My Mrs and her 'special friend' at Primary School
My Mrs confessed to having a 'very special friend' at about the age of 10
her and this other girl were thick as thieves, were in the same classes and generally used to do everything together .............when I mean 'everything' I include pissing on each others hands in the toilets at lunchtimes.

you should see the things shes prepared to do as a grown up.
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:35, Reply)

early transvestitsm/gay experience...
Long one but you need the background...

So, as you do at school everyone has a best mate, from about the age of 8 or 9 i used to be best mates with this kid from the same village, we went to school together, we hung around together, his older brother bought us newky brown when we were 13 and we got pissed together, the first time we got stoned (thanks to his brother again) we were together.
So anyways, his mam gets asked to look after a house round the corner whilst the occupants are on holiday so we get the keys and decide this would be a good place to hang out with a couple of beers rather than outside the shops...

As you do when you're 15 we started to have a root round the house, and eventually ended up in the bedroom, going thru the wifes undie drawer and she had some pretty nice stuff, bras, corsets, sussies etc. Now, i had already previously experimented with transvestitism (i had 2 sisters for gods sake, who wouldnt succumb to the temptations of the laundry basket) so when it was suggested after a couple of beers that we put some of the gear on i didnt have a problem with it. So, half an hour later we'd put the gear back and were having a laugh about it as you do.
Next day he suggests we go round there again, drinking happily and the conversation turns to the previous night and the underwear so we go upstairs and i pull on some gear, as does he. I needed a piss so nipped for one, and when i came back im treated to the sight of my mate lying on the bed with a stiff cock in one hand and a camera in the other. It was at this point alarm bells started ringing but he asked me to take some pictures of him, so i thought fair enough and snapped off a couple thinking i'll leave in a minute..
So, he then asks if he can take some of me and i say no way, the same response he got when he asked if he could suck me off, or indeed if i wanted to suck him off.
I ran downstairs calling him a dirty fu$ker and got dressed, and after a couple of minutes thinking about it shouted that i'd be down here when he was done.
Anyway, a while passes and he comes down obviously shitting himself that it would be all round school the next day but i assured him that i wouldnt say a word and more beer was drunk

Anyway, perhaps unsuprisingly he came out a few weeks later although i would hope he broke it to his mother in a subtler way

So, that was pretty fu$kin intense for a while i can tell you!
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:33, Reply)

claire bears..
when I was a kid me and my mate always had a scheme going on... our own library, but the twats round our streets didn't bring the books back. We tried to build our own igloo house (or a 'brickloo' as we called it), buut could only find half a dozen bricks. We filmed our own 'Why Don't You', with a cookery section featuring hotdog and meatball soup, posted a video to the BBC but nowt happened. I wasn't allowed other friends. Oh yeah, we had a garden 'Fate' [sic] on my front lawn. We were inseparable for years and years and insisted that she sleep with a photo of me under her pillow. She's now a model having recently featured on the front of a puzzle magazine.
(pickled_scamps it's just a pigment of my imagination..., Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:19, Reply)

Pooh sticks
My friend any myself used to play Pooh Sticks with a difference. My house was a 5-storey building with a soil pipe that ran up the entire height of the back of the building. Down at ground level, there was a pipe that came from the sink in the basement and flowed directly into this soil pipe. It was not glued on, and only held in place by a C-shaped bracket, so could easily be moved up or down, allowing access to the soil pipe.

So, what we'd do was to save up our pooing times until we were both allowed out to play. Then, one of us would rush up to the 2nd floor and curl one out. The other person would stand downstairs with a large twig (or twigs) inserted into the soil pipe and catch the brown bundle of joy. 2 floors up ensured that the poo was nearing terminal velocity by the time it reached the sticks. You can imagine the results. It was then customary to throw the prized catch at each other.

I haven't played with poo for nearly 20 years now.
(Drodbar, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:16, Reply)

My best friend...
who's wanking story i posted in /talk recently has been that for 15 years. Considering the fact that we're both 18, that's a fairly long time! His parents are a real pain in the arse though and will sabotage any attempt for us to meet.

Anyway, when we were in nursery, we'd share baths. as we got older, we'd share showers and we know everything about each other, from his occasional bisexual tendencies to my embarrassing vomit stories (think sex)...

But we're not a couple!

