Provocative question
is Bucks Fizz, "Land of Make Believe" the best pop song ever? If not, provide a counter-example (that means a better one, you mongs).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=L205CKgBOww&feature=related
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:45, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've had fantasy festival lineup.
We've had fantasy dinner party guests.
We've had replace one word in a song title with 'cock'.

Now, beloved b3tans, I give you: First Line of a Song, Championship Edition.

You know the rules and so do I - quote the first line of a song, and the first person to get it sets the next one.
Googlers will be trouted.

I'll start: I met my love by the gasworks wall
( Maladicta, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 21:35, 83 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've only just got home
and read the mean things said about my vag in Al's stupid gay thread. So fuck off Al you big internet bully. Next time I see you I am going to beat you to death with my UK passport
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 20:47, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Temporary jobs are fun.
No real job on the horizon, so I've been doing under-the-table work instead. I've done house repair, consisting of tiling and wiring and plumbing, and now I have a (very) temporary gig for two weeks as an assistant to a friend who's going to Guatemala.

God knows wtf I'll do after that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 19:04, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't be arsed to upload another picture.
Have one of these:



Edit: is Hotmail being spazzy for anyone else?
( Maladicta, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 18:57, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OH GOD THE HUGE MANATEE!!
www.pown.it/1075?r=1654825

**Quivers**

NSFW
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 18:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This has changed my mind about cats being shit.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNv74rvkAw8

Obligatory Question: If you had to choose to become an addict of any illigal/pescription drug, what would you choose, why would you choose it, and how would you get your fix?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 17:34, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

woohoo, back online!
that's all really.

but it's been about 2 or 3 months since I last b3ta-d, and I've missed it. Got a hell of a lot of work done, mind.

Have I missed anything?
( ascorbate, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 17:24, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you were going to send pictures
of your genitals to other people and then lie about it on the internet, how would you shoot the picture?

Would you go for arty black and white where the actual bits themselves were tastefully hidden by a plant?

Would you nestle your cock or flaps in the palm like a baby sparrow?

Tell the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 16:53, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

this bastard site
B3ta has distracted me from changing the oil on my car, doing 2 loads of washing and filling out a job application form.

What should you have been doing instead of reading B3ta?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 16:04, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let's say you had to watch every eppisode of a telly show, back-to-back, where you're only allowed short fag/food/shit/sleep breaks....
... but you're not allowed to watch anything else, not even the internet, until you've seen every eppisode.... what one would you pick?

I think probably House for me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 15:28, 98 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One for the uni students
Am I right that if you don't get your chosen place, you have to go through clearing. If so, how does that work? Do they just look at the subject you've chosen and match it with any vacancies that are left at any university? The forensic archaeology course my eldest wants to do when he leaves college in 2 years is only available at Bradford or Bournemouth. If he doesn't get either of those, what's likely to happen?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:26, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This weeks QOTW is a victory for /talk and a victory for truth.
YEAH.
( WHARRGARBL, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:23, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

'Omninous' Integrated Creative Consultancy
for those bothered to follow my progress of being burned in dubai i now have one of them new fangled thingumyblogs...

ominousdubai.blogspot.com/

please visit, link, comment. Oh and thanks to all those who were so supportive and pushing my QOTW to second place this week - it closed before i got a chance to thank everyone who commented and gazzed.

off topic question is - 'how did you turn things around when your life fell apart'
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:22, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Depilation
What methods do you female OT folk prefer to use?
What results do you gentlemen prefer to experience?

Shave? Wax? Veet? None? A little?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:11, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ladies and gentlemen
I've got some work to do now so while I'm away I want you to gaz me pictures of your nicest bits.

I will judge them and post a leaderboard of who has the nicest nice bits later.

Please feel free to post a story about the last time something funny happened to you in a shop.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 14:08, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Further to my smoking question below
Any London b3tans fancy joining me tonight to watch some Kendo with a view to joining? It's in Euston
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:40, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hedgehog Launch 2
is much harder and less enjoyable than number 1.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:18, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today's important question
How many of you who've quit smoking became uncontrollable raging bastards after quitting? Who found it easy to do and who became a fatty fat fatty?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 13:09, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Of Fruit Pastels & Genitalia
So first off, I have to point out that the events depicted in this tale did NOT happen to me - they are the unfortunate happenings of the best friend of a close friend of mine. I know I know - its sounds very urban legend, but trust me - everything I am about to disclose is 100% true.

For the sake of this story, we will refer to the unfortunate soul as Tim.

Tim, has just finished his first year at University - and has for the last month or so been enjoying the start of a very long, very exciting Uni summer break.

A few weeks ago, Tim and his friends decided to head off into town for a night on the tiles - there was much drinking and larking about - all in all Tim was having a brilliant time. The good times continued to roll for our young Tim - as half way through the evening he met a rather lovely looking girl in one of the bars.

One thing led to another, and Tim found himself back at this lovely lady's apartment. Things escalated quickly - and Tim found himself in the throes of some very hot, very kinky sex.

