Withering put downs.

I have to attend a meeting with the other residents in our building this evening. One of them is a lazy moaning teetotal vegan wanker, who contributes nothing towards the building other than paying his ground rent, whereas the rest of us all do stuff to maintain the place.

I need some new material. So I require your withering put downs please, so that I can make it clear to him exactly what a bone idle cunt he is.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 14:09, 205 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Ever seen a dead body?
alt: I have Moroccan tagine for lunch, what do you have you fat fucks?

altalt: What are you getting me for my birthday?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:49, 176 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I was listening to BBC world service while making pulled pork on Saturday
because I'm a sophisticate. When I heard an interview with this guy about his new "flats"

www.telegraph.co.uk/property/interiorsandshopping/9659039/The-Yo-Home-Four-rooms-for-the-size-of-one.html

I think they're a really good idea, because I've always wanted one of those flip up into wall beds. What is your opinion?

Vids here. yo.co.uk/yo-home/videos/
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 11:14, 68 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

fancypants
are you a fan of high-end hotels and cuisine? or do you think it's poncy bits of air that would be better replaced by a bigger plate of solid grub and a couple of zeros off the bill?

alt: would you rather be ginger or fat?

altalt: you're single. name the 2 people or celebs with whom you'd have a threesome. or more, if you're into that kind of thing. if you're not, nominate them for another b3tan.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 10:55, 122 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Predictions for this week?
Do you expect anything interesting to happen in your bland life this week? If (as expected) not, make something up.

Alt: Should there be some sort of entrance exam for potential politicians so avoid these sorts of arseholes running the country? www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/gove-hague-and-johnson-feature-in-tales-of-oxford-hijinx-found-in-student-newspaper-8459177.html

AltAlt: I have no interest in your weekend activities, but will ask, as you all seem to like boring each other with this sort of information. What did you get up to?

AltAltAlt: It’s Burns night this Friday. Are you a fan of haggis?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 7:45, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who's your favourite elephant?

(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Mon 21 Jan 2013, 3:51, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sneeky sneeky,
Now I'm snowed in, it's the perfect time to take a photo of me being snowed in, so I can say "Sorry, can't make it into work tomorow, I'm completely snowed in", with it being seen by the right people via facebook.

I took a few photos so I can lay the ground-work for skiving off in not-quite-as-bad snow for the rest of the month or soo.

I think i've really done my hand a mishcief, whenever my hand is hanging down, ie, like if i'm standing up.... it stings quite badly over my wound. It ain't manky or anything, just sore.

word up holmes?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 20 Jan 2013, 19:34, 20 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You know when you leave a clamp around your cock and balls for too long and it starts to swell and go purple
do you reckon I should try to prise it off with some lube and the handle of a fork? Or should I let a bit of blood out first? I've got a fairly sharp knife or some hypodermics. I tried just poking stuff up my bum but that made it worse if anything.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 20 Jan 2013, 13:40, 46 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I made a beef bourguignon in the slow cooker today
finished it off with 10 minutes on the hob to thicken it up. Absolutely lovely.

What have you done lately you're proud of?

Alt: Eaten anything nice lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 20 Jan 2013, 0:54, 8 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You know those clamps you put around your cock and balls that have a low-ish electric current that gives you a shock whenever it gets a bit weak and wavy?
Does anybody know how to change the battery? Only it looks like a cross-head screw and I'm using my philips to skewer my scrotum.

Thanks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 17:50, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm think 'pub' this evening.
What does Saturday night hold I store for you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 15:51, 33 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning all.
Looks like I’m gonna be stuck in work till about mid-day.
I wonder if Battered’s plane is going to make it to Luton airport?
Alt: During the cold spell we could all do with a little more heat at the moment.
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2013/jan/15/chilli-pepper-hot-for-you
What’s your Favourite dish using chilli’s?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 19 Jan 2013, 7:43, 48 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Shut up.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 21:20, 11 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Finished my crocheting
what have you finished?

alt: what haven't you started

Now, race to be the first one to say YM
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 15:06, 177 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Look it's a thread for people born after 1980
i totally hooked up my tv with some internet, what small triumphs have you experienced recently?

alt: cheese on toast or bacon and egg sarnie?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 13:44, 232 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

MR CLAYPOLE off of Rentaghost - does he count as a superhero?
I say he does. He's got powers and shit, and he's, like, a ghost and that? He has a special outfit as well.

Do you agree?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 13:21, 55 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Weekend plans?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 12:29, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fuck that for a game of cards
Have a rant, RIGHT HERE

Alt:
Lunch
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 11:12, 208 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hahahahah not sure about item three on this menu:
www.standard.co.uk/standard.co.uk/commercial/offers/dd_dec_2012/pdfs/3South_Place.pdf
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 11:03, 10 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's okay everyone, I'm back and I survived.
I can confirm, however, that 'outside' is full of 'weather' and 'fucking idiots'.

Tell us tales of frustrating idiocy.

Alt: Tell us about the good old days when snow didn't bring the country to a grinding halt.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 Jan 2013, 9:58, 160 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hello pricks
If you could wish for a snowman that looked like monty's brother how would you fashion a samurai sword with snow? (with a deadly sharp blade). SOZ.

Sozzled
(Teamspunk Is putting the spunk in steampunk, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 9:04, 76 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Snow related thread, any of you lot got the day off for adverse weather conditions?

Alt: Snow related joy, tell us about it?


Alt:Alt: Snow related woe, what happened?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 7:41, 89 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

FIRST
lol

wankers
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Fri 18 Jan 2013, 6:27, 1 reply, 12 years ago)

Imagine you get a surprise day off tomorrow
due to adverse weather conditions. What are you going to do with it?

alt: if you could pickle anything, what would you pickle?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 18:17, 78 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Passive agressive lols; Someone at Chompy's hospital wished death on the person who ate their rice
tell me about your run in's with passive aggressive bullshit, or do you engage in that kind of behavior or do you openly explode with rage?

alt: Thursday is the new friday, i might drihnk some wine, what are yo up to?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 16:16, 111 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You got a break-out-of-jail-free card for 1 crime.
You'd be wasting it if you say rob a bank because you'd get stopped by their security messures.

So, realisticly, you can get away with one crime that you can feasably do..... what do you choose? How do you go about doing it?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:23, 130 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Helen Mirren.
Would you?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:56, 55 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Phillip Drummond's died.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-21057560

What sort of funeral would you want?

Alt: write a B3tan's obituary.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:55, 113 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You got £350 to go treat yourself, can't be spent on clearing up debts, can't be saved for a rainy day.
Whatcha gonna do with the dosh?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:02, 148 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Good morning, off-topicers.
Two things of note happened to me today. Firstly I am pretty sure I cut up professional fat prick Greg Wallace off Masterchef on the A3, today. I have no idea where he lives or if it was even him, but the resemblance was staggering.

Secondly, the subject of police pay came up. My colleague referred to policemen as having "sold their soul". To which I replied "They work for the Met, not Satan". He made some comment about the higher ups not having our best interests at heart and called him paranoid and asked him if these higher ups were the Illuminati. He's now not talking to me.

Anything of note happened to do today, or are you trapped in a morass of boredom and terminal dullness? I'd be looking at b3th here, if she were up yet.
( Kroney, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 10:12, 166 replies, latest was 12 years ago)