How many other
lady b3tan's are well fucking miffed about the QOTW subject? I mean, come on! We have basically two options:

a) I shagged one hur hur
b) I sucked one hur hur

Not happy. Not happy at all. First time I've moaned ever about the subject.

EDIT: ok I've also been told you can have bitten one, but personally not my style.
Full-scale debate here
www.b3ta.com/questions/pythonshame/post386098
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 14:32, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lunch advice needed
Help! Currently I am stuck eating lunch with Stupid Woman and Vegan Lady and Creepy Contractor (except not him today as they wanted to talk smack about him) and frankly they're both terrible conversationalists. 15 minutes later Daft Lass and Sarcastic Guy go down for lunch which would be a much more interesting experience. However, every lunchtime when SW and VL get up to go to lunch they turn to me and say, "Coming to lunch?" and even if I say, "in a bit", and go down when DL and SG go down I get guilted into sitting with them.

Anyone got any suggestions as to how I can get out of eating lunch with them every day without offending? Or am I just going to have to suck it up and snub them?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 13:45, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a cat...
I also work from home in an office/bedroom/squat - it's large enough to fit just a double bed, and a desk - there is no room to swing a cat.

Which brings me to my point, I have lost a cat in here.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:32, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fuck me
I made the best of...

just goes to show how truly truly awful the pun question was.

new qotw: could be really shite, could yield some gems...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 12:27, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

childish chuckle time
www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article5892498.ece

The name of the Niagra Fire Captain?

David Belme.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 9:44, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Thursday Home Sweet Home


Socialise, procrastinate, confess, insult, seduce, advertise: Come and post on HSH.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 7:54, 314 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Instant coffee
Coffee + milk then water

OR

Coffee + water then milk.

You decide.
(Zutroy started without you, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 6:07, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

2nd freaking year in a row!
Yes, for the second year in a row, I missed my b3taday. For my 1st b3taday, I wasn't even paying attention. However, this year, I've been watching it like a hawk for the last week so I wouldn't miss it.

So what happened? I got busy at the office.

Damn you work ethic!


Which means it is now happy belated b3taday to me. Look at the cute icon I bought myself in celebration of being 2 years old though.....cute, huh?
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 12 Mar 2009, 4:28, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

After a brief absence...
I bring you the final instalment of Kaol Black and the Beast Of Chignal Smealy:






As always, links to all previous comics are here.
( Cawl, Thu 12 Mar 2009, 2:29, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Wednesday night
and it's time for one of these

[EDIT: HSH image changed to prevent people from getting headaches (the original is in the link below)]




This post's original HSH image can be found here
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 19:35, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does anyone else get horny in the spring?
Ahem. The same thing happens to me around this time every year. As soon as the daffodils bloom, I turn into a gibbering mass of horn.

Does anyone else get that?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 19:18, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm kinda reeling here.
I got a call this afternoon from a former girlfriend. Apparently she went into the hospital for some surgery on her foot, and now she's having congestive heart failure. She called me because she's not expected to make it and she wanted to talk to me while she could.

She lives a pretty long distance from here. Going to visit will require a full day at the very least.

She's just a little over 40 years old. She's too fucking young for this. For that matter, I'm too young to lose a former lover in this way. It's giving me the jibblies.

God. One girlfriend in the asylum (and back out again) and another headed for the grave...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 19:11, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck this, I'm going to have a rant
I'm not entirely sure how long this is going to be, so I will apologise for length before this is written. If you have a short attention span, well it's not my fucking problem now, is it?

Right. I realise I have a shitload of advantages going for me in life at the moment. My parents are sane, I'm living in a good place, and my work is ideally placed. I have everything I need practically on my doorstep. I have supportive friends, and I earn a wage which means I can pay my bills. Hell, even my boss is top notch. It looks like it is going to be a good year ahead for me, what with going to various gigs (Blur, Oasis, Fatboy Slim- yes, I like some mainstream music. If you don't like it, go take a running jump into a vat of boiling acid), and the opportunity to meet what looks like a very interesting and cool bunch of people come April.

