I lose millions of bits of myself everyday...
...I'm now on bromide which should help.


bah-boom tish!!
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Wed 7 Jun 2006, 0:56, Reply)

Aliens stole my teeth - wait it was the NHS!
Well basically, for some reason, 4 of my back teeth (not my wisdoms, the set before) had grown out of my gums with very little enamel. This was not due to overeating sweeties, or anything else that could be labelled as 'my fault' it was just my bodies way of saying it couldn't be arsed being normal, and would rather do things its own way. The Dentist had a name for this, Hyopplastic-somethingorother, but we all know that 99% of Dentists are twunts, he was probably making it up to sound clever.

Anywho, I'd been seeing an NHS Dentist for years, as i'd had to go to the hospital for Physio on my arm (that's another story!) and it'd seemed convenient to see the Dentist at the same time too, so this Dentist told me my teeth where fine.

Now a few weeks later, my parents had been going to see their own Dentist at a private clinic, and said I should come along, so i did. Anyway, get to this private dentist, he takes one look in me mouth and says that there's not enough enamal on 4 of my teeth, and they'll need to be sorted otherwise i'm buggered. He said that this prob was caused when the teeth where developing, when i was a kid, so how the hell the NHS Dentist missed it, I'll never know.

He then tells me, that cos of other complications (yes, my body's a strange one), I can't have them filled. Fucksocks. They're gonna have to come out. Guess what, due to these same complications, they want to do it under General Anasthetic, and i'd be better off letting the NHS boys and girls do it.

Priv dentist sent a letter off to the NHS Dents, about 4 months later, they got it, and asked me to come in so they could see if the other guy was right. Sheesh, he wrote them a damn letter, what more do they want?! A few weeks later i trundle in for my appointment, after much umming and aaahing, they decide he's right. Few more months later, i go in to have them whipped out, appointment has been moved to next day, but coz i'm not meant to eat anything, they'd rather i stayed overnight so they can make sure (wtf?). So next day, have it done and they get put in a plastic tube to keep. Yay. I then get a fever and have to stay in hospital for an extra 3 days, for what should have been a 12 hour stay. After examining my teeth in their plastic tube, i notice that one seems to have a mass of stuff on the root that the others don't. Ask the nurse what it is. "Oh its bone". So apparently, not only am i missing 4 teeth, a little section of bone somewhere in my mouth had to come out to.

I bet you're thinking its over now? Nope! A few months later, i head back to priv dentist (can't be arsed with NHS ones now) and he asks how it was, and takes a look. He then tells me the nice fact that they didnt actually do what he asked, and took 2 wrong ones. So i'm missing 2 perfectly good teeth. Bastards. After more cockery with letters and waiting times, that ended up nearly 6 months later, I'm in again with the NHS dentists, this time, they decide they'll do it under local, and they'll fill them, something they'd said they couldn't do last time. Of course by this time, the thin layer of enamel that was there, had pretty much buggered off, leaving me with pretty sensitive teeth. And by sensitive, i mean it hurt like f**k everytime i ate anything at all.

Nasty looking needle stuck in my mouth, hurt like fuck, i can still feel it now when i think about it. Then they did whatever it is dentists do when they fill teeth, with noisy drill like instruments that feel like they are cutting your teeth in half. Alas my tail of woe does not end there, as before they could actually fill them, they realised that they had to flatten them or some bollocks, so cue more parts of teeth dissapearing (and this all started because there was a little enamel missing, so they end up taking stuff away?) so then after what seemed like ages i was allowed to fuck off home where i lay around for days writhing in pain.

Back to Private Dentist, who comments on what a crap job they've done...and...yep, you guessed it, they still havn't sorted the bitching problem out. I let him do the dentistry the last time, top chap, didnt hurt half as much as it had done with the NHS dentists, and he actually got it done.

