What everyday things annoy you?
The unavoidable things you have to do, or feel you have to do to conform and function.

Alt: What musical skill would you like.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:41, 251 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My work commute is slowly causing me to get proper road rage.
I might have to move jobs or house in order to stop myself getting an ulcer.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:43, Reply)

How far/long is the commute?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:43, Reply)

He is an astronaut

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

33 miles
Up the A3, around the M25 and along the M40.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Playing on the M25 everyday would be too much for me.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

It's too much for me.
I've been doing it for four years. It's getting to me.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

That means you drive right past my UK flat every day
can you pop in & water the flowers please?
( broadsword, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

If you had breasts, rather than just liking them,
then I might. But you don't. So I won't.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Can't argue with that

( broadsword, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Maybe there are breasts in the flat?
Mounted like deer's heads on the wall
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Do some work
Someone should just pay me to be a genius or something

Alt: I'd love to play the violin properly. Or be able to sing well enough that my voice doesn't collapse other people's eardrums
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Hide the bodies

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:44, Reply)

People, I fucking hate people

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:44, Reply)

^this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

People are cunts, aren't they?
Fuck people, fuck people HARD.
( broadsword, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I have to be nice to customers. I hate that. Although I can be rude to a few that piss my dad off too.
Any musical skill would be nice. I've always wanted to be a drummer.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

dr b
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:45, Reply)

How do you know I'm not already?

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Um... I'm over here, mate
BGB can't give you a mark out of ten
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Not for a strikethrough anyway

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Writing reports
I wish I could just write "Guilty, 20 years in solitary" on a bit of paper and be done with it. It'd save billions of pounds in expensive court battles and that 'justice' crap.

Alt: I'd love to play the drums well.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:46, Reply)

you are Joe Dredd
AICMFP
( djtrialprice, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

I AM THE LAW!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:15, Reply)

other people being on MY tube
i should get my own carriage every day. and it should be FREE. provided i am going to work to earn taxes to keep the country going, anyway. if i am going out, i'll happily - well, get a taxi, let's face it.

i would love to be able to sing really well. i can sing along to stuff well enough, but if i am unaccompanied, there are cats in every county screeching along with me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Brushing my teeth, I hate it. Also, using the bathroom, I hate it. And laundry, I hate doing it.
alt: I would like to be able to compose, I've written tons of things that would be turned into songs, but I don't have the slightest idea how to come up with the music. My sausage fingers can't play the guitar.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

You need to team up with someone who can play then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Or a dentist who can extract all of your teeth.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

i wasn't saying my flatmate should have known the price of drinks, it was all good-natured and she was happy to pay it
i just meant anyone who says "£20 for a cocktail is excessive" is absolutely right. but you pay that BECAUSE it's the savoy, so if you're the kind of person who wants to go there, you're the kind of person who's happy to pay it. everyone can make up their own mind as to what kind of person that is!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I wish you'd stop judging people.
*tuts*
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

an idiot

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

in your view
but then, other people might think that tying down one's entire finances, happiness and sexlife to another human being who could die on you or dump you or cheat on you or start to bore the tits off you any day of the week is idiotic. but look how thrilled you are to be doing it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I suspect we'd find more takers for marriage than for £20 cocktails at the savoy.
you seem to try and make it sound like a silly idea, but the point is, the reason I'm doing it is because I'm sure that the things you have listed are better because they are tied to that one person, not at risk because of it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

i am a property disputes lawyer
i deal with the fallout of broken marriages daily.

it's very difficult not to jump up and call out when the vicar asks for reasons why there should be no marriage!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

the same thing happened to my dad
but he was a criminal lawyer so he basically thought everyone was a fucking cunt.

For the most part he is right, but not for everyone.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

That's a bit harsh
are you feeling outdone by TGB?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

no, I was being flippant
it depends on what the cocktails were like. I suspect they were very nice.

also, I look forward to the day when I could happily pay that much for cocktails without feeling massively wrong.

