Seeing as no one else has made one yet

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 3 Feb 2009, 8:27, 238 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hope everyone is safe and warm back in Blighty.
It's hot and sunny here.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 22:21, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

standard 'i don't know about PCs' thread
i use macs, so have no idea about pcs
my dad has got a knackered pc and wants a new one
any of these any good?
www.pcworld.co.uk/martprd/store/pcw_page.jsp?BV_SessionID=@@@@0428088013.1233588765@@@@&BV_EngineID=cccjadegghikfffcflgceggdhhmdgmj.0&page=ProductList&category_oid=-35614&show_all=true

he's got a monitor, keyboard and mouse already

HELP MEEEEEE
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 15:37, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just because my friend made me paranoid
but, if one had a knitted toy sheep stuffed with dried soya beans (as a filling), would it look like drugs at an airport??
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 15:14, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm looking at you loon
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7864733.stm
( Captain V, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 14:51, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The North/South divide.
I just read that the dividing line is roughly from Gloucester in the South West to Lincoln in the East - that doesn't seem right does it? My Dad used to say that the North was above Birmingham and the South below with The Midlands being a 'Golan Heights' no-mans-land and have lived by that since.

I bet a lot of people are confused about if they are a soft shandy drinking ponce or actually a pie-munching, flat-capped monkey.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 13:59, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

remember when snow meant fun?
this morning, however...

noone has gritted streets. so you slip and slide up the station at 7am only to find a huge queue to renew season tickets, because the machines aren't taking notes and the ticket counter is cleverly closed. and a polish man who doesn't understand the picture of a note with a red cross through it is holding everybody up. eventually you fork over the extortionate monthly amount, only to get down to the platform and find carnage. no district line at all, can everyone get the piccadilly line? well, we would if there were any fucking trains.

33 minutes later, one turns up. it looks like those indian trains with everyone on the roof. there is no way a mouse could get on, never mind 300 angry commuters.

so you give up and trudge 20 minutes down the a4 in the freezing slippery snow to hammersmith. only to find there are no buses, they are now not letting anyone on the tube at all, and the taxi queue is wrapped right around the station.

THREE HOURS LATER you get to work...

they've only known about this snow storm for 2 weeks. "severe adverse weather conditions"? it's about 4 inches deep. canada has 8 feet of snow and copes perfectly!

how is everyone else's snowy day??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 11:38, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Did they mean it?
There's one advert on telly at the moment which makes me chuckle every time, but for all the wrong reasons.

I think it's an advert for low fat yoghurt.

A group of bridesmaids are on the roof, showering a happy looking crowd with tons of confetti.

The confetti's made from shredded diet books, which the girls are cheerfully putting through an industrial shredder because, presumably, the bride doesn't need them any more.

Got in to a spot of trouble with my girlfriend when I admitted to why I was laughing.

Which advert(s) do you find unintentionally hysterical?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 9:03, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How to stay warm
Apologies for the fluffiness of the pic.

It's in the replies so you can avoid it if you're not feeling fluffeh today - especially if you haven't got a snow day like us in wintry Kent.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 8:31, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't believe it!
A little bit of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!

There, I saved you the bother.


( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 7:19, 370 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

York bash pics
At last here they are - pics from the York bash.

I only took 3 photos, but they're now in the b3ta bash pool.

Enjoy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 2 Feb 2009, 1:19, Reply)

Superbowl.
The greatest show on Earth?

An overhyped load of bollocks?

Or just an excuse to stay up late, drink beer and eat shite on a school night?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Sun 1 Feb 2009, 23:13, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hmm
My friend works for Royal Bank of Scotland. What with all this credit crunch shinanegins going on you would have thought they would be sensible with their pennies and not squander it all on silly, unecessary things?

Shes going on a team building exercise in March... Theyre sailing 3 tall ships to fucking France and back. She gets paid for it and gets all her meals and travel for free.

Does any one actually know what the point is in that?

No wonder theres a sodding financial crisis.
(i should have joined myspace, Sun 1 Feb 2009, 22:32, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

bash pics
At last here they are - pics from the London bash. Hang on a minute, I hear you ask. Wasn't the bash supposed to be in York? Well, after a lot of procrastinating, I finally got round to posting the London bash pics from December. The York ones will follow soon.

The pics are now in the b3ta bash pool.

Enjoy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 1 Feb 2009, 21:42, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fuck!
My boyfriends daughters dog pissed on my side of the bed last night, the daughter had friends in all the spare bedrooms. I got to sleep on the couch.
Grrrr!!
Would have driven home, but had too much booze so now I just got home and can't get back to sleep.