Oh, and he looks a bit like me so people occasionally ask if we're brothers, so we often pretend that we are. Girls love it for some reason.
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:12, Reply)

I'm a computer programmer...
... intense friendship is anyone who talks to me. I'm good friends with the 60year old cleaning lady who empties my bin. She needs someone to talk to as well.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:10, Reply)

Diana Callow..
When me and my then-best friend when we were bairns (6-7 yrs old) we used to play 'Si and Di'. I was Simon Callow complete with fake deep posh voice (hard considering I was a young geordie girl) and my friend was HRH Princess Diana. We would have 'posh, still sex', and cut the hair from our Sindy dolls and stick it on our fairies with gloy and other rank stuff that involved rubbing.

I look back with bemusement, horror and a grin. I love the 80s, they were ace...
(pickled_scamps it's just a pigment of my imagination..., Fri 28 Jul 2006, 15:05, Reply)

The penknife detective club
As a naive 9 year-old, I set up my own detective agency. Unfortunately, being a gawky geek with clothes chosen by my mother and no friends, I had to bribe people to join me. I offered a penknife from my collection to each new member... only for numerous boys to 'join' and then immediately leave with my knives.

I never had a 'case', or any permanent members, but I did track each of those boys down in later life and stab him repeatedly until he was dead. I'm in prison now and lots of big men want to be my friend.

Not all of this story is true.
(frankspencer, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:54, Reply)

Biscuits
The sixth year football team at my school had a rather unique and slightly gay game called biscuits, which was played after a match.

Now I never took part but I did happen to see this game as I was waiting for my P.E. teacher after school.

Basically this game involved every member of the football team standing in a circle, naked and wanking at a steady pace, each holding a biscuit.

The loser was the first one to cum, which he had to do on said biscuit, which he then had to eat.

Probably the closest some of them would come to sex, they were really stupid aresholes.

Girth rather than length.
(hudster, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:53, Reply)

Friends of long standing
I'm still very close mates with the folks I bacame friends with aged 11 or 12, more than half my life ago. I realise that's not very funny in itself, but we had some laughs.

It occurs that with a post title like that I'm probably not living up the billing at all, sorry.

A mate and I had moped/scooter/gently motorised push bikes when we were 16. Despite that fact that mine was dirty gold and his was covered in yellow fairing and had pedals, and despite the fact that we were both lanky streaks of piss who looked like praying mantis's doing yoga on these bloody things, we decided that we needed to be in a biker gang. We both wrote, in permanant marker, "Gonads of Death" on our 'machines'.

I actually suspect that's more 'laugh at' than 'laugh with' funny, and I can't tell you how sorry I am about the whole thing.
(Jibber Jabba The Hutt, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:52, Reply)

grown-up overly close
I used to go out with a not-very-nice man, and about 5 years after we split up I bumped into him. I agreed to have a quick drink- out of pure curiosity.

He told me a scary story- in it's pure stupidity and wrongness.

One of his close friends suspected that his wife had had a one night stand. Which it later transpired she hadn't. but rather than just ask her about it, he decided he was going to sleep with someone else too. not out of desire, you understand- just revenge.

However, he was 'too scared' to do it alone. So he convinced my ex (probably didn't have to try too hard) to sleep with someone else as well, thereby cheating on his wife. And this all happened on the same night, in the same room.

Too intense. Talk about misguided loyalty. I mean, WTF???

(I suspect, in hindsight, that it was the 'same room' bit that was really the point. This group of guys were so misogynistic and so only really liked men as company that the word 'closet' doesn't even come close. Poor chaps)
(clapper, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:41, Reply)

great mates.
I flicked a poo at my best buddys head when we were 13. Somehow, we've stayed friends for 11 years.

Short. Simple. The end.
( McBadger COW, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:20, Reply)

I'm the firestarter, twister firestarter.
When I was but a wee lad of eleven, myself and a mate named Gary were tight like a tiger's anus. I mean, you couldn't forcibly insert a pin in there with a tonne of industrial strength lube. Well, I imagined so at the time.

Anyway, we thought it'd be pretty cool to set fires. You know, deep down inside I had this feeling I could control the fire. Pyrokinesis like. I dunno. Maybe I watched too much TV. This was long before the days of X-men movies, and comics were teh suk, so I'm not too sure where the idea came from.