However, I increasingly find myself wondering about what would happen if I was to leave it all. Just to pack a bag and up sticks into the hills somewhere and leave it all behind. All the bullshit, all the fakeness, all the doom and gloom we see daily on the screen. Frankly, I can't be arsed watching the news anymore, and what passes for popular culture at the moment leaves me not so much cold as frigid.

Would anyone notice if I were to leave? Would it cosmically speaking matter if I chose to drop out? I mean I know people care about me on some level, but I do sometimes wonder about the motivation.

Reading all of the above back, I suspect I may be suffering from a case of boredom on a galactic level. Either that or I'm on another depressive slide. Who knows? I mean, I'm 26, and I'm bored.

Ah fuck it. I'm off to get pissed.

Laters.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 17:06, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Help desperately needed.
Why?

Because it’s coming up to comic relief and I’m trying and play along with everyone and enter into the spirit of it. The task, is to ‘submit a joke’ to the team bulletin board, the best joke winning half of the entry money (before peer pressure will see them almost forced to give the whole lot to charity), the worst joke will receive ‘some sort of evil forfeit’ Likely to be either a custard pie or bucket of slime.

I don’t really want to lose. So, what’s the best ever – non offensive – joke?

Come on, help! There are kids starving… apparently.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:41, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Watchmen
Warning: Contains a couple of minor spoilers.

Right... People are gonna be split on this one, I know.
For the record, I've read the graphic novel, and enjoyed it, a lot.
But a film isn't a comic, so obviously it's not going to be executed in the same way.

That said, I thought it was a damn fine adaptation, apart from the fact that they changed the ending.

Zack Snyder has pretty much used the comic as the script and storyboard, but that's no bad thing. Some of the dialogue is, admittedly a little long-winded and dry, but the one-liners help to balance this out.

Oh, and to the hordes of laughing morons:

Yes, there's a naked guy.
Yes you can see his penis.
No, it wasn't funny the first time.
For fuck's sake, you bunch of drooling retards, it's not fucking funny the fifth time.
Unless of course it's a surprise to you. Yes, men have those.
Fuckin' cock-less wonders that you are.
I hope you choke on your god-damn popcorn. It's people like you who watch the X-Factor, isn't it?
Twats.

Anyway, onto the breakdown:

+ The acting was, on the whole, excellent, and it was good to see a cast that wasn't made up of Hollywood "big names".

+ The set and costume design was well executed, and some of the camera work was rather spectacular.

+ Flashback sequences were excellently woven into the flow of the film, and didn't disrupt the story as they can do occasionally.

+ Gore and violence. Bloody good stuff. Severed arms, broken bones and a knife through the neck. Oh, and people being meatily exploded. Very nicely done.

+ A Midget-crime-boss. Who gets killed. In the toilet. Perfect.

+ The most hilariously awkward sex-scene in a film, ever.

And the not-so-good:

- Dragged in places. Some of the dialogue could've been shortened. T'was a bit long over-all.

- Horrificly generic "everything's gonna be fine" section tagged on after the Antarctic-base, and before the last scene in the newspaper office. The dialogue seems to have been written by George fuckin' Lucas.

- The "bad guy" was pretty dull. Matthew Goode, you're a boring actor. Still, at least Jude "god-damn-smug-prick" Law didn't get the part.

- They changed the ending a fuck-load from the original. I can see why, but it feels to me that it's Zack Snyder trying stamp his mark on what is otherwise a cut and paste comic-to-film adaptation.

I'm gonna rate it 7.5/10.
Worth seeing it in cinema, I'd say too, for maximum appreciation of the camera-work and gore. Well, mostly for the gore.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:56, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I overslept this morning.
It's been warm outside, so I slept with the window open. Having recently been sick, I've been sleeping more deeply than usual. I vaguely remember the alarm going off this morning- apparently instead of Snooze I hit Off. I woke up about 8:30 and arrived at work an hour later, expecting to be explaining and apologizing.

No one noticed.

Fuck my life.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:02, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shameless whoring
Or should that be pimping?

Discuss.

After you've looked here at my suggestion for QOTW.

b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post385065

*whores*
*pimps*
*plumps*
*wars*
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:54, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

After quite a messy session last night
I am prompted to ask does anyone indulge in sexytime sober ?

I'm not even sure what some of the debris lying about my flat was actually used for , I remember a lot of laughter ( in a good way) and I know we scooped every drop of anything even vaguely narcotic or stimulating .

