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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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OT in a coma
It appears.

I am drunk, bored, irresponsible and wilful. Not necessarily in that order.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:22, 350 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
alright TD?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:24, Reply)
Bored, wilful, drunk and irresponsible
You?
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:27, Reply)
Meh.
Okay.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:28, Reply)
I am getting increasingly annoyed at work.
Silly shit really.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:28, Reply)
What happened with the application?
Any news?
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:30, Reply)
The application? Nothing yet.
Waiting for response.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:32, Reply)
hello
I'm sleepy after loading on carbs at lunch and loads of shovelling
I fucking hate snow
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:30, Reply)
You are not Monty
And you owe me nothing.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:31, Reply)
OOO-eer
Nothing...nothing at all.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:32, Reply)
Bros will be on my internal jukebox now.
Why did you do this TD? WHY?

(Actually, I'll bet K isn't familiar with Bros and she'll probably love them)
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:34, Reply)
Can't beat a bit of Craig, Luke and that other guy
Don't know if Bros made it to the US.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:37, Reply)
They were probably on the same flight as
Curiosity Killed The Cat or the Fine Young Cannibals

www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5tpuCcPfGk
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:40, Reply)
And Kajagoogoo
Don't forget them.

I bet you had forgotten them and now you're really pissed off because you'll have "Too Shy" stuck in your bonce.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:43, Reply)
Hush Hush.
Eye to Eye.

You cunt.

Your ultimate sexual fantasy is to 'Come on Eileen'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:45, Reply)
With my Love Missile F1 - 11

(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:47, Reply)
Listen and WEEP. WEEP I TELLS YA!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCH1IlOfDTM
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:49, Reply)
No I won't listen
Actually I can't listen because my soundcard is fucked. It went up with a Sonic Boom, Boy.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:52, Reply)
To fix your sound-card have you tried.
Holding a chicken in the air,
Sticking a deckchair up you nose,
Bying a jumbo-jet
Or, indeed burying your clothes?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:56, Reply)
Done all that
It's a small soundcard and I had a look at a company in Tokyo who supply them.

No luck - they're big in Japan.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:05, Reply)
It is
In a big country.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:09, Reply)
Barrel scraping time
Jimmy The Hoover.

Stow THAT in your head.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:19, Reply)
You've lost me there completely.
I don't know if that means you win or not?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:24, Reply)
Can't find it on Youtube
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_The_Hoover

Is the best I can do.

It really was a fucking annoying song that springs into my head when I have to change a tyre, unblock a sink, clean the bog or do anything else objectionable.

I'm claiming a victory because I'm a fat bully.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)
Oddly.
If you go to YouTube and then type in 'Jimmy The Hoover' the song is there.

I don't know the song. So you win.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)
I always win
Accept it.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:36, Reply)
confusing response is confusing

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:33, Reply)
What MDs might also be called 'snow'?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:35, Reply)
heh
heh
oh
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:37, Reply)
I fucking hate snow too
Luckily we don't have any at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:31, Reply)
apparently we're supposed to get more tomorrow
after about a foot last night
ugh
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:36, Reply)
It started lightly snowing where I was this afternoon. Thank fuck it didn't settle.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:36, Reply)
I'm sleepy, exhausted and listening to Jimmy Eat World.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:30, Reply)
*Pokes snoozing Lampo with a stick*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:50, Reply)
Aight Jeff.
How goes it?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:53, Reply)
I'm alright cheers.
I stopped GreatAuntDogFucker from losing her collection of tat. So I'm happy.

