Well there is a first time for everything!


Come on in and have yourself a good time!

Arse biscuits
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:36, 223 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning.
I've made a shocking discovery this morning.

It turns out that drinking Stella until 4am is not a good preperation for meeting a multi-million pound client today.

Whoops...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:38, Reply)

Morning!
Was v confused when I popped onto off topic a few mins ago and There Was No Morning Thread.

I was quite beside myself and had to go play elsewhere for a while.

Ta for restoring order.

It is, after all, a Wednesday.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:41, Reply)

AA
Nope it's not good for that at all.

Psyche, I popped in as well and didn't find the HSH, it made me so afeared I had to start one, now I'm sure I'm being stalked by Teh Fear!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:44, Reply)

Hi there!
Up until 4 drinking Stella eh? Could be the best way to get the business, as long as the customer was with you at the time.
Best/biggest deal I ever signed was in the mountain retreat of a very dodgy Bulgarian guy (the supplier) with the buying group of a large pan-european car manufacturer. I'd tell you all about it but nobody would believe it!

Anyhoo, how is everyone today?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:46, Reply)

Unfortunately...
That wasn't the case.

I'm the network admin for the company, and am being called into a meeting to give information about it.

Need foooooood!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:48, Reply)

AA
You need a large dose of Bacon, stat!

Get thee to a baconary!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:50, Reply)

Gutted.
We're only allowed to get any breakfast at 11ish.

Need food!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 8:53, Reply)

Nooooooo
Breakfast at 11am, that's just wrong!

The company you work for is evil!

EDIT Captain, I'm all of the good today, grinning like a loon as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:00, Reply)

Well
Yes they are.

Now we know who to go to to get fake cards :)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:11, Reply)

hey lovelies, how are we?
filthy and festering I hope, mind wise?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:12, Reply)

*sniffs*
Some people body wise as well it seems
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:19, Reply)

Morning Badger and Vampy
Oh I'm as filthy minded as ever. It's one of the few constants in my life.

Aw Badger are you feeling poorly? Would you like a cup of tea and a cake?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:22, Reply)

morning again!
Got sidetracked by my mum calling and chatting for half an hour, bless her.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:27, Reply)

11am brekkie
Did I read that correctly??

And you manage to deprive yourself of food til 11?

That is very very mean and nasty.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:28, Reply)

No dok
I was saying you all smell
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:28, Reply)

Psyche
You've got to love mums really, always wanting to know what's happening in their kids life.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Argh
I woke up in the middle of the night from a dream where I was having an exciting adventure with several HSH regulars. I thought, "Ooh, I must remember to post this. Should I write it down? No, it'll be fine." and went back to sleep.
And now that's all I can recall. :-(
Morning all!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:30, Reply)

Watch it missy
or I'll put you over my knee and give you the spanking of your young life!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:31, Reply)

Oh no bless her!
I do love her, but she justlets me know what's going on in her life - tell ya, the woman is mental.

In a good way.

She called me up a couple of weeks ago t tell me that she'd jsut done a 24 1/2 mile run incorporating so many peaks and blah blah blah. I walk. Once a day. With the dog. I'm not unfit but...

(and the cow has a washboard stomach)
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:32, Reply)

TLIC
Morning!

Now go back to sleep until you can remember and enthrall us with the adventureses.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:33, Reply)

Chains
You are a Spak, I would have loved to read that!

Psyche, So it's the other way round with you, cool. Your mum sound like one energetic lady.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:34, Reply)

That's just my signature scent, TGB
La lumière en chaînes pour homme. It's been likened to a grease fire on a wet dog.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:36, Reply)

I think you would hate me psyche
I do no exercise, eat lots of junk food and don't bother counting calories.

And I am tiny.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:40, Reply)

I'm not talking to you till you remember the dream
Recently I have been waking up 4 or 5 times a night which means I have been having a lot of dreams! Non of them involving you scallies though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:40, Reply)

Vampy-
No, you sound much like myself!

