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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm bored with that now
tell me a secret. If it's not one about you, at least make it about someone I've heard of.

Alt: guess my secret.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:06, 307 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
You are a 20 stone trucker from Dudley, who regularly meets Darth Foxtrot in laybys
for dogging and scrabble sessions
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
ooo
so close!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Bromley

(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:09, Reply)
You are Madeline Mcann/Lord Lucan/Tupac/Princess Diana/Gary Glitter/Denver the last dinosaur

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:08, Reply)
don't forget Shergar

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Who could forget, he now holds my shoes together

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
You're adopted
Alt: I'm adopted?
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:09, Reply)

adopted retarded
adopted retarded
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:10, Reply)
didja get my email?
EDIT: yes you did. You're still a gimmer though.


Alt: you wish!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:11, Reply)
I'd like to adopt you
I'd make you a little basket by the radiator in the living room so you could see the telly.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Officelol.
I immediately had the picture in my head.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Yay, telly!
I can haz remote? Waaaaaaaah!
(I helped save b3ta! djtrialprice, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)
secrets are stupid

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Some people think this is something worth joining on facebook
www.facebook.com/pages/Its-funny-how-our-flag-offends-you-but-our-benefits-dont/122354934453775
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
The first post...
The comments are genius
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:16, Reply)
hahahahahaha
"I have fucked yours while ya dad was lickin my balls nd the dog was watching."
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Charming Gary Moran
points out that there isn't any black in the Union Jack.

Well actually Gary I think you'll find it's the union flag. sne sne
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:17, Reply)
He's deleted it!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:18, Reply)
That's another internet victory for me innit.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
nice work

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
It was nothing to do with me,
just another bloke I came late to the party.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
I liked the story in the police qotw about the swedish policeman stopping a car because there was a really black guy driving and he couldn't see him in the dark
and thought it was a ghost car
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)
HAHA
Scandinavians have never seen black people before.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Give yourself a medal for services against complete idiocy

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:20, Reply)
It used to say
funny how our falg offends you. and the page was full of anti falg comments before they ruined it by correcting the typo.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:33, Reply)
I know it's a fake troll, but still..

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:33, Reply)
You've killed a man?
But it was in self defence.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Self defence?
In a layby, more like.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Alt: You spent your afternoon playing frisbee on the green with your dog

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:21, Reply)
+ with Adam, the cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)
It was hardly 'the afternoon'
more like 'fifteen minutes'.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:23, Reply)
So I'm reasonably psychic but specificity eludes me

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:25, Reply)
YOU'RE PREGNANT!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Immaculate Conception lols!

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:23, Reply)
Chompy lols

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:24, Reply)
have you been swimming in the mississippi lately?
I heard on the radio this morning it's full of chloroform
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:25, Reply)
I heard it was full of mud cake

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:26, Reply)
It has a Mud Island.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)
and e. coli

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)
AND POO.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)
I can pretty much guarantee
that unless you are in Class 10K clean room, every single thing you can see right now has E.coli either in it or on it. So I wouldn't worry.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:47, Reply)
don't have nightmares, now.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:48, Reply)
sorry, I was too busy covering myself and everything in reaching distance with anti bacterial hand gel

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
what, you were conceived and born without any sin?
I find that hard to believe, madam.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)
No-one's telling me any secrets.
I might as well go and read Heat magazine.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I'm touching myself at my desk

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:28, Reply)
I'm touching myself thinking about you thouching yourself
Let's have a wank-off.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)
Wait I was touching my elbow...
Dirty girl!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
I had a "hand shandy" in the disabled toilets yesterday.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
is that like a lager shandy?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
Yes.
Yes it is.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Ew!!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:33, Reply)
Not really.
*coughs*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)
I'm actually a nice bloke and a good friend
I know it seems really unlikely, but I am
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I am fighting the urge to confirm this
.......
...
.....
oh fuck it, it appears to be true.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:33, Reply)
INTERNET VALIDATION!!!
FROM A WOMAN!!!

