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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Well, that thread is going to be as popular as an abortion in the Vatican
So in a deliberate threadstomp, I ask only this...

If you had to pick someone to live forever (in good health) who wasn't yourself, who would it be? Then, when they got tired of life, they were able to choose to die, and pass on the immortality.

Alt Q: What's for lunch?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:32, 134 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
good threadstomping there
I haven't got an answer for your question yet, but I thought I'd let you know that I like it.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:35, Reply)
not you shit breath!
*waits for this to be taken as an attack*
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:35, Reply)
You are gradually turning into Bert.
I await details of your newfound half-siblings with interest.
interest a sense of inevitable disaster
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:41, Reply)
I'm pretty confident I don't have as much of myself invested in this place as some of you.
But thanks for your concern anyway it's touching.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:45, Reply)
So who's got what invested in this place then?
Is it open to negotiation? I'll give you a packet of Wotsits for a 51% controlling stake.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:47, Reply)
I don't bloody know. What about if you and Tuggers
combine the wotsits with a curly wurly then I would happily hand over 51%
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:49, Reply)
I'm not sure I want Tuggers in on this, his skills lie in music and saving the world.
How about three packets of Wotsits of the flavour of your choice, not the hot ones though because I've eaten them all. I'll throw in a Chomp if you give me one click a day.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:52, Reply)
Welcome on board

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:03, Reply)
Actually, I think you'll find this is /OT

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:28, Reply)
I read this as "you're taking the internet too seriously."
Bert Bert Bert Bert Bert.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:00, Reply)
I await the crude cartoons with breathless anticipation

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:02, Reply)
you wish cunt nugget.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:06, Reply)
Gaz becky with that new username.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)
who?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)
Beckyjsbx
Bert's ex.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:02, Reply)
"Ex" is probably a bit strong.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)
Best she ever had

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)
I was hoping he'd run with it
and his family forced to have a closed casket ceremony.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Will they age and eventually become a withered crumbling shell of their former selves
or will they remain the same age they are now for eternity?
Edit: oh I see, you already answered that. I reckon eternity would be shit, the future isn't all flying cars and food from tubes, it's water wars and world war three and governmental control. Therefore I choose... you.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:35, Reply)
As I say, they'll stay in good health, young forever, that sort of thing?
Plus, the clarification I've just added should help a little.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:37, Reply)
I'd still choose you if I can add the stipulation that physically you will remain exactly how you are now, for ever.
Hahah now you can never get rid of that extra stone, you chubber.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:43, Reply)
Fuck you then, haha!

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:45, Reply)
Monty
it'd really piss him off
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:36, Reply)
Hahaha!
I like it
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:38, Reply)
An eternity of new music

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:39, Reply)
If they weren't able to die
then I'd pick Richard Dawkins.

Since they are I'd give it to someone who'd appreciate it. Possibly a fantastic scientist/genius whose advances might otherwise be stopped by death
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:41, Reply)
Or Kylie

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:42, Reply)
If you wanted to be really cruel, find a way to give Dawkins locked in syndrome too
And make sure he has the immortality on a verbal contract.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:44, Reply)
yeah
but immortality would probably give him the time to work through it, or if nothing cell replenishment would probably fix him if he's immortal

takes things too seriously
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:46, Reply)
Ok, how about if before you gave him locked in syndrome, you told him he would have to be baptised publicly before he could pass it on?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:54, Reply)
Stephen Hawking
Can't have much more go left in him. Give it to him.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:46, Reply)
This would be difficult
Wife, or kids? Susanna Reid?

Alt A:
Smoked bacon, mature cheddar and spring green soup, served with tiger bread and shedloads of pepper
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:44, Reply)
What fortuitous timing
I had an idea for a comic stuck in my head, and have just finished it.
Click for it, it might be a bit on the large side.

Edit: Alt: an apple and a yoghurt.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:45, Reply)
Hahahahaha

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:49, Reply)
splendid

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:53, Reply)
i am advising on a licence to worship
granted in 1732. it is handwritten and impossible to decipher. on the amusing side, the attached inventory is making me laugh... 1 altar, 10 x pewter candlesticks, 27 x church pews, 1 x surplice, 5 x bells (varying sizes) and 1 x rope...

even the prospect of THE BEST SOUP IN THE WORLD is not helping my mood.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:45, Reply)
That would be a rubbish Bond movie, "Licence to Worship"
Do you exShpekt me to talk Goldfinger?

No Meeester Bund, I expect you to go to church every sunday!

YOU'RE MAD GOLDFINGER!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:58, Reply)
i wonder if i can incorporate this into my advice...