(Altho my stomach is not as flat as my mum's - grr)

I'm sure in a few years' time when my metabolism starts to slow with the onset of three.zero. I wll hate you then, but for now we can be friends!!

But I would like to be fit.... sometimes....
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:43, Reply)

last night
I dreamt that my fella had cleared out his wardrobe and instead of shirts in there he had loads of black lacy women's knickers. Some of which I KNEW belonged to his ex.

I have almost forgiven him, and was civil on the phone to him this morning, but he may remain in the bad books until the end of the day.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:45, Reply)

Vampy
I used to be like that at your age.

Badger, I bet you have been dreaming about us, you just don't want to admit it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:48, Reply)

aha I'm sure you're not as bad as me psyche
I can't even run around the block. mind you my block is 10km around.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:48, Reply)

morning cunts
how are we?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:49, Reply)

Vampy,
I'll happily let you take the title. I have kinda tried to promise myself that in September (when I move down to London and have to give my dog to my mum for 10 months - booooo) I'll join a gym. Or at least try to exercise regularly.

We'll see.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Mornin' all.
I had a weird experience last night.
Scared the fuck outta me. No sleep for Kaol.

Anyway, how're the rest of you people?
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Morning Kaol
Go on, share, it'll ease the burden. And the rest of us'll feel less shit about our own respective crappinesses.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:54, Reply)

I'm now curious
as to what happened to kaol. Tell me?

Psyche - can I have badge symbolising that I'm the least fit then?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:55, Reply)

Vampy...
That is a GREAT idea! Erm... but how does one go about creating said badge?

And could we not also have an "unfit brigade" badge? Then I could have one too!!!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:56, Reply)

OOh I just remembered some of my dreams
One involved my bath being full of sand
One involved me mowing the lawn
One was a fairly graphic lesbian encounter I had with a blonde girl. She was pretty hot...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:57, Reply)

that sounds brilliant
can anyone else here help us out here? I have no skills on Photo shop. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Morning Becky you filth monger!
Kaol, morning, do tell what disturbed you?

Vampy, you need to get fitter! But I must admit I couldn't run round my block, let alone yours!

EDIT Badger they sound like good dreams, especially the lesbian one.

I made a badge, but only one person is allowed to wear it. I could have a go at another one if folks wnt to gaz me their ideas.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 9:58, Reply)

I'm not so much unfit
As incredibly lazy.

My dog will - pick up my keys for me if I drop them, fetch most items I point to on demand, open the front door (including the handle - but not unlocking it!), he'll tidy his own toys away into a box, and now, apparently, load the washing machine for me but only if all my clothes have bloody knots in them.

The dog slavery is still very much work in progress.

Oh, and he still won't walk to bloody heel.

But the plan is eventually I won't have to do ANYTHING. Is all good.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Morning everyone
Anyone want to come to Hatfield to break someone's house a lot?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:05, Reply)

himjim
someone do something bad?
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Just slightly :D
Some moron got my Dad's credit card details and spent 6 grand on crap, including some nice furniture. Problem was, the invoice came to the card address.

Along with the delivery address for the items.

*cracks knuckles*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:09, Reply)

TGB
You had been kidnapped and were being held in Dok's secret lair deep beneath the West Croydon Tramlink stop. We weren't going to do anything but VC pointed out that no TGB meant no TGB Birthday Bash and we sprang into action. Kaol picked us all up in his replica batmobile (it was pink) and went to his lab where captain X picked the lock. We burst in and discovered you and Dok having tea and cakes. The end.
it was nothing like that.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:14, Reply)

Right...
So last night, at about 1am I popped outside for a smoke before I went to bed.

I didn't bother putting the light on, as there was a bright moon.

So, there I was, leaning against the corner of my house, when I heard this weird-as-hell noise.