Anyway, at the time money was tight for my mother and that, so we spent a few months in My Nan and Grandad's house, and god bless my Grandad, but he draweres stacked full of matches and cigarettes. So, pinching a bog-roll and a box of matches, meself and Gary set off to the little patch of trees behind Acorn Downs. Where, unravelling all of the bog roll and making a little ditch, we set a little fire.

We found some dry grass then, and put that on too. It was a fairly hot summer, and that got burning rather well. We found some dry wood then, and put that on too, and I don't know how, because it's never happened since, but that began burning too. Then we found some deodorant or possibly wood polish, but it came in a spray can, and this was just sitting in a field, so we sprayed this stuff out into it's lid, until it liquified and gave us a nice little pool of polish or whatever it was at the bottom. We then threw this on, and it practically exploded.

This, for us at the time, was fucking amazing. So we set off to find more of thise kind of stuff, and started collecting it in our trouser pockets and jumper sleeves.

By the time we got back to these trees, a couple of them were on fire. We fucking legged it back home, the long way round, which is about three miles. When I got home, my nan was there, and she told there had been a fire and, before she could go on, there was a knock on the door I had just entered through.

Gary's mother was there, and she promptly told my nanny; "Our Gary saw your Alex with matches and toilet paper. He just told me. He's at home now, resting. The thought of fire got him all nervous. I think he's phobic."

Little fucking cunt. Apparantly there was some damage to property done, and the trees were 'scarred for life'. Gary's mother promised to keep shtum, but my Nan happily told my mother, and that woman is fierce.

I wasn't allowed out for month ala the amazing american concept of 'grounding'. I didn't even rat him out then, which I should have. After that though, the toilet paper started being fucking monitered, as did the matches. But it didn't stop me from setting fires. I just became a bit of a recluse whilst doing so. Never got to speak to Gary much after that. He started hanging around with my little brother.Mind you, I've got quite a few nice stories of camraderie. That do somewhat involve fires, but not much. I'll post another up later.

Sorry about girth and length, and for not bothering to use that grammar thing.
(ackles I set your baby on fire., Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:10, Reply)

The Den
At the side of my house is a train station, and a lot of overgrown spare land. So as kids, me, my brother and a few chums bult a den in all the brambles and nettles. This is a place where we would try our first cigerette, look at discarded porn mags together, and climb trees.

Anyways, one of my friends discovered the joys of wanking one summer holiday and urged us all to try it. Now i had heard of this so called masturbating before but never actually tried it. We all took a section of a porn mag and headed off into the bushes.

10 minutes later one of my less experienced mates ambled up to me with erect cock in hand, pointed at his japs eye and asked 'do you think this is cum?'

I didnt know how to react, i mumbled yes as i was still thrashing away when he shuffled up and i didnt know what the hell to look for. His face lit up with joy at his very first successful wank. He departed and left me to carry on. I didnt think this was slightly gay at all.

There is a bridge that runs over the railway track not far from our house and we used to spend many a day pulling moonys and urinating on trains as they went under, one time two of our friends held each others todgers, whilst pissing on the trains. Again we never thought this was gay in anyway.

I dont see any of those friends anymore, which is a shame because they were definatley the best days of my life.
(PieEater, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 14:00, Reply)

Met this bloke on a plane.
I had a really close relationship with a fella once, we used to beat each other up for fun. Problem was he started taking it too far, destroying public property, stuff like that, he even brought other people in, formed a little club. Eventually I found out that he was in fact a figment of my own imagination. Now that's an intense friendship.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:56, Reply)

Porridge Dark
Two of my mates (who incidentally are brothers) used to share a room as kids and used to indulge in a game known as "Porridge Dark" after lights out.

The game, it seems, involved wrestling wearing only underpants until one or the other party submitted.

I can understand the wrestling - as most young lads enjoy a good fight, especially with their brothers. I could even accept the wearing only of pants in those halcyon days of innocence.

What does not sit well with me is the chosen name for the game "Porridge Dark" and the connotations it carries. How the name came about is something which has never been adequately explained - when questioned, a direct answer is normally avoided with a rapid change of subject. I can't help but feel that there were some other elements of the game which have not yet been revealed - ones which perhaps the brothers don't feel comfortable sharing with the group. Probably involving cocks, arse holes and jizz I'll warrant :-).
( chronic And he doesn't know I licked his back!, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:43, Reply)

I had the last laugh...
Real intense friendship with a lad a year younger than me. We met at nursery school and went through the whole of school together - not always best buddies but when we reached 5th year for me 4th for him it got intense.

