Woop, woop, candle!
My grandparents are celebrating their 62nd wedding anniversary today. Granny talks fondly of my Grandfather's Dutch oven prank on their wedding night.
What's your top tip for a happy relationship?

Alt: what's the dealbreaker for you?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:31, 190 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't have a clue.
Alt: Lies


Woop! Happy candle day.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:36, Reply)

Morning!
My top tip is "get 'em young and train 'em" though training is slow going these days.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Ah well you were lucky.
I'm trying to find one malleable enough to re-train. A few taps on the head and some tit-bits should do it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:44, Reply)

I lucked out with an easy-going one.
He's a wee treasure.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:45, Reply)

emphasis on the "wee"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Get yourself a clicker
that should do it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Have you tried training a cat?
Impossible beasts.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I hear the old adage of 'Never sleep on an argument' works well
Or whatever the fuck it is.

Alt: Overgrown, matted pubic hair on her. I'm meant to be the one growing a beard, not her!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Oh yeah, hair, it's just not natural, eh?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Note the first two words, please.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Overgrown and matted?
How can it be overgrown? It stops growing at a certain point. Matted? who has pubic hair long enough to be matted?
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:50, Reply)

It's from an ex of mine, who never shaved or trimmed, to the point where going down on her was just plain unpleasant
The easiest way I can think to describe it is that I'm there to eat, not floss.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

It should all be imac'd off, all of it, I wan't no evidence that she's not a child on her at all, in fact, I want her to have a fake passport that I will check.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I like it to be well trimmed
But won't complain about a Hollywood.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

That's Northern women for you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Sex, lots of it. A shared sense of humour, and mutual support.
Alt: Creepy. My body usually does that for me- if I get creeped out, I know. Also, cheating and maliciousness.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Was your creepdar broken when you meet Psychochomp?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Horribly, I've probably met worse
He was never that creepy to me, maybe because I wasn't a "target".
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Aw, I was only joking.
Poor, poor Chompy *sadface*
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:49, Reply)

Unfortunately, I wasn't.
Hope all is well with you!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:50, Reply)

A sense of humour
mind you I'm awful at relationships, so I could be wrong.

Alt: Clinginess.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Happy candlewhatsit
I wouldn't know because I've never had one I've been entirely happy with. *shrugs* life is made a lot easier if you're easygoing and don't get wound up by stuff: being high maintenance must be such a drag.

Alt: no sense of humour, poor hygiene, being a cunt.
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:50, Reply)

sharing an interest in music and surfing seems to work
as well as having similar sense of humour.

Despite technically getting together with my mrs while I was with someone else, we didn't actually get up to anything, so I don't feel so bad saying that cheating is the dealbreaker for me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:51, Reply)

I have had better
relationships as I have gotten older, so that's probably a growing up/maturity thing.

Alt: I am once divorced because of lying/deceitfulness with money. So that'd be mine.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:53, Reply)

You are Monty's ex
AICM FIVE MILLION! P
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Haha!
No children involved thankfully.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Alt Q: Being told "I really, really like you but I'm in love with someone else".
She honestly thought I'd carry on seeing her after she told me that.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Why would she think that?
Self absorbed?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:59, Reply)

I dunno, maybe she didn't see it as that big of a deal.
I told her to do one, but like an idiot I went out with her all night on Monday.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Do you think you can keep it casual?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Casual sex is one thing but sleeping with someone you know is in love with someone else is a bit weird.

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Sexy weird?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:26, Reply)

No, bad wierd.