What have you done today?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:57, Reply)
I saw Noel and Poppet as they were wandering around South London, which was lovely.
And I went to the doctors. And had a cup of tea with a friend and a good bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:04, Reply)
Sounds like a lovely day.
It's gone a bit cold though, don't you think?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:10, Reply)
I was sat on Bankside in the howling wind waiting for them
fucking FROZE my hands off.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:14, Reply)
So they kept you waiting?
How rude.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:16, Reply)
I was late, they were late, fucking London traffic etc etc

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:18, Reply)
That's London for you.
Did you have a nice time, though?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:24, Reply)
YES.
So lovely to see them both, we had a nice cup of tea and I regaled them with tales of my parents injuring themselves and Monty tapping my veins on Saturday.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)
When does Poppet go back to Aus?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:28, Reply)
In a few days, I think.
I'm going to be sad she's leaving. I only saw her twice when she was here and I love her.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:29, Reply)
But if she has enjoyed herself
She might be tempted to come back when she has finished her studies?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)
I said that when we said goodbye
With other b3tans it's all "Oh, I'll see you in a few months", with her it was "a few years"... :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)
Oww.
How sad. I hope you didn't get too teary.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
That was later.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)
Coincidentally or pre-arranged?
You could spin a pretty awesome "small world" story out of that.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)
I've been on a mission on mercy TD
GreatAuntDogFucker called me in all of a flap as she'd been sent some 'official looking' documents asking her to send in her gold jewelery in exchange for a GREAT PRICE.

She doesn't need the money, likes the lumps of gold she has and wants to keep them, but at the age of 89, she was a bit confused by the whole thing.

She is no longer confused, her valuables remain hers and everything is well with the world.

And she made me a cup of tea.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:31, Reply)
Next time I write to her
I'll tell her that you're a fraud and a charlatan and not her nephew at all.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:34, Reply)
Don't do that.
She is old and frail.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:37, Reply)
I'll have mercy
I'll stick to my usual alias of a deposed Nigerian prince, just needing $6000 in order to clear my name and release untold riches which I will share with you.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:40, Reply)
Really TD?
How can I get this money to you? It sounds like a deal where neither of us can lose!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:41, Reply)
I guarantee it!
And I'm a man of my word.

Just send $6000 (I'll take £100 if you're strapped) to Exiled Nigerian Prince, C/O The Disappointed, Bradford.

Used notes, if you'd be so kind.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:46, Reply)
The bank is closed at the moment.
But I'll get you your $6000 tomorrow and send it straight to you. Although it'll be second-class mail as I'm a bit strapped at the moment.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:48, Reply)
If you just e-mail me your bank account details
Including passwords, you can have a nice sleep-in.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:50, Reply)
Gaz is being really slow....
We'll pick this up tomorrow!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:58, Reply)
I have some relatives in the St Pauls area
Who could escort you to the bank if you wished. Or even if you didn't.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:07, Reply)
St Pauls isn't too bad these days.
The double-mentals are all living in Easton.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)
did you only notice the cup of tea once you had finished a mightily satisfying wank?
because that would make a hilarious anecdote.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:37, Reply)
hahaha
No. Although I wish I'd thought of telling the story that way.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:38, Reply)
Aaaahlreet marrer?
i'm sober, interested, responsible and also willful.
so take THAT!
(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:49, Reply)
Taken
Like a swipe across the jaw from a bigger man than me.

(Owww. That hurt...)
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:53, Reply)
Grrr!
have at you, indeed.
you been at the sauce again?
i guess that would explain the fighting mood...
(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:55, Reply)
Me and the electric pop
We have a love/hate relationship.

Sometimes I try and remember what I used to do 20 years ago when I was drunk and before there was an internet.

Possibly I used to shout random shite out of the window to see if passing strangers interacted.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:00, Reply)
the past is a foreign country, or something.
blooming foreigners and their exotic music.
fitted an old cassette player in the van on saturday, been visiting that foreign land this week. by turns cheered and horrified by the auditory results...
(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)
The past certainly is a foreign country
It's called Belgium.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)
i'm quite fond of belgium.
moules and frites and kwak.
fabtastic.
(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)
I used to do the same thing on Usenet
it just took longer.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:06, Reply)
keep telling yourself that

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:55, Reply)
i sense you disagreeing with me on one or more of those points...
but can't tell which one.
perhaps you would be kind enough to enlighten me?
(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:59, Reply)
nah, off work now
tra la
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:02, Reply)
suit yersel'.