It's hard to explain on here, it was like a combination of a shout and a groan and a growl, very far away.
Almost sounded like it had a slight reverb/echo to it. Really odd.

I listened carefully, and a few seconds later, there it was again.

I live in the middle of the countryside, so there are no noises from traffic or other people. I only have three other people living in a mile radius of my house.
And I'm out there smoking every night, never heard it before.
I've heard plenty of other noises, but all of them have been explainable.

Anyway, then I heard it again, much louder, and the dog that the people next door have went fucking mental, barking and snarling.

Then I heard it again, for longer, about the same volume.

Sounds like a child is being fucked to death with a kitchen knife? That'd be a fox.
A dirty, snarling, grunting noise like an old man with rabies jerking it at a bus-stop? That's be a couple of young badgers play-fighting.

So yeah, I know what noises are what, and I have no fucking clue what that one was.
I'm not afraid to admit that it properly freaked me out.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Oh What Idiots.
I get soooooo furious when I hear stories like that. Grrrr. What makes people think they have more of a right to what someone else has earned? I've worked for INCREDIBLY wealthy folks, as I'm sure others on here have, and yes, some were undeserving wankers. But I wouldn't dream of stealing from them.

I'll come with you and chop the bastards' hands off.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Kaol
A fox rogering a badger?
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:18, Reply)

Dok
please give me the badge.
I want it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:19, Reply)

I have no fuckin' clue.
One of those "finish smoking as fast as possible and get indoors" noises.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:19, Reply)

That's weird Kaol
Maybe it was the anti smoking police? :p

Chains that dream is pretty good, I may try have that one tonight!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Kaol
It does sound like the opening scene from a horror movie. Perhaps you have were-badgers.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:24, Reply)

Kaol
That sounds like a wierd arse noise to me.

Maybe it was a crytozoological creature? I can tell you it wasn't me though.

Chains, nice dream, can I borrow it for a bit?

Hell Jim, I'd be up for helping. At least the police have got an address and a list of the stuff that was bought!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:24, Reply)

I heard about some other
credit card fraud the other day. But the person used it to pay off a 7500 squid M&S loan meaning the bank could instantly see all of their details and send the boys in blue around.

Fraudsters are getting stoooopider
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Morning everyone
How goes it?
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:28, Reply)

See, this is why I don't have
A credit card.

EDIT: Morning Halfy!
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Because he was adamant
That he had to have a dog icon, The Disappointed now has the only animated pin on the b3tamap. And I'm now a big cartoon lightbulb. Hooray for "add an icon"!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Morning guys
I was up late last night discussing the fact that my sister smokes and the reason she's doing it (helps her overcome the urge to self harm). Fun times. When my parents found out she was smoking they turned the situation over to me and told me to do whatever I thought was best which includes me letting her smoke in the garden without having to try and hide it from me or my parents, buying her cigarettes when she needs them instead of getting a friend to do so and helping her work out what her underlying problems are.

I really enjoy helping people in this way (and previous experience suggests I'm good at it) but I've no idea whether or not I could make a change to counselling or even how to go about it if I could. Perhaps I'll look into it sometime when I've finished making my sister cry by showing her my scars...
( Captain V, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Vampy
I'll make you a badge, just gaz me with your ideas. You can't have the other badge, as it was made for just one person, not even I can use it!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Kaol
Are you implying that I'm Halfy?!
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah.
*shrugs*

I reckon that even if I guess right, you'll keep it quiet.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Ning Mongos
username isn't Halfy - Halfy is quite sexy.

I hope you lot are going to be more entertaining today.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:36, Reply)

Yup
I have a juggling act at 11, something involving knife throwing at 12 and a live sex show at 2
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Nah, I'm not Halfy
I just fancied a bit of a change from my normal username, got the idea from mr_bollox.
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:39, Reply)

Yay I'm back
*dons cape*

*goes off to save the world*
( Captain V, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:40, Reply)

For the love of Pete
Stupid Woman is being extra-stupid today. Indeed, she may have reached the very zenith (or should that be nadir) of stupidity.

