Friday the 13th!!!
Most of the people I work with "Touch Wood" all the time to not tempt fate. The other day I told a colleague that I have never come off my bike and he went nuts going "Quick! Touch some wood!" I of course didn't because its all bollocks. This morning coming in to work my pedal bottomed out on a corner and I nearly lost it at about 35mph. Showed me didn't it!

Do you have any superstitions?
( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:00, 135 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I do superstitious things
but because it helps alleviate the fucking tedium that is existence.

Saluting magpies, not walking on 3 drains, that kind of thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Well the three drains is important
You don't want a bear to break you mums back now do you!

My friend Verity has actually pushed me across the pavement before to stop me walking on three drains.
( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

This would be better if she'd pushed you in front of a bus
ironylols
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I think that's pretty much how I got started
if I went to walk across one I'd get violently shoved by my mate. He's dead now, so in some kind of stupid memorial to him I don't walk on them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

His good luck wasn't quite so good it would seem

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Who knows how much worse it would have been
had he walked across the drains.
( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

misadventure
the idiot had broken his shoulder falling out of his attic while drunk, then some weeks later was on the way home from the pub and rather than walk round to the front of his house he climbed the bank behind it and tried to climb over the wall.

was found lying in the road like 5 hours after he fell.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

This is not good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I know, avoiding three drains doesn't keep you safe
We're all DOOMED!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I make a point of walking under ladders.
But that's just so the window cleaner can see down my top.
( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Hahaha
You are in a Robin Askwith movie AICMFP
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

*cheeky wink*

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

*slide whistle*

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

*drops sponge down cleavage*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

*giggles*

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

*retrieves sponge*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

If I don't wipe my cock on your Mum's curtains after a session
she won't invite me and the rugby team back again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Curatins?
Is that like a medical kit?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)

balls, ninj'd

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Is that where they chop them off with a throwing star?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Nope
I do find myself randomly counting in eights though. I think I have an 8-bit brain or something

It is my mate Stu's birthday today. Friday 13th FTW
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

My sister was born on Friday 13th
And she's the White Sheep of the family. I think something went wrong there...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

You ARE the Antichrist though
It says, just there ^
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Actually he's not sure if he is

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

He feels it's potentially feasible
but hasn't been presented with a convincing argument either way.
( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

The fact that someone gave him a pathetic black eye and he didn't even eat their soul makes me think that he is not.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Is she the white sheep of the family
Because your dad fucked a ewe and got it pregnant?

A Ewe? An Ewe?
( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

No I fucking don't.
I am, however fascinated by them. The continuing place of horoscopes, village fetes, maypoles and superstitions etc in so-called 'modern' society are a fascinating and stangely comforting reminder to me of how connected we are to our pre-Christian past.

A cursory glance at rural traditions, pub names (such as 'The Green Man' etc) etc makes it abundantly clear that the coming of the Romans and indeed all subsequent invaders/cultural imports failed utterly to wipe out the echoes of our prehistoric ancestors and their belief systems.

I love all this stuff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I think it's more for the tourists.

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That's not true at all in a lot of instances.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Well apart from the naked midnight dancing in the forest.
That's just for the lols.
( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Cheeky little caveat there...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Much as I love sweeping generalisations, that was one too far even for me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Pre-Christian religons were so much more fun
Get down to Sidmouth folk festival for a whole load of ale and weird ancient English traditions
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

pre-Roman British religion is a subject I love dearly.
I wrote my dissertation on that shit, yo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I wrote mine on fossilised pollen, HELL YEAH! \m/
I do find the cross overs from ancient religons into "new" religons hilarious.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

A comparitive study of Christianity and Mithraism is well worth it, for the lolz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Christianity is the T-Rex of religions
big and scary with all their talk of hellfire, but fundamentally a scavenger with pointless little arms.