(I helped save b3ta! blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:10, Reply)
I am tired, full, way more irresponsible than you and positively stubborn
Evening all.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:57, Reply)
Evening Lighty.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 21:58, Reply)
Evening Jeff
www.youtube.com/watch?v=shVdK2cbRuA

I was totally shocked the other week when I discovered who you were before changing your name to JTDF. I can't help feeling you act differently now.

There's the dogfucking, for a start off.

Oh yes, and also: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpbxjzS0gXY
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:08, Reply)
who was he?
I am intrigued
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)
He posted a link a while back to the thread
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post813695

scroll down for a while to b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post813822 and see Monty in hysterics.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:13, Reply)
He gazzed me a couple of times after that thread to tell me how much he'd chuckled.
And so JTDF was born.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:15, Reply)
Do you know the first sign of Madness?
Suggs walking up your driveway.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:12, Reply)
The second sign?
Saxophone solo.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:21, Reply)
That's just one step beyond.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:22, Reply)
Jeff
The Prince of all musical references.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:26, Reply)
Listen Buster.
My girl's mad at me.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)
Oh Jeff
You're an embarrassment.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)
Sorry.
I shall set sail, across the sea. To be with my Uncle Sam.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:36, Reply)
On a Night Boat to Cairo?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
Well done!
I was hoping someone would say that.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
Make sure you get the right boat
You'd not want to be on the night boat to Cairo.

EDIT - Cock! TLIC beat me to it.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
I am on fire tonight

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
Well sailing was the obvious choice.
Although I do like driving in my car.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)
Oh Jeff
You're such an Embarrassment.

Edit - damnit!
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:31, Reply)
mindpiss
:)
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
Crying shame.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
I don't know why I put up with your awful puns
must be because I'm the sweetest girl.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
I think
It must be love.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
You're lovestruck, eh?

(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)
Madness berk. Madness.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:49, Reply)
It was!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWNGjMufEcc
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)
It still is.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpaITe53Ke4
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:00, Reply)
I thought you were accusing me
of using a track from the wrong band. I shall concede the pun-down, I really don't know enough Madness tracks to win...
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
berk.
I think it's fair to say, that as far as the pun-down goes. No one win. Not now, not never.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:09, Reply)
I won the Abba one...

(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:11, Reply)
Well. That one was special.
The winner takes it all.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
I'm not surprised
If you take her out on these grey days in your baggy trousers.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:32, Reply)
Shut up.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
P-p-p-p-p-p-p-pussycat!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=x06zihq-66s
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
Don't be harsh Jeff.
I'd like b3ta to be a house of fun. Coming on like that is liable to give me a cardiac arrest.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
One better day.
And it might be.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:42, Reply)
*fires up obscurebsides.com*

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
You don't know it?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qezXWcpKkOY

If you don't get time to listen to it now, there is always tomorrow. And, tomorrow's just another day.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)
I meant I'd run out of obvious madness tracks
and was about to get nasty.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:51, Reply)
I am warm, damp and sleepy
that's baths for you
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:11, Reply)
I am abjectly knackered
and covered in FUCKING GLITTER. I might even go so far as to use the word 'festooned'. I look like that twinkly twat out of twilight.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:18, Reply)
hahaha ... twinkly twat
vajazzled!
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:20, Reply)
Berk, the Twilight Twinkly Twat
This may not be the last time I say this out loud.

I shall add it to the file that contains this: b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post970925
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:21, Reply)
Pfft!
play nice.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:23, Reply)
So far it's not been used in anger
but it's right there on my links bar where I can only use it in the evening when Chompy isn't here
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
Scared?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:48, Reply)
Where have you been? And what have you been doing?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:23, Reply)
I was babysitting
I gave them what I thought was a glittery soap to play with in the bath...only it wasn't, it was made of some kind of oily moisturiser-y stuff, melted in the hot bath water leaving pools of glittery goo everywhere, all over both the kids and me.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:27, Reply)
Why would you give kids glittery soap?
It'll take you ages to get that off.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:30, Reply)
It's soap
it washes off. Only this stuff wasn't actually soap or soluble in water, and I really struggled to wash it off. I brought them back downstairs all pyjama'd up and was like 'erm...I'm really sorry, but I've made your kids all glittery...'
The kids thought it was awesome.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:33, Reply)
My sister used to work in Lush
She would come home and track glitter through the house. They even gave her a 3 litre ice cream box full of blue glitter.

