You know that advert for AXA insurance which has people shoving and getting in each other's faces on the pavement?
It says "You wouldn't behave like this on foot...", well I can assure you I fucking well would if I could get away with it. If the likely outcome wouldn't be a good telling off from a law enforcement officer or a thorough kicking from a harder man.

What false advertising has irked you lately?

Alt Q - what would you practice on a daily basis if you were confident there'd be no reprisals?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:45, 210 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

"For 1llb of red hot meat, come here at 11pm"
I can assure you that it was mearly tepid and certainly didn't weigh a pound.

I'd pay poor people to dance for me.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:47, Reply)

What's your cut-off for "poor"?
I could do with some extra dollar
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I thought the meat would be more your thing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Oh, am I supposed to score this?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Nah

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Are you planning on protesting any time soon about those meanies in parliment taking away your
hard earned benefits? that kind of poor.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I didn't even know they were taking it away
So no
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:51, Reply)

You'll no longer recieve your 9 bob note every week

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:52, Reply)

In my experience men calling themselves Bob are rubbish in the sack
I have no use for 9 of them
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:57, Reply)

"Queer as a 9 bob note"
It's an old phrase, Monty'll know it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Yes I know that
I was attempting to go with it by pretending to offer a conoisseur's opinion on the matter. It seems to have been shit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Darth prefers "Three-Dollar Bill",
especially with the current exchange rate.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Ha!
You like LIMP BIZKIT!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:11, Reply)

If it's a choice between them and soggy biscuit, then I am afraid they are indeed my preference.
I maintain that the first album was good, however.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:29, Reply)

I concur
I actually like the first three albums. But no-one around here thinks I'm cool, and therefore I am unencumbered my pride as regards my answers.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Why don't I get marks out of ten? I don't like being singled out like this.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Alt: I would eat whatever I liked if it meant I'd not get fat.
I don't think there's anything I'd do. I would never shoplift, the principle is abhorrent but there are so many things I want and can't afford as I don't have a job and I'm lazy. Maybe credit card fraud.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:48, Reply)

You are Dean Winchester AICMFP

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I was actually thinking of that.
I just can't remember the ridiculous names they have in the first episode.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Oh god, me either
I was pleased with the speed of the Winchester ref if I'm honest. But my brain is more aged and decrepid than yours, and wasn't so much to write home about in the first place.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:55, Reply)

My brain is probably working on 20% capacity.
I'm tired and this computer room is a bit too hot. I might go and get a cup of tea and sit out on the terrazza in a bit.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:56, Reply)

The what?
The "terrazza"? Where are you, Turin?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:57, Reply)

The North bank of the Thames, actually.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Is a terrazza a real thing or some young person's slang which I could be forgiven for not understanding?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:01, Reply)

The Terrazza is the name of the cafe in our union
it does have a terrace that overlooks the Thames and the Royal Festival Hall etc.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Oh thank god
A business name I can cope with
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:11, Reply)

99% of adverts are shite
I'm being irked by the "clean hand" soap system one from Dettol at the moment. If only after you have touched the filthy soap dispenser there was some way of getting soap onto your hands, perhaps to clean them?

Alt:
Sodomy or incest
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Combine the two for true Jeremy Kyle fuckwittery

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:53, Reply)

good plan

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Not that good
Hardly even newsworthy in my part of the world
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:58, Reply)

*high sixes*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Tractorlol
Good work
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Also, the issue is not the soap dispenser
it's your taps.

That advert for the nose spray which attacks the virus at the back of the throat. Utter bollocks.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:53, Reply)

And the door handle. Urgh.
If I actually thought about these sort of things I'd wrap myself in clingfilm and replace my blood with alcohol gel. So I don't.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:57, Reply)

It works every time for me.

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I hate those woman adverts
you know the ones. The ones with all the fake science names that apparently mean that your hair feels like a Labrador's and yet can bench-press 40lbs. The ones that contain all those little silicate spheres that fill in the wrinkles in your skin and make you look younger. The ones that they're now trying to target at men to make us feel insecure and ugly so that we'll buy their snake oil treatments.