Heres a pic, of the 4 that were removed, yeh i still have them. One on the far left is the one with the bit of bone on it.

img478.imageshack.us/img478/5109/teeths3yn.jpg


Apologies for length? Apologies for length of the wait to finally get it sorted more likely!
(Chav In A Box? Was busy stealing your Vauxhall Nova on, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 23:50, Reply)

Ho hum
Unfortunately I've never had any major body parts removed by a surgeon...
...but I have had the piss taken out of me by a medical student.

badum-tish!
(Plyck, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 23:36, Reply)

The wisdom teeth thing
Ah, having read previous blogs I can confirm that having 3 wisdom teeth out at the same time (in hospital, I was lucky)is horrible. A new flat, new job, new town, and NO friends, a week drinking soup on your own with no family or anyone to assist or even visit you is a pretty horrible and lonesome event. I stuck them on my bedsit wall for a year just to remind me and anyone who did eventually visit how painful it was.

I don't have them any more but wish I could shove them in some dentist's face. Those people are never real.
( Tiggy the diver, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 22:36, Reply)

My Gynaecologist did the proverbial Op
Yep, the whole lot went down the toilet or wherever they get rid of it, over 5 years ago. Sex has never been better and has changed my life. Never wanted children anyway ! Who would in this world ? The diving is even better......
( Tiggy the diver, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 22:08, Reply)

my wifes gran
used to work in a sheet metal factory as a nurse. pretty frequently, people sliced off thumbs and fingers carrying razor sharp sheets of metal.

They all knew the drill - pick up the thumb/finger and leg it to nurse kitty.

Her son grew up with people always waving thumbs or fingers at his mum - the ones she'd re-attached for them.

Only then the law changed and it had to be done by a surgeon at the hospital. of course, mostly by the tim they got to hospital, a good number of them were too late. Meh...
(teasus likes tea, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 20:53, Reply)

My Granda
Has two stumps on his right hand where he stuck his hand into a stone chipper.

That is all.
(Viscous Fridge Magnet Used To Be A Cha-Cha, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 20:30, Reply)

There once was a pirate...
who walked into a bar with a peg leg, hook hand, and eye patch. One of the local drunks got curious and asked how he lost the leg. The pirate replied "It got bit off by a shark." Then the guy asked how he lost the hand. The pirate replied "The same damned shark bit it off when I tried to get my leg back." The drunk then replied "Oh so the shark got your eye too?" The pirate got a whistful look in his eyes and said "No... a seagull crapped in it." The drunk laughed and asked how the Hell seagull crap could make him lose an eye. The pirate said "It was my first day with the hook."
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 20:08, Reply)

nipple
my mate a few years ago decided he wanted a nipple pierced, so thought "bollocks to paying £25" i'll use that freezing spray and do it myself"
fecking idiot.
he's now missing the sticky out bit of his nipple.
fell clean off
(bryony*niamh kneecaps exist to be hit with clawhammers., Tue 6 Jun 2006, 20:06, Reply)

one armed man...
i was at college many years ago - it was during my chemical experimental, ravy davy gravy days so a lot of stuff from that time is a bit vague. if there are any gaps in the story that's why.... anyhoo, i started a building course at college in the september - there were some new bods from the previous year and one of them was a top bloke called tony. tony had a tattoo of bertie bassett on his arse (as shown in middle of college canteen) and also had an arm missing from the shoulder. the word was that he'd been in a scooter crash on hols which resulted in the arm going - i never asked him outright, it's a difficult subject to bring up innit? so a week or so in to the term and mid-class tony slams face first into his desk in what appeared to be a fairly frenzied head-butt - cue shock, awe and mild amusement all around, it turns out tony had decided to rest his chin on his missing arm and forgotten it was no longer there... you know, this story was better to experience - it's only i see it now that it looks a bit, well rubbish... sorry tony, you deserved better!
( sir loafalot ended an eon of lurking on, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 18:53, Reply)

Mildly embarrassing, this
But seeing some of the other posts I though I might as well share it.

To briefly explain, I get bouts of really, really bad eczema - my skins blisters up, goes crusty and just becomes unbearably painful and itchy. Unfortunately, this often afflicts my nipples, and it's not really the done thing to frequently get your tits out and rub cream all over them as I have to do (although I'm sure some people wouldn't object), so I tend to have to leave them be most of the time.

