
Freddie Woo says: "A bloke who lived next door to my mum told me on the day Diana died that it was 'God's punishment for sleeping with an Arab'". Tell us stories of bigots, racists, sexists, homophobes and loud-mouths so that we may point and laugh
( , Thu 21 Feb 2013, 20:03)
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I'd often nip out to the local park to stretch my legs and have a cigarette. There was a lad a couple of years younger than me who'd often be about and we got to chatting. He told me how his older brother and all his mates were in the NF and how he was planning to get himself an NF tattoo as soon as he turned 18. I did my best to dissuade him from this course of action, but he had his heart set on it.
One time I saw him when he was hanging out with a mate of about the same age, who was black. They came over and said hello, and we got to chatting about tattoos again as I'd just had my first one done. Again, he reiterated that his first tattoo would be an "N..." then caught himself in time, looked at me and said somewhat sheepishly, "an N tattoo".
There was some serious cognitive dissonance going on there. I didn't see him much after that and I never found out whether he eventually got his tattoo but I hope the fact that he couldn't even say it out loud in front of his friend at least made him think about it.
( , Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:29, Reply)

Some years ago I was with a group visiting a prep school in Lincolnshire. It has an interesting logo: a red and white matrix with a red circle on white above it. We were interested in this, and asked a member of staff what it meant.
"It was that little boy" we were told. "About thirty years ago. He climbed over a wall to get his ball (hence the logo), but the house was owned by Jews, so they killed him like Jews do and threw his body down a well." We were so shocked by this that we asked another member of staff and got almost precisely the same reply: little boy, ball, wall, Jews, dead.
After a bit of investigation, this turned out to be a version of the story of Little St Hugh of Lincoln, a child whose death - not at the hand of Jews - in 1255 was used as an excuse for a classic blood libel and a pogrom against the Jews of Lincoln. There has been a formal expression of regret for the whole horrible business in Lincoln Cathedral for almost sixty years, and yet the school still sees fit to celebrate and perpetuate an anti-semitic myth. I don't find that funny at all - I find it creepy and disturbing.

( , Thu 28 Feb 2013, 11:00, 4 replies)

my grandma was the nicest, sweetest little old lady, about 4'11" of cooking and grandchild spoiling. she let local kids play football in her garden without bashing at the window with a stick, she was kind and patient, loved her family, had lots of friends, went to church every week, and she was passionate about cricket. but then she'd reveal these shocking and unsuspected pockets of bigotry.
"it's such a shame the word 'gay' has been stolen," she'd lament. "it used to be such a lovely word." utterly oblivious to the fact that her own brother was screamingly gay.
in later life she had to spend every friday in a hospital group. one day she got into all kinds of trouble. when we asked what on earth she had done, her jaw stuck out mutinously.
"i don't see why i can't call them 'pakis'" she said. "they ARE pakis."
i guess it's a generational thing, but you've got a brain, there's simply no excuse for not using it. it was the only thing we ever argued about.
meanwhile my friend ashley was once taking his grandmother, a tiny delicate 90 year old lady, around sainsburys. in the fruit section, he asked her if she wanted any watermelon. she blinked at him.
"good lord no," she said loudly. far too loudly. "you need a mouth like a nigger to eat one of those."
shame she's long since dead, as he's now out of the closet and dating a black guy.
( , Thu 28 Feb 2013, 10:15, Reply)

I saw a documentary about dienfrancised yoof in Hackney.
A 14yo girl, having done extensive research, had - intelligently and unbiasedly - come to the conclusion that the Jews were the problem.
Cue footage of her sitting with her mate on a wall opposite a synagogue, screaming at the Jews going into the service, "I 'ate you fuckin' Jews! I fuckin' 'ate you cunts I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna kill all of you! I'm gonna be like that ... like that ... that bloke ... what killed all the Jews ... in that war an' that! I'm gonna ... "
A 10-watt lightbulb went on in her friend's head, "What ... Hitler?" she said slowly.
"THASS IT!" screamed our subject, "I'm gonna be like that Hitler! An' kill all the Jews!"
It was one of the most singular most depressing documentaries I've ever seen.
( , Thu 28 Feb 2013, 9:00, 1 reply)

one of whom - Beth - was mixed race.
Paul: "What's brown and sticky?"
Me: "A stick?"
Paul: "No, Beth covered in cum."
Beth: "I'm not brown. I'm BLACK."
Paul: "Alright, what's black and sticky?"
Me: "Beth covered in cum?"
Paul: "No, tar."
Apologies for length and the fact that it's not very funny, fuck off it's early.
( , Thu 28 Feb 2013, 8:10, 2 replies)

I shared a big flat with Paul K and Gordon I. Paul captained one of the local amateur Rugby League teams. One of the players dropped in one Saturday afternoon, a young aboriginal man named Andrew. Something about the game the following weekend.
After a while we decided to go to the Oasis Hotel for a game of darts and a few beers. As we rounded a corner, a few aboriginal blokes on the other side of the street called out to Andrew to come and join them. He refused.
"You're not gong to go with them" Paul asked Andrew.
"Nah, not likely, they're just a mob of bloody boongs."
( , Thu 28 Feb 2013, 0:44, Reply)

