OH FUCK I'M 40!
Also, my missus has bought me a Christmas card instead of a birthday card because she's a loveable mongbiscuit and got confused in the card shop. Bless her.

Would it be wrong to expect a blow job as compensation for the mental trauma I have just suffered? Or does getting a Christmas card on my birthday make me Jebus?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 0:52, 69 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've never had a blow job
True story
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 0:59, Reply)

Neither have I
today...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:07, Reply)

Use a vacuum cleaner
it's just the same.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Ouch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:47, Reply)

:oS

( jenpots, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:54, Reply)

Happy birthday honey.
Have a great day, and may Tourettes put that dirty mouth to good use.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:02, Reply)

Cheers Lampers.
Rest assured that if I do get my redundancy package (oof, snigger) I'll be on the train to London to party hard for a weekend.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:08, Reply)

Excellent!
I hope you do, not only for you coming to London but for your own enjoyment! I promise not to vomit on you or your wife.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:42, Reply)

Hooray!
Also, I'm really glad I'm off tomorrow... these late nights are killing me. And the price of butter's gone up, etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:57, Reply)

Happy Birthday
From a complete internet stranger
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:25, Reply)

On the internet
no one is a stranger. Just a set of pixels you haven't met yet.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:27, Reply)

met put on ignore
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Happy Birthday DG
I'd mock you and call you old, but you're me in a few years time, so, I beg you.

Tell me things don't start falling off and stop working at this age.

Happy Birthday all the same though!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:27, Reply)

Things don't start falling off and stop working at this age, Jeff.
I should have been a doctor; my bedside manner is fucking magnificent.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:56, Reply)

A Doctor? Who? You?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:05, Reply)

? You?

Well, it is DG's birthday.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Happy birthday from an internet stranger/insomniac

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 1:59, Reply)

No chance....
I'm riding the cotton pony, ergo there's nothing in it for me. That also explains why I bought the wrong card.....
*facepalms*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 2:41, Reply)

Hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Commie!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:37, Reply)

It's all about the giving at this time of year, pet.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Happy birthday, hope you've had a good one!

(nolongernuts, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 4:34, Reply)

Happy birthday DG.
You are not Jesus though, my dad is the Baby Jesus in our family.
Hope you get that fellating you're after.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 7:13, Reply)

Happy Birthday
I feel rough this morning :S
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 7:35, Reply)

Happy Birthday Y'old bugger!
Hope you manage to get that BJ you're after!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 8:34, Reply)

Happy Birthday!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 8:48, Reply)

Happy birthday you cheeky little northern monkey x

( girlinthehole, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 8:54, Reply)

happy birthday dg!
urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, i was supposed to skip our christmas party to stay and crack on with all my work before my holiday. somehow i ended up being roped into going and drinking from 6pm to 4.30am. got in at 5am.

have no idea what i have packed for jamaica/christmas, but i seem to have arrived at work this morning with 2 suitcases, a holdall, hand luggage and a handbag. i have a LOT of work to get through and i have had 2 hours sleep. also i have to juggle getting 2 suitcases, a holdall, hand luggage and a handbag on the train at euston this evening................ AND i may have misbehaved at the work do last night but can't quite remember it. i actually wish i could die here at my desk!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:07, Reply)

Taxi to the station
One problem sorted. Now buy large quantities of pop and sweets
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:31, Reply)

And get an STD test

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:32, Reply)

i booked the taxi about 4 days ago when i was worried about snow!
it's more manoeuvring around the station that bothers me. luckily i have got a first class ticket so plenty of storage room in the carriage.

not that sort of misbehaving al, not everybody has your shockingly low standards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

You could still have contracted facial herpes

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

i wasn't snogging YOU!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:11, Reply)

First class flight to Jamaica?!
My how the other half live ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:02, Reply)

i would love to leave this here
but no. it's a pikey chartered flight to jamaica. i upgraded to premium economy, which basically means £300 for 6" extra legroom. i am not used to paying £300 for just six inches.

i meant the train!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Ahh I see
Still, first class train tickets cost a pretty penny.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:16, Reply)

depends
i was actually organised enough to buy them in advance this time, so it's £55 each way, which i think is ok for first class - an ordinary return is about £65!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:20, Reply)

That's not too bad I suppose
I am jealous of your holiday though!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:30, Reply)

And the morning after pill
and colonic irrigation
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Covering all the bases here
Good idea.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Think of it as an internal spring clean

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:45, Reply)

Happy Birthday you young ruffian
Time Lords don't age. And maybe your next regeneration will be more palatable for the missus to consider fellating.

Now, you're a clever chap; what the JUDDERING FUCK happened overnight in the cricket?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:12, Reply)

79-3 in the second innings
this is going to be quite an exciting match!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:30, Reply)

I honestly thought this one looked in the bag after yesterday's play, and the way we've been batting
Should have known better than to underestimate the Baggy Green on their home turf. We're in for a nailbiter, Al
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:35, Reply)

we're in for I'm nail pillow
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:37, Reply)

Strikethrough fail

(Bazongaloid, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

what are you talking about Willis?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Fucks sakes
are

Epic pop culture reference fail
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Willis was added as an afterthought
so fuck you and the horse you rode in on
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:46, Reply)

Much better
*doffs cap*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

So the Bob Willis (Former England bowler and current cricket commentator) connection was merely coincidental?

(Cave Duck, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:49, Reply)

happy coincidence

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

Well, if I delete the above, then you can respond to Darth with scorn for not getting the reference.

(Cave Duck, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:10, Reply)

Never judge the first innings total until both teams have batted.

(Cave Duck, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:42, Reply)

England batted like tossers - which doesn't upset me too much as it was bound to happen at some point.
Mitchell Johnson bowled well and swang the ball - which upsets me greatly. His bowling action is that of an enthusiastic twelve year old who has never actually seen the game and has only partly understood the description he's been given. His presence is an affront to the aesthetics of the game.
(Cave Duck, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:41, Reply)

I'm sure the Aussies would say the same of Paul Collingwood
And if he wants to take 6 wickets (ha!) or rack up 62 runs at some crucial point in this series then I won't give a shit about his aesthetics
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:48, Reply)

happy birthday
totally chucking it down with snow here at the moment which is kind of nice, but also kind of a pain in the arse.

we've pretty much already had more than last time it snowed.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:25, Reply)

It snowed here yesterday
big fist-sized clumps of snow falling from the sky. It was rather worrying, given I was still at the office, and I was assessing who we'd eat first.

And then it stopped after about 15 minutes. Rather disappointing.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Yay! You're older than me.
Happy Birthday, you old flap.
( thealternativefact, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Happy Birthday Mister
I hope you have a grand day.
( jenpots, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:40, Reply)

God, you're getting *all* the internet attention today, aren't you?
Happy Birthday! What? You can't hear? HAPPY BITRTHDAY you old goat.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Happy Birthday Da'!
Hope you have a good 'un!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:01, Reply)

40 years ago on this day you successfully
negotiated your way out of a fanny and have spent the majority of the past 40 years trying to get back in one. Congratulations bruv!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Happy Birthday DG
hope you have a good 'un.
(berk, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Merry Ramadan
I shall teapot a lap of the office in your honour.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Happy birthday!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Happy birthday
40 is great, don't worry - I shall certainly try to enjoy my last two weeks of this ripe old age. Did you get some nice pressies (apart from the BJ)?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Cheers all.
I'm not long up, lazy git that I am.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 11:53, Reply)

And a happy birthday from me as well, of course.
And as for Tourettes being up on blocks- hell, that just means that you get your red wings! Put down an old towel on the bed and have at it!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 15:12, Reply)