I was actually quite pleased to be able to get a nice wedding ring without feeling guilty about spending some money for a change.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:55, Reply)

I suspect so as well
but I think at £20 a shot it'll be a long time before I judge firsthand
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

me too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I don't know what the Savoy is.

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Type of sausage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

And a cabbage
How does that work?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

A posh hotel in London

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

pfft, don't be stupid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

This is like Call My Bluff

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

it's a region of Western Europe

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

It winds me up when people judge how other people spend their money.
Unless a child or spouse is suffering because of it, then who cares.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

So Monty's fair game then?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:56, Reply)

the point I was trying to get at wasn't about the money
you clearly state she didn't know how much the drink was, then say don't go if you don't want to pay the price
I realise I started out by talking about the money, but I meant that to some people it's not worth it, I didn't realise it was the equivilant of having a drink at the white house
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

yeah but i didn't mean her specifically
it was just badly worded on my part.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:09, Reply)

I've been to the Savoy, it was shit
Oh no, hang on, might be thinking about Bognor Regis.
( broadsword, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

why would anyone think about bognor regis?
the town planners certainly didn't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Can we have just one thread without incessant moaning?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:48, Reply)

Why not post a link? That'll cheer you up.
*Moans a bit more*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

www.newstribune.com/news/2011/mar/14/shooting-victim-planned-move-home-jeff-city/
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

moans Psychochomp

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Of course not, it's a British website.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

plus it's the closest most people on here get to hearing a bit of moaning action/making other people moan

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Psychochomp's happy joy thread
Aren't kittum's lovely and fluffy?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:50, Reply)

is that the apostrophe he dropped from the "thats the joke" pic?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:51, Reply)

yes, yes it is
The other night, B3ta had spell check on it and now it's gone, this is confusing.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

oh no
how will i ever get to feel superior if they bring in a SPAG checker? i have nothing else.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:54, Reply)

SPAG checker?


Needs more salt.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:56, Reply)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

I really loathe washing up
which makes it far worse that my dishwasher is broken.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I've never even had a dishwasher

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:51, Reply)

they are the best thing ever
I need to replace mine as soon as I possibly can. Unfortunately, because I have been saving for wedding stuff I can't afford a new one, so need to find one secondhand.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Shouldn't have wasted all that money on a ring...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

this is also relative
i am pretty sure that everybody here would have a different definition of a cheap-v-expensive wedding ring

*eyes up diamond encrusted platinum tiffany band*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

If only you bought the cheap ring.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Vouchers for wedding = new dishwasher
Our washer broke the week before we got married. Bad timing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:53, Reply)

I absolutely cannot wait 6 months for a new dishwasher

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Not that bad. I mean, if it was only a week before you got married.
That is only 7 days of sharing the responsibility, before it becomes a job for the wife.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Dishwashers are the height of lazyness.
Unless you have a large family and then if you do, you should be getting the bloody kids to wash up.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:54, Reply)

4 year old + sharp knife = trouble

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

trouble Darwinism in action.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Culpable homicide more like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I prefer to think of it as
'character building'
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:00, Reply)

character scar
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Good to see you're grounding your kids in more recent Disney as well as the classics

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

haha!
I actually get this, despite not having seen it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I call bullshit
EVERYONE has seen The Lion King
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:09, Reply)

I have not sir
I hate all those type of films and am forced to watch Beauty and the Beast at least 3 times a week
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:31, Reply)

well, no wonder you don't like them
you are watching the wrong one. Aladdin or Lion King are what you want
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I meant older kids.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

ridiculous attitude
what is wrong with saving some effort?

they are demonstrably cheaper and more efficient to run than doing the washing up, and most critically while washing up may take only 10 or 15 minutes it is 10 or 15 minutes when the last thing I want to be doing is standing by the fucking sink.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Shut up and get back to that poss-stick

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Loading the damn thing and unloading takes as much time.
Not to mention washing off the worst of the dirt because the machine can't manage to get rid of it.