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:10, Reply)
I have eaten so much soup
in the past few days, and I'm killing my tastebuds with the addition of fresh ground black pepper to it all, and a bit of jalapeno and chilli sauce
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:20, Reply)
in my opinion
there is little in life that cannot be improved by the addition of cheese and jalapenos. especially the tangy red ones.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:24, Reply)
Sex?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:27, Reply)
not right this minute, but thanks

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:32, Reply)
Have you tried the cheese with jalepenos in?
I could eat that shit all day. My housemate has some in the fridge that is tormenting me.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)
yeah, it should be illegal

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:44, Reply)
It's like the perfect food.
I am going to have to ask HM not to buy any more. I don't want to be a thief, but if he will insist on tempting me, I can't be held responsible for my actions.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Mexicana is fucking LUSH

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:46, Reply)
It's damn tasty, but my favourite cheese with bits in is Wensleydale with cranberries in it
Fucking wonderful.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:50, Reply)
Bleurrgh
That stuff's sweet. Who in their right mind wants sweet cheese?!?!?!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:51, Reply)
Wrong
stilton with blueberries is better, if you're talking about cheese with fruit in.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)
White stilton with mango is also nice

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
This is a massive lie and you know it.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)
You sicken me.
That stuff is vile.

Vacherin Mont d'Or is the best cheese, or Gongonzola Piccante. I thought everyone knew this.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:10, Reply)
gongonzola?
Eesa mighty stinky cheese-a meesa!

/Jarjar Binks
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)
I love the stuff, it's fantastic
I had a sun dried tomato flavoured one recently too, that was fantastic. The best mental cheese I've had was Garlic and Nettle, waxy as hell.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I'm with Lab
I love that Mexicana stuff on sandwiches. Need a harder cheddar for cooking, though.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:03, Reply)
Mexicana cheese on toast is insanely good

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:04, Reply)
ooh I shall try that
Does it still benefit from lashings of worcestershire sauce?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:09, Reply)
I don't know, I don't eat worcestershire sauce
But I doubt it would need it.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:12, Reply)
I'm not good with spicy foods
but I'm trying to build up my tolerances. Don't think I could eat a red jalapeno though! Did you get my reply on the thread before?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:28, Reply)
no, hang on, will check!
oh the red ones aren't that spicy, it's the green ones that are evil!

edit - replied - of course you can stay over!!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:32, Reply)
Thanks :)
like I said I might not be up for clubbing since I'll have been on my feet for 48 hours, but partying definitely

The name jalapeno just brings spicy images to mind!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:48, Reply)
Can I bagsy a space as well, please?
My funds will stretch to beer and travel but probably not a hotel on top. Although I could spend the money on a hotel and not get drunk, but meh, where's the fun in that?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:54, Reply)
Only if the three of you promise to giggle and have pillow fights

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:04, Reply)
only if we film it and put it on youtube

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)
haha don't make him explode

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:09, Reply)
Don't forget you have to compare boobs and practice kissing
Otherwise it's not a true girly sleepover.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Pfft well that's me out then
have you SEEN the other two?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:14, Reply)
ha
i may have had a boob job and a nose job by then, wussiness and funds permitting...
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Well hopefully this diet works
I won't be quite as booby
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)
If you mean Amberl's, yes
But not Rachel's yet.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:18, Reply)
But presumably you have heard her grumbling about how they are too big
which is ridiculous, by the way. In a tit-off I would lose hard.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
It's not all about size y'know

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:23, Reply)
actually i think the nose job is more of a priority
i hate my hooter more than my hooters.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:26, Reply)
everyone hates their nose
apparantly because it's the most prominent part of the face, and therefore the most noticable and people tend to fixate on it
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Wait, you have a nose?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I meant
we fixate on our own nose and believe it's more prominent than it is.

In other news I have a nose. It's big
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:33, Reply)
It is the only part of your own face you can see
So I'm not surprised.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)
i met a peruvian plastic surgeon recently, at a friend's party
one of the other girls was straight in there flirting with him, so i let her crack on with it. she was all "tossing her blonde hair" here and "ooh which bits of me would you operate on, then" there. i was not even in the conversation. but he still replied:

"you don't need any surgery. SHE needs a nosejob though" - and pointed right at me!!! i was fucking livid.

the stupid bastard asked me out afterwards, and his chat-up line was something like "even with a flaw you are the most beautiful..." honestly, i have never gone home from a party so depressed in my entire life, stupid bastard! i've been googling new noses ever since.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:39, Reply)
he was probably trying
a pathetic version of 'The Game' on you.