Rewind to about... ooh, five years ago? when I just started to suffer from it again for the first time since childhood. Joy. It was the middle of a really hot summer, which always makes my skin bad, and I couldn't sleep due to the constant pain and itching. Eventually I just got so fed up with my cracked, bleeding nipples I decided it would be a good idea to just get it over and done with and... cut them off with a pair of nail scissors. I think I may have been driven a bit nuts by the lack of sleep and such. All the affected skin gone with minimal pain, I bandaged the lot up and settled down for the first decent nights sleep I'd had in weeks. Next morning, remove dressing, and the tips of my otherwise brown nips are now pink, and a wee bit shorter than they were.

As an aside, the eczema's never spread to the sticky-outy bits since, and they're about 10 times as sensitive as they were previously, which has it's bonuses...

Edit: Also, prior to this post, I'd only told about two people about this. Ah well.
( useful_idiot, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 17:47, Reply)

My E.T. Fingers
My first ever post, thought I'd share a story with you all...

Imagaine the scene: After what seems like days of labour, a woman has finally given birth to a bouncy healthy boy. Or so she thinks. The midwife in charge goes up to the now-relieved new mother to reveal a startling, shocking revelation.

'Erm, Madam, there seems to be a problem with your baby...'
'Oh god no. He hasn't got a terminal illness has he? Please don't tell me he's mentally handicapped, please!'
Oh no, madam, nothing that bad, its just that, well, erm...
'What?!'
'He has 6 fingers, miss, on each hand.'
'Ohh god, my son's like an alien!'

That boy was me- surprisingly. Yes, I was born with 12 fingers in total, one extra mini-little pinky appendage attached just about halfway down my pinkys. I had, in short, ET fingers. Apparently, the doctors said to my mum this is quite common, but I'll be buggered if I've ever met anyone with extra mini-fingers. The Japanese also consider babies born with 6 fingers as having bad luck, which may explain the bullying, the Emoness and the extreme lack of skills in picking up girls that I have. I was also born on Saddamn Hussein's birthday, so maybe that might have been a factor.

Anyway, the doctors and my mum agreed that the best thing to do would be to take off the extra digits. Did the doctors do this in surgery, with a neat incision and a little couple of stitches? Did they fuck. Instead, they decided the best way to get rid of them would be to tie a piece of string around the fingers , stopping the blood flow to the fingers and actually wait for them to basically die and drop off! I shit you not! And as a lovely little souvenier to remind us of the fact that I was born a bit of freak, my mum got to take home a small glass of formaldehyde which contained the blackened stumps that used to be my fingers. Can't think of nothing better myself really.

So, that would be the end of that. Well no, it wouldn't. One day later, when I was still months old, my mum took me on a ferry. And, yep, you've guessed it, she lost them. My 2 extra fingers. In a glass of formaldehyde. On a ship.

To this day, I still envision the scene of a cleaner lady meticulously cleaning up the ferry ship after a long day and suddenly coming across a jar of what, to her, would seem to be two horribly blackened leeches, like something out of a scientific experiment. And then screaming, loudly, and running away for dear life. And I smirk to myself a little.

Oh yeah, and in case you guys think I'm telling porkies here, the little digits left their own little mark on my pinkies, in the form of two small little lumps. And here's the proof: img402.imageshack.us/my.php?image=etfingers8ds.jpg

Apologies? Length? John Holmes didn't apologize, and neither will I.
(The Snaffler Glitter is the herpes of the arts & crafts world-, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 17:31, Reply)

i lost my mind once...
it has yet to be located or returned.

*dribbles*
( MrHaze likes to poo, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 16:30, Reply)

Random toenail loss
A few nights ago I was laying in bed,and I was almost asleep. Then,i guess I kinda scraped my foot against the bed linen and felt my toenail catch. Now,this REALLY bugs me,so i pulled my foot up to in front of my face (very bendy legs,hehe) and examined the offending toenail. Turns out my little toenail (which is so little its practically not a toenail) was hanging on by a tiny bit of nail. In my sleepy state,i just pulled the thing off,then texted my boyfriend saying "my toenail just fell off",then went back to sleep.