To the World: You are going to age, get wrinkly and die. It happens to everyone. Try not to look like a totally gullible cunt in the meantime. Occasional moisturising will make your skin feel nicer if you're a girl. If you're a man and you're using products other than those designed to make your manly side parting stay in place, you're a shirter. Products advertised by the likes of Cheerrrl Ceerl and Gerard Butler do not fucking work.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:54, Reply)

But what about the active nanospheres?
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE LIPOSOMES?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:55, Reply)

THE PENTOPEPTIDES' FEELINGS ARE HURT

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Oh no!
The makehairstrongeroxide will be jealous
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:56, Reply)

But have a glass of bifidus digestivum, you'll get your TLC (tummy loving care, [TM] DON'T STEEL) and feel muuuuuuuch better!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Or a good shit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:59, Reply)

But.. but.. it was the SCIENCE bit. And SCIENCE is good, right?
And stuff is SCIENCE just because some cunt says it is, right?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:00, Reply)

What makes me really cross
is that anybody with half a brain can see that I'm right and yet the fucking stuff keeps flying off the shelves. Which means that it's the same brainless cunts that seem to exist purely for the purpose of getting in my way who're propping up the whole business.

We need a cull.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I put it to you
that you have repeatedly bought loads of stupid shit like Lynx and yet still failed utterly to have sex with anyone other than yourself, and this has built up into a hatred of advertising borne of this crushing disappointment.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I wear unscented deoderant as I also wear cologne.

( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:09, Reply)

This is an excellent point
Lynx has singularly failed to cause hordes of women with a rampaging horn to charge in my direction, apart from that time I was also waving a "FUCKING LESBIANS" sign in the middle of a feminist march.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I still enjoy the SOME BACTERIA SURVIBE IN LAVA OMG WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE household cleaner ones.
Recently I have been delighted to notice that all the "relationship-oriented" online dating adverts seem to be making a point of featuring much less attractive actors then the "classic" ones used to. Because only an uggo wouldn't want to play the field frantically until they become a wizened, Monty-esque wreck, presumably.

In a world with no reprisals I would spend an hour a day relaxing on a perch above Oxford Street, picking off the "stop right in front of you for no fucking reason" pedestrian mongs with a sniper rifle.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I like this idea so much I'm clicking "I like this" hard enough to make a hole in the world

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:59, Reply)

THIS.
I was running for the bus this morning and some mong stopped dead in front of me. Had to do a tactical swerve but I should have really kicked him in the back of the ankles.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Some guy walked right across in front of me this morning
and I DID kick him square in the ankle. Hard. Cunt.

Unfortunately it was in fact accidental on my part and naturally as an Englishman I apologised profusely.

But still, I felt the intoxicating surge of victory in my blood.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Ohhh, you win
Shoot some for me please
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Do you really have to shower a mong every day? I thought giving a mong a bit of a wash and showering it every other day or soo would be fine, as long as it doesn't shit itself.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I'm in a dressing room at the Lemington Spa Assembly Rooms
Waiting to be called to shoot my scene in a music video (two friends are shooting it for an up-and-coming rock band). There are belly dancers, fire jugglers and a couple of very hot poi dancers, but I was promised a midget. WHERE'S MY GOD DAMN LITTLE PERSON??!!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 11:59, Reply)

What are you, the Fat Man in the Circus of Horrors?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:00, Reply)

*frowns*
I have my own scene, as a punk dressed in a suit having a relaxing cup of tea while debauchery and chaos sprawls around me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Hahaha, sorry darling, love you really.
Giz us a link when it's all done (in about 3 years I imagine.)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Yeah, I will
I'll probably be languishing on the cutting room floor.
Was great to see you Saturday.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:08, Reply)

What would be totally awesome if they can make your hair stick up by attaching it to strings or something so that when the debauchery happens, it shoots up like a scared animal.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:08, Reply)

or an animal seeing a potential mate.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:09, Reply)

It's already up Gonz
It'd take an army of millions to wrestle it down.
Or a bucket of water.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:10, Reply)

damn, can you tell them to come back tomorow?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:15, Reply)

so basically
an erection, then?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Rather than thinking of Lab's willy with punk-pubes, I'm thinking of one of those birds Anttingborough was going on about.
I think it's a self defence technique I developed to save my fragile mind from thinking about such things.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:17, Reply)

self-defence is a good defence

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I even wear swimming trunks into the shower.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I think CombiChrist are playing there in June
HINT
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Yes they are
Buy tickets dude, I'm definitely going now, and bring a few people too (sorry if you were hoping for a romantic night out). Will your lady be coming as well?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

y
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Subtle yet effective.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I thought it was quite good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Worthy of at least a seven.
Props for speed too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:06, Reply)

*awaits judge's verdict*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I have no argument with this
7/10, for the reasons already illustrated.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Nice one, I'll get on it
I'll ask around but I imagine most people will be going to see them in London as that gig's not a schoolnight.

Allow me to replay a conversation between me and Ms Foxtrot about this gig, which will hopefully answer your question about her attendance;

Me: "Fucking CombiChrist have announced gigs in Nottingham and London that weekend we're away"
MsF: "Oh never mind, they're playing InFest this year aren't they?"
Me: "Nah, that's VNV Nation"
MsF: "Well we saw them in London last year didn't we?"
Me: "No, that's VNV Nation too"

She tries really hard to like the things I do, she's fucking awesome, but CC are a bit much for her tastes.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I always mute the adverts to avoid filling my head up with annoying tunes and wotnot
I still haven't purged the Gino Ginelli or Shake'n'Vac adverts from my head.

However, when you watch adverts on mute you notice the over-exaggerated smiles and looks of joy the actors affect, yet their eyes remain COLD AND DEAD. Disturbing stuff, but then "The Sweeny" (or The Professionals) comes back on and I can resume my evening of shouting "SHUT IT!" at the cat.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:03, Reply)

This^
God bless Sky Plus and fast forward x30
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

SHUT IT!
sorry...another Reagan flashback. They're getting less frequent.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:07, Reply)

"minty choccy chip an' toffee foo-jee"
Gino oh Gino Ginelli!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:09, Reply)

*holds head in hands*
Why won't they leave my head? The horror...the horror...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Back in the day
my friend Paul convinced our mate Donut that he'd bought a wicked new Gino Ginelli jumper. Lolled like mad, we did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:13, Reply)

We managed to convince a mate that
Jimi Hendrix was white and played onstage in a mask as he was shy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Fucking hell 80s adverts were shit
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wu-aNr7v0U
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Christ! I clicked on that and franticly hit the "back" arrow when I saw the title
*shudders*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:18, Reply)

that'll teach you not to be working
what kind of a fictitious husband are you?

apart from fictitious
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I managed most of the morning before giving in to B3ta
i'm not completely weak and pathetic
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

that's ok
a bit of weakness and therefore the ability to be helplessly manipulated is an essential quality in a man.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:25, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:33, Reply)

i can still quote the entire bloody pepsi advert from about 1992
lip-smackin' great-tastin' etc.

yet when my boss asked me what i had researched about easements on friday afternoon...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Didn't you win something doing that for a competition?
or was it another trick played on you?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:14, Reply)

no, your memory is as flawless for b3ta triva as it is for adverts
i won a cd. it was shit, so i took it to hmv and swopped it for something better.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:17, Reply)

I imagine your usual stand by on leaning forward a little wouldn't work, either
given that he's the sort of man who uses products other than those intended for keeping his manly side-parting in place.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:16, Reply)

i don't mean to lean forwards
it's just that gravity is a bit of a bitch
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Oh ok, so your manipulation of men
via a large pair of bouncing sweater puppies is entirely accidental.

Right.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

That sounded rather hostile
edit: plus sweater puppies is the stupidest term ever. We're not American
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:20, Reply)

frustration is a cruel mistress, amberl

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Oh, it wasn't mean to.
oops.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:21, Reply)

also, if men weren't fucking hypnotised by even the merest little jiggle
then we wouldn't even be able to manipulate them, intentionally or otherwise.

I have been a wicked flirt ever since I was a little girl. Most daddy's girl types usually do know how to get round men. It mostly involves wide eyes and smiling.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:23, Reply)

That's no reason to tease the afflicted.
Poor men.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Sorry, what are you on about now?
I've been somewhat distracted since the introduction of the phrase "bouncing sweater puppies" above
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

boing boing boing

( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Tempted to change my sig to
"is in the happy visual place" but some cunt would be sure to take it as a challenge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I am that cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I was trying not to mention you by name
The rumours are rife enough already
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:44, Reply)

i wish i could flirt
i never flirt
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

how very dare you!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:27, Reply)

That's why I used it :P
The last couple of threads have wound me up a bit, I think. I must be posting with some residual annoyance.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

The Sweeny is on more than the Professionals
this is sad
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Not sure which one I prefer
"The Professionals" has the better theme tune, but "the Sweeny" has more toerags being given a kicking down the station.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:27, Reply)

This is true
but the Professionals also have Cowley
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:31, Reply)

"DAMMIT BODIE, WE HAVE RULES!"
but Bodie doesn't play by the rules, he gets results
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I don't really watch adverts
and I know it'll have been said before, but pretty much any lynx advert especially since it just smells awful, also ads that tell me to be afraid of everything.

Alt: Culling the unworthy obviously
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

As bad as this is:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIp37GVvK68&feature=relmfu

It somehow manages to be not as bad as the first fucking comment there. GAH.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

That is appalling
Surely she should be able to find a bra that fits her in this day and age?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:28, Reply)

I trust you didn't look at her face.
Good job. If you had, you may never sleep again.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:33, Reply)

She's just one of many women who assume a particular bra size without getting measured.
Women should be encouraged to go to have their tits measured.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:34, Reply)

They looked fine to me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:35, Reply)

She is veering dangerously close to the 'four-boob effect'.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:40, Reply)

4 boobs = 2 spare

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:41, Reply)

... I don't think that's how it works.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Especially since her bra looked like it contained nothing below the breasts it was pushing up into her face

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:44, Reply)

I fully support this notion
Although I may have to restart my B3tan bra sizes database, and all the research associated with it, it's a sacrifice I'd be willing to make.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Makes me feel depressed for humanity

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:29, Reply)

I can answer your alt question immediately
I'd do shopping. Every fucking day. I love shopping, me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:20, Reply)

What I would like to know is.................
If pensioners are finding it more difficult to cope with their meagre budget then why do they wander round Marks and Spencers every fucking lunch time buying expensive ready meals. It's like zombie central.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Alzheimers innit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I think it might be on account of some pensioners being poor and some being rich and some being middle of the road.
Maybe.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:36, Reply)

The "OMG TEH BABBYZ AND SOLDIERS WILL DIE IF YOU VOTE YES TO AV" ones are particularly fucking abhorrent.
Alt: Are we talking no criminal reprisals or that you personally wouldn't feel guilty either?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Let's say no guilt on the grounds that it should make your response more interesting

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Well then I'd steal stuff instead of paying for it.
I'd feel too guilty to do that even if I knew I wouldn't get caught though.

Anything I wouldn't feel guilty about I do anyway, and just hope there's no recrimations.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:31, Reply)

That's fair enough
*attempts to look perfectly content with non-sex based answer*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:36, Reply)

See the ending to my last answer.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Excellent
*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Sorry dear, I've got a headache.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:45, Reply)

*produces Nurofen*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I would rob the fuck out of some places
like a casino or two and a mother fucking laundromat
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I hate those adverts
"he needs bulletproof vests, not alternative voting".

Not only is it some pretty ruthless attempted emotional manipulation, it doesn't even make sense.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:31, Reply)

And the £250m figure is bullshit.
I find it galling that they offer it as a binary choice, like if we didn't spend money on a referendum, the money would *definitely* go to Armed Forces equipment/saving babies.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I don't get what any of you two are talking about, what's AV?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Alternative voting.
which essentially means swapping from first past the post to representational.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Apologies to detract from what I agree is a valuable point of discussion (I'm all for AV and am very keen to see it introduced),
but the term "Alternative Vote" cracks me up. I choose to believe it means that everyone has to dress up like they're off to Bloodstock or Slimelight before their vote counts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I'm not.
Giving up a system that's been in place for hundreds of years and is perfectly capable of working very well if people could actually be fucked to walk 300 yards to a polling station once every three to five years mostly based on the relentless whinging of one secondary party and a fistful of minors is daft.

The only reason it's getting any credence now is that the LDs are capable of whining slightly more loudly than normal.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:52, Reply)

How does that work? So that, say if there were 100 seats, and 30% voted for Labour, labour would get 30 seats?
Who is the PM and all that then, if that happens?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Pretty much, yeah.
PM would be the leader of the biggest party. It'd lead to more coalitions, but other parties would feel better and that's the main thing, isn't it.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Wouldn't it allow for the likes of the BNP and (if-they-politicalise) EDL to get involved?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Yup. Rather than being marginalised by only winning the odd seat.
They'd gain the same percentage of seats as the percentage of votes they'd received.

Edit: Or maybe not
V
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:58, Reply)

You're implying that the whole of the UK would vote purely based on party then they'd allocate
That's not it at all.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:00, Reply)

I didn't realise that it was a half-arsed mixture of the two.
lack of research on my part.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:02, Reply)

research the ability to give a flying fuck about lefties whinging again
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Pretty much.
Although my politics are a little convuluted and I swing wildly between left and right depending on the subject matter.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Would it be split up down to the area...
... eg, say, barnet gets 30% labour and 70% conservative... conservative would get barnet's seat, or would they have to scoot down and share the seat 30% with labour. Or would it be country-wide so although Labour lost that seat, they can add up that 30% to someone elses so they win that area.

wait, I don't think that makes sense, is it....
- Is it the seats in the houses of commons is split up by the whole country's vote.
- Is the seats for each council split up by that council's votes... and if it is this, what one gets to go to parliment?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I was basing my assessment on the assumption that it would work along similar lines
to the American system. I haven't really been taking alternative voting seriously as I doubt it'll last as an option past this Government and because I think changing the way the country votes to try to fix a symptom, rather than the cause, is a bloody silly way to behave.