"Chains, why doesn't my code work?"

Because of THIS THING YOU DID that has tripped you up EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU HAVE WRITTEN CODE in the past two years. Yes, it's counter-intuitive but you'd think you would remember it yourself at least once and do your own sodding debugging without interrupting me in my important task of making up dreams and pimping my map. But no, it's brand new to you every. Single. Time. Are you incapable of retaining information? Did you bang your head? Is this some work version of Memento? AM I IN HELL?!?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:40, Reply)

Morning Drixaling!
Nope, I thought that you would have realised by now that I'm never entertaining!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Drixy
you have tgb and lusty - back off. Halfy is mine.

rawr.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:41, Reply)

What tripped her up, Chains?
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Ha
I'll be in Australia next weekend. Don't make me come over there and kick your arse.

Dok, I've given up all hope of that.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Yeah Clendrix
Choosing to go to Oz rather than my birthday *cries*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Well Drixy
I can't sing, I can't dance, my jokes are slow and painful. I have been know to make people break down and cry.

But I also have been known to make people howl in delight ;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:47, Reply)

^howl in delight
whenever you leave the room? ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Nope
When I come in.

I can't do fancy schmancy nested replies, damn you Badger.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:52, Reply)

Hahahahahaahaha!
You've gotta move with the times!
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:52, Reply)

It's not difficult
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:54, Reply)

at all!
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:55, Reply)

Kaol
I know your fears!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:53, Reply)

So?
Doesn't mean you know my weaknesses!
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:55, Reply)

True
Not that I'd use them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:56, Reply)

Kaol I know your weaknesses!
They begin with S, PB and U :p

Well they may be fears... but I can use them to my advantage!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)

username1
Her code checks if new email address is not equal to old email address and should send an email in that case. But old email address is blank and in Oracle any comparison where one of the fields is null - whether it's equals, not equals, greater than, whatever - always evaluates to false. So in this case the email is not sent.

While typing this she interrupted me again to find out how to fix it (again, this is something she has to do a lot yet she cannot form a mental model of a check involving a null that allows her to solve it herself). I had to explain it EIGHT times in slightly different words until she finally grasped it.

Or at least stopped saying stupid things. I am not confident.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Hello everyone
I am not username1, thanks clendrix and vamps!

I hardly have enough time to post as me anymore, let alone a pretend account.

right, thats my HSH post for the day, back to the shit day job and house buying bollocks

Bye everyone
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:59, Reply)

That does sound like a pretty easy thing to code your way around, if you're aware of it
Particularly if she's done that sort of thing before!

(I know absolutely nothing about Oracle but I am a developer/database monkey)

Edit: don't worry Halfy I'm not impersonating you, I don't know where he got the idea from!
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 10:59, Reply)

I find it suspicious
That halfy and username convieniently posted at the same time
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Well Chains' Dream
Has given me the final push I needed to start my comic.

Now I just need to get a scanner or a tablet, and then I'll be on my way!

I may even start drawing tonight (badly).
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:04, Reply)

The plot thickens!
I just took a mighty risk and got a flapjack from the vending machine here.
It was "mango".
And 40p.

In the name of Science, let's see if it's ever even seen a fruit tree.

EDIT: Dok, you've got a camera, right? Just photo your drawings if you've not got a scanner!
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:05, Reply)

I have a tablet
I never use. I'll sell it to you for a very reasonable price Dok!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:06, Reply)

That's true Kaol
I never though of that, but then again I'm a bits slow at times.

Oh Badger how big is it?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:14, Reply)

You can get a scanner
for about £30 these days!
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Kaol...
"Mango" flapjack sounds fucking grim.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:18, Reply)

I know
I just can't be arsed to buy one that would hardly ever be used.