And how on earth can it be cheaper to run a dishwasher for an hour then fill a sink with some water?
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

I don't rinse anything before putting it in the dishwasher
Just scrape the plates
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:02, Reply)

which you have to do before washing up anyway

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:03, Reply)

it really doesn't
and I've never had to wash off the worst of the dirt

the thing is, you can load it as you use stuff, so at most you might need to put a couple of pans and plates in at once, which takes seconds. You aren't left with a heap of clean or dirty plates etc. on the side or the drainer, it cleans them better and costs less to run.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:03, Reply)

+ means you can have a brew and watch the TV instead

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:03, Reply)

or do anything else
and literally everything else is a better use of someone's time than doing the fucking washing up.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:04, Reply)

There is only you and your misses. How much stuff do you use?

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:05, Reply)

LET HIM FUCKING SPEND HIS MONEY HOW HE WANTS
fucking hell is everything a cause for arguments on here.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Having a bad day chompers?

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

People at work are dropping like flies.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Have you been putting rohypnol in the water coolers?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:11, Reply)

I heard it was through the ventilation system

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

3 of my colleagues have died in the last week I don't appreciate you using that as an excuse to make rape jokes.
Have you tried not being a bitter vicious bitch for any serious amount of time?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Tried it, didn't like it

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:22, Reply)

I'm sorry to hear that
I thought you just meant redundancy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:44, Reply)

it seems so

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:06, Reply)

unless he wants to spend it on evian or vitamin water, of course
this post is an excellent stab at defining "hypocrisy"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

We cook from scratch every day, which automatically uses more stuff
but we only run the dishwasher every couple of days

that is irrelevant though, because it costs less to run the dishwasher we could use it everyday.

There are no arguments you can make that would persuade me that doing it by hand is better in even one small way.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I can understand the use of dishwashers for commercial use etc.
I just think they're a bit over the top for home.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

If we didn't have one nothing would get washed up ever.
Arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes is the biggest cause of arguments in shared accommodation BADGERFAX
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

I can't understand why people have such a problem with them
they:
save you time
save you money
are more hygenic
keep your kitchen free of clutter

what's not to like?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Maybe I just don't hate washing up as much as you do.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I don't think anyone does
even I'm unsure why, it's a bit irrational. Fortunately there is an easy solution to it. But mine is currently broken.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Same reason that it's cheaper to have a shower than run a bath.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Do they use so little water?
I wasn't aware.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

they really do
they heat efficiently as well
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:14, Reply)

Your racism knows no bounds
Marquita was a proud woman who did a good job despite you constantly putting your spliffs out on her. She broke one plate, one little side plate from that set you don't even use that often, and you just went apeshit and beat her with your shoes! You know she's not 'broken', she choked to death on the shards of crockery you forcefed her, and now you're after a secondhand one? MONSTER!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I have no idea
why this made me laugh so much
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

If I could (be bothered to) click this a hundred times, I would

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Ms Foxtrot's Dad got into trouble for buying Ms Foxtrot's Stepmum a dishwasher for Christmas one year
Apparently she was outraged that he bought her this as a gift, as it implied that he considered the washing up to be her job.

I informed Ms Foxtrot that as I do 95% of the washing up in our house, should she wish to buy me a dishwasher I would be absolutely fucking delighted.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Dishwashers are great
Chuck everything in, press button, come back 2 hours later - done
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Yes, I'm familiar with the science, dear

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

In Norwich?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Not FROM Norwich
Although this might explain why we haven't got one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Plumbing & electric together in Norwich
would surely mean you being tried as a witch
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:04, Reply)

There's a shadowy protection agency for people who have both
They call themselves the Men In Slacks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

In our house
whoever cooks doesn't wash up/ stack the dishwasher. Does it not work like that at yours, or does Ms Foxtrot just cook a lot?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Um, we cook about as much as each other
The reasons I wash up a lot are twofold; she really hates washing up, and I'm a soft shite.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:03, Reply)

This
I'm sure I spend more time washing up than I do actually eating. That seems disproportionate and unfair somehow.