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Don't think so, I really like her.
Gonna sack it off I reckon as she's a right head fuck.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

remember to steal her coat first

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

*guffaw*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Just bang her in the shit pipe
problem solved
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I hate it when you're madly besotted with a girl, you share the same sense of humour, her family are great, you have the same goals in life....
... and she looks exactly what you go for, everything is perfect, you can see you both scuba diving at 65. That money is no worries because you both live inside your means. Both of you like the same telly shows, have a disliking for tuna, and she's filthy in all the right ways in the bedroom. Only for it to turn out she's a faun sent by the tree spirits to trick you into believing in love. Sure, it's fine to begin with, you try to look past it, but as time goes on you resent her for her goat legs. It's the little things like the way her knees bend backwards that iritate you, it's amazing how you didn't see it before; that her bottom half is that of a goat. It's not that people in that condition don't deserve love, and sure, she's great and everything, but maybe it would be best to find someone new? So you sabitarge the relationship, you start working late and eventually it all falls appart.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 8:59, Reply)

this is some of your best work
edit: someone on talk said you got banned yesterday. That doesn't seem to be the case. Why would they say that Gonz? Why?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Rumours of my demise are greatly exasorated.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

That age old story.
Boy falls for goat girl. Goat girl irritates boy. Boy works late and goat girl leaves.

How many times have we heard it?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I know, if there's one more Hollywood romcom with the boy/goat girl storyline I'm going to explode.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

You kid?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

LEAVE THE INTERNET

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:10, Reply)

I bet he feels like a silly billy now

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:14, Reply)

no need to be so gruff with him.

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:42, Reply)

In some ways it would be easier if she had the head of a goat and the legs of a lady.
Less chance of pretending things are fine.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Oh, I really wouldn't care if it was that way 'round.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:20, Reply)

but what about the weird goat eyes?
why do they have such weird eyes?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

The pupil is elongated which gives them better peripheral vision to see predators and such. Deers also have this
truattenboroughfact

It does mean they tend to run into small trees directly in front of them they don't see though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:31, Reply)

awesome
it's one of those things I've always wanted to know but couldn't be arsed to google.

I am in your debt.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

You should totally watch Life of Mammals
In fact you shuold watch all the Life Of... series. My mum has bought me two more for my birthday *excited glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I will do so
I love nature programmes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Top Tip?
If you're with someone who can't make themself happy, you'll not be able to make them happy either.

I was going to post some of sort musky-ring comment, but it's too early for that sort of carry on

Happy Candleday.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

That's a bit deep for you Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Failed relationships is one of my specialist subjects.
*Waves!*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:07, Reply)

*waves*
Mine is leaving it too late.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I've started so I'll finish lols.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Forgiveness...just let it go, chances are it's not that important

ALT: beards
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

my top tip is for people to realise
it's ok to be single. You get to do your own stuff and no one cares if you spend all your money on clothes or really shit DVDs. Instead people tend to dive into really fucking shit relationships that are utterly soul destroying purely because they believe they should adhere to the pressures of society and if you're single you're some kind of freak.

Seriously people, it's ok *pats heads and gives out cookies*
Also, 11 days till my birthday so I hope you all have decided what you're going to get me
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I'm going to get you a boyfriend...sounds like you need one

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I don't think I do.
Unless I don't have to see him that much. Maybe once a month
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:33, Reply)

You need an oil rig worker; rich and hardly ever around

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

oooh that could work

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

you'd have to not mind him being someone else's ship-wife while he was on the rig

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I can live with that

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I always thought I would make a perfect mistress.
But I don't even get chatted up by married men.


And it's wrong.....obviously.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I always wondered how much being a mistress would involve listening to the guy bitch about his wife

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I could handle that.
Just switch off and say there there now and then.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

What if he started crying
saying how you were a terrible mistake and he loved his wife really, even if she did reverse his car into his mother
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

punch to the kidneys
it's the only way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

*shrugs*
It can't be any worse than being told they don't want to see you any more IMMEDIATLY AFTER HAVING SEX WITH YOU. (Single bloke btw).
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Ouch, punch to the nutsack is the only correct response to this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:51, Reply)

And people wonder why I have low self-esteem.