Grump grump grump
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 1 Feb 2009, 14:46, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the deal with all this "Home Sweet Home" carry on?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 1 Feb 2009, 11:02, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sunday's thread
for those who are not too badly hungover from last night's b3ta bash - and for all those who missed out.



Howdy y'all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 1 Feb 2009, 8:39, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just washed my cat
And the sad part is - I'm actually serious.
I know I know - cats are supposed to wash themselves. But he was SO smelly! He's a ginger moggy and his feet were black!

Now he's all dry and ginger with white feet. And he's purring and has forgiven me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 1 Feb 2009, 3:38, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Games we play
I just had a four-frame run against a bunch of regular pool players.

What games are you fucking fantastic at?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 31 Jan 2009, 20:46, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saturday's thread
Just in case you're not going to the York bash, here's the place to chat.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 31 Jan 2009, 9:28, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Credit Crunch
I just thought the folks in QOTW would find this interesting and sobering (despite the fact that I plan to get very drunk).

Sorry if it's GC

www.guardian.co.uk/business/dan-roberts-on-business-blog/interactive/2009/jan/29/financial-pyramid
(knackerz is skinning up, Sat 31 Jan 2009, 1:08, Reply)

Better late than never...
It's Friday night, and you've just got in from the pub. This, my friend is the place to post your drunken ramblings.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 22:37, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A cunning plan for my wedding vows
I am getting married later this year and have struck upon a plan which should provide a little amusement on the day. Hows about this for a set of vows:

Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand

* never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

If I can get our lass to sign off on this I can effectively Rickroll the congregation - What's the collective verdict then?
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 19:10, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A celebrity encounter
I was in the pub the other day and a minor TV celebrity walked in, clutching his Big Black Book of Horror.

"Look!" I said to my uncomprehending chums, "It's TV's Paul Ross! The man with the magic voice! When he holds hands with himself marvellous happenings occur!".

They looked at me and gave a half shake of the head before looking at the floor and resuming their previous activity of ignoring me. Ignoredom, I like to call it, when boredom causes one to ignore a companion and stare at the floor. Beer was sipped and a trip outside to the smoking area was discussed.

They departed to partake in the simultaneous noxious and fragrant activity of smoke inhalation. Tubes of dried leaves had never been so appealing.

I approached the tubby yet radiant familiar stranger at the bar. The Big Black Book of Horror was hanging at his side, clutched in a sweaty forepaw as if it was yesterday's newspaper rather than the key to abject terror. My soul quivered at the sight.

"Excuse me sir" my voice was shaky and I could feel patches of salty sweat begin to seep out from my armpits. "You're TV's Paul Ross, aren't you?". My stomach was doing the hurdles as I spoke to the great man. Surely he would ignore me, or, hopefully, give me a curt backhanded slap across the face?

"Yes, yes I am" he replied. "Do you like my Big Black Book of Horror?" I lied and told him I did.

The thing strikes abject fear into my soul, as if stiletto darts of obsidian quartz were fired from a nailgun into my immortal self.

We shook hands and sipped our pints. Our eyes met and, for a fleeting moment, I detected an animal warmth in the Ross man's heart.

I was chilled to the bone.

"Guinness or Beamish Red?" was what he asked me.

I didn't know what to do. I took a stab in the dark and told him Beamish. I don't know why- Guinness is my pint of choice.

A chill descended in the room as he told me it was the wrong answer. He handed me the Big Black Book of Horror and told me the role was now mine.

I stepped outside and knew what I had to do. I looked down the road and hailed a taxi. I left.

I never saw my friends again.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 18:10, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ZOMG!
I went to the gym tonight and ran for a WHOLE 10 MINUTES without slowing down or stopping.

Ring the 2012 Olympic committee. I think they're going to have to re-jig their athletics list.
( girlinthehole, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 18:00, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just wondering.
who is playing the dawn of war 2 beta?
(The Ear-Trumpet Addicting is NOT a word., Fri 30 Jan 2009, 17:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Common sense, from the internet.
www.jammastergeordie.com/2009/01/qotw.html
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 30 Jan 2009, 17:34, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cheerio internet
I'll see you again on Monday.

...you should all beware the return of The Sexmonkey....


(unofficial sponsor of the Monkeysex)
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 17:19, Reply)

POOFLAKE FOR POET LAUREATE
Join the cause!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:43, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)