I'd love to be able to play the drums or the cello. Or any of the three instruments I already own really well...
(berk, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I own my guitar very well too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Not just punch people who annoy me
And I'd really like to have perfect pitch.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Dealing with stupid hotels/casinos
Useless fuckers. How the FUCK am I supposed to know what type of card you're holding in your hand, I can't see it? And the phrase 'You know, one of those ones' doesn't help either!

Alt: I'd love to be able to sing
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 13:58, Reply)

?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Different hotels/casinos have different types of cards
I recently took an order from a hotel we'd not dealt with before, who couldn't tell me what card type they were, but kept insisting it was 'You know, one of THOSE ones', as if I'd suddenly realise what the fuck they were on about.

Dimwitted bastard.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I hope you sent them a birthday card.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Customers
Amazing cheek from some of them.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

You sell chairs
AICMFP
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Sex toys.
Close, but no cigar.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Someone in my street sells sex toys
She doesn't look the type
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:07, Reply)

She's on your street
Your street is in Newcastle
Ergo she is the type
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:10, Reply)

*concedes point*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:12, Reply)

What would you recommend for the woman who will be spending the rest of her life alone?
Not too expensive though. I have more cats to buy.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Train tickets to London, some drugges and rubber sheets.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

*grins*

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

I walk a lot, right,
and two things about this annoy me. Other pedestrians, and cars. I fucking hate not being able to cross the road whenever the fuck I want, especially since my road is quite literally MY road in name as well as principle. I also strongly feel that anyone using a pavement should either walk more quickly than me, although a similar pace is acceptable if they have a nice arse, or get the fuck out of my way, wearing an apologetic look as I breeze past.

Don't get me started on any of the following;

Old people
Single mothers with fuck-off pushchairs
Chubsters
Anyone who thinks my bit of pavement is fair game to meander along two abreast hand in hand, drinking in the beautiful sunny weather and refreshing spring air, romantically enjoying the company of your significant other. There's plenty of other pavement for that. Get the fuck out of my way.

Alt: Fartboxing. It's like beatboxing, but with farting.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:08, Reply)

You live on Fruit Avenue?

( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:13, Reply)

v k on it up
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:16, Reply)

That took me an embarrassing amount of time
to work out.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

7/10
Definitely one of your better efforts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I've decided to raise my game

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Two can play at that game
raise my go on the
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

Nice one 'Bobby Brown (hatter)'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:22, Reply)

I'm biased by my 10-year-old self's love of Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative"
but 8/10. And a click
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I have the 12" of that for some odd reason.
But then I also have a 45 of 'Rock the Boat' by Forrest, and loads of goth singles that my brother gave me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

I loved Rock the Boat!
Again, I was 10
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

By the way
any more talk about '10-year-olds' and 'self-love' and I'll get Labs to have you up in front of the beak quicker than you can say 'Jonathan King'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)

7/10
Points for taking an easy option and yet providing an unexpected result
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I enjoy being predictably unpredictable.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:20, Reply)

'Bourneville Boulevard' I believe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:24, Reply)

This is also good
But I'm aware that the above was generous
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

There is a road in cockfosters called Mount Pleasent.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

the area I live in is called Mount Pleasant

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:33, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:34, Reply)

There's a village near me called Cocking.
It has a pub called The Blue Bell.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:36, Reply)

Every-fucking-thing.
From getting up in the morning, to travelling to and from work, my work, the cunts I have to deal with in order to feed myself, cleaning/tidying my flat, dealing with my ex...

Besically everything that isn't seeing Lusty, my friends/family or child, playing music (mine or other peoples') or watching documentaries about swords, is fucking annoying to me.

Alt: I have these skills already. I'd like to be more adept at scratching.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:17, Reply)

grow your nails a bit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

*checks list*
You haven't mentioned us!