So much so that he insisted that we had to see each other every day. If I went anywhere with any other friends he had to come too - this in the end cost me friendships coz they felt like they were being stalked.

This went on till after we left school (he quit a year early to follow me to college and then quit the course he was on to go onto the same course as me...). Then all of a sudden he decided he didn't want to be friends anymore. I had no idea this was coming at all. We had just sat and had tea with his mom and dad and he said "Don't want to see you anymore. Don't come round my house. I want space".

Utterly devastated by this revelation I got up and his dad said "I'll give you a lift home, don't want you walking when you're upset". Upset 18 yr old girlie gets into car with 54 yr old bloke who takes advantage of the situation by parking up on the 3 minute ride home to snog her for 15 minutes to make sure she's okay...

And that began a 6 month affair where I learnt never to trust a clergyman, how to give head to someone driving without hurting your back, and how sweet it is to gain revenge...

Length, girth - not bad for an oldun...
( PagDrag don't think we're in kansas anymore toto..., Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:34, Reply)

Gang Bang
We had a stooopid gang when we were kids, and many shenanigans were wrought in lore during initiations and general tomfoolery.

OUr base of operations was a huge walnut tree which was ideal for kids to play in. One time a new initiate was gawping up gingerly as the assembled gang frolicked in the boughs of the tree like monkeys. Imagine his shock as he looked up and my my little brother's turd hit him square in his open mouth. Yup, that's right, in the upper boughs of the tree my wee brother had decided to drop his kecks, and indeed his guts, and could never have foreseen such a perfect aim.

Cue a very distressed kid, vomiting, with shite down his throat and all over his mouth - we were out of that tree and gone, laughing like drains, such was the cameraderie :-D

Another time the gang found an abandoned gas cylinder, Calor or whatnot, and it seemed to be full, so we opened the valve and blew the whole feckin thing to hell - the smell of gas permeated about 12 surrounding villages and they were looking for a leak in the main for days - we said nothing, leaning heavily on a few of the girlier gang members who almost cracked under the strain of guilt - luckily their leaders were made of sterner stuff :-D
(Jay Tea, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:29, Reply)

My friend...
Andy became best friends with this guy from school, lets call him S. S was a little weird, but Andy didn't seem to notice (or care).
So S and Andy are hanging out at Andy's house, when S suddenly suggests naked wrestling. Now, Andy was 14/15 at the time, so immediately realised this was the gayest thing he'd ever heard. He declined, but said they could play normal wrestling. S wants to turn the light out, and Andy is willing to compromise on this occasion.
Out goes the light, and wrestling ensues. Andy's arm starts to hurt so he turns on the light, turns around and is met with the sight of S lying stark bollock naked on the carpet.

Thus ended the friendship of Andy and S.
(PAMPAMPAM, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:28, Reply)

Cock tape
I knew two guys at my school who sellotaped their cocks together at the end. THAT'S JUST WRONG!!!
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:27, Reply)

My party friend
I always used to hang out with this guy. Wrote him into my will to inherit my car if I died. We smoked dope and drank and partied in general - philosophical and moral talks were had with no kind of intoxication and with plenty...
He always had weed on him. He had threesomes with his girlfriend and her mates. He did coke and pills and would share them with me if I wanted (though I never liked coke).
I guess that a certain amount of the intoxicants were messing with us. I was increasingly depressed. Party Guy's fiancee left him and he was found on a bridge threatening suicide - he got arrested and Sectioned (declared mad, in effect). He didn't want to face living in the flat he'd shared with her, so he needed somewhere to live. I moved him into my spare room.
Party Guy has a booming voice. I needed to sleep so I could commute 126 miles to work - he was unemployed. He'd talk on the phone late into the night, have mates round and get stoned... I wasn't getting any sleep, getting more depressed, and starting to feel invaded. One saturday I came downstairs in a really freaked out mood, just wanting some privacy, and I find Party Guy and several chavs with dozens of carrier bags full of weed, chopping it up in my lounge. I figured out later, there was about 35 grand's worth of skunk in my house. It had been stolen by Party Guy's dealer from the growers out in the Fens. 35 k worth of dope in my lounge, with pissed off fenland dope-growers out there somewhere looking for it...
I went out for a walk, I just needed to be alone that day.
I started therapy and stopped my constant smoking. Kind of helped.
Then at a party, there was a girl I really fancied - like "relationship" fancied, not "quick shag" fancied. I told Party Guy - please, pull anyone except her. He fucked her that same night.
Well, I kicked him out. I was sick of it. I've sorted my life out, got a good career job, sorted my head out, and he's still dating girls half his age, cheating on them, smoking and coking his brain to bits and acting like he's 21. He's 31. You can only hold onto your youth for so long until it becomes sad and riduculous. Party Guy is way beyond that.
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:27, Reply)