Perhaps too Kinky...

Half way into the sex, the young lady pushes Tim back, reaches over to her bedside drawer, opens it and reveals a large open bag of Rowntree's Fruit Pastels. Puzzled Tim lets out a chuckle and asks her what she's doing.

To his shock, the young lady proceeds to insert several fruit pastels inside her private area before telling Tim to continue.

A little unsure, Tim shrugs and continues performing until eventually he blows his load inside the strange young woman.

Satisfied with what has transpired Tim lays back and relaxes. "Now I want you to eat them" says the young lady. WTF???? thinks Tim, "you serious?", "yes, do it..." she says.

Fuck it, thinks Tim, and off he goes, digging around in the woman's fufu, prizing the Fruit pastels from her with as much enthusiasm as Anneka Rice on a treasure hunt. She seems to enjoy the activity, which makes it all the more entertaining for Tim.

The final thought to go through Tim's mind that night as he lay on the woman's bed was the astoundment at just how many Fruit Pastels the woman had managed to get inside her.

---

Two weeks later, and our Tim is sat in front of his GP with a very sore throat.

"Have you been partaking in Oral Sex Tim" asks the Doctor.

"Sort of....." - Says Tim

Reluctantly Tim begins to explain the consumption of vagina tainted Fruit Pastels to his GP, the GP's face seems to grimace slightly as the story unfolds.

"Well, I'm sorry to Tell you this Tim - but you have contracted Herpes...."

"What??? oh god..." says Tim

"Yes I'm afraid so, I think you'll find that in addition to the fruit pastels you consumed, you were also eating Herpes Clusters that had formed on the inside of the young Lady's genitals"

-----

I don't need to go any further - at this point, I had already thrown up after hearing this for the first time.

I guess the moral of the story is never to eat sweets from Strangers.

Written By
(Oobla, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:54, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fucking shitty bollocks
My tonsilitis is viral so no drugs for me

I'm at work now. It's really fucking shit. Not sure why I came in. Think it's the fever making me CRAZY.

In other news it's recommend a link to a b3tan day
for the lovely little V

I love horses is obviously a given as well *evil eyes Vipros*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:07, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Valid point or NIMBYism?
www.thisishullandeastriding.co.uk/news/Incinerator-fight-goes/article-1105941-detail/article.html
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 12:06, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As someone mentioned John Carpenter's The Thing the other day
I decided to watch it late last night after everyone else had buggered off to bed. I had finished a can of beer earlier that evening and had stood the empty can on the floor. When the film started, I put my phone on vibrate and left it on top of the can.

Half way through the film, Mrs SLVA sent me a text asking me to turn the TV down. The can rattled and I have never leapt out of my skin that much before and gave a girly scream.

What has made you jump and probably say 'jesus fucking christ almighty' (or words to that effect)?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:59, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod
Could it be true?

www.musicradar.com/news/guitars/is-a-soundgarden-reunion-for-real-210867

www.gibson.com/en%2Dus/Lifestyle/News/Soundgarden%2DReunion%2DRumors%2D624/

Please let it be true. I would sell my left ovary to see them live.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:37, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Legal help, please!
I divorced two years ago and moved out my house. As part of the settlement I was given an advance on the sale price of 5K to keep me going on the condition that the property wouldn't be sold for 2 years. Didn't want to sign, but had absolutely no choice. Two years later the house is worth 40K less than it was, the ex is now chasing me for money to pay the mortgage although this wasn't part of the agreement. It was agreed at the time of me moving out I would get 50% of the capital from the sale, but as the housing market it now shit, that means I'll get nothing. I want to hold out until the property market picks up. She says I can't do this. Is this true? I mean, my name's on the deeds and I have officially lost out big time keeping myself going in the last two years paying off interest on credit cards that should've been cleared ages ago. Can this two-timing bitch from hell hold me to ransom and demand the property asking price is lowered, or can I hold out and keep the asking price high and wait for an upturn in the housing market? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
(stonethecrows is badder than a bad thing on, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:35, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah.
Yea yea, I'm the living crop circle!
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8118257.stm

Pick a news story. What song goes with it?
( Cawl, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 11:26, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ha ha
The rain has turned up just in time for Glastonbury.
The haki-sac loving, crusty jugglers are going to get their stripey trousers wet.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:59, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo hoo, I just lost my cherry...
...just had my first gaz - oh yeah, I'm a real-live Btan now baby!

What's happened to you for the first time recently?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:44, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hmmmmmmm
Apologies if I start sprouting/typing weird stuff - I'm drugged up to the eyeballs on diclofenac and codeine forte. It made me go a bit odd earlier when I took my first round.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:25, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's changed for you?
One year ago I had just started a new job that I thought I'd love
Five years ago I was living with my ex and was miserable with him and in a shit job
Ten years ago I was working at the BBC at night and attending uni during the day. Permanently tired, but mostly happy
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 25 Jun 2009, 10:21, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)