What an awful thing to say, especially since you don't need a new nose at all. He was just scouting for work
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:41, Reply)
he reckoned he said it because he wanted to talk to me
not the braindead blonde.

yeah right. because guys always want to talk to the brunette with the apparently lumpy nose rather than the size 8 blonde, that happens ALL THE TIME!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I have no idea about sizes, so I'm afraid any compliment I would attempt to pay here would likely go awry
Therefore I'll go for the old classic

*pats on head*
There there.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Find out where he works, and take a fucking hammer to his coke hoovering hooter.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:42, Reply)
yup, you're booked in too!
am thinking party back at mine is prob better than clubbing for everyone except my neighbours anyway!
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)
I agree with this
looking forward already
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:11, Reply)
This is very good advice!

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
If they couldn't die I'd say Monty
Just to piss him off really at how stupid everyone is throughout time.

I'd probably let Kaol live forever just for shits and giggles
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:46, Reply)
If you made Kaol immortal he'd just launch into a killing spree that would last until the end of time.
Do it.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:59, Reply)
Nick Griffin

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 12:47, Reply)
Somebody with constant untreatable pain
then I'd get the immortality back off them when they chose to die (almost immediately).

I'm all about the loopholes.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:05, Reply)
^ This
It makes sense to me.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:10, Reply)
It's a win-win
like an assisted suicide where you get first dibs on their stuff.

Or "home invasion" as the papers insist on calling it.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:33, Reply)
I wouldn't let anyone live forever. Fuck 'em.
Alt: Hash brown sandwich. Brilliant.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:19, Reply)
How about topless Jake Gyllenhaal?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:23, Reply)
What would be the point if I was dead?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)
You'd get to perve on him til the fateful day that the bus finally took you down?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)
Ok. But only if it was stipulated that he got immortality but was never allowed more than 5 foot away from me.
I'd get him one of those silver chains like in Stardust.

By the way, nothing to do with this at all, but everyone's saying that this looks like me:

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/jan/04/charles-camilla-attack-footage-released

(about 30 seconds in)

It's really starting to piss me off now, I fucking wish it was me.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:41, Reply)
I can see what they mean.
And I think those idiots can get to fuck.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:52, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyXzwtIlZyg
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:53, Reply)
I don't think it looks like me
And while some people at the demos were twats, I'd give my metaphorical left bollock to twat a member of the royal family with a placard.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:55, Reply)
No, I don't think it looks like you, I can see why others would though

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:56, Reply)
Bella Swan, just so she'll stfu already

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)
She's a right whiny bitch, isn't she?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)

a bit like this?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)
Yep, haha

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)
Heinrich Himmler.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Alright Boyce

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Not today, no.
Even having Himmler to lunch has failed to rouse me from my misery.

You OK?

What was that excellent word for polite mockery you introduced me to a while back, please?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:15, Reply)
Oh God... I'll have a think.
Sorry to hear it's all shit today. Maybe the comic I drew of you further up the screen may help?
Yes, that was a shameless plug.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Asteism?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:20, Reply)
That's it!
Cheers Crow.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Good lad.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Haha excellent work.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:23, Reply)
It was an idea that wouldn't leave my head

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Worth a click even for just
"that Dorian Gray story by that bumder"
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:26, Reply)
A click for the first line, I'm honoured!

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:29, Reply)
having a bad day?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Yes I am, I'm afraid.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)
that's a shame
hope it gets better fast
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:22, Reply)
Thank you.
I am seeing Len in a bit which will cheer me up somewhat.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:41, Reply)
give him my regards

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 15:00, Reply)
The Nazi news today made me feel a little sick.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:15, Reply)
It's the only newspaper I am prepared to read.


EDIT what news?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:16, Reply)
this
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-12117358
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Loads of that went on.
They convinced people to sign over their own relatives for 'disposal' if they were mental or spackers or whatever. I'm all for it.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:21, Reply)
i do think it could be put to good use in certain families right now

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:24, Reply)
I could quite happily consign entire continents
to the fucking chambers, the mood I am in today.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:25, Reply)
Made far easier by the fact that in the more equatorial latitudes
ambient temperatures are already much closer to 30 degrees...
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:28, Reply)
That magical temperature.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:30, Reply)
It's absolutly fucking disgusting
and the fact it is talked about as a almost logical and pragmatic idea by the dangerously ignorant is a major failure of our society.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:27, Reply)
i'm not going to lie to you
i didn't click on the link.

if it's that bad, i don't think i should?
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:35, Reply)
They're going to dig up some mass graves
from Austrian sites where they believe the Nazis buried a load of 'undesirables'.
(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:39, Reply)
The Welsh?

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:41, Reply)
No-one that bad - just a load of flids.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:45, Reply)
In that case, fuck em.

(, Thu 6 Jan 2011, 14:57, Reply)

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