Not very exiting,but pretty weird.
(Miharu, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 15:56, Reply)

i went out with a woman in bristol
who had lost her thumb in an industrial accident (not the funny bit).
she had two prosthetic thumbs made - one for work and a best one for going out, as you do.
so we went out for her mums birthday to some irish pub in bristol town centre (it was 1999, they were trendy then) and got very very drunk.
we were kicked out at 2 when it closed and got taxi's home.
wake up next morning and nic says "did you see what i did with my thumb?" to which i reply why would i know where your thumb was.
in the end the phone call to the bar went something along the lines of...(cos my gf was a c*nt and wouldn't do it)

me: hi, i was in last night and my girlfriend lost something really strange and i wondered if it had been handed in.
barmaid: what was it, i'll have a look in lost property.
me: her thumb
barmaid: ... i'm sorry?
me: a prosthetic thumb, it's the whole thumb.
barmaid: is this a windup?
me: no it's a £750 prosthetic limb - just a small one.
barmaid: sorry no, i think we'd have noticed that.

so there you are - we never found it so someone in bristol now has a spare thumb...
apologises for length about such a small thing
( crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 15:21, Reply)

Just remembered
Fell off my skateboard when I was about... oooh say one Bart Simpson's age old, and my tooth came out.
Via my face.
I had lips like the love child of Angelina Jolie and a crocodile for about a month after that.
(Bellamy's Enemy, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 15:19, Reply)

Appendix
When I was 17, I lost my appendix. The fucker burst on me one Sunday night. I never really knew what pain was until I started trying to walk to school Monday morning, and it took me 10 minutes to cross the road outside my house.

So I decided to go home and lie down for a spell. Everyone in my family was out at work or school, so I spent the next 10 hours puking up bile and trying not to die.

My mum gets back home about 5-ish, sees me lying in bed and embarks on a massive bollocking, but then she notices the colour of my skin and the fact that me, my bed and the floor is covered in yellowish-green vomit.

So she phones the doctor who comes to check me out, and he says "I think you have peritonitus. I would advise you to get to hospital as soon as possible or there's a very good chance you could die." Cheers mate.

So I get down the hospital and some bastard med student, to literally add insult to injury, sticks his hand up my arse. They put me under, cut me open, and scoop out mushy porridge that used to be some useless fucking timebomb throwback to when we all used to eat fucking grass or something.

I wake up after the op, and I've got a tube right down my jap's eye which is slowly filling up a bag full of piss. And I can't shit for 8 days.

Absolutely horrendous.
(geegee, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 15:12, Reply)

Teeth again - I know, i'm fed up of teeth stories too
But I have ten (10) secondary teeth missing, all of my wisdom teeth & some of my molars, so despite being 29 I still have milk teeth.

At my last ever orthodontist session when I was 15 he took another cast of my teeth.

Me: "If this is my last session, why do you need another cast?"
Orthodontist: "To show at seminars because your teeth are so unusual"
Me: "So i'm to be paraded around by your sick dentist buddies as a freaky curiosity huh?"
Orthodontist: "Look, just have some of this gas"
Me: "Do I have to? It has weird side effects, I always wake up with a sore bum"



Ahem, sorry about that. Long story short, I am missing 10 secondary teeth & somewhere out there is my cast used to entertain orthodontists. Those crazy kids.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 14:58, Reply)

Lost my front tooth
When I was a teenager, peddling very fast down a hill, old-fashioned speedometer on front wheel wasn't working so I kicked it, missed and foot went between the spokes of the wheel. Front wheel stopped dead, I continued over handlebars, landed smack onto road, bits of tooth everywhere, and then the bloody bike landed on my back. It hurt.
(edache T.F.B.U.N.D.Y., Tue 6 Jun 2006, 14:52, Reply)

Not me but....
my cat. 22 years old he is, and he still wont die. had to have an eye removed, cost £150!!! could have done it for free with a stick.
(TurboGEEK is thinking wizards should know better., Tue 6 Jun 2006, 13:54, Reply)

ALMOST a nut
When I was about 16 some girl in my year I hardly knew anyway was stood there giggling with her friends at me. Thinking I was being admired, I just thought I'd act cool and as if nothing was happening.

