I just don't understand why somedays I get in such a mess whilst taking a shit that I have to have a shower afterwards, and other days almost zero wipe-idge is needed.

My diet isn't that varied for fucks sake!

also ITV... what's that all about? is it gypsy telly?

Word!
(cherry B, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 17:01, Reply)

DJs
Like Dr Fox who just do fuck all apart from talk in a bizarre syrupy voice and introduce songs, and yet they are really popular. Why?

Also, loads of non-smokers seem to hate smoky pubs, so why aren't there more non-smoking pubs? Why do we need a law? eh? I wish they open some then the whiney bastards would have somewhere to go if they don't want to risk "diseases" like "lung cancer" and "emphysema".

Cocks
(chocolatepossum, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:55, Reply)

Why can't people handle percentages
Oooooo ! Having to sit through the wife watching 'Buying a Home Abroad' (or whatever). I overheard that the cost of a house had fallen by 300%. WTF ! You mean that will give you twice as much to take it off their hands ?
(craftej, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:48, Reply)

Guerilla warfare
When I were a nipper there was a lot on the news about Guerilla Warfare in Angola (or some other suitably remote place).
As this was at the same time as the TV series of 'Planet of the Apes', it seemed obvious to me that the various countries had captured and trained up armies of gorillas. I still recall the disappointment at finding the border between fact and fiction was nowhere near where I thought it was.
(craftej, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:45, Reply)

Why
is there bristol?

just why?
(TheintolerableGS, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:28, Reply)

What is so complicated about "Cheap at half the price"?
The statement means that it is cheap, because it is at "half the price we normally charge" or "half the price you would pay elsewhere". Just like "Cheap at 50% off" or "Cheap as BOGOF".

On the subject of bargains, I was most amused to see a sale sign in a window which read:
"SALE: -10% off"
What halfwit is going to buy things in that sale? This was NafNaf on Kings Road, so probably most people who shop there would.
(Rastus P Watermelon, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:23, Reply)

politics
I've never been sure if Rick Mayall and Tony Blair are the same person or not. I've never seen them together for one thing, which is almost entirely conclusive proof that they are the same person. Perhaps Bush is Ade Edmonson in a wig?
(bloodyHassocks, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:19, Reply)

Adverts
for things like washing powder always confuse me... provoked by "new and improved" further down, i can never understand how the washing powder is so fantastic.

A few months previously, the same powder was as white as white could be, in comparison to some gray crap in the bowl on the right (you know, split screen), yet, when the new variety comes out, the old powder is the crap one in the bowl on the right, and it looks as grey as ever.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Mon 4 Apr 2005, 16:18, Reply)

Hug Filter
ok, it's got something to do with b3ta, but what the hell is it?

This post relates to the question in the sense that I read two posts referencing the 'hug filter' and thought 'wtf?' but decided not to keep quiet. rebel!
(bloodyHassocks, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:59, Reply)

Northern Ireland
I just don't get this place. You've got two lots of people (Protestants and Catholics) who both support God/Christ and all that yet they hate each other. I understand that one lot want to be part of Britain and the other lot want to be part of Ireland but why don't they just become their own country and stop pissing about?

And what the hell made them think bombing places would be the ideal way to get what they wanted? Imagine if your kids blew things up everytime they wanted a new toy.

And lastly, why do people with a Northern Irish accent always sound like they're asking a question no matter what they say?
(Lord of my Ring, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:58, Reply)

the first time i read the catcher in the rye
i thought my book had been misprinted. there seemed to be a chapter or two missing...
( eponymous Oh!, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:47, Reply)

Eppnonymousymouse mouse
I relate to that- i thought the same.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:22, Reply)

moleste
like a lot of people, i didn't know about the hug filter for quite a while. i thought it was a fancy word for big that i'd never heard before.

i even looked it up in the dictionary
( eponymous Oh!, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:21, Reply)

I remember one.
"New and improved"

THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE! IF IT'S NEW THEN IT CAN'T BE IMPROVED! NEW MEANS STARTING FROM SCRATCH, SO IMPROVING AN OLD PRODUCT MEANS IT'S JUST THE SAME BUT IMPROVED! NOT NEW! YOU SILLY BUGGERS!