I was SO jealous.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)
I like Lush, particularly their massage bars (not that I have anyone to use mine with)
but more than 2 minutes in the shop and I start feeling nauseous and headachey. How people can work there is beyond me.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
I don't mind it at all.
I never use the massage bars- though at the moment I have about 5 shampoos from there. One with cognac oil in, it's almost like Monty in my hair.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
It took me a second to parse "massage bars"
as something other than "a place with cocktails and happy endings". I've spent too long in Japan.*

*metaphorically
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
Less of that. Glitter is awesome.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:34, Reply)
that's not what the kids say about him

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:37, Reply)
I've ended up with glitter in my knickers before, trufax

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:38, Reply)
Do you wanna be in my gang?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:40, Reply)
-_-

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:41, Reply)
What does that face mean?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
i think she's asleep

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:43, Reply)
As you made the first Glitter post.
That makes you the 'leader of the gang'

You'd better believe it.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)
I'm totally not impressed by that.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:44, Reply)
Come on.
Come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on.....
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:47, Reply)
I'm going to fucking come to fucking Bristol and stab you. Fucking.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:51, Reply)
Hang on.
In addition to getting stabbed, I also get fucked?

*Weighs up options*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)
stabbed with a pork sword

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:52, Reply)
I don't like the sound of that.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
I have lady parts.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
I thought you might use a pointy sausage

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:55, Reply)
Hmm.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:55, Reply)
You should get a pork tenderloin
and roger him senseless with it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:57, Reply)
That is definitely more a Crowdus Operandi, though.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:00, Reply)
nice

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)
The boy does love his meat

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
a student this week took photos
of someone who was meant to be a suicide bomber. She made the bomb belt from sausages.

I pointed out that that would 'go off with a banger' I got a laugh from the whole class :D
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:57, Reply)
I lol'd, for reals
Well done!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:00, Reply)
Maybe a spam-dagger?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:58, Reply)
I have no meat-based weaponry.
Not even a meaty bullet.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)
Phew!
So I won't get attacked by a Pork-Luncheon-Meat javalin then?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)
FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT HAVE A DICK OK

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)
The 'lady'
doth protest too much
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:04, Reply)
I refuse to get drawn into this. No POIDH.
But I can't rely on Monty's testimony to the contrary, as he just concentrates on my arse.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)
Lampers is totally a woman
I've spent a long time studying the picture of her on facebook in her swimming costume.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
Oh god I'm so fat.
Hopefully next summer you'll be able to oggle skinny Lampers. If such a creature exists.

No, don't you DARE find the stocking and suspenders picture
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
You're not fat ffs
if it makes you feel any better, I've just necked half a litre of custard and can feel it congealing in my arteries.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:16, Reply)
Can we move this over to the left please.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:17, Reply)
I'm sure Stingray was a bloke.
Just saying, like.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)
You're making them sad.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)
Sorry Rays of Sting.
*Hopes they perk up a bit*

Hang on, that might make them worse? What am I supposed to say to them?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)
I fucking want them to perk up a bit.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
More like a pork penknife, eh Jeff?

(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:03, Reply)

And?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)
Jeffs is more like a pork knuckle

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:06, Reply)
Or even more likely.
A pork, 5 knuckle shuffle.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)
When Lampito talks about fucking
she always means the back entrance.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)
My prolapse is still poking out, but I don't mind too much.
It's like a red carpet for the dick.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
:(

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:56, Reply)
This is wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:54, Reply)
It's because I didn't say "fucking stab you"
thought I'd just shove it in there you cocksucking fucker oh god fuck help
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:53, Reply)
You're weird.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:57, Reply)
Congratulations, you win a small prize, redeemable when I meet you.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
I hope this small prize isn't a knife wound.
Or rape.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)
It'll probably be a hairpin or a napkin or something