Bandy goodness
A while ago - ok, a LONG while ago - me and the lands from my band were praticing for rugby in a most inventive way.
Jumping into tires!
Most fun, until one twonk threw a tire at me head containing a brick which promptly knocked me out and caused concussion.

We were back at it next week.
(City wall is not doing much, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:21, Reply)

bit too close for comfort
coupla years ago I had a super intense friendship with a friend. (I'm female and straight, he's male and gay)

he was really into cybersex and always used to go on about what fun it was and how I should have a go.

I'll try anything once.

so M and I created a male persona for me and I went online. he sat behind me as I typed on the pc. I got chatting to a guy, he got frisky and I got a bit weirded out by the whole thing (well, I found it strange answering questions about my fictional penis. maybe I'm just a bit prim).

anyway, I really started getting uncomfy with the whole idea, and turned round to ask M what I should do.

only to realise that M was happily fwapping away.

eek.
actually, that wasn't the event that ended our friendship but that'll do for now.
( biscuitbiscuit is in ur garden, watering ur plantz, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:03, Reply)

Intense friend

My imaginary friend was fun at first, but gradually he got really possessive and sulked when I played with some of my other imaginary friends. Then he started spreading really mean stories about me and in the end he used to hang around outside my house, just sort of staring. It was the imaginary hate-mail that really hurt though - blank pages. You can imagine.
( vladimir, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:00, Reply)

Blood Brothers
Waaaay back when I were a wee scamp (about 6 if memory serves me correctly), I was part of a close-knit club called the "Secret Boys" which I now realise sounds a touch gay but I digress..

The three of us would hold meetings in our underwear and have wrestling matches in our pants as well as going for a pee at the same time and trying not to 'cross the streams' in a Ghostbusters kind of way. I now realise this sounds a touch gay but I digress..

One day my friend Jordan came into the meeting room (which was in fact my bedroom) and said he had found a way we could be friends forever - he saw it in a movie. We were intrigued...

He explained that we had to cut our palms and then shake hands to seal the bond. This sounded scientifically sound at the time so we thought we'd give it a shot.

So using Jordan's older brother's compass, we each carved ourselves a trench really fucking deep into our palms and then shook on it with each other to seal the deal...

Everything seemed fine after that although we were in a lot of pain.

Anyway, the days progressed gradually with more underwear-clad wrestling matches and communal peeing which I now realise sounds a touch gay but I digress..

Then on the 4th day Jordan didn't show up at my house. We called that day's meeting of and went to play football instead.

That night my mum came into my romo to tell em that Jordan was in hospital with Hepetitis (sp?) contracted via a cut in his hand, and that he was very, very sick. We went to visit him and he was not at all well.

A week later he died. It really sucked, and we were really upset for a long time but we never spoke of it to any grown ups. Ever. Jordan would have been proud, and I like to think that somewhere he's looking down smiling and peeing on us still.

The Secret Boys disbanded shortly after.

Apologies for length but not for girth.
(small-non-bearded-gentleman-of-indistinguishable-origin, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 13:00, Reply)

Twins
Not quite on subject but i knew 2 twins whose mother found them combing poo through their hair when they were about 2. I suppose they were friends

PS. YOU BASTARDS, I would have been first if i could remember my user name :(
(lewisyoufools, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 12:51, Reply)

Friends...
Luckily i've missed out on the psycho friends thing so far. They haven't made me do anything weird, some of them have just been complete twats. Sometimes it can take a while to realise that.
(Danzo, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 12:49, Reply)

I'm first
Woo hoo

I had a friend when I was at primary school who would rip open her toys for me so I could use them as puppets. She also made me a Christmas card once with her own hair stuck on it.

I dont see her anymore.
(xlux, Fri 28 Jul 2006, 12:49, Reply)