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:53, Reply)

See below v

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:55, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

sounds like a good plan then

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I quite like being a freak : )
I'm going to pay Lab to be nice to you all day.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:26, Reply)

can you not pay me to be nice to him
It will freak him out and I can then afford more £3 pyjamas. THREE POUNDS!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:34, Reply)

BARGAIN!!!
How about you both pay me to be nice to everyone and I buy myself some pyjamas?
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Because you're nice to everyone anyway

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Woohoo!
Easy money!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

You have an excellent point
mind you I ended up going to the dinner last night and everyone was paired up so neatly. It was a bit sad.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Yeah paired up so neatly until one of them goes out and the other doesn't want to go then guilt trips the one that did go for going even though they said they did want to go what they meant was they didn't want the other one to go

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Also, 11 days till my birthday so I hope you all have decided what you're going to get me....
I'll tell you, on your birthday, that i've been watching episodes of Pawn Stars I've not previously seen on the History Channel, and that you should have a look at the schedule.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

you are right
I would have relished the chance to be single for a while if I hadn't fallen immediately from the last relationship into this one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I've been single for a good chunk of my life and it was great.
Just crap when you don't want to be and can't find anyone.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I was basically single until I was about 21, and have been with one of two people ever since.
when I was single it was shit, because I was fat and geeky with long hair. I'd be much better at it now, with the vastly increased self-confidence, but I'm happy the way things are!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Same here
Though instead of fat I was goth and somewhat effeminate.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

*tries not to laugh*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I think the feeling that you don't have to change anything
And can both be yourselves all the time must count for something?

Alt: Far too many things to list. I once contemplated breaking up with someone because his eyebrows annoyed me so much. Thankfully he turned out to be a massive dickhead too, so I didn't have to look as shallow as I am.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

hmm I never noticed AA's eyebrows before

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I want to know what his initial gazes said, I swear she only posting for 5 minutes when he had already gazed her.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I might post some gazzes
And you can all play 'guess the sender'.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:54, Reply)

YES !
Oh man, awesome.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

*Quickly checks to make sure I haven't sent any*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I got one from whats'isface once.
The fake doctor mentalist.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Was it this guy?


Also, any luck with Gas supplier?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Haha
I'm ringing them later, now that I've calmed down and worked out a plan of action. Should hopefully be able to sort it without having to go to the poor house.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Good to hear it!
Hope all goes well
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

this is true.
being able to sit in your trackies and old shirts, and watch bad tv and just enjoying each others company is a great thing.

And heehee about the eyebrows. What was wrong with them?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Oh man, it was a long time ago.
He was really, really attractive. I mean, he was *wow*. But his eyebrows were completely normal for the first half but then went really sparse and wide towards the end. They drove me mad.

Also, stupidity is definitely a dumpable offence. People can be as sweet and hot as they want, but if you can't make conversation with them, it's not worth it.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

you have hit the nail on the head there I think
when the weird things you do make the other one laugh rather than freak out you know you are onto a winner.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

My ex
Went from crazy funny behaviour to what I thought was just erratic nutcase behaviour. I think it was probably my perception that changed though, rather than her behaviour.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

you are probably right
my mrs and I tend to towards the same kind of erraticness, so neither of us can complain.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:38, Reply)

the book i am reading right now says that "sex and laughter are the heart and lungs of a relationship"
it is a dreadfully cheesy line but it is totally accurate. shared sense of humour and shared love of the same things in bed, and share them often. that's my top tip.

dealbreakers - cheating, lying, physical violence, lack of ambition, low IQ, smoking.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

but smoking makes you look cool

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

smoking honks
and it makes your breath smell, your hair smell, your clothes smell, your fingers smell, it makes your fingers yellow, unless you earn quite a decent whack you can't afford to do other things if you want to smoke a lot, it makes your teeth brown, and it gives you and your other half cancer. what's not to love?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:49, Reply)

But, it makes you look cool

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I could defend against most of those through experience
but I won't because I was being facetious in the first instance.