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:02, Reply)
I could do with both.
Being a snotty nosed, messy eating, floppy haired cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:04, Reply)
I'm very snotty at the mo
I have a lot of napkins. I hate colds.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:05, Reply)
Me too.
Cold are fucking bent.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:07, Reply)
First proper one since I got my nose done.
It's awful.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:08, Reply)
What did you have done to your nose?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
Pierced!
But there's metal on the inside, which needs cleaning when I get all gunky.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:19, Reply)
How do you smell......?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
Of Chanel.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)
My dog has no nose
I'll send him to check.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)
POTW

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:39, Reply)
why thank you
it just came to me, you know, like a flash of brilliance
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:46, Reply)
I idly thought about going back a few days and searching each thread for POTD declarations
and then picking each day's winner. But that sounded
a) like work
b) obsessive-compulsive
c) weapons-grade dorky.

EDIT: if cr3 wants to make an app for it, though...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:55, Reply)
all three, I think

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 22:59, Reply)
With added 'why?'

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:01, Reply)
I'm a developer
I view everything in terms of applications I could develop to improve it.

This is why, to this day, my first girlfriend is still suspended in a harness that feeds her chocolate while fucking her senseless.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:20, Reply)
I've seen your live webfeed
She's kept remarkably fit over the last 20 years.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
I've been tweaking the chocolate algorithm
which is my new favourite euphemism.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)
You probably have
You shocking degraded man.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:31, Reply)
I'm not the degraded one here
degradING if you please.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:41, Reply)
Carry on Degrading
Starring Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Barbara Windsor and TLIC.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:46, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 1:02, Reply)
I am trying to get tickets to Wembley and so far I can't work out where to start.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:12, Reply)
If only there was a way of searching the internet for information on this kind of thing

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:13, Reply)
I've given up for the night. I'm a silver member but theres loads of clauses about away games and I just got bored.
awaits strikethrough.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:14, Reply)

ve given up for the night. I'm a silver member but theres loads of clauses about away games and I just got bored.

m a massive cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
that wasn't what I had imagined but bravo nonetheless!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:17, Reply)
subtle, I like it

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:17, Reply)
Well, Wembley is (I think) in Zone 3.
So plan your journey on that basis.

And what is a silver member? Is it like a shiny cock?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:16, Reply)
Arsenal Silver Member.
It's just a way of getting tickets from the source.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:18, Reply)
Do you get points, based on the games you've been to and all that sort of thing?
The more points, the more chance of getting a ticket?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)
yup and I haven't used it for ages
past few times I've been I've had my cousins season ticket as he is travelling.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
In a delightful display of the triumph of blind optimism over reality
West Brom operate a similar system.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
We have a similar system at Ashton Gate
It has NEVER been needed.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)
If I could cash in the points I've earned
I could buy a cornetto, if you lent me a quid.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:42, Reply)
It'll be just like like being at the seaside if you had an ice-cream.
Oh I do like to be beside the seaside,
Oh I do like to be beside the sea,
Og I do like to stroll along the prom-prom-prom
Where the brass band play 'FUCK OFF WEST BROM!'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:49, Reply)
We fucked off to the Premier League
what did you do?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 1:10, Reply)
hahaha
That really made me chuckle.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:15, Reply)
You're easily amused.
That's the best thing about spastic retards.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:16, Reply)
You know berk has suggested I join you for Pulp?
What's it worth NOT to come along eh?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:18, Reply)
I don't give a shit if you come or not
in a crowd of 30 odd thousand people, I'm hardly likely to spend a lot of time worrying about you. I'm going to be right down the front going utterly fucking mental.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:20, Reply)
"I'm going to be right down the front going utterly fucking mental."
And you call me the 'spastic retart'

I'll bet you've got a Blue Badge.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:22, Reply)
No I called you a spastic retard.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
hahaha
Fair play.

