How to make an impression...
... Shortly after my mum and dad started dating she took him back to meet the parents. Upon meeting her step dad (my grandad) he enquired:

"I'm into three things son; shit, shite and politics, what are you into?"

Charming as ever.
( TooMuch2AM, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:28, Reply)

I used to date a single mother and
when we first started dating, she was stuck living at home with her parents and little brother.

We used to do the happy families bit in the living room (with me rigid like a statue) until the baby went to sleep and then me and said missus would "retire" to the conservatory for some peace and privacy. The conservatory was directly attached to the living room, but there were curtains drawn across the door for privacy.

One night, me and the missus are in the conservatory and the family are in the living room watching a film. We had turned out the lights for some extra privacy (and probably so she didn't have to look at my ugly mush) and started getting amorous. Very amorous. Lots of mutual groping of netheregions.

The next day, her parents thought it'd be a good time to mention that when the lights are out in the conservatory, the curtains become transparent and they could see everything.
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:26, Reply)

oops
The first time I met the wife's dad was just as we returned from the hospital to get her a morning after pill.

Honourable intentions?

No sense of humour some people.
(Let's all have an asbo, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:23, Reply)

She met my mother...
G/f comes with away with me at the weekend to meet my mother. I've been outside working on the car, come into the house to find my g/f holding my baby teeth in her hand. My mother had kept them un-beknown to me and thought she might like to see them...

A naked baby picture would have been far less terrifying.
(DrGonzo, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:21, Reply)

also.
with girlfriend on bed, 'pleasuring her', in my bedroom which was directly above the lounge where my mum was, unbeknown to the lady.

the girl, thinking 'noones home' proceeds to make very loud noises. VERY loud. my parents generally turned a blind eye to things like that and so i was quite blase and found it funny.

when i told the girl later that my mum was downstairs she was none too happy with me. she proceeded to avoid the parents more and more. ahem.
( FinestLittleSpace, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:18, Reply)

not a good start
well, when i was with my first 'proper' girlfriend, i was invited around her house for dinner etc to meet the pairents. i was worryed about haveing nothing to talk to them about but then she mentioned her dad was also an engineer (oh happy days) still, better than nothing. so, after dinner i am chatting to my g.f her mum and sister when her dad comes allong and says 'lets leave these girls with the washing up(!), i have something to show you upstairs' sounds quite ominus i think. when we both got upstairs, he shows me a model spitfore him and a friend made, totaly from scratch. i semi blagged my way through sounding interested and he asked if i would like to come and fly it with him, i said ok and we went out into there rather large back garden. he flew it around in circles for a while, i was bored stiff till he asked if i wanted a go. so theres me, flying this plane so unbelevably carefully round the garden. then my girlfriend came up behind me and slapped my backside, causeing me to drop the controls to the plane, it flew over the hedge and was way out of range by the time i got the controls back. 'oh man im realy sorry' i said, before he could reply we heard a car skidding, and wouldnt you know it, the plane flew sraight into my girlfriends GRANDMOTHERS car causeing her to crash and write it off! she was ok, however me and the missis decided it would be best if we dident see eachother any more! oops!
(viva_le_boosh, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:13, Reply)

When I first met my in-laws,
they really didn't like me. I couldn't understand why, until I realised that on the way into their house I had accidently taken random shots with a sawn off shotgun into their fish-pond. This had caused chunks of sushi to splatter themselves accross the front of their house. The stench attracted flocks of seagulls, and other fish eating birds, and also a horde of Japanese tourists.
Not only this, but an evil wannabe-dictator had built his underground base beneath the pond, such that the pond served as a sliding door in the roof for his secret rocket ship to fly out through. One of my shots had penetrated the roof of his fortress and set off his sprinkler system.
He had just finished a painting competition with his henchmen, and they were waiting for their poster-paint masterpieces to dry. So, when the sprinklers went off, it ruined the pictures and made pools of watery paint all over the place. This caused one of the henchmen to slip, bounce off a console and land in a puddle, which ruined his boiler suit and meant he accidently pressed a button launching a nuclear warhead towards the grand canyon.
The in-laws were planning to holiday in the grand canyon that summer, so they were really upset with me.
Needless to say, when I explained that it had all been an accident, we all laughed, and went outside to take pot shots with a crossbow at all the seabirds and slitty-eyed tourists.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:12, Reply)

First time I met my ex's parents
I was sat at their kitchen table eating breakfast having been out clubbing all night - the ex was on a speed come-down and I was plain exhausted as dancing all night on nothing but red bull and water is hard work! Cue me in skimpy clubwear and full make-up meeting his mother in her dressing gown in the kitchen at 8am on a Sunday - they were fine about it though, apparently they were used to this kind of thing!
(I_AM_MY_EVIL_TWIN_SELF, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:10, Reply)

ooo i have a short one
At girlfriends, whilst her very weird brother (who didnt talk to me ever) was moving out. We thought he'd left for the day, so proceeded to get a bit frisky, with her sitting on the kitchen side, which was very visible from the frontdoor, about 10 metres away.