Oooooooh I've just been given coffee and biscuits. Omnomnomnomnom
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:19, Reply)

Yeah,
It was.
It tasted like something you'd be given as "food" on a long-haul flight to New Zealand or something.
*shudders*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:20, Reply)

About
this big *gestures* I think the bit you draw on is about A6 but the pen has a rubber on the end which is AMAZING!!

It's one of these
www.amazon.co.uk/Wacom-Graphire4-Classic-Tablet-Pen/dp/B000BD86YI
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Really?
Thank god I take my own food ;)
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:24, Reply)

I used to have a 12" one
but I lost it. :(

I may see if I can pinch one from work though.

Right so the badly drawn comic starts tonight!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:27, Reply)

As does the next Kaol Black
Well... only a month late :\
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:29, Reply)

I have about 70 comics I did years ago
On another site but they're under my real name so I need to either get my account renamed or copy them all off and change the name.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:30, Reply)

I watched The Watchmen for the second time in five days last night.
FTFW

I miss Kaol Black.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:30, Reply)

I was wondering
where he went to. Yours isn't badly drawn though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:31, Reply)

I like Labs comics
They make me hot and I have added them all to my shrine of him and I frequently masturbate over how talented and hot he is
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Drixylix
Is it any good? Have you read the comic?

EDIT Badger, is that the shrine with the skulls and stuff?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:32, Reply)

Skulls
with mohawks yes
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Watchmen is great!
Actually, I'm not busy this morning, maybe it's review time.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Kaol
So it stands up to the comic then, excellent.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:39, Reply)

I love the comic.
And I enjoyed the film.
Highly enjoyed it.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:40, Reply)

I feel so jealous
I can't draw cartoons for shit.
So no one has a shrine for me.

/sulks in the corner.

EDIT:
I saw Watchmen today! I fucking loved it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:42, Reply)

I haven't read the comic yet
but I've ordered it.

I think I have found something to become geeky about at last!
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:44, Reply)

I can't draw either Vampy
And I doubt anybody will ever have a shrine for me. It won't stop me doing it though.

Now get out of my corner!

Badger, thought so, you Lab worshipping monster you.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:44, Reply)

I can draw...
On a computer...

And I have a shrine to myself.

*wins*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:45, Reply)

Erm
I've got some MJ "This Is It" concert tickets.


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:46, Reply)

Urgh.
Why?
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:46, Reply)

get stuffed this is my corner
now get out or I'll sit on you.

And I never said I can't draw at all. Just that I can't draw cartoons.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Ethel
GTFO
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Vampy
I know you can draw, I've seen some of your work.

And no I'm not moving, I always hide in this dark corner. It's so that people don't flee in terror from looking at my hiddiously scarred face!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:51, Reply)

i'm sure it's not that bad
your face I mean.

*sits down on doks feet*
Hmm

sure is dark in this here corner. I cannae see a thing!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Why, Ethelred?!
It's over 25 years since he released anything decent!*

Well, I suppose there were a couple of good tracks on Bad.

*Which funnily enough was when he stopped working with Quincy Jones...
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:55, Reply)

He has never released anything decent.
100% FACT
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:57, Reply)

100% agree.
Although the video for "Beat It" is fucking funny.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 11:59, Reply)

LIES!
"The Way You Make Me Feel" is a fucking brilliant song and you deserve to be shot if you think other wise!


err... ok that was embarrassing to admit I think that
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Haaaaaaaaaahahahahaha
Yeh, we did have a good laugh at that, didn't we?

If I have to listen to that song, I will happily take the bullet.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Ooooh, interesting.
*waits for bullet*

Michael Jackson produces dull music the way a cow produces methane. Far too often.

Also he's a creepy mental who fucks kids.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:01, Reply)

I have to admit
That I've never liked MJ, not even in the Jackson 5!