You win THIS round!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:26, Reply)
*applies new mark to the chalkboard*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:27, Reply)
Tell ya, most people would have edited their post.
Remember that.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
Don't be an arse
of COURSE you're going to come.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:22, Reply)
+ because I'm going to suck you off behind the toilets

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
He should be so lucky.
edit - besides, they have portaloos at festivals. I'm not going down on my knees near one of those things for anybody.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:30, Reply)
Is Kylie one of the support acts?
*Phones Darth*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:33, Reply)
easily raped is the best thing about spastic retards. Ask Chompy, I think it's number 3 on his
'easy target' list. After 'Lampito' and 'Grans Urn'
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:18, Reply)
I am not an easy target, I resent this accusation.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
berk
there's nothing quite looking at swimming costume pictures for the sheer horror that creeps up on you.

I inhaled a lot of food yesterday, but of course it means I've got through today on about 200 calories and I'm totally fine!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:18, Reply)
I know how you feel
I thought I was dead skinny til I went on holiday and saw the swimming costume photos. Erm - no. Fucking thing *grumbles*
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:21, Reply)
But in your zombie cheerleader costume
you look very skinny. What are you complaining about?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:23, Reply)
I'm not particularly
I'm saying that I have a fat arse, particularly when that arse is swimming costume-clad.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)
I have poor body image-real image correlation.
It's only when I see I'm twice as wide as one of my friends that it's like WHOA PULL OVER THA ASS TOO FAT
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
Same
I always thought I was much thinner than I was. I'm not sure if I still do, but probably.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:26, Reply)
Neither of you are fat.
Now lets move on. Unless you're about to post some swimming costume photos. In which case carry on.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:28, Reply)
Underage legs down there.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
I feel at this point that it's vital that we do
how else are we to judge their worth as human beings?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:30, Reply)
I miss the days when I had these legs.
I need to achieve thigh-gap again
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:29, Reply)
I have never ever in my life
had legs that thin.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:31, Reply)
They were things of wonder.
I don't have any full body pics of me on my computer from then- I had largish breasts for my frame, a nice nipped in waist and while not a flat tummy it's not the bloated horror it is now.

And I thought I was ugly :(
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:33, Reply)
I look back at the figure I had when I was about 17
and I really do want to punch myself for 1)letting it all go to shit and 2)being so miserable about it back then.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:37, Reply)
Same, just replace 17 with 15.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:37, Reply)
= 2?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:39, Reply)
Oh wow
this is just when I was starting to get fat. I'm 60kg or so.
[think i've made my point here]
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:40, Reply)
A night on the tiles?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:42, Reply)
Yeah, in fact
it was the last night of my travels through Namibia. We all got a bit pissed.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)
thats not fat
and I've watched a LOT of porn so have a distorted view of the human form.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)
Note "starting"

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)
You're definitely not fat in that one
possibly plumper than you were before, I wouldn't know... but really very not fat. I weigh more than 60kg now!
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:48, Reply)
I remember how much I weighed then because I had to go on the pill for oozing control reasons
(we would be without showers for pretty much the whole time...urgh...) and they weighed and measured me.

I told my mum how much I weighed, she shook her head and tutted and told me I'd better lose some of it.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I HAD THE LAST CAKE.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:49, Reply)
I have no idea
when the last time I was 60kg was. Not in the last 10 years, that's for sure.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:53, Reply)
What is 60kg in pints?
Or imperial if you want to get technical?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:57, Reply)
Erm.
bout 9 and a half stone? I weigh 66kg which is fractionally over 10 and a half. I think. And 7kg is a stone.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:58, Reply)
You weigh less than me.
Which is saying something, seeing as I'm stuggling to put on any weight.

Although saying that, I've managed to keep 3lbs that I've recently put on.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:02, Reply)
I'm a foot shorter than you
I bloody ought to weigh less, a lot less.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:03, Reply)
I'm heavier than my ex. He's 6' 4".
I'm still heavier than him when he put a stone and a half on.

FUCKING SKINNY MEN WHY DO I LOVE YOU
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:05, Reply)
Because we rock?
Your definition of 'rock' may differ to that of the poster
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:06, Reply)
There's something about the beauty of the male form that's best shown in a skinny frame
esp. a tall one.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:07, Reply)
I could be taller.
So that rules me out.