Just pulled trousers down... her boyfriend walks through the front door. Cue me pulling pants up VERY FAST (it doesnt work when youre excited...) not succeeding... and just LEGGING IT round the corner with her to another room, and her wandering out saying "oh where's the cat, oh I can't find the cat", hoping he hadn't seen.

2 seconds later... "Put it away, I saw that... christ"
( FinestLittleSpace, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:08, Reply)

My then-boyfriend...
...had already met my parents, and so was to be introduced to my gran. Gentile conversation ensued, until Gran says:

"I had a lovely tit in my bush yesterday"

*cue puce-faced subdued giggling*

Gran doesn't quite get the joke, carries on

"Yes, it was after my nuts"

*roar and roll on floor*

Non sequitur, anyone?
(clapper, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:05, Reply)

Not me but an ex...
My Dad is a very keen amateur chef, so when I bring home prospective wedding material they get treated to the full 15 course extravaganza. This is all fine and well, as long as the girl in question doesn't have an eating disorder. Cue young lady in question heading to toilet after course two, throwing up for ten mintues and refusing to come out again. Somehow that relationship last 3 years...
(Chicken Amygdala, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:02, Reply)

Not the parents but as good as.
I've always been the king of the front room. With the ability to charm the mother and the ability to be able to bullshit and look humble with the father. :-)

Until one day......

Now I'm quite a big Rugby League fan and I pulled a girl who was working behing the bar in a local night club. I started seeing her for a while and she suggested that I stop over one night while her Sister and Brother in law where away. (The reason she lived with them will become clear soon). So we spend the night together and in the morning I awake, bleary eyed and notice some boxes on top of the wardrobe in her bedroom. The only thing I really know about her is that she's Australian and that she lives with her Sister and Brother in law who came out here to work. So I'm reading the label to find out more info about her. Anyway, the label is addressed to her brother in law and I recognise the name. So I'm sitting there thinking 'an Aussie with that name' and it suddenly hits me. Just as she's in the shower I here her Brother in law and sister returning. The guy is a very famous, big, proffesional RL player. Imagine how quickly I got dressed. Meeting someone you're a fan of and trying to act like you've not been up to anything and the smell of sex is not in the air is not easy.

Things were fine after that though. Until she buggered of back to Aus. :-)

Sorry about the length!
( Evil Bastardo, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:01, Reply)

the purple one
Went to meet nice respectable new boyf (George, but of the subburbs, not the jungle) in 6th form, and was greeted by Autie Gothsalot, Crazy old great Aunt who kept repeating "isn't she lovely?" to anyone who blatantly wasn't listening - and of course the obligatory mum, stepdad & brother. (Had to take off boots to reveal tights with hole in toe too).

Anyway, sitcho is bad enough right?
Nooooo! Don't be silly now.

Dinner went ok, and when everything was finished, a box of Quality Street was passed around, and a variety of the super-big versions offered. Que stepdad asking "fancy George's big purple one then?" nice...

Btw - you know when you eat everything on the plate apart from broccolli, and it's v. blatant you can't eat it, but the mother still stares at the plate & then you? That happened too. Just peachy.