Yes Vampy It's dark, dark like my soul.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:05, Reply)

/pulls out a glock
Shut up! It's just that one song! And Rockin Robin from when he was in the Jackson five. Shut up shut up shut up!

/waves gun madly.
Although he is a mental kiddie fiddler I know that.

EDIT: - Dok your soul ain't that dark. I bet your soul is all warm and happie and sunnylike.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:06, Reply)

*takes gun*
Calm down Vampy. Don't make me slap you!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:07, Reply)

A glock?
That's not a knife.

*clicks switchblade*

This is a knife.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:08, Reply)

that's not a knife!
*pulls out scimitar*

This is a knife.

and I never said I'd stab people. just that i'd shoot them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:10, Reply)

Er...
That's not a knife!
It's a sword!

*sighs*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Typical Kaol bringing a knife to a gunfight
Mind you he'd bring a knife to a coffee morning.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:13, Reply)

one fine day in the middle of the night
two dead men got up to fight
back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot each other.

I like that poem but I can never remember the rest.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:17, Reply)

*takes random weapons*
Any more of this and I release the hounds!

Dagnabit Vampy you saw through my clever disguise.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:17, Reply)

Vampy
The whole thing is;

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:23, Reply)

dok
it wasn't much of a disguise...just some shadows

:D
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:25, Reply)

...
coffee morning petting zoo
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:25, Reply)

...
petting zoo christening
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Petting Zoos
I like petting zoos, and the animals in them

I could just hug them and love them and call them George.

I know Vampy, but it does give an air of mystery.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Christening?
I can't go in churches.
Stupid thousand-year-old-curse.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:28, Reply)

I love churches
I think they're beautiful places.
I don't believe in any particular god but I always feel so at peace when I'm inside a church or temple of any religion.

EDIT: huh. So that's what they're calling shyness these days is it then Dok?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:30, Reply)

It's the lack of noise!
I won't go into a church unless I'm forced, and then only under protest!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:33, Reply)

I don't believe in God.
I have a hard enough time convincing myself that the people around me are real and that I'm not plugged into a machine somewhere.
No time for imaginary bearded sky-bastards.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Imaginary bearded sky-bastards
That would be me then!

You are real Kaol, that is unless we are all suffering the same delusion. Which is possible.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:37, Reply)

God is dead.
God remains dead. And we have killed him.
(username1, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:37, Reply)

*turns Kaol's machine off*

( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Think on this.
Everything that you know about what exists is gathered by your senses.

Your senses can be fooled. Just look at an optical illusion, or a magician.

Therefore you really don't know that anything other than yourself exists.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:43, Reply)

I think you lot must exist.
'cos if I'm imagining you weirdos, there's something seriously wrong with me.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:45, Reply)

kaol
we've always known there was something seriously wrong with you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:49, Reply)

Not true.
YOU'RE NOT REAL.
THIS ISN'T REALLY HAPPENING.

LA LA LA LA LA LALALALALALA.

*jumps out of window*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Did he jump?
Or was he pushed?

OMG! It was...oh no, wait. I can't say. It might ruin something.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:51, Reply)

Ooooh!
I love the Punisher.
I wanted to see the recent one. But I missed it at the cinema.
*waits for DVD*

*gets bored*

EDIT: I SAW YOUR POST, FLESH. Damn you for making me look crazier.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:53, Reply)

I haven't seen that...

( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:55, Reply)

No.
But Flesh was talking about it.
He was right there.
I saw him.
He was talking about The Punisher.
Then he deleted it.
He really was there.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:57, Reply)

You're mental

( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:58, Reply)

Drixylix
What might you ruin?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:58, Reply)

All MJ stuff is wank
I don't care that you have moved on from there I've just got back.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:59, Reply)

Dok
part of a film I saw with Kaol.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:59, Reply)

dammit Kaol
my netz are so slow, by the time I posted it, it made absolutely no sense.
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 12:59, Reply)

Made more sense than my post,
You deleting bastard!