Oh, and if you stay very still, they'll ignore you.
( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

ha ha ha
brilliant!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:46, Reply)

A+

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I'm considering doing that.
I might just kill myself. As Plato says, death is a gain and all that.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

It's fascinating.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:51, Reply)

I had the idea of how Paganism fed into it
Syncretism and all that jazz.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

you must have written it very small

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Is it the collecting of skulls that interests you
or the pissing in the corner of your living area for luck?

I think we can all guess which option I favour.
( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

'The cult of the human head' was the titles of one section.
Not for me, the faecal thrills that motivate you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

sidmouth folk festival is shit these days
it's full of fucking morris dancers and smelly people.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

I went maybe 8 years ago?
i quite enjoyed it for what it was
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

it was alright then
it's gone downhill though.

When I was 16 it was a good laugh.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Whenever anyone tells me to "touch wood"
I grab my cock. This serves to demonstrate my disdain for the idea, and also feels nice.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

The only supersticious thing I do is touch wood.
But that's because I have a strange fondness for trees.
( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Er, excuse me BGB, I'm talking about my cock here

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

And I'm sure it's lovely.

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Check your phone

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Grim

( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Get an upgrade then
I've got an iPhone 4, I love it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

it cock
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

*sigh*
Morning Vippers

That made me chuckle a bit actually
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

...

( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Yes but iPhone 5 will come out
and your pride and joy will become a shitty little iPhone 4
( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

2nd hand 3GS for me
Work sure know how to keep up with the times (of 2008)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I know
and I can't even pretend I won't want one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I know a lot of people that say "Touch wood"
and then touch something that is obviously not wood. I presume they do this because they are total simpletons.
( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

my friend touches her head
and then says "human wood is best wood". this is oddly compelling.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Your friend is Pinocchio
AICMFP
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:46, Reply)

i am so hungover i might cry
i got in at 4am. god knows what i have been talking about in my meeting since 8am... but that food last night was AMAZING. any london b3tans need to go and eat it. eat it all.

however, note to "crazy bear". sharer platters are NOT a "taster menu" and when you dump fish at one end, vegetables in the middle, and meat down the other end, people will not realise that is it, and they will all eat all the wrong bits. this could be avoided if you just employed staff who spoke motherfucking english and could explain it rather than nodding blankly and walking away. also staff who have to get the manager to take a drinks order because they don't speak motherfucking english is not acceptable in a motherfucking posh restaurant.

/breathe
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

RACIST!

( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

meh
incompetence is incompetence in any language!

i'd be a shit waitress in korea/russia/poland/wherever they were from!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:45, Reply)

You'd be a hot waitress though
That counts for a lot when men are dining out.
( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Christ
I had to fight back a rising tide of vomit as I read that, you bum licky internet joyboy.

In other news I went home yesterday and in amongst the usual raft of junk mail, bills, death threats and biopsy results, I opened a cheque for £272, sent by my solicitor. It was to do with fees accrued when buying our house. Unexpected and very helpful.

That will buy me a fair few 'all butter' croissants, that's a fact.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

or a new cat?
monty is right about the joyboy thing, though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I was addressing Phillip Joseph.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

no no no
i meant that it is a brilliant phrase. i was agreeing with that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Ah. I see.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Please change your sig to 'bum licky internet joyboy'.
Please. I beg you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:05, Reply)

No

( Peej, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

hmmm
dining eating
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

No it's not, for example, in hindi incompetance is
अक्षमता
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Hahahah
Listen Gonz, serious business here: Vietnamese next week?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

go to "crazy bear"
seriously. best. food. EVER.

the sushi/sashimi/dim sum/soups/salads/mains were divine. one girl had a buttery chilli-flecked lobster with coriander and other bits. i don't even eat lobster and i was drooling!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

That does sound rather nice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I went out for a curry last night.

( Kroney, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

You'll eat anything that gives you the shits.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I feel fresh as a daisy today, yesterday i had a hangover from waking until sleeping : (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

PUB LUNCH FTW
I am fucking starving
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

What you are, old son, is a 'bum licky internet joyboy'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:09, Reