When did you last realise that despite all your faking and mindfucking
that things are actually pretty damn shit and it would be better for everyone if you just ended it all now?

Not there yet.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:43, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When did you last realise that despite all your bitching and moaning
you actually have things pretty good?

My cat just came over and rubbed his head all over my arm, stomped on my stomach and demanded attention. I might not have a job/boyfriend/nice flat, but my cat still loves me.

Oh wait...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:38, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Maybe I am retarded
I just realised that I forgot to do my shirt up this morning.
( Captain V, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:30, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What is the worst place in England?
I vote Coventry.
( WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cat update
Well, as advised by the Emergency Vet yesterday I took my cat to the non-emergency vet today. She had still eaten hardly anything. The non-emergency vet was Eastern European by accent and speech pattern - "I think cat is sick, yes, but maybe we not go straight away with tumor?" and seemed very competent.

As you can tell, he is not so quick to leap on the carcinoma bandwagon, as the placement on the side of the tongue would be unusual - it's usually on the underside bit. He says there's no way to know for sure without operating to remove it and sending it away to be analysed; it might be a benign, malignant or even just an infected scratch/abscess. That last is an interesting theory, because at the weekend I did notice a tiny scratch on her nose.

He also replaced the twice a day antibiotic tablets I got with once a day antibiotic capsules - much easier to administer - and also gave her a painkilling injection. He recommends monitoring her quality of life for the next week or so and see how it goes.

Getting her home I mixed a capsule in with some whiskas rabbit with gravy and she leapt on it and ate most of it. I suspect the painkilling injection has something to do with that but it's very encouraging.

So rather hopeful now and not feeling like blubbing.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:20, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You know when you come across films
that sound so so so bad you have to watch them? this just made my list
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:14, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I know I'm asking for an arguement here
But I really like the nested replies on qotw and OT.

I can't stand talk as I find it hard to follow with the replies showing all the time but having each thread collapsed on the main page with nested replies inside works brilliantly for me.

Thanks cr3 for sorting it.
( Captain V, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:13, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who else thinks this invokes the pictures rule?
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5298543/Plumber-gives-birth-to-twin-in-scene-reminiscent-of-Alien.html
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 12:00, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quality
I think it's fair to say this one's a lost cause....

img.makeupalley.com/9/5/6/8/1282025.GIF
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 11 May 2009, 11:08, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If one had an interview
at a national medical research centre as a vet tech, would it be safe to assume that the animals there were being used as medical subjects do you think?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 11 May 2009, 10:57, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last Night...
I went to the cinema to see "Star Trek".

You should all do the same, it's worth the entrance fee.

My only problem with the film is that Scotty is introduced too late. Apart from that, I think it's fucking ace!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 11 May 2009, 9:10, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shuffle
Came up with Swordfish Trombones (Tom Waits) this morning. So I found the album and listened to it on the way to work. I'd forgotten how awesome it is.

What have you rediscovered lately?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 11 May 2009, 8:53, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello my lovely poppets!
I had the BEST bargain impulse buy today.
I quite like Simon and Garfunkel, and I was in a bit of a rush to meet mum - only to be texted "Oh we're about 15 minutes late - don't rush!". 'Grrr' goes me but I don't quite know what to do - so I head down to my favourite CD store in town. And what do I find?

a two CD Album of S&G for 10 bucks!
"Bloody brilliant!" goes I, so I pick it up and buy it - to have the hardcore 25 year old punk say to me "You have bloody excellent taste for a high school student!". Seriously - this guy was full of metal and tattoos and leather and he was a closet S&G fan.

So My day is now full of win. Tell me about unexpected compliments and bargains you've had recently!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 May 2009, 8:24, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Monday morning question
So occasionally, when I'm in a pub or whatnot, someone hands me a guitar and insists I give them a tune.

Without fail, I get a mental block and can't choose a suitable song for the audience.

What songs do people, in general, know the words to?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 11 May 2009, 7:54, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sailor Jerry Rum
is awesome

that is all
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 10 May 2009, 21:44, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Now I've been away for a little bit but...
when did the nested reply thing come back.
Most people hated it last time.

Is it because there is no HSH tread anymore and they thought no one was looking.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sun 10 May 2009, 21:35, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bah!


Some of us are still at work. Currently sat at Folkestone watching the sunset.

Anyone else still slaving away on a Sunday eve? or are you all post-bbq drunk?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Sun 10 May 2009, 20:50, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And another thing
This swine flu malarkey. It's OK; we have the best free healthcare in the world.

If you catch it, it's not pleasant. But with the right treatment, the symptoms only last for a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 10 May 2009, 20:40, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So
Today has been glorious. The sun has shone: the birds tweeted as they wheeled in the sky. The dog knocked my half full glass of wine over, smashing the glass as she did so, but hey - IKEA's only a 16 mile drive away. All in all, it was a good day.

So how did I spend it? On my fucking knees in the living room, screwing for all I was worth.

With some flat pack furniture. Trying to align wood.

Still, it was worth it. I now have a nice box in my bedroom.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 10 May 2009, 20:37, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Plagiarism
I've put together about 800 of those made up facts. I posted a load on usenet about 7-8 years ago.

Seems like some cunt changed a minor detail and ripped them off

www.aleccarmichael.org/assets/10-things-final.swf

for example, he puts

"Jeffrey Dahmer was an avid collector of pre-war military carburettors"

Yet on 7 Apr 2002, I posted.
"Britney Spears is an avid collector of pre-war military carburettors"

and there's a good many others too

Twatty fuckstick
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 10 May 2009, 16:05, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Spice gold/spice diamond
After reading about it in the guardian, I discovered it in a local head-shop. The only problem is, the price. Does anyone on off-topic know of a site that is reliable that ships this blend?
(knackerz is skinning up, Sun 10 May 2009, 14:11, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crap crap crap
I took my cat to the emergency vet this morning because she hasn't been eating or drinking. The vet found she has a large tumour on her tongue, too big to operate and it's probably spread too.

The vet gave her a shot of antibiotics and one of steroids which should help reduce the pain.

It's been a couple of hours and she still can't eat. I have antibiotic and steroid tablets to start her on tomorrow but since she's not eating food... I'm taking her to the regular vet tomorrow. If she still can't eat by then I know what they'll say. It's such a shame as she's in excellent condition otherwise, especially for an eighteen year-old cat.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 10 May 2009, 13:36, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hello my lovelies
I know you're not all awake and all but just thought I'd say hi and leave you all with a bit of sugary love and fluff for your sunday breakfasts.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 10 May 2009, 7:52, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Was driving to work today
and they played Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Unfortunately, since hearing that song at my uncle's funeral, every time since it's made me blubber like Kate Winslett in an awards factory.

What songs get to you?
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sun 10 May 2009, 7:12, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am going to say it -
I am never ever ever ever going to drink again - right that's it - my old friend is gone... apparently thorn bushes don't mind if you fall in them, but human skin tends to slightly shred...

And having a hangover when you suffer with nose bleeds makes having a nose bleed and worshiping at the porcelain alter a really fun experience.

I thought I was about to die - I am soooo ill!!!!!
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Sun 10 May 2009, 1:38, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How good is that Horrors album?
Talk about wearing your influences on your sleeve but bloody hell: Spacemen 3, The Cure, My Bloody Valentine, Joy Division, Section 25, Can, Psychedelic Furs and The Birthday Party... big stuff. Great stuff.

Apologies for the aural masturbation.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sun 10 May 2009, 0:04, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saw "1000 years of German Humour" this evening...rather amusing and i won a prize!!!
and seeing St Etienne perform "Foxbase Alpha" this coming wednesday. Just how cool is that?

Anyone else so lucky, lucky, lucky!!! at the moment?

*smugs a little*

B69 ;-)
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 9 May 2009, 23:39, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Before I go 'pan for gold', a fact for you
Until 1918 the letter B, when written or typed as a capital letter, was banned in all British military correspondence as, to quote Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig, "... when rotated ninety degrees to the right it resembles a pair of buttocks "
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 9 May 2009, 21:40, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

help please
I have a phone with bluetooth, I have a laptop with bluetooth, it is enabled for both of them, I have transferred stuff between the two before, however for some reason neither is admitting the other machine currently exists and its getting on my cunting tits, any ideas please?
(Halfy By light alone, Sat 9 May 2009, 20:45, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Obviously I'm in an excellent mood now,
but I am also very very excited. At 4pm, I'm heading over to my friends house for tacos, then we're heading up to the lake and are going to spend the night partying and camping with my fishing team.
Tomorrow is "Ladies Day" at the lake, so us women get free breakfasts and mimosas, and the guys get to come around and serve us champagne all day. Oh yes!
And it's a nice hot weekend, so I get to fish in my bikini and get some sun!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 9 May 2009, 19:16, 1 reply, 16 years ago)