I could be thinner as well, although not much.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:10, Reply)
How tall are you?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:12, Reply)
I don't know (exactly)
Six foot? Six one maybe?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:17, Reply)
Not bad.
My tallest boyfriend was previously mentioned 6'3-4". I'm 5'3ish.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:18, Reply)
Nothing I can do about my height!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:20, Reply)
But I'm well under weight.
So 'a lot less' is a asking a lot of anyone at the moment!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:05, Reply)
There are no pictures of me
being a teenager or skinny on facebook. And for good reason.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:44, Reply)
That's in the first hundred or so. It's intertaining scrolling through and watching me balloon.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:47, Reply)
Because Facebook is fucking bent?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:50, Reply)
No, because I had very ill advised hair and dress sense
I'll try and find you an example, hang on.
(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:51, Reply)
*hangs on*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:56, Reply)
This is a flattering one
before I got fat. I was 17.

(berk, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:57, Reply)
YOU LOOK SO LITTLE

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:58, Reply)
8 years ago
nearly 9. Fuuuuuuuuuucking hell. /sighs
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:00, Reply)
Ooh bloody hell
that is a long time.

This is 12 years or so ago.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:02, Reply)
Aww!
yeah, I was never that innocent-looking, either!
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:05, Reply)
Loly Communion.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:05, Reply)
Were you forced into a Catholic education too?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:09, Reply)
Yup.
Kicked the habit though.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:10, Reply)
fnar.

(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:14, Reply)
Wayhay!
I had the same. Primary and Secondary education both featured nuns. This would explain, in some part, my lack of tollerance as far as religion is concerned.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:15, Reply)
I went to a nuthouse for secondary school.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:18, Reply)
Really?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:19, Reply)
Not an actual nuthouse.
We all turned out maladjusted though.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:20, Reply)
Oh dear
Roll out the confessional booth!

I should have been, but my Mum was a teacher at the Catholic school so I had to go to the Grammar.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:17, Reply)
But you've got to keep in mind.
That me, and (I'm guessing) everyone else round these parts, have never seen you 'fat'.

Baggies were in back then, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:59, Reply)
Yeah well I ain't posting any of them on the board
not that I allowed many photos to be taken when I was enormous.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:01, Reply)
Your hair
Appears to be silly string.

Can you explain this?
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:02, Reply)
Pink UV-reactive hair gel stuff.
I was being all punk and shit.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:04, Reply)
Nice smile though.
If that doesn't sound too rapey.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:07, Reply)
I don't have many like that
where I'm grinning like a (relaxed) fool. They strangely seem to coincide with me being somewhat lubricated...
Mostly in photos I just look confused.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:09, Reply)
In most photos
I look like a twat. Granted, this doesn't take a huge amount of effort.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:14, Reply)

twat Paul Weller.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:17, Reply)
I don't see the Weller thing myself.
(Honestly, I don't).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:22, Reply)
I still can't picture what you look like

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:19, Reply)
I'm hoping to make a couple of bashes this year.
You can form an opinion then.

Although I'm well overdue a change in hair style, so I might look completely different by then!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:22, Reply)
Remind me to email you your pics sometime

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:22, Reply)
Dare I ask about the 't' word?

(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)
What is the T word?
If it's me, the answer remains 'Twat'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:28, Reply)

thesis
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:29, Reply)
I assume you mean what I should be working on
I've worked for a few hours, having a quick break then I'll work through the night
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:28, Reply)
Eep
good luck with it.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)
Thanks
I just need to knock together 6000 words
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:34, Reply)
Godspeed, young sparrow.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:30, Reply)
This made me laugh
I think I'll stick around until one then go put some laundry on, and seize the MCR
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:34, Reply)
Motivational music?
spotify:track:5jTFeUXmIqtzYsnlW3uaIq (Like A G6 by Far East Movement)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)
No spotify
but I'll youtube it. Currently got Peaches 'Slippery Dick' on, preceded by Joan Jett
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:37, Reply)
It's one of the worst songs EVER