So when was the last time you did it with your eyes open ?
What is your favourtite sexytime drug ?







( horace wimp needs more than 49 characters to fully express hi, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:51, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can do technology, me!
Top o' de mornin!

Having received my (free) replacement Baylis Revolution Eco-media player after the first one was damaged, I filled it up with media, added a memory card and was good to go for a bit but then it went 'funny'.

I emailed the help people and they set me on a course of checks which eventually rendered up the solution of downloading firmware and reformatting.

It worked! (At least on the built-in disk. I think I will have to try reformatting the external one as well).

As a Luddite and a near-totally incompetent clown, I am immensely proud of not having f*cked that up.

What inconsequential trivialities have made you undeservedly proud of yourself recently?

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:36, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well there is a first time for everything!


Come on in and have yourself a good time!

Arse biscuits
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:36, 223 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am so fucking happy right now!
My boyfriend has been having ski time the last 5 days with his son. He got home today, and thee first thing he did was kiss me in front of everyone and said "I missed you so much, I love you"

Yeah, I know, it's a lame post but better than a 'I am a miserable, boring, people keep dying' cunt.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 2:09, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Disposable toilet paper (AKA why hippies suck)
dear fucking god, for the love of all that is holy, please no:

living.wallypop.net/wipes.html

*already posted on /links, but not all the off-topic crowd goes there...
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 23:59, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Tuesday Night Thread

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 19:15, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Say it ain't Quo!
"I realised I must have looked really stupid.”

www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article2309123.ece

www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/rossi%20loses%20his%20ponytail_1097319

www.pr-inside.com/rossi-loses-his-ponytail-r1104598.htm

Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 10 Mar 2009, 16:09, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

just a thought...
i was wondering how many Badger related usernames there are on B3ta?
there's me and TGB for starters...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 10 Mar 2009, 14:35, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Busky Busky Busking...
I've decided that when I move house (to a different city - & seeing as I don't have a job to go to when I get there) I'm going to busk for a little while.

Having never done so before, I've approached it with my business head and thought about how to make the most of it. I'm going to go out at peak times (Weekday lunchtimes/finishing work times and after kicking out time at the weekend when everyone is beered up and the purse-strings are loosened somewhat).

I want to stand out from your average *strum, strum, strum* Oasis-esque busker and I'm also aiming to play to my demographic - i.e the Xfactor/celebrity obsessed office crowd and play the sort of things more commonly heard as ringtones etc.

Having said that, if you were to encounter a 'Busker with a difference' whilst on your lunchbreak from work/in the taxi queue on a Saturday night, what would YOU like to hear?

Some ideas sugested so far include; The Noisettes (Don't upset the Rhythm), Amy Winehouse's version of Valerie, Lily Allen (The Fear) etc. Can you think of any others, or any decent 'male' songs? - I'm open to any suggestions, however random!

Mucho Gracias!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 10 Mar 2009, 12:09, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Tuesday
Let the madness begin.


( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 10 Mar 2009, 9:05, 279 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Enzyme behind cancer spread found
A lot of b3tans seem to be having bereavements or bereavement-anniversaries as of late, so I thought I'd pass on this glimmer of hope. Apparently, scientists have now figured out what causes cancer to spread around the body.
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7813072.stm
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 23:20, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Blurgh! 2009 hasn't been a great year so far on here.
Remember 2008 when we were young and full of hope. Remember the summer that went on for ever, (erm, well until May anyway), when all of this was new and exciting and the possibility for fun seemed endless. What happened to us? Why did we become shadows of our former B3ta identities?

It's not too late to reverse the trend. We just need to buck up our ideas and dig deep and release the inner child. Throw off the shackles of day to day responsibilities and once again become daft as a brush.

Your website needs you. Your fellow B3tans need you. I NEED YOU.

Make me laugh dammit. Make me giggle like a loon. Make me laugh so much that a little bit of wee comes out. Make me proud.








This message has been brought to you by the slightly sad but still very silly Big-girl's-blouse.
( girlinthehole, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 20:52, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Monday night madness
Let it begin...


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 9 Mar 2009, 19:56, 106 replies, latest was 16 years ago)