*pinches self*

Ouch
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Ah, but you forgot my secret
Apparently, I'm a 20 stone trucker.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:38, Reply)
I can't afford to be picky
See my profile pics for details
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:40, Reply)
I don't know the names of any football teams.
Help me out please, I'm trying to flood my mates status because he was all "DC UNITED!!!!!!!!!!"
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:29, Reply)
LA Galaxy.
NY Bounty.
SF Dairy Milk.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)
hahaha
I said LA GALAXY!!!! and he was all how dare you
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:33, Reply)

www.lmgtfy.com/?q=english+football+teams&l=1
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:31, Reply)
cute

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Barwell
Belper Town
Brigg Town
Carlton Town
Glapwell
Goole
Grantham Town
Kidsgrove Athletic
Leek Town
Lincoln United
Loughborough Dynamo
Market Drayton
Newcastle Town
Quorn
Rainworth M.W.
Romulus
Rushall Olympic
Sheffield
Shepshed Dynamo
Spalding United
Stamford
Sutton Coldfield Town
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
18 years I lived in Loughborough..
..and I never knew they had a football team.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)
San Jose Earthquakes (which will probably change when the SA fault gives out and half of California floats away)
New York Red Bulls (I wish this was a joke)
Colorado Rapids
Kansas City Wizards
Nottingham Forest

/boring, accurate answer is boring and accurate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)
and boring
very very boring
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:36, Reply)
She's a girl
Therefore her opinion counts for more than yours
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I have no opinion really.
Only game I've ever watched beginning to end was during the world cup.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:38, Reply)
No opinion is still better than "you dull cunt"
which is why I like you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)
You dull cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)
What shit names

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:37, Reply)
what's your team?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Benders Utd

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:38, Reply)
No, he plays for the other team

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)
*gay joke fives*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)
Nottingham Forest
I threw their name in there to prove that daft team names based on locality didn't originate in America.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:41, Reply)
But I assume there was a Forest in Nottingham?
I doubt there are any wizards in Kansas
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:43, Reply)
plenty of wizard's sleeves

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)
that's Essex, surely?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:45, Reply)
legendary for their cockhounding in Kansas.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)
There might be
YOU DON'T KNOW

And yes of course there is, Sherwood Forest. It's a real shame that other teams didn't follow this example. I think we'd all find football more interesting if the main game on Match of the Day was Liverpool Munchy-Boxes vs Newcastle Slags
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:46, Reply)
I would fucking love to see that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
There's a whole thread in this
If we could make it apparent that the theme was slagging off UK cities rather than football per se
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:05, Reply)
I think that is possible

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:12, Reply)
You start it then
People will be more inclined to believe it's nothing to do with football, or indeed dancing or anal sex, if you start it rather than me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:14, Reply)
I'm not sure I can commit to that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Me either
commit to that be bothered
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:19, Reply)
Please.
If there are wizards in every other part of the world, I'm sure there are some in Kansas.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Oh, blimey. Is it time for that talk?
*sits down and pats cushion*

Ok, so, you how sometimes a Daddy and Mummy love each other very, very much? well, when that happens, then Daddy puts his pee-pee into Mummy's tummy and then THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS WIZARDS THEY ARE IMAGINARY
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)
I'LL FUCKING BET AT LEAST 30% OF THE MEMBERS OF B3TA THINK THEY ARE WIZARDS.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)
30% of group of people who are 100% retarded

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:58, Reply)
and 500% wizard!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:01, Reply)
Don't listen to the nasty man Kristine
And you, Badger, don't you fucking dare start on Leprechauns, or I'll bum you into oblivion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)
woah, I'm not touching leprechauns
psychotic Irish midgets will fuck you up soon as look at you.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
AND SO WILL LEPRECHAUNS
Shut up, I'm knackered and very nervous
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:07, Reply)
At least Des Walker isn't still playing for you
Is he?
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
No, sadly age finally caught up with the Greatest English Central Defender Of His Generation
That and his habit of scoring own goals in ridiculously crucial games
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:13, Reply)
POTD

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Oddly, this was on google already...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
*punches the sky*

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
You are Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club
AICMFP
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:28, Reply)
I'm not as smug as I may seem

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:30, Reply)
smug comment is smug

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
I'm feeling decidedly unsmug today

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:32, Reply)
has the canteen run out of croissants?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:34, Reply)
I'm not actually all that keen on croissants
apart from almond ones

and we don't have a canteen
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:35, Reply)
How about Danish pastries?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)
depends which ones
cinnamon swirls are the business, and the folded over ones with the custard stuff, but I don't care for the iced ones with the raisins
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:53, Reply)
Lies
I asked you why people always called you smug, your response was "I'm actually quite smug" +1 to you that day for honesty but -1 today for going back on it!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:41, Reply)
Not really a secret but I feel sick.
I've eaten too many Haribo again. FML : (
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I'm eating melon
check me out
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I did at the bash.
*winks*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:39, Reply)
ooo, I say
*blushes*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:48, Reply)
*does Sid James laugh*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)
that wasn't her eye, you know.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:50, Reply)
then she has done a fine job of styling to make it look like it's surrounded by eyelashes and eyebrows

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
and teeth

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
*avoids anal with BGB*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:02, Reply)
I am mainly drinking coffee, because i still feel hungover, damn my sexy but old body

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:40, Reply)
were they at least tangfastics?
Or that nice liquorice mix they do?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:40, Reply)
I only like Starmix.
I'm giving them up though. I keep eating too many.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:41, Reply)
gummys make me feel ill

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Yeah, disgusting pervy bears doing that "pre-cum thing" all over the place

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:44, Reply)
You've got a cock and cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:49, Reply)
That's no way to speak of her husband.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:50, Reply)
He's got a cock and cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Are you calling b3th a cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)
He means my husband and DF

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:51, Reply)
I don't understand, there's someone here with a cock and cunt, and by Christ I'll hunt them down

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:52, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:54, Reply)
^ best pub name ever

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:08, Reply)
^ best pub name ever

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:08, Reply)
So good it was worth saying twice?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
What a good question
just promise me not to put anything on Facebook until we've talked with our parents, probably by Sunday.

Mark and I should be parents by the end of November.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:54, Reply)
*is gobsmacked*
Don't post stuff like that just as I'm about to go home.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Sorry, girl
I was coming here to send you a private, and then saw the question and thought it was very much good timing not to answer. I can give you a ring later if you want :)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Okeydokey!!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)
pig and a pokey!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:03, Reply)
WOW.
Congrats!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Thanks!

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:01, Reply)
how unfortunate
you have my sympathy
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Ignore this one

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)
I'm pleased that my mrs seems to want kids less and less as time goes on
and she started out not really wanting them
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
A few more years and she'll be hunting them down and killing them.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Myra Hindley lols
EDIT: This is the worst thing I've ever written
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:02, Reply)
gross gross gross

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Soz Kirizza
I know you hate child crime jokes
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:10, Reply)
i know, but it's nice for other people

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
meh
recently it's just been fucking up my plans. One of my best friends is up the duff and it means that she can't come to my wedding because she is due on or around the day.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:03, Reply)
I'm not doing anything on your wedding day.


When is it?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:04, Reply)
10th September

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:07, Reply)
Down Bristol way?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:25, Reply)
ah man, sorry her happiness is ruining your life
:(((((
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:07, Reply)
you fucking well will be sorry

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:08, Reply)
what did I do?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:09, Reply)
nothing
I'm actually really pleased for her. Wondering how they will manage considering her husband has only recently started his own joinery business.

is a bit disappointing though. They are great people and I really wanted them there.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
I imagine since you hate children it's like a punch in the gut.
Poor you.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
I don't hate children all that much
if they are related to me or my friends or the mrs' family. I just really don't want any of my own
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:18, Reply)
her brains aren't going to leak out of her
along with the placenta, they'll be fine
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:21, Reply)
have you ever met a new mother?
they do give birth to their brains, except where the kid is involved

only a few admit it, but they do get pretty retarded
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:24, Reply)
Oi Vippers
I'm gonna be down in Bristol on the 10th September to run teh halk marathon on the 11th, it's like fate is conspiring for you to invite me. And you should invite CHCB and Catface too so they don't feel left out.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:25, Reply)
Exeter isn't Bristol you realise

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:26, Reply)
In teh grand scheme of things
it might as well be, especially since I have a car, it's, like, an hour at most from Bristol?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:29, Reply)
yeah, about an hour.
I'll consider it. I mean it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Woohoo!
I won't be able to drink, what with the half marathon, and neither will CHCB.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:37, Reply)
well that's no fun

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:38, Reply)
If you will get married on such an inconvieniant day.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:40, Reply)
it's convenient for me

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:40, Reply)
fair few amount do get stupidly overprotective
my mate Laura, who's 21, just had her first baby, her boyfriend left her and said he didn't want anything to do with either of them
is one of the happiest, most sensible mothers I have ever met, and the baby is only a month old
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:26, Reply)
the ones that really bug me
are the ones who aren't massively intelligent to begin with, and yet when they have a baby think that they are suddenly in charge and know best about everything
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:29, Reply)
hahaha right, I hate the ones that cling to their babies like if someone else holds them the world will end
my friends matt and sandy are uptight anyway, their daughter was about 3 months when I went to visit them and offered to hold the baby so sandy could eat
sandy took about 4 bites and took her back
it's mental
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:31, Reply)
my experience is pretty limited
I only held a baby for the first time earlier this year and that's because I had my niece forced into my hands.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:33, Reply)
I hope I won't be like that
I hope it very much. And that I remain able to talk about things that are not baby related.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:36, Reply)
I'm sure you will
my friends and relatives who have had them and were interesting and decent people beforehand have remained so.

The people who talk about nothing else probably didn't have anything else to talk about before they had a baby.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:37, Reply)
Everyone is different, of course.
But Laura has been a prime example of an awesome mom.
She's just so happy, and wants to share that with her friends.
She's not scared that one of us will accidently claw the babys eyes out. Which seems to be the case with new moms. Being nervous is understandable. Being irrational is not.

Of course you'll talk a lot about the baby, it's a big part of your life, and people will understand that and enjoy talking with you about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Reading that made me feel good
I'll make sure more than half of my status updates on FB are not about the baby :)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:48, Reply)
I've got one that talks about her kid on every status update
and now she's pregnant again so she's talking about her pregnancy as well
and I'm fairly certain she has more than 500 photos of the first one on her page.
When you're happy you talk about it, so I wouldn't worry about it :)
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:55, Reply)
I'm not putting any child photos up
Paedo's everywhere innit
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:57, Reply)
*fishes for invite*
I have my own shoes and trousers
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:08, Reply)
That's handy
Are they fishing trousers?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:10, Reply)
No, but they are stripier than a zebra in it's pyjamas

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Perfect for Vipros' wedding, I'd think
are the shoes brown or black?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:20, Reply)
Black of course
There are in my opinion few worse crimes than wearing brown shoes witha suit...and witha morning coat! *shudders*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I got my suit here
www.pakeman.co.uk/category/80/Morningwear

with the second trousers and the single breasted buff waistcoat
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:23, Reply)
nice
I have a dark grey Prince Edward coat and trousers, a high necked white shirt and will have a black waistcoat when I get it made next month.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
Very nice
A lot posher than Mark! But then, I didn't want him to look posh.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:29, Reply)
my mrs hasn't had any say in what I'm wearing
I just decided I wanted to look like a victorian gent, and so that was it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:30, Reply)
I should have let Mark to do it
he wanted something like that, and I said that if he was going to go posh, then I had to go posh, and no way. Poor guy, always does what I ask him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:37, Reply)
awww
a little while ago we were driving along in the car and my mrs goes "you know, I've been thinking, I looked really fucking good in my wedding dress"

I can't wait to see her in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:38, Reply)
Oooooh
I'm sure she'll be gorgeous! And I bet the moment you see her walking towards you, you'll get a massive smile in your face and want stop feeling happy for at least 24h!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:53, Reply)
That happened to us too
It's not nice, but it's a better excuse than "we always go skiing those days, so sorry"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:09, Reply)
that is a terrible excuse
we've only had one excuse so far, from my gay uncle. "sorry, can't come, I'm going on holiday with some gay mates and I can't be arsed to drive from your wedding to where we are going"
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
How far is Dunstable from Devon?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:13, Reply)
I have no idea

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
That's really a bad excuse too
I got upset at the beginning, but as Mark said, "If they don't want to be on the wedding, we don't want them to be on the wedding"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:16, Reply)
that's my view
we've not caused a fuss, but apparently my grandparents had something to say to him about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
I bet they did
We didn't say anything either, but Mark's mother (the sister of one of them) was really unhappy and had a word.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:21, Reply)
to be honest, I'm only really inviting aunts and uncles so my parents don't have to look after my very elderly grandparents
as long as one set comes I don't care.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:22, Reply)
That's a good point
They can help with little kids too, if they're invited.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:30, Reply)
only going to be 4 kids there
and they are all very well behaved which is nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Look, at least it makes it cheaper
We had to send invites out in batches to be safe and still nearly all of them came. Selfish bastards, turning up, being happy for us.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:25, Reply)
that's our view
fewer people there for dinner the better
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I can tell you if it's 130 it costs rather a lot.
try to have less than that.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:32, Reply)
I think we've got about 67