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:38, Reply)
What, Peaches?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:39, Reply)
No, "Like a G6"
Totally listening to Justin Bieber over here.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:40, Reply)
I'll buff the stingrays for you.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)
Floppy hair suits you
alright I've only met you once and that briefly, but I can't see you with different hair at all.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:25, Reply)
I shouldn't have turned up.
I was beyond hope having been on the drink all day. I'm hoping I get a second chance to make a first impression.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:29, Reply)
What's you having floppy hair
got to do with you being drunk? I've said this many times before but nobody was judging you for being a bit piddly, so stop worrying about it!
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:31, Reply)
But I can remember very little of the night.
That is the problem.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:33, Reply)
That happens most nights out for me
I really wouldn't worry about it.
(berk, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)
Whose legs do you have now?
Are you Heather Mills?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:32, Reply)
The same ones, just 3 times as big.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:34, Reply)
You've got 6 legs?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:38, Reply)
Totally!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:41, Reply)
My spidey senses suggest 'FIBS'

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:43, Reply)
My spidey senses are better, seeing as I actually have 8 limbs

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:51, Reply)
I'd be liking 8 limbs
I could get up to all sorts of shenanigans.

And I'd be able to scuttle up curtains which might prove useful.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:58, Reply)
It'd be pretty awesome, especially if you could multi-task to the extent you could write with one set and cook or something with the other.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:01, Reply)
I'm thinking more
Of the ability to drink, smoke, fiddle with my parts and put shite on the internet simaltaneously, whilst having four limbs spare to stroke the pets, cook etc..
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:06, Reply)
Oh yes, smoke and not have to type one handed. Yes please.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:07, Reply)
I'm a two finger typist
That, and my inebriated obsession with grammatic perfection explains why I am such a slow poster.

A few more limbs would be great.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:12, Reply)
Couldn't fancy eight limbs myself

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:20, Reply)
Stoke the pets?
You're doing it ALL WRONG.

All wrong TD.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:08, Reply)
I have a house full of animals.
I think you'd be calling it a brothel.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:14, Reply)
*Books tickets to Bradford!*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:16, Reply)
Yes - we'll be glad to see you
Get in a taxi and ask to go to Bella's house.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:19, Reply)
Is sheer horror your special name for an erection?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:22, Reply)
If anyone got an erection from my semi-naked form I'd be very alarmed.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:23, Reply)
Even when you wanted to have sex with them?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:24, Reply)
It's always a pleasant surprise.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 23:25, Reply)
313 replies.
That's a fucking BIG number.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:24, Reply)
This is my 69th post in this thead
Fuck, maybe I should go to bed.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:25, Reply)
But I've just got here

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:28, Reply)
My sister has made cupcakes.
I think that might be my Friday entertainment.

They look bufftings.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:31, Reply)
mm cupcakes
I had a Weightwatchers Lemon cake slice. It was surprisingly nice and only 80 calories
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:33, Reply)
Due to feasting, I've had 2 large cups of tea and a few sweeties today.
That's it. Not healthy, I know. But it;s great.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:34, Reply)
Well you were probably still full
no point eating if you don't need it :)

I need to stop buying things I like. I bought some salami and it's going quite fast despite the fact I know how bad it is.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:35, Reply)
Salami is rather nice.
Man, I kinda want to get slizzered now.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:36, Reply)
That song was seriously shit
and yes salami is nice. I had it with houmous and ryvita
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:44, Reply)
Yeah, thinking that way too.
I have to go to the bank tomorrow and get all assertive, and I'll not do that if I carry on drinking.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:29, Reply)
I've missed 4 hours this week.
I might just write this week off and miss another 2.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:33, Reply)
I'm one old bastard
I never missed a lecture in three years. I was scared to miss one.

Admittedly that was 1987-1990.

Don't know what I'm telling you here - the drink is kicking in.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:41, Reply)
I'm a bad student.
But I feel major guilt over missing them.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:42, Reply)
Crack on
I rolled out of Leeds with a 2:1 in Economics.

I was diligent, but I did plenty of arseing about too.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 28 Jan 2011, 0:49, Reply)

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