Joined one Her Majesty's frigates in the late 70's, early 80's.
He was directed to his messdeck where he gave the usual hail, "Below!".
It should be noted that entry to the mess in an RN Ship is effected through a hatch and down a ladder to the deck, er, below.
"Uptop" came the traditional riposte.
"You got any niggers down there?" asked Don.
"No" came the reply.
"You fucking well have now!" said Don as he threw his kitbag down the hatch.
Okay it's a sort of reverse racism but seems to fit the QOTW.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 23:02, 1 reply)

that racialism is just a vehicle for violence and is propagated solely to incite same.
Me, I can't be arsed, I'm off to bed.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 22:59, Reply)

Only I just remembered that every time Ski Sunday was on, my grandmother would say "looks like there's a nip in the air".
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 22:46, 1 reply)

enough, surely?
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 19:31, 14 replies)

Three in a row? Perhaps there's something to it after all.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 18:54, 3 replies)

genuinely believes that black people can't swim properly because "we whites evolved from fishes and they evolved from monkeys". I'm still shocked to this day that she said that, yet had no problem with my black mate being our daughters godfather.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 17:57, 14 replies)

and as such myself, the groom, the best man and the other ushers were chauffeur driven in a lovely old white rolls royce to the church. We were chatting to the driver who happened to be the grooms parents neighbour. His top life tip to the groom to be:
'If you ever have to fight a black man, make sure you do it next to water...
...they're no good at swimming see'
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 17:32, Reply)

We popped out to a garden centre so my mum could buy something, and being old they wanted a cup of tea. In the cafe was a young family with twin children, everyone was obviously cooing over them.
We left about the same time as the family, and as we were getting to the car the lady who had parked next to us with old mother in tow, said to my dad in passing. "Oooh, I always wanted twins", her mother snorted.
The woman then proceeded to say "I always quite fancied black twins too", her mother looked on, "but I didn't like the idea of what I'd have to do to get them..." and nodded knowingly.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 16:07, 7 replies)

I was sitting at the bar enjoying a quiet beer in well known Den Haag watering-hole, the place was empty. When in walks a young Dutch neo Nazi in the full uniform, he even had a red arm band with a fake swastika. He sits down right next to me and is about to order a drink, I could see the staff were about to refuse him so I stepped in and bought him a drink.
Why ? well I was curious, would he even speak to me being a foreigner, he did but I honestly though he might have been going to fancy dress party he was the 1st colored skin head I have seen. Turns out he was was the real article, "it was ok to speak to me as I was British and white not a real foreigner like the Morocs". I left. It could only happen in the Netherlands..
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 15:37, 12 replies)

Whose website is rather fetchingly called "godhatesfags.com".
It doesn't take much to work out the most likely reason that Fred Phelps claims to hate gays so much, does it? Does anyone else have a strong urge to let the other church members in on the secret?
Better blatant than latent!
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 14:04, 48 replies)

My dad himself is pretty fair-minded and reasonable. He reads the Daily Mail but he's not daft enough to believe it.
His brother's family are far more prim and proper though. I recall my cousin once being given a proper telling off because she said “flipping”.
At my uncle's 60th birthday, my aunt's sister was complaining about how annoying these awful Big Issue sellers were, and why didn't they go and get proper jobs?
When I pointed out that it is quite hard to get a bank account or a job without a fixed address she looked as if she had never got anywhere close to considering this. Sadly I think all it did was annoy her that someone had challenged her comfortable little bullshit bubble, and I seriously doubt she has changed her opinion about the homelesses.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 13:59, 5 replies)

There is this really conservative church near my place, like so conservative that they have been outside the official Church for a time. I learned recently that they had a mass for Franco, not for his soul but for what he did when he was alive.
Anyway, a couple of years ago this distant friend persuaded me to come to one of their Post-mass drinks (people from 20 to 30), went there a bit reluctantly but hey, you don't come across religious nuts that often.
It was quite nice actually, until one of them turned to my group and said, as I was religiously listening to their encounter with Jesus
"Hey, don't you agree that concentration camps are a myth?" all of them nodded and approved.
"Well, one of those days you should talk to my grandfather who is one of the youngest survivor of the camps. Bye" was my reply. I did not try to argue, it's useless with this kind of people, I just walked out the bar (and did not pay for my drink).
(One of those days I'll tell you about this anti-bigot who was such an anti-bigot that she was a fucking one.)
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 11:22, 14 replies)