*shakes fist*

Oooh, lunch.
I'm going now. Bye!
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Actually, what I meant to say is...
I didn't post at all and you're weird, Kaol.
(Flid James carry on, mongs, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:02, Reply)

No.

( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:03, Reply)

true
that it did.

And now, I may well go for lunch, despite having to write three fucking exams before 4pm
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:03, Reply)

YAY!
Kaol is mental. It's been proved.
( thealternativefact, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:03, Reply)

OK
I've decided that I need to get out to the cinema more, I used to go almost every week with a friend, we did see some awesome movies though.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:03, Reply)

I'm going to beddy byes now
love you all.
/hugs and cuddles for everyone.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Night Vampy
*hugs*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Night VC
Kaol is mental is hardly news, though, is it?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:27, Reply)

hmm
seems someone has "stolen" my name.

Cunt.

Someone rather lurky too, may I add
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=69510
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:30, Reply)

Fucking threadkillers

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Yeah.
I'm back.
And I've stopped going as crazy now.
I think.
So, 's'all good.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Well I got the tickets for £95 each
They are going on eBay for £650 a pair.

Thats why I got them!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:57, Reply)

Oh...
Ok then.

As long as you don't like Cap'n Kiddie-fiddle.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:58, Reply)

^ good to hear
me on the other, i'm always crazy
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Wish I got a pre-sale code too
They are listed for £50 on there at the moment, all for the price of a text!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:00, Reply)

blah blah blah
boring!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Ooh! Look what's being released
Just in time for TGB's Birthday Bash!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Chains
Are you losing the plot as well?

Then do something funny Badger!

EDIT Nice edit there Chains.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I don't know what you're talking about Dok
Perhaps you need a bit of a lie down?

(best episode of buzzcocks ever)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:20, Reply)

Not I Chains
I'm fully aware.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:28, Reply)

I agree with badger
BORING
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:32, Reply)

Hopefully a vaugely intertesting story
Phil, one of the two sales people based in my office just finished a very long and dificult phone call, hung up and announced to the office "I need a fucking drink!"

I reached into my bottom drawer and pulled out a bottle of white wine and a hip flask of Jim Beam, my boss came out of his office waving a bottle of Jack Daniel's, the other sales person produced a bottle of gin and the European Vice President had a litre of vodka stashed in his desk.

Cue Phil looking slightly dumbfounded "I guess I'm the only one without a booze stash then!"
(bill, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:41, Reply)

I vote that
Becky and Badger put on a play and entertain the rest of us.

Nice office, Bill.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:43, Reply)

vetoed as I cant be arsed
Light in chains, put on a play for me and I'll eat popcorn
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Becky
I veto your veto!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Bill
that just proves you're an alcoholic. And hated by all of us who have to drive to work and can't drink.

My play is called the Death of a Dok and contains scenes of a violent nature that some viewers may find distressing
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:53, Reply)

a philosophical work then
</blackadder>
( djtrialprice, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Badger I like the sound of that play
tell me about it please.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:54, Reply)

I want to work in bill's office
booze stashes FTW

and most likely random drunken hugs from bill himself as well
( djtrialprice, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Lets compromise with a short story
Very short.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Er...
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post385148
Watchmen.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 14:59, Reply)

So he's swinging some blue pipe there?`
Interesting.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Speaking of boy parts
Another short story / pun.

Just to keep you entertained.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Well Dok
The opening scene is you on the computer being a big internet perv and generally having a good time.

The hours pass and it becomes dark outside. You hear a noise but dismiss it for a cat or maybe even a fox. The noise happens again a few more times but not loud enough to bother you. Tired you head to bed.

In the morning you arise to a bloodbath in your garden. Various animal and human parts are strewn liberally across the dew soaked grass. Shocked you call the police. On making your way downstairs you find a few perfect bloody handprints. Scared and alone you wait outside having a smoke.