Length, Girth? Did not stick with him to find out.
(getfixedmissy, Thu 19 May 2005, 16:00, Reply)

Do not question the ginger hulk...
I was 16, my Mum (the ginger hulk, coz she's big, angry and ginger, obviously) forced me to bring my gf round for dinner, totally against my better judgement. Half an hour into a fairly posh meal for my family (there may have even been veg involved) my Mother in her infinite wisdom and utterly warped humour decided this was the best time in the world to discuss my circumcision.
You see, it wasn't bad enough that she made me have it when I was about 9, due to some imaginary illness she made up, or that I was old enough to see the butchered remains of my newly sliced up nob and truly feel the immense pain of that first wee-wee, but apparently, and this is the moment she decided to let me know, it had gone horribly wrong and looked as though it'd been done by an epileptic surgeon in the middle of a rave in the latter stages of his parkinsons disease, I'd been left with a hugely deformed member. Now, the scars are mostly gone and most girls think that while it's a little bit chopped up it looks better than if it hadn't been done, but this really put the poor girlfriend off and needless to say, she was shagging my brother at the first possible opportunity.
(Jam Mister Geordie wants to build bridges, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:59, Reply)

my girlfriend's dad lives in australia
never actualy had dinner with them buti met her mum some time ago when we were just friends. then earlier this month her dad came over here to stay for a while. wel, me and the girlfriend have stayed the night at a friends house sleeping on the floor (not the most comfortable)and then decide to go back to her's in the morning. anyway, long story short, i ended up meeting him on 1 hours sleep and in the same clothes i'd spent the night in. fortunatly i was too tired to care and he didn't seem to mind either as he was just on his way out.

i've spoke n to him a few times since and he seems like a nice guy.
(dickytut, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:49, Reply)

Not me, my brother
he came home pissed as a honeybadger about 6 months ago with some random bird he'd pulled during the course of the day, she was ratted as well. Next morning my mum goes into his room to wake him for a work to find 'the trade' in her full glory, baps on show to the world. woke my brother up after gathering rest of family into the tiny box room to meet his new girlfriend. my mums an evil bitch. somehow their still together.
(Formaly Over say's hello, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:47, Reply)

Not really a girlfriend...
...more of a one night stand but, I'd been out one New Year's Eve and managed to pull a girl that a mate had brought along. With it still being a fair bit before 12 o'clock I hoped to get home (still living with parent - doh!) and see the New Year in "with a bang", so to speak.

Anyway, we crept in quiet as mice and I left her in my room whilst I went for a much needed leak. Upon returning I heard voices and to my horror found my Mother chatting away with her.

The next day my Mother was dead funny and kept saying things like, "it wouldn't have happened if you Father was still alive..."

That made me feel better about the whole incident, I can tell you... :o(
(Swirly, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:47, Reply)

Split with girlfriend of two years,
go on camping trip with her younger sister, her bloke and a friend of said sister and, obviously, end up (because it is raining m'lord) only putting up two tents.

Drive back from weekend camping and have a full frontal crash with a Land Rover which writes off 4 cars and puts three of us in hospital.

Standing in the Royal United Hospital carpark in Bath, caned, covered in blood, waiting for 'a white Fiat Panda' with her parents in it at stupid o'clock in the morning, all the time knowing that her face looks exactly as though someone had repeatedly punched it with 'dusters on.

"Hi Mr and Mrs nondisclosed, nice to meet you, I'm Manley."

Not best meeting ever, they hardly approved of my piercings or tattoos, but then I married her, so who got the last laugh, eh?

(oh Christ, now I ask I wonder if it might have been them?)

Oh and I got a bike for my birthday.
( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:45, Reply)

Being quick on my feet mentally,*
I have always managed to contrive not to meet the parents. Except once. I'm living in a student house and get off with a girl who lives there. She goes nuts - really nuts. Gets carted off to secure pyschiartric care. Somehow Dad finds out something's wrong. I get a call - "How's Sara?" "She's in a mental hospital." It all went downhill from there...

*sleekit bastid
(Small Beer, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:35, Reply)

They're both devout Christians
and I didn't expect to meet them this day. In comes me with a skin head, complete forearm tattoos and the word "PISSED" across my t-shirt.

Strangly enough they liked me!
( GeordieSteve, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:35, Reply)

Snip-Snip-slice
Holding a conversation with my (now Ex) girlfriend's 'Auntie' without letting my eyes wonder too much was one of the most un-nerving and difficult expericences I've ever had.

Bearing in mind that 'Auntie' is Genetically GF's Father: He had a FULL sex-change 3 years previously.

Not a word of a lie. I'm absoloutly serious.

It's the first time (and hopefully the last) that I've found myself thinking "I wonder what her Dad's pussy looks like"
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 19 May 2005, 15:27, Reply)

Rubber
My new boyf from uni came to visit in the Christmas hols and it all went well until dinner... when the boyf tells us he used to scuba dive and my Dad says "so you're into rubber then"
Cringe
(maskerade, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:23, Reply)

First Dinner
Back many years ago, my g/f was invited around for dinner at home. My parents, younger brother and sister, myself and g/f.