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:33, Reply)
we had 220...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:34, Reply)
at the meal?
fuck
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:36, Reply)
We invited 300
and less than 80 came to the meal, which was good. No way we could have afforded 300
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:38, Reply)
we certainly couldn't
basically got all our good friends coming to the meal, and inviting a shitload of others later on.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:39, Reply)
220 for church, reception and canapes all afternoon
125 for dinner and dancing. we kicked out the old folk
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Well, thanks
It's been crap until now. I hope it gets better. However, to see the baby jumping around inside my belly has made me forget all the vomiting this morning.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)
That first scan and hearing the heartbeat is amazing

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I know
I was giggling like a schoolgirl, and the scan woman, very nicely but a bit stressed, kept asking me to stop moving. How?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:02, Reply)
Ours is always really naughty at scans
It's the wrong way up, hiding it's face, squiggling about and jumping on my wife's bladder, I think it's going to be a naughty little child!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:04, Reply)
Oh, poor of your wife
How many weeks in now?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:07, Reply)
28 weeks down some more to go
It's due the 2nd of August, 3 days before her 30th
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:09, Reply)
That's more than half way through
I bet you're excited about it. Have you decided type of birth and where?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
Chelsea and Westminster
They have a pool in most rooms so we can decide there and then, mainly the misses wants drugs, lots of drugs.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Drugs & pool do not mix
I want Worthing, but it's 1h away from where I live, which could be a problem, specially if Mark is at work and has to drive home 1h and then 1h back to hospital.

Pool is my first choice too, but I want to make sure there is some epidural around just in case.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:18, Reply)
They said you can do both if you like
depends how an epidural affects you, which is different from person to person. or you can just float about in the pool at the begining then get out for the birth
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:20, Reply)
I didn't know that
I thought it was one or another. I need to read all the books they gave me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Don't get too bogged down in books, everone is different so there is no catch all
also, whatb is suggested these days will be superceded by something else in the future anyway!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:25, Reply)
That is true
I should have a talk with the midwife and clarify what's available out there.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Awwwww
is that why you weren't eating seafood, and why Mark was getting stuck into that bottle of cider like a man possessed?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Yes, that's it
No raw fish for me, which is a shame, as I love sushi. And he's drinking a lot less than he used to...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Well done you : )
Really pleased for you!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Thank you
We're very pleased too, and feeling much better after this scan. High probability of miscarriage in my family on the first weeks didn't let me be very happy until now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Sit down and put your feet up.
Pat yourself on the back.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:06, Reply)
do you think she's some kind of fucking contortionist?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Hahaha
Scratch your nose with your toe.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:24, Reply)
I could do that easily

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:41, Reply)
Woo!
Congratulations!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Congratulations!
Oh that's brilliant, so happy for the two of you!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Thank you!
That's why I stayed on water the other night, and why I was holding my belly and not being very talkative... it's quite painful. Sorry if I wasn't very friendly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 15:58, Reply)
No no no, it's fine! I can't believe I didn't notice, seeing as you were talking about it
But no, I'm really happy. Hope it all goes well.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:02, Reply)
Hahaha!
We thought it was so obvious and you were trying to be polite! No surprise Crow didn't notice, as he was talking about music all the time with Mark, but I could barely keep up with the conversation.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:04, Reply)
Let it be known I'm an absolute idiot.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:19, Reply)
HEAR YE! HEAR YE!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Oh, no, no
You were very worried about your essay, that's probably why you didn't notice.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:24, Reply)
I think this is unfair and libellous
(We discussed beer as well...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:42, Reply)
Yes, that is true
music and beer. And a bit of wine, if I remember rightly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:54, Reply)
Gutted

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 15:59, Reply)
But think of all the poo!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:01, Reply)
Nasty liquidy baby poo
Absolutely no use for docking whatsoever.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:10, Reply)
easy to pour into a mould though

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
Congratulations!

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Thank you!
You see? That's why I was so stressed for not being able to see a doctor in 4 weeks, having so much pain in my ovaries. But now everything is fine. In fact, I wish I had been at Worthing hospital before, it's really a nice place.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:06, Reply)
D: What's your husband going to say about all this ?!