The police arrive and take samples of the blood, take pictures and a statement from you.

/scene
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:18, Reply)

Badger
Have you ever thought about working in films?

I like that, I may have to write it up, when I get more scenes.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:33, Reply)

I'll write more after
work has finished getting in the way
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Cool
It great by the way.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:35, Reply)

I think I may write it up!
I've been itching to write a short story but had no inspiration!

Kaol I'll write you in as the zoologist called to the scene to analyse the animal bits. Or something :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:47, Reply)

What?
Er... 'k.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:49, Reply)

Then you're going to go
mad and I'll have to lock you in a cage.

I've had waaaaaaaay too much sugar today.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Oh...
*sighs*

I'm still half-asleep from my pant-shittingly odd experience last night.

WHY DOES MY OFFICE SMELL OF DOG BISCUITS?
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:55, Reply)

Olfactory Halucinations
That's why Kaol.

Yes Badger, you have.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:56, Reply)

Kaol
That'll be the brain tumour the size of a golfball.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:57, Reply)

Ah, ok.
Tumour...
I wish the microwave would turn on when I put my head in it.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 15:59, Reply)

Kitten Punch!


( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:01, Reply)

I could
Kick that kittums arse, it'd be no problem!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:08, Reply)

Back...
That is all.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:08, Reply)

oooooh
kittehs!!

That and skiving work for 3 hours this lunch time has actually made this Wednesday almost bearable.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Psyche
It's and evil punchy kittum. You've got to watch out for those!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Kaol...
The biscuits are there to prepare you for stage 2 of looking after the hound of doom (as my boss calls him).

He'll be arriving within the next few days.

You'll find the poo bags stuffed in your drawer beind the biros you thought you'd lost.


Edit - at elast he'll be able to load your washing machine for you - if you tie knots in all your clothes.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Evil kitteh?
NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo.......
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:12, Reply)

Poo... Bags?
Why the hell did you train him to load the washing before teaching him to use the crapper?
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:16, Reply)

I'm in the mood
to be Shaggy now.

Who wants to be the rest of the gang?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Hmmmm...
I hadn't thought of that.

He won't crap in the house tho.

You and he will get on just fine.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:17, Reply)

Talking of shaggy and scooby doo....
I gotta go find you lot the pictures. It will be a while and the topic will have moved on, but I'll force you to endure it nonetheless.

Hey, I'm just a giver.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Cool
Look forward too it.

I'm going home now, catch you lot later.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:21, Reply)

bugrit
how do I show you pictures?
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Copy the link,
Paste it into this box.

Then people can view them when they want.
Pictures as links for the win.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:25, Reply)

what if the link is facebook?
??
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:26, Reply)

*shrugs*
Give up?
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Then only facebook saddos can see it
probably for the best.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:30, Reply)

depends how big are they?
I don't want no big ass pictures all over ma thread foooool
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:32, Reply)

Haha!
Nice!

If you edit that to remove the [IMG] tags, they'll become clickable links.
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:34, Reply)

Hee hee,
No I wasn't about to let you see WHO I am!

Photobucketed them.

Doh. It apparently didn't work.

i712.photobucket.com/albums/ww130/xxpsychexx/Rafensnowdog.jpg

i712.photobucket.com/albums/ww130/xxpsychexx/Rafeandscooby.jpg

Did that work? I shall delete the previous one....
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:36, Reply)

This is clever
www.coloribus.com/paedia/prints/2009/03/04/288602/show/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:36, Reply)

Sorted.
*thumbs up*
( Cawl, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:37, Reply)

And none of those people are me.
Especially not the handsome brown fella sat on the snow-dalmatian-x-llama.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:37, Reply)

TLIC
That is good... Office parasites...

*giggles*
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:41, Reply)

Nighty night
Am going to eat.

Pls try hard for interesting dreams. And to remember them...
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Wed 11 Mar 2009, 16:56, Reply)