*cries*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

This is because if I even think about how annoying I find you lot
I am liable to have a seizure.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:22, Reply)

You're a bit needy aren't you?

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:22, Reply)

A girl talked to me!!!
Yes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

I like this sub-thread
Everyone, have a click
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

You should literally totally kill yourself

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:19, Reply)

not just a bit.
totally.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:21, Reply)

got that GarageBand thing on my ipad yesterday, I'm a musician too now ! I can play the guitar, keyboard, drums, base and sampler.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:24, Reply)

can you play that song Time of your life?
or anything by Semisonic?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:24, Reply)

With a bit of practice I'll be that good !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Why, are you looking for new band members? I'm not really into heavy metal but I guess I could get a leather jacket.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Barry probably has a stolen leather jacket that he'll let you have for a very resonable price.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)

we don't play heavy metal
it's sort of blues-funk-rock
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:31, Reply)

Like that Des'Re person?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:33, Reply)

yes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I guess I could get into that, how much do you pay for gigs?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:36, Reply)

it ranges from nothing all the way up to about £60 each
usually we just put it in a central account and buy exciting stuff with it when we have enough.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

This is considerably less than Justin Biebia, are you not as good as him?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

there are many acts out there that we are not as good as.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Why don't you get better?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

we're being held back by our name
and our crippling ineptitude
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

Maybe I could come up with a better name?
How about "Bullet for a Valentine on The first Anniversary of your Death"
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:58, Reply)

it's good, but it's not the one
I'm trying to move to change our name at the moment. Not sure how much resistance I might face
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Aim for the stars, Gonz,
and you could be as popular and successful as Eagle Eye Cherry - IF NOT MORE SO!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)

I did like "save tonight"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:29, Reply)

What about all his other hits?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:32, Reply)

A good question
to which there is no answer
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

The one which had "buggy with three wheels" as a lyric was alright I suppose.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:38, Reply)

There was another one?
O RLY?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Oh no, that was Finley Quaye

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Brit winner Finlay Quaye you mean
EDIT:

Or whatever it was he actually did win before he vanished
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

My brother knows him. He is 'a dodgy cunt'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

He must be if he knows anyone in your family.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

I mean family in the Godfather sense.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

What about James Blunt? I read that Bravo Two Zero so I guess I could be.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)

are you prepared to have a really stupid voice?
because that's what it takes to make it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:35, Reply)

Another thing that annoys me, reminded by Vippers discussion, is hygiene.
We never had hygiene when I was a kid and I survived. I don't remember any kids at my school with bloody allergies. These days every other kid out there has a fucking inhaler and or skin condition. Not enough dirt and germs in their diet is the problem. Five million cleaning solutions out there to wipe away every bit of muck from the home and now we have kids who are bed-ridden at the first sign of a tummy upset.

More cleanliness and less hygeine.

This diatribe has been brought to you by the mucky duck party.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:28, Reply)

The skin conditions are easily explained.
It's because all cothes these days are made by brown people in sweatshops, and them touching clothes mean that British kids get gammy skin.

I am Monty and I award myself a fiver.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:30, Reply)

I'm with you here
I don't tend to worry too much about that stuff. I was just reeling out the "dishwashers are great" spiel.

I've noticed that fuck loads of people these days are "allergic" to dairy or gluten and stuff.

How did that happen? or are people just being whinging losers?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:32, Reply)

It's not really a surprise though.
Years ago, people used a lot more fresh produce than they do now. There is probably a generation of kids who don't know how to cook, believing instead that to cook something like, a sheppards pie, all you have to do is remove the film-lid and put it in the over for half an hour.

All of those additives and preservatives have got to be the cause of a lot of these allergies.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:36, Reply)

personal experience though
dairy doesn't agree with my mrs, and wheat doesn't agree with my bro's mrs, and both were brought up in the home cooking, no readymeal environment that I was
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)

Another point of view could be that these have always been around
and we are just diagnosing them now.