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:01, Reply)
I'm going to keep it secret
until the baby is 18 years old. Then he'll have nothing to say.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:05, Reply)
Congratulations to you both
Your life will change completely. It doesn't matter how much you prepare, you won't have prepared enough!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 16:08, Reply)
I know
I'm very scared, but if my mum managed, I'm sure I will.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:14, Reply)
Great. More Spaniards. Just what the world needs.
Sir Francis Drake (RIP) will be turning in his fucking grave.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
No, the baby will be mixed race
the father is still a good English, just like you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:14, Reply)
The child will be a mulatto, hated by all.
I am jesting - congratulations. Being a parent is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I wish you both all the luck in the world with the pregancy and birth.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:16, Reply)
black american men love the mulattos

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
Well that's excellent news.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:21, Reply)
ha ha ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Just saying. Clearly they're not hated by all.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
OK, all humans, then.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:29, Reply)
You'll get a smack for that.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:32, Reply)
I'm hoping those brilliant /talk guys will come out of the woodwork
with their unique brand of hypocritical faux-outrage.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:38, Reply)
^^ JOKE ABOUT WOODWORK!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:42, Reply)
Well, that's great coming from you
thank you very much.

I find mulattos really sexy. Then, I'm very pale and Mark's even paler, so no mulatto baby.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:25, Reply)
I'm assuming you think this is a good thing
so congratu-fucking-lations!
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:13, Reply)
I thought it was a good thing
before all the pain started. Now I'm not so sure.

Thank you!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Congratulations!
I don't really know what to say...

(I think you've won this thread.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:23, Reply)
Hahaha
Didn't know there was a competition. Are you going to BGB's? Will I see you there?

Mark's been preparing beer for our warming party and is looking forward to you commenting on it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I shall be at BGB's
(Challenge is to fit more "bee"s into that statement)

I'd like to make it down to your housewarming - I'm still not entirely sure what's going on that weekend. Would be nice to try some more of Mark's home brew, though.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:32, Reply)
We'll see you on the 28th then
And hopefully in June too. He's not very happy with the last brew, but I think it's not too bad. Now, my tastebuds are fucked, so don't trust me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Do you need a perturnaty test to confirm who the biological mother is?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:54, Reply)
Hahaha
I think I know who the mother is. Is that woman typing on her laptop, feeling utterly sick.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:55, Reply)
Alt: your husband hasn't managed an erection without the use of a lolly stick and some masking tape since 1973?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:09, Reply)
Does the lolly stick have a joke on it?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:11, Reply)
his penis is the joke

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Yes: her husband's date of birth.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:12, Reply)
I can make these jokes because I myself am a cradle-snatching nonce like Mr B3th.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:13, Reply)
*calls Daily Mail*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:15, Reply)
*calls NakedApe a fucking wankstain*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
were you born before VE day?
No, I thought not.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:17, Reply)
Monty doesn't recognise VE day
because his side lost
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Quite so. I fail to see where the 'victory' part comes in.
A dark, dark day for us right-thinking volk.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I'm not gay

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:24, Reply)
LIES!

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:25, Reply)
It's OK mate, you can call upon another B3tan for proof of your not-gayness now
You don't need to ensure all the anti-bumder bile is directed my way
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
dude, clue me in
I've missed something
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:29, Reply)
I thought Crow was dating a B3tan
I may be completely wrong
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:31, Reply)
That he is*



*psst, it's Kroney
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:39, Reply)
The -ahem- 'revised' version of "Space Truckin'" has become 'our song.'

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:40, Reply)
you are a delight

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:41, Reply)
The public loos at Victoria Station claim otherwise

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:26, Reply)
But you like other guys teasing you, eh?
especially on the internet.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Yes, Aber, I love it
I really do
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
+ up the 'Paul Gadd'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
That's why you write things like this
to make sure they have a reason to tease you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 12 May 2011, 16:32, Reply)
The contents of Kroney's freezer suggest you may not be being entirely honest here

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:27, Reply)
What are you, a fucking forensic scientist?
You can't prove that poo was mine... oh hi Labs, didn't see you standing there with that DNA test result in your hand and a massive grin on your face
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:30, Reply)
We can tell it's yours as it has glitter in it

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:31, Reply)
I would fucking love that
"What, do you think your shit doesn't stink?"

"No, but it does SPARKLE!" *snaps*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:33, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:34, Reply)
I'm billing you for a new keyboard and monitor
this one's got tea in it. and a little bit of wee
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:37, Reply)
Always on the bottom shelf so as not to contaminate the chips.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:35, Reply)
Hey guys, Rogerthestarfish is back banging on about her mother again.
www.b3ta.com/questions/conversationkillers/post1199224
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:30, Reply)
You are a bad man

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:32, Reply)
If I had my way
she would be tarred and feathered in public.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:35, Reply)

feathered catted
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:36, Reply)
NEW THREAD ALERT, NEW THREAD ALERT, NEWTHREAD ALERT

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 16:57, Reply)

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