Alex Polizzi
The Hotel Inspector on Channel 5. Good pair of knockers and would love her to boss me around.
(Headsbollockskuntz, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Hugh Lennon (is not my crush)
Hugh Lennon later became vaguely well known for Hypno-Dog, but back in 1992 he was just a jobbing hypnotist doing the Student Union Bar rounds. If I recall, his show was free as part of my Fresher's Week (along with a ticket for The Pogues featuring Joe Strummer, brilliantly) which is why I ended up watching. I watched my heavy metal freak new flatmate prove that he knew all the words to 'Bad' along with most of the dance moves. In fact, being a skinny, weird looking white bloke dressed head to toe in black, he looked uncannily like the real thing. I watched a girl I don't know eat an onion like it was an apple and a couple of guys get electric shocks everytime they sat on their chairs. And then I watched Mai, the Malaysian Medical Student, as he was taken to the front of a stage, put in his trance and told he was in a room and no one else could see him and to describe his surroundings. What followed, while hilarious to me at the time, is what has left me with a lifelong distaste for stage hypnotism, because it's fucking cruel. Mai described a bedroom, described being tied down on a bed. Hugh Lennon said something like 'Your ideal woman has just walked in, can you tell us who is there with you?'. And we laughed, cruelly and spitefully when he answered 'Virginia Bottomly'.

I think that would have been hard enough to live down as the first impression you make on 250 of your fellow fresher's. But Hugh wasn't done with the nastiness, not by a long shot.

'And what is (snigger) Virginia Bottomly doing?'

'She's pushing a broom handle up my bum'.

Poor, poor Mai.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 14:37, 13 replies)

Dancebiscuits reminds me,
does Queenie in Blackadder 2 count? Or is that not particularly iffy? Especially to a 13 year old?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 14:14, 4 replies)

Christ! -This Shows My Age

First crush was Suzi Quatro - a girl who played guitar and head-banged.

Then it was Sam Fox. A dwarf with massive tits which has left me with a life-long fetish for dwarves with massive tits. (Have you met the wife?)

Felicity Kendall. Men of a certain age were smitten by her elfin charms. No tits though.

Jenny Agutter - probably because, and correct me if I'm wrong, the only two films she appeared in where she didn't get her tits out, were the original Railway Children (where she was about ten) and the remake (where she played the mother)...

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 14:07, 13 replies)

Duchess
From the 'Aristocats', very feline, loved the accent.


And you know she's dirty because she's got three kittens - not much more than a couple of months old - and she's already flirting like mad with some Tom she's only just met. A real prick tease, but classy with it!

And you know she'd be really noisy too.

Oh yeah, and then they got to an all-night party with 'Skat Cat' and his band.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 14:01, 1 reply)

After seeing JoBeth Williams' shrouded mound at the tender age of 11,
it left a funny tingly feeling in my goolies for quite a while

( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 13:57, 4 replies)

this dates my childhood
but when I was about 10, I always fancied some group love with Blackadder (Georgian era), the male cast of Red Dwarf and most of Maid Marian's Merry Men. When Robin Hood later appeared on a Campino advert, I went off him but now IMDB tells me he was in Bloodsport with Jean-Claude Van Damme. Blimey.

Also Jim Dale as any Carry On doctor.
(dancebiscuits, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 13:50, 4 replies)

I know there would be no chance at all
because of her being all lezzy and that, but Sue Perkins off of the telly is in my top 10 list of women over all, rather than just suspect crushes.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 13:41, 1 reply)

Mary Poppins
I always thought Julie Andrews must have been a dirty cow in this movie - I imagine a lovely hairy cleft up her skirt - but then, all those dirty sweeps going up her chimney first?
(MonkeySandwich eats a kitten, leaves a chair, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I can't be the only one?
Roger Taylor in the video for 'I Want To Break Free'.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 12:27, 10 replies)

Has anyone mentioned her yet
Lois Griffin seems like a horny bitch and if she'll f*ck Peter Griffin she might even consider me.

Also, I always hated that posh and scrawny wine expert woman, Jilly Goulden. Ugh! But then one night i had her in a dream and now it's different. Except she's never on telly any more!
And did I mention Ann Reid? (I'm beginning to compile a bit of a list here.) Her of Coronation Street (the black and white years) and 'Dinner Ladies.' Quality.
(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 12:21, 5 replies)

Albert Marshmallow
Hubba hubba........... He really floats my boat.


( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 12:20, 2 replies)

Amorous Badger



Is well fit.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 12:01, 13 replies)

Dr Shambolic
I just want to grab those sideburns of his and lose myself in them.


( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Miss Hoolie from Ballamory.
The thought of holding the 1990 Deee-Lite haircut as her overbite scrapes against my helmet...phwoaargghhh!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 11:55, Reply)

MmmmmMichael Palin
In the fine wine and cheese way I think he gets finer and finer. For some reason he doesn't cause the same degree of carwash brush foaming downstairs in his early Monty Python days as he does in his later twinkly travelogue days. Hmmmm. Excuse me just a minute need to find a mop...

Ahem. Also, James May but especially if Oz Clarke had to pretend to be asleep in the caravan...Now that would be hot. Or just me?
(willydoc, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Katy Wix
I get a fair bit of abuse for admitting to this but I want to do very bad things to her.
(Narcotic Monkey Neither a narcotic nor a monkey., Tue 11 Oct 2011, 11:21, 1 reply)

Bella Emburg
has a certain coquettishness.
(username failed moderation, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 10:48, 1 reply)

On the subject of childrens shows....
Dunno if mentioned before, but Edie Mcridie off of 'Balamory' has a certain something about her, probably a bit past it now but she still looks dirty. Juliet Cadzow she is called apparently, was in the Whicker Man.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 8:43, 6 replies)

The lass
from 'Dead Like Me'. I've not googled, so I've no idea if I'm in a minority or going with the flow!
( multijoy, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 8:41, 3 replies)

Not classically beautiful but have something
1. Kim Deal, preferably about 1988. Even better if her sister joins in.

2. Bjork. Probably would not survive the experience
(LetsGetDownToIt, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 8:38, 4 replies)

Kitty off the X factor
So long as she had a bath first.
(username failed moderation, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 8:30, 6 replies)

sarah jane smith
The lady from Dr Who, since passed away, Miss Hooley, from Balamorey, but most importantly, Barbara Flynn, to the music of Bix Beiderbecke. One of his longer pieces.
(lordy lordy, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 7:52, 3 replies)

Wilma Flintstone.

But I know it's just a mad, crazy dream.

She'd never leave Fred...


Cheers

Shamelessly stolen from Red Dwarf

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 5:00, 16 replies)

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel.
I would have fought Arkwright to the death for the rights to snuggle into them.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 2:00, 3 replies)

I just remembered!
My ex wife told me once that, since she was young, she had an uncontrollable attraction to Noel Edmonds. She was, however, so young when she first fell hopelessly in love with him that she was unable to pronounce "Noel", so she called him "Noodle" instead, but the little crush had remained with her throughout her life. She told me this in the days of "Noel's House Party". I feel loads better about my penchant for Jennifer Tilly now. Noel bloody Edmonds.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Tue 11 Oct 2011, 1:52, Reply)

Her off Star Trek: Voyager.
Not Janeway. Not even Seven of Nine. No, B'elanna Torres. I'd gladly fuck the Cornish pasty right off her head.

Not sure if it's the fact that she looks like she would beat seven bells of shit out of you just for looking at her, but... Mmm.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Mon 10 Oct 2011, 23:49, 3 replies)

One that got me some serious odd looks off my housemate
And he's a gay.

Nathan off Misfits. I specifically found that scene where he puts on sun cream ridiculously erotic. When I told the housemate that, he looked like he was going to be sick.


(Iris_Wildthyme is three sheets to the wind, Mon 10 Oct 2011, 23:35, 5 replies)

Annie
From Thomas the Tank Engine




Just look at that eager mouth
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 10 Oct 2011, 23:31, 10 replies)

The Other One Off The Good Life
I've already seen someone saying Felicity Kendall, but she doesn't do it for me. Who wants Barbara being all aggravating and giggly, or whining at Tom about the goats? What I want is Margo being all posh and cross.

So, yeah, Penelope Keith.

Oh, and Vicky Coren.

And him out of My Chemical Romance. Gerard Way. Dressed as Margo...

Oh, and Cillian Murphy. When he's dressed as Mrs. Thatcher.
(Iris_Wildthyme is three sheets to the wind, Mon 10 Oct 2011, 22:53, 3 replies)