BA knows a damn sight more than me on how it would be applied here. Sounds dreadful, anyway.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:05, Reply)

I quite like the idea of a world in which a vote for a party you don't loathe isn't just pissing in the wind.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Jill..... JILL........ JILL !!!!!!!
ARE YOU FOR AGAINST PROPORTIONAL VOTING IN A DEMOCROSIED SOCIETY?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:12, Reply)

So do I
And should people get off their backsides and start voting for minor parties, the current system is perfectly capable of delivering.

People assume that the Tories or Labour are going to win and so assume there's no point in voting for anyone else. The more seats won by minor parties means they have a larger representation. The two bigger parties then have to adjust their politics accordingly.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Given that the entirety of the national media, and both major parties, spend the whole of election time
drumming home that a vote for anyone else is a complete waste, I don't see that ever happening. So, a change in the system.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:15, Reply)

That isn't going to change with a change in system, though.
They're still going to drum home that there's no other viable alternative. What needs to change is peoples' interest in politics, not the way we vote.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Well not with the AV system, but if we were allowed a compelte PR system
like the one in the Netherlands, then you can end up with huge turnouts because people are aware that their votes mean something.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I've often thought that internet voting would be an excellent way of mobilising more people.
Plus it would make referendums much quicker and cheaper to execute, meaning we could have more of them and, therefore, more direct control.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Which would, in turn
mobilise more the electorate to vote.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Hmmmm, I don't want lots of referendums
If I wanted to run the country myself I'd become a politician, I don't want to do that, I want the people I elect to run the country in accordance with the promises they set out when I voted for them.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:29, Reply)

You say that, but you've just freely admitted you haven't looked at *anything* to do with AV before declaring your opposition to it.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:28, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1128692
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:29, Reply)

It's not capable of delivering at all
the support for a minor party has to be hugely concentrated for them to have any chance of winning a seat.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Right:
With AV, you rank your candidates in order of preference on your ballot. They then add up all the "first" places, and see if anyone has over 50% of the vote. If not, then they add the "second" choice places and see if that gives someone over 50% of the vote, and so on. Hence why it would be difficult for the BNP etc. to gain representation.

First candidate to get to 50% in the constituency becomes the MP.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I'd also like to point out that I'm fucking shocked that people are so opposed to change when they don't even know what the change is.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I didn't say I was against it.
I am strongly suspicious of it and the motives behind it.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:25, Reply)

The motive is to get a more representative voting system.
It's not the ideal voting system, but there is not one single argument in which FPTP comes out in front of AV, so from that point of view it ought to be a forgone conclusion.

The fact that the NO campaign is pedalling lies and negative ideas just goes to prove that they have nothing good to say about their choice.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:31, Reply)

But your suspicion is based on your mistrust of a party, rather than being informed about what it actually is.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:32, Reply)

What happens if no-one gets 50%?
Is that technically a possibility?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:26, Reply)

I'm not very good at doing maths with percentages
But thinking about it logically, I think it would be impossible.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:29, Reply)

That's an interesting idea.
If you have five candidates and each got 20% and nobody put a second preference for anyone, then yes I guess you could have a tie. But I think the likelihood is so low.

Plus there will almost certainly be a contingancy for one candidate not getting 50% but still having the highest percentage.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Oh, I think I like that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Sorry to butt in
But thats not quite how it works... If no one person has acheived 50% of the vote then the person polling the lowest number of votes is eliminated and that second choice is added and so on, it is the "single transferable vote" AV is a misleading term.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 16:16, Reply)

The constituencies would remain the same size and require the successful candidate to have over 50% support, so it's extremely unlikely.
Probably at least as extremely unlikely as it is now.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:59, Reply)

It's just a pity that the general public are that easily manipulated.
I was going to say "it's shocking", but it's not.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Shows how weak the 'No to AV's argument is though.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:45, Reply)

It's weak all right.
Given that the people with most to gain from a switch are Liberal Democrats, that doesn't surprise me either.