Personal choice innit? I only smoke reefers these days, but I still think that pubs and clubs were better when smoking was allowed. It added to the atmosphere and meant you couldn't smell things like other people, or the bogs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:55, Reply)

i think my hatred stems back to my grandma getting gangrene in her toes from smoking when i was little
i have said it before and i'll say it again, you don't know what retching means until you've had to force a shoe onto an old lady's four-toed foot "because you're nearer the ground anyway".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:58, Reply)

understandable in that case

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Ugh, this.
I personally think that they should have gone with the option where pubs that serve food would have to be non-smoking (at least during service hours), but you could still smoke in wet-only pubs. That would have given landlords and customers a choice, at least.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

the smell of smoking is vile
and smokers have no idea how they smell and taste to non-smokers - even after a bath, a shower and a tooth-clean, they STILL smell like fags. but some people smell even worse, how bad does your personal hygiene have to be to reek out an entire pub??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I've seen it happen.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:04, Reply)

yeah, should have been a choice
"Call me Dave" is trying to reduce numbers of smokers by hiding cigarettes in shops and putting them in plain packets now. I really don't understand why anyone would think that would work.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Yeah, I'm struggling to see how anyone
would walk into a shop and not buy cigs because they couldn't see them. I don't believe anyone's randomly decided to take up smoking because the packaging was so damn alluring.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

exactly that
it's just completely nonsensical. One of those things that makes you do a mental double-take
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I don't even think most people's first experience of smoking actually involves buying a packet of fags first
Peer pressure, innit?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

one of my rules is "Always give in to peer pressure"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

You are Jim Jones AICMFP.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:14, Reply)

By the way, just read this:
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/tories-to-treat-you-like-children-too-201103093607/
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:25, Reply)

That is so true.
After about 9pm some pubs just smell of sweaty arses!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

*The Musky Arms*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Is that what you get after a particularly deep anal fisting session...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

What about crapping in the bed?

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Top tips
Sharing a sense of humour is obvious, sharing some but not necessarily all tastes is also a given. Having a compatible sex drive, being open to what your partner likes, and being open minded is important as well. My biggest tip for a happy relationship is to realise that it's not just 'ok' to want your own space from time to time, it's bloody essential. Also, your time at work does not qualify as your own space.

Dealbreakers:
Poor hygiene, being messy and lazy all the time, expecting me to pay for everything, never being able to make a decision (double points if every time I have to make them you disagree, but still don't come up with an answer), talking about marriage and babies within weeks of hooking up, saying "digickal" instead of "digital".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

You are definitely right about the space thing.
Not being able to have time to yourself/with your friends is just fucking awful.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Uh huh
Even if it's just the two of you in separate rooms doing your own thing for a bit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Definitely
Although the worst worst worst thing is being made to feel bad for going out with your friends.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Shit yeah
And you reminded me I'd forgotten to put "being passive aggressive or using guilt trips" as a dealbreaker.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I seem to be a bugger for the passive aggressive thing.
I didn't even realise till recently.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Yuck.
'Sulking just because the other person is (reasonably) having a good time' should be on there too.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You're pretty much 100% right there
though I'll disregard the digital/digickal thing, considering I'm personally incapable of pronouncing the word penguin right apparantly.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

What do you say?
pen-goo-win?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

nope
that's how I hear it when other people say it. Apparantly I say peng-weng
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

it should be pen-gwin

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Thank you
The last bit was to end on a somewhat flippant remark, though persistent mispronunciation of words would irritate me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

can you pronounce theatre correctly?
as in thea-ter instead of the-ET-er
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

of course
generally my words are perfectly formed haha, but some things are just locked in my head a certain way
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I've known a couple of people who were generally well-spoken and such
and yet couldn't say theatre or beatrice or other similar things. Couldn't hear what they were doing wrong either.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

my friend emma simply cannot hear the difference between "dew" and "jew"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I've noticed this as well
the only words I have trouble with that I can think of are penguin, fajita, and currently the word most
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

My sister, who is otherwise very erudite, believed that the word "awry" was pronounced "aw-ree" until she was 23
She is yet to live this down.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I have a habit of saying words for the first time to my mother
I've seen them written plenty and know what they mean, but always say it to her and she corrects me. it's embarrassing.

things like zealot and damask, so not your everyday words
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:04, Reply)

A friend does that with me
She'll say them for me to correct her.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

She does that because she knows you get a filthy sexual thrill out of being right
She obviously wants you to plow her
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Of course she does
I'm awesome.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:11, Reply)