I'm going with the soft shite view though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:37, Reply)

see, I wondered about your first point
but I'm not so sure.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

soft shite is just one of the many symptoms.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Or maybe, as conditions and medicine improve, people feel better in general and therefore notice when something makes them feel bad?
Plus there's the whole it's-not-killing-you-these-days-so-you-get-the-chance-to-pass-on-your-shoddy-genes-to-your-offspring aspect.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:39, Reply)

that sounds like the sensible argument
but surely it doesn't take much to think "hmm, every time I drink milk I feel like I'm going to burst"

what probably happened is that in the past people were more inclined to keep their fucking moaning to themselves, and not feel the need to slap a label on it.

the only good thing about it is that coeliac is a bit like coelacanth
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Terence Conran said as much a few years ago.
Quite a brave/foolhardy thing to say if you are a restaurateur, I thought. I agree with the sentiment though: my ex runs around with fucking Dettol all day and I think it's a bad idea.

Kids who grow up on farms etc are probably way more robust than some poor sterile-enviromnent kids...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Kids should eat worms and dirt
It is an integral part of growing up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

In the south we prefer 'food'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

food being bummed by the vicar + his goat
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

that's true
my farm-reared mates are the most robust specimens.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

Is your daughter a victim of Demestos abuse?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:41, Reply)

You are on form today Jeff
I may need to make a new pic
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:42, Reply)

I can hardly muster the energy to tell you to Leave

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

I'll be gone in a

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Jackololz
(again)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

*throws up on the old mans slippers*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

I like this private joke A LOT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Or a JIFfy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Are you trying to
(Mr) Muscle in on this sub-thread?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I'll be Calgon in a minute

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Just
Finish.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

We as a human race have survived thousands of years without proper hygiene and all of a sudden it's OMG! your chopping board hasn't been steam cleaned this week.
I'm all for cleanliness and I don't allow my cats on the kitchen work surfaces, (although it doesn't stop them), but I think people take things too far nowadays.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:43, Reply)

I blame asylum seekers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:45, Reply)

They're too clean for my liking.
And they smell of exotic things I don't recognize.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:46, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1120474
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Does this mean you owe me a fiver?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I think I've got to pay myself a tenner.
Sorry Monty.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Another 2000 of them and you'll be sorted !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I blame the Nazis

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)

This said
I'm allergic to loads of stuff, have asthma etc etc, but I'm sure there was plenty of dirt in my childhood, and no-one else has it. Pollution would strike me as more likely for asthma at least, and maybe pesticides for the foods.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:48, Reply)

You're probably just the runt of the litter : )

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I'm the eldest!
We're supposed to be the strongest. But yeah home-cooked meals, plenty of outdoor exercise etc seem to have done nothing for me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:51, Reply)

You've got consumption.
Sorry to be the bearer etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:52, Reply)

You're not sorry at all you bastard

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I think it's because you're brainy. All the good genes are concentrated in your head, leaving all the crap genes for your body.
I on the other hand, being a bit dense, is as strong as an Ox. Biology 101 with Blousie.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I did have a dream once
where a doctor congratulated me on not wanting children, because I was a dead-end of human evolution. I was one of the next-along mutations that just didn't work out because my body was shit.

Also you don't strike me as dense in the least
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Spooky!
I'm not stupid but I did do an art degree for reasons other than I can draw : )
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I think the drawing
might be the salient point haha.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:07, Reply)

This would also explain why you're single Blousie.
As I read in a book once, that you aren't supposed to covet your neighbours ox.

If you move a bit further away, all the boys local to where you live now will be beating a path to you door.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Excellent!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 14:56, Reply)

I hope not.
They all seem to be 5 foot tall.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:03, Reply)

These cows are small.
Those are far away. (In keeping with the Ox theme)


( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:05, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I don'y keep in with themes
but I love this
www.stumbleupon.com/su/2rbHgi/www.blameitonthevoices.com/2011/02/scaring-s-out-of-kids.html
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Mar 2011, 15:12, Reply)