Totally unsurprised by any of it. That's me.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I am mostly pissed off with the "but AV isn't the best option, even the supporters will tell you that" argument.
We know. We also know who's responsible for that being the only thing on the table. You cunts.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Imagine if you had a political viewpoint so asinine
that the only way you could think of displaying it was to write it on a piece of cardboard and walk up and down a busy thoroughfare carrying it and shouting?

That'd be hilarious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Given that all you were able to muster to counter my points this morning was
"Wait for four years for things to get worse then vote them out", please excuse me telling you to fuck off.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:53, Reply)

I'm sorry, you're right.
The democratic process really is a fucking stupid way of ensuring the viewpoint of the majority is represented. Throwing fire extinguishers at the police is much better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:02, Reply)

what would you know, monts
you only work in an office. some people would rather DIE than do anything so mundane. the world OWES THEM A MUCH MORE EXCITING LIVING, mm-kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Nonono, you're right, there is absolutly nothing disgraceful with the way goverment currently runs.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Personally I think democracy is a terrible idea.
Government by 'the people'? Fuck that shit, I've seen 'the people' and they are retarded.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:06, Reply)

The Victorians had the right idea, but the wrong application.
Certain sections of society have no business voting.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Well, by the people who vote for whoever's in power, anyway.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:09, Reply)

this is also true
but at least you're not trying to bring the country to its knees for a day and therefore starving the economy that the cuts are meant to be helping in the first place...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:08, Reply)

I reckon whenever someone in power spends moe than £20k, they have to personally directly face-to-face say to someone they're making redundant "I'm sorry, we have to let you go, we're hiring Barbera Windsor for the christmas doo".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Seriously Swipey
stop pedalling that retarded argument. One protest march is not going to bring the country to it's knees and starve the economy. The massive cuts that are going to cripple the economy and put thousands out of work will do that much more effectively.

I'd like to think you're smarter than this.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:18, Reply)

As smart as, say, NICK CLEGG?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I know you think that's a withering put down, but I've freely admitted that I was fooled by a cunt before the election.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:21, Reply)

It's all I've got, Al.
I don't know what I'm on about really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:24, Reply)

*pats hand*
There, there. Would you like some cocoa and a nice sit down in front of the telly? There's a program about that nice David Bowie on. You like him don't you.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Nurse!
I've had another 'accident'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:29, Reply)

pre-mature ejaculation laughs

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Monty is NEVER premature
it's simply that Lusty takes too long.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:36, Reply)

I think
it'd be a really interesting and worthwhile thing to do. And absolutely certain to change the government's mind
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:53, Reply)

i think i made my views on it quite clear on the previous thread
the stupidity of these people is as criminal as the acts of violence
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I think it's ridiculous
and I fucking hate the self-righteousness that rolls off the cunts. They rarely come up with decent fixes or mends, they just whine about the way things are.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:07, Reply)

they like shouting and they like smashing things
they are like children. big shouty smashy children.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:09, Reply)

While I don't doubt that some people who oppose the government are cunts
I also don't doubt that some of them who support it are too.

There are alternatives to the current cuts.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Of course there are alternatives
doesn't mean they should be taken just because some people think that's the right way. The alternatives proposed aren't good enough to be honest to have to overturn their stance on certain issues in order to enable. Come up with a fantastic plan that'll fix everything, rather than a wishy-washy 'perfect world' scenario.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I am poorly informed.
Thus: What are these alternatives, please?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Smaller cuts over a longer period
because having a large debt which you are quite capable of paying off over time as your economy grows is better than having a small debt and an economy which has been crippled by massive cuts and leads to higher unemployment and greater public spending on benefits which in turn ends up with a larger debt again.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Borrow shitloads more money and spend that!
God Wookiee, CAN'T YOU SEE?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:21, Reply)

Lots
A 'Robin Hood' tax on banks could raise billions - even something as simple as stopping public schools being classed as 'charitable' foundations could gain £130 million per year.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 21 Mar 2011, 13:22, Reply)

it may or may not be false advertising, but the whole KY Intense for Him and Her commercials get on my nerves
I'm not sure if it's because of how dumb they are or because they're saying how they're getting amazing sex, and I'm not.

alt: your use of the word "practice" has thrown me off here, all I can think of would be dance lessons or yoga.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:46, Reply)

We had a similar campaign in this country in the 80's for Nescafe
Alt: welcome to my world
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:52, Reply)

they're having amazing hot chocolate and you're not?

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 21 Mar 2011, 12:55, Reply)