A language school in Warsaw had one big draw to get new students; a course taught entirely by a native English speaker. For any who have done TEFL, this has its pros and cons. On the plus side, students get access to "real" English, and don't learn some bastard approximation of English from the "local" teachers, who all sound like Russian bad guys in a James Bond movie. On the flip side, most "natives" have had zero training and couldn't tell their verb from their elbow if asked (which Polish students do, regularly). Despite the lack of qualifications, most natives command a higher hourly rate than the local teachers, but more importantly allow the school to charge a much higher price for the courses.
This school had two teachers. Charles was born in Surrey, was university educated with a CTELFA qualification and a degree in English, and had been teaching for over 5 years. He knew the ins and outs, he knew what specific problems Poles have with the language and how to overcome them, and best of all, he had the smooth mellifluous tones of a continuity announcer. Only trouble is, he was black. Very black. Treacle-covered black pudding on a plate of pure asphalt black. The school sent him to the client for induction training.
Next day there was a complaint. "None of the students can understand the teacher. His accent is atrocious, no-one knows what he's talking about. He's the worst teacher we've ever had. Send a replacement."
What? Charles has never had a blemish on his career in his life. His appraisals come back perfect, and he's even taught other teachers. Still, the client's always right, so the school sends the other teacher; a drunken slob from South Africa that they usually reserve for "conversation classes", since Sam knows fuck-all about grammar and even less about professional decorum.
Apparently the clients were delighted and found Sam "far easier to understand", which is odd since, punctuated with hiccups and burps, his opening phrase is "Willkem tee Inglish klors, moi naym ees Sim en oil bi titching yu fi thee rist iv thee simistah".
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 10:35, 3 replies)

One huge, one tiny, both were clad in a sort of pseudo-Egyptian? Ancient-style dress, of a sort of purple, armless smock/tunic thing, accompanied by impressive-looking brass amulets they wore on their wrists, and I seem to remember at least one of them had some sort of tiara-type thing on his head.
They had a microphone and loudspeaker, and every Saturday would be down by the station, instructing people of their journey to hell (Mrs V, for example, was going, "For women whomsoever wear the clothes that are not of their place, like YOU, Miss! Like YOU! Will surely be cast into the Pit Of Fury by The Lord!". I think they were from The 12 Tribes Of Judah, or something of that sort of nature, who were the Chosen Race, and God's Own People, and white folk, Asian folk, and oh dear god the Chinese! Well - we might as well all just kill ourselves now, as we have absolutely no chance.
What was rather lovely is that Mr Big had a deep, booming voice, perfectly suited to his very rap-like delivery of damnation and hatred., and he would punctuate his bouts of ranting by indicating Little Mr Tiny ("Gimme Isiah Chapter 12!"), and Little, who had to stand on a box to match Large's height, had a voice like Joe Pasquale on helium -"And THE LORD said 'You shall not wear the clothes that do not indicate your position' ... "
Invariably, after a while, they would be moved on by the police, and everyone could continue listening to the reggae from across the road.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 10:09, 2 replies)

Just a quicky, but my bible bashing aunt sends me lots of emails. Many of them would make Daily Mail readers cringe. There are all the obvious ones about Geert Wilders and how he is actually the West's saviour from the tyranny of Muslims. But more sinister are the ones she sends from America (she lives in North Carolina).
Preachers and religious people spouting off about how bad the world is, like a watered down Westboro Baptist church. I really want to take her to task for this because what she sends is absolute bull. Worst of all, she is managing to turn my formerly quite liberal mother in to an anti-immigration fan - despite the fact she, herself, is an immigrant in France!
Anyway, this all came to a head when we were out having lunch one afternoon. she was in England on holiday, and despite the racist tendencies, she is a lovely aunt.
We were discussing the world and other such, when she came out with "Well, it's obvious that God exists because He is punishing the Haitian people for worshipping the Devil, renouncing Him and practising voodoo."
I said I didn't think this was quite fair. Earthquakes, hurricanes and other such natural phenomenon happen. This isn't because of who you worship. It just seems worse there because the country is run so badly. Her retort?
"Look on Google Earth and the island of Dominica and you'll see that on the East - the God-fearing Dominican Republic - the map looks green and fertile. In Haiti in the West, the ground is grey and brown."
I laughed this off, but obviously went and had a look.
I think she may have a point...
(EDIT: I think they have updated their photo as the difference isn't quite so telling anymore.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 9:43, 2 replies)

<pea>
I was once accosted on the street by a white supremacist type. He demanded to know whether I "Loved My Country". Well, there was that incident with the 3 litre bottle of rough scrumpy and the rabbit hole, but in general I don't really think about it much.
What threw me was that he was, quite clearly, an albino. Now that's what you call dedication to the cause! Any more caucasian and he'd have been translucent. I guess he could look down on blond aryans as being "a bit dusky".
</pea>
It always puzzled me how a dark-haired short-arse could get a whole nation to worship the ideals of a tall, blond, blue-eyed master race...
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 9:16, 2 replies)

where someone's nose begins.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 2:39, 18 replies)

most people have lived in tribal groups and isolated villages. Everyone knew everyone else and they were probably somehow related.
In drift people who are different. One is a curiosity, two is a comedy and three is starting to be a threat.
The world is a better place now that differently coloured people can expect a fair crack at a flat or a job.
The age old habits die hard however and even those prepared to report their parents as racist can still unconsciously presume that someone with a Black Country, Mississippi, Queensland or Cape Breton accent is bound to be stupid.
( , Wed 27 Feb 2013, 2:06, 8 replies)
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