Halfway through the meal, my father grabs two dessert spoons and starts to play them, like "bones" in one hand. He then grabs a second pair with his other hand, and says "How about that - spoons in stereo!"

My younger brother looks horrified - and says "Now you know why I never bring anyone home."

I ended up marrying her, and we were together for almost 20 years.....
(Maclir, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:21, Reply)

Not strictly meeting the parents, but....
This was the first impression they got of my current boyfriend.

I was a little depressed one day and whilst talking to my boyfriend on the phone, he said, "I know what will cheer you up..." but refused to say anything more about it. My boyfriend calls me "Sara" for short, as three syllables is far too much for his already overloaded lawyer's brain to cope with.

My grandmother is non compos mentis these days, and so my father handles all her paperwork. All her mail is sent to our house, and he sorts out all her bank statements and things. My grandmother's name is Sarah.

So a couple of days later, a letter addressed to me landed on the doormat. My father thought it was intended for my grandmother from someone who couldn't spell her name. When he opened it, he discovered that it was in fact a home made card from my boyfriend, featuring a montage of ridiculous photos of him wearing very little, with a gushy love letter inside.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:05, Reply)

My ex's dad used to rev his car at me
when I kissed her goodbye.

>.<
( stevierar, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:03, Reply)

twuntage
when I first met other half parents he father declared (after just 2 minutes) that he thought I was full of shit and promptly walked off.

her mum burst into tears, told me not to take it personally and explained he's like that to everyone.

10 years later I know that she was right, he's a right grumpy git with a personality disorder

me an other half are still together and we're getting married !
(sham-il-eer-tak-tak noes better but still can't give a fuck at, Thu 19 May 2005, 15:02, Reply)

Mid-parental argument
I was but 17 and seeing a rather lovely, if slightly dull young man. After about 3ish weeks he invited me round for dinner, and I duly accepted the offer. So, sunday arrives and I turn up on the doorstep and ring the bell. No answer. Ring again. Still no answer. But I could hear vague shouting. 10 minutes later and the door is answered by a somewhat disgruntled looking boyfriend, "sorry, parents arguing," says he. So I finally get inside, say hello to his parents at which point his mother said this to me; "he's like his dad sweetheart, dump the useless fucker now, you'll be doing yourself a favour." That's how to make someone feel welcome.
( Fictional Emma, Thu 19 May 2005, 14:55, Reply)

Portugese Deceipt!
I met this portugese girl, who was in fact P.A to one of my clients (am no longer speaking to either of them) and went for a coffee once or twice.. nothing more. Then one day, we decide to go on one of those silly, chilled-out kinda dates.. went bowling, caught a movie and went to pizza hut, all fine you might think so a little bit of light kissing and touching follows in her car on way back home. She is supposed to be dropping me off but instead asks if I would like to take a detour via her place. Alright thinks me, could be fun.... Get there, walk in and SURPRISE, sitting around a huge table, the WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY are gathered to meet her "first boyfriend" (WTF?!?!) - i grinned and beared it as long as possible, then recomend we go to her room. She freaks out in front of everyone, saying it was so true that men just want one thing... so I announce to the hairy bitch that I am leaving. On the way out, she comes running into the street, saying that I should take some cheescake in a plastic box, she had been up all night making it for me.... FREAK !!! anyways, sorry about lenght, shape, size, taste ... if you are not portugese, it can be yours for a little while ;-)
(IMMORTALIS DOMINOX, Thu 19 May 2005, 14:51, Reply)

Visiting a long ago ex's parental home for the first time
I was greeted by the sight of his 6' tall, 13 stone, 22 year old brother thundering down the stairs utterly naked. In one hand he grasped a plastic beaker. With the other he was twisting a small stick. He saw me, paused, ran over and shoved his Stig-like face into mine.

"Oh for God's sake Jamie, go and put some pants on" was the only reaction from the mother.

Accceptable behaviour limits are stretched slightly when your brother is autistic it seems...
(clapper, Thu 19 May 2005, 14:51, Reply)

How would you feel if
...you turned up to meet your boyfriend for a drink, only to see your other half, his bro and his mum all sat around a table (both for the first time), twatted?

That's what happened to my ex.

She stuck with me for 12 months. I'm so proud of her.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 19 May 2005, 14:51, Reply)