I like capitals.
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:18, Reply)

anon: [sic]
is latin for "like". it is when you are copying something that someone else has written and they have made a mistake like a spelling mistake. you don't want to look as if you made the mistake. so you write it like the original and put [sic] in italics after the offensive mistake.

i also don't get where some people get their usernames from - some of them are really funny, others impressively random - stories behind them could make a good QOTW!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:16, Reply)

"Why when the Queen Mum dies we get programmes interupted and cancelled to pay tribute to her for a few days, yet when the Pope dies, who has touched more lives than then QM ever could, he gets a 30second news flash at the end of Casualty."


I don't give a shit about the queen mum, princess diana, the pope or jesus.. but they still go on about it. "ooh ooh ooh, our saviour has died for your sins", well if he were really so fucking great how come he got nailed to a cross by a bunch of bloody romans.

Thankyou.
(cheesenpies Latterly known as Naive Amoeba., Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:10, Reply)

Little Britain
I really dont get how that crappy Little Britain sketch topped the 50 best sketches list last night, or how the other Little Britain sketches got so high up...shame on you c4 voters! I didnt sit through 3 hours for that..
(Pigmash, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 15:01, Reply)

Many, many things
Such as local councillors, politicians in general, WANTING to be a politician, ITV news (how can they sensationalise EVERYTHING!), why people eat ANYTHING from cuntyflaps McDonalds, microwave meals, religious zealots, gypsies, caravans in general, people who don't wash.

I'll go on, secterians, receipts and why I keep them all, women lying for no purpose, women who say "nothing's wrong" when something clearly is, Casper, Bo Selecta!, Harry Hill, text addicts, coca cola, pop music and why people buy it, who decided to put beetroot in red vinegar? More still, Michael Hutchence and his asphixiwank, R.E.M., people wanting to shag animals, Tories, why idiots always end up in positions of power, Dubya, elephantitus, Ferryden accents (think fishermen), you know the kind where you automatically reply and it's obviously the wrong reply as they look at you funny, Morris dancing, feltchers, Goatse, ftn, all the music channels (THEY ALL PLAY THE SAME SONGS!!!) and finally, Steve Wright - WHO THINKS HE'S FUNNY (apart from his zoo).

Ah, I feel better now... parp.
(stav999999, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 14:40, Reply)

when i was a kid
i used to think an anecdote was a kind of antidote.

"ARGH! I've been bitten by a snake!"
"NEVER FEAR! Did i ever tell you about the time I discovered I was a direct descendant of Kubla Kahn..."

feel better yet?
( eponymous Oh!, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 14:32, Reply)

TV's naughtiest blunders
Why is someone saying "sh1t" hilariously funny....


always end up watching the flippin' program though...especially when monged

edit: hmmm think this qotw has turned into "what makes you angry"
( I could eat the scabs off a dead dog That was a brand new hat, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 13:52, Reply)

Cunts
Why does my piss smell of sugar puffs sometimes?

Why, if I walk inside with a beanie on, do fuckwits think its funny to say 'Cold are you?'
(Stone Cold Minge Binge - Wrist Deep in a gibbon, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 13:49, Reply)

Re:justmike
I think you answered your own question there...
(bloodyHassocks, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 13:34, Reply)

Stupid
Why people say "Quantum" as in "It's a quantum leap going from a Mini to a Mercedes" - meaning big or huge.

But quantum means tiny. Why do people say it wrong? And not just normal daft people, but clever people, people writing important things for us to see and hear. I see in newspapers or on the telly!

Surely it's a quantum leap to just use the word "quantum" appropriately.
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 13:24, Reply)

Religion
I could go on, but it's a complete *whoosh* over-my-head thing. Just no idea why anyone would buy into it at all, in any guise, for any reason.

(NOTE: I would also include "supporting football" as a religion.)
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 13:24, Reply)

Huh?
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few
minutes the old man lets out a loud fart and says "one-nil."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "A goal. I'm ahead one-nil."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Goal! One all." The old
boy farts again. "Goal! I'm ahead 2-1."

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Goal!
2 all."

The old man tries to fart again, but cannot. Trying desperately not be out
done by his wife, he gives it everything he has to get out just one more
fart. He strains a little too hard and shits the bed. The wife asks, "Now
what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides!"

-----

I just don't get it.
(Wrecked Tums, Mon 4 Apr 2005, 13:24, Reply)