What are you still doing here?
There's willing fanny a-waitin'!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Because the girl in question is my ex
So that's not happening.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:15, Reply)

That is a very responsible and mature attitude
Have you learnt nothing from B3ta?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Whilst she is still rather cruelly looking amazingly hot
It would not be worth the aftermath at all. Plus she has a boyfriend.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Girls are mean like that
There should be some sort of rule that dictates that post-break up she contracts a terminal case of The Munts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:25, Reply)

dealbreakers after a reeeaaalllly long time
*phones self*
*calls self a hypocritical bitch*
*apologies to self*
*invites self out for a drink later*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I knew you'd say something
Besides, not like you can talk...
Edit: Eh, you edited in the content afterwards, but I'm keeping my post.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

all this
you'd be surprised how many men want to yammer on about kids. it's bloody terrifying and it just makes you tense up to prevent sex from ever happening.

also letting the other person pay for everything is a dumpable offence. not even saying thank you is worthy of acid in the face.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Acid? Face?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Not saying 'thank you' is a personal bugbear
Manners don't cost a penny.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

i hate it! it takes away all the fun of treating someone if they don't have the common courtesy to thank you for it
did you just ASSUME i was going to pay? how rude are you?

are you embarrassed that you just let me pay? well, perhaps you should be. how rude are you?

lather, rinse, repeat in seething sulking silence.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Don't get into a relationship with me and you should be fine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:00, Reply)

*cancels weekend plans*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

*Removes butt plug*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)

*ticks item on agenda*

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:04, Reply)

*throws away Jim Jones Review t-shirt*

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:04, Reply)

psst, it's Revue

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

See! we were doomed anyway.

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Bootleg shirt innit

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

nice save

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Poor Dutch Schteve.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

*wipes off lube*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

*gives you a slightly disgusted look*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:07, Reply)

A keen sense of humour is absolutely crucial
As is a high tolerance for the aspects of each other's lives that you don't particularly enjoy. Football and advanced geekery in my case, the bizarre belief that Salsa is a dance in hers.

Alt: Gordon Gekko.

Oh I'm sorry, I thought you said dealBROKER
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:13, Reply)

LTIN

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:16, Reply)

As far as godawful puns go,
that may be my finest achievement to date
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

It was horrid.
Good morning. How is everything?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Shit, but better than last night
Thank you for asking. How are you today gorgeous?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I'm good, for once.
Off for cocktails and then to see The Wombats tonight with my best friend, who has promised to buy. I am doing my packing for Brighton later today too.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Bloody hell
I'm not sure how to talk to Happy Bella. Er... well done?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:33, Reply)

It's OK.
I'm just excited about being able to leave the house and cheesy pop music. The world is still pissing me off though. Today I am angry at American frat boys and Eric Pickles.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Why at Eric Pickles?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:40, Reply)

He ate her pudding

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Because he's a massive, disgusting hypocrite.
bit.ly/dRcRc7
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:42, Reply)

That artcile is as biased as the right woing press it maligns

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:46, Reply)

How so?
It has full citations.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:48, Reply)

It gives no comparisons
you have to wonder how much the person who wrote actually knows about organisations.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Fair enough.
But I think the point was more about Pickles constantly railing against 'non-jobs' and portraying the people who do them as useless spongers, yet he still needs to employ people to do the same thing. Whether his department is particularly bad for them, I don't know, but I do know that his department wouldn't live up to what he expects of councils.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:55, Reply)

The comment about Knowledge management being a filing job is ridiculous
The storage and continuation of knowledge is one of the greatest challenges my company faces, if people leave with their experience and no records, then all their work could be replicated by the next emploee wasting huge amounts of money. therefore careful systematic collection of knowledge is vital and deserves a full time employee.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Alt: Anyone who doesn't have an encyclopedic knowledge
of obscure mid-60s US garage punk 45s really can jog on.


*dies alone*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Surely you know enough geeks
for one of them to be capable of making great strides in human cloning or advanced robotics?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 10:34, Reply)