Unfortunately, they were planning an assassination. Said girl walks up to me calmly and coldbloodedly kicks me as hard as she can in the bollocks. Good lord it hurt. She had really swung her leg backwards and towards my nuts in a perfect arc. Of course, all I could do then was collapse and remain in the foetal position for a full 20 minutes, the guys all pale and staying in a little group so that the same thing doesn't happen to them and the girls still laughing for about 5 minutes.

However, when my tears started streaming down my face they realised something might be wrong and the school matron was brought, who felt me up in front of pretty much the WHOLE SCHOOL, something I wasn't proud about not that I cared, and she called an ambulance. I was fine though, just a "bruised testicle" or something. Phew!

apologies for length, it's my first time!
( morrybyte made a subtle namechange at, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 13:53, Reply)

My mate Dave hasn't got any legs
Poor sod had both legs amputated at the hip. I took him out clubbing once but the bouncers threw him out.

I asked them why.

They said he was assing around on the dancefloor.
.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 13:53, Reply)

My missing bits.
As a baby my parents had me circumcised, pisses me off now, cos whenever my mates' girlfriends find out they always want to have a look. "ive never seen a real one" they say.
I say, if you whack your fanny out right now i'll show you, and they soon shut up.
Ive also had all four wisdom teeth out in one sitting, it fucking hurt and i wanted to beat three shades of shit out my dentist - wanker.
(TurboGEEK is thinking wizards should know better., Tue 6 Jun 2006, 13:49, Reply)

lost my thumb....
...got it back though.

Damn double sided knife...cutting bread...thumb on blade thats facing me + force down = claret everywhere!

Yeah so I lost like a quarter of my thumb!

They put it back on tough!

And I didn't even cry*











*lies

*EDIT*
Just remembered I lost lots of stuff, like everything that entered me (foodwise you dirty gets), at an incredible speed.

That was viler bactor or something like that and meant that they thought I would die and/or have my appendix out, I still have my internal appendix! :)
( Supersam11 Can I go on the slides please?, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 13:47, Reply)

Dog Toy
I threw my dog a ball once and he came back with a finger (with a ring on).

So I've got a missing body part, but it's not missing from me. If anyone wants to claim it, I think it's in a lost property box at Belton House in Lincolnshire.

If anyone found the ball.....
(Jugular, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 13:08, Reply)

In America...
It's very expensive having operations in America, especially amputations.

They cost an arm and a leg.
(user_unknown, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 12:54, Reply)

grandmasterfluffles...
i also once had a plague of verrucas too, i have no idea why but i had about 40 as well, i was only young and i did gymnastics so it left me rather self conscious as well. I went to the doctors to get it sorted and they gave me these wierd pills that dissolve in water and you have a foot bath. All well, they went away and have never come back (thank god) only the foot bath turned my feet and toenails the most disgusting shade of orange. Lovely. my feet are no longer orange.
(Salbo_baggins, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 12:26, Reply)

things i lost.
I lost my hearing. actually i never had it in the first place. luckily i have some hearing. otherwise i wouldnt be a musician.

I paid 100£ to have the privelige of having my back tooth wrenched out. This is because i eat too many sweeties.

Some people think i have lost my mind. I think everythings okay.

My sister at nursery once got her fingernail stuck between the floorboards so she wrenched it out, leaving the whole entire fingernail stuck there. Ouch.

Thats about it. I havent lost anything really interesting before.
(Salbo_baggins, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 12:17, Reply)

One nipple
Not me, but a bloke I know caught his nipple on a hook in the wall, whilst slightly under the influence, running after another guy. He kept running, unaware that his nipple had ripped off and was now hanging from said hook. He only has one nipple now.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Tue 6 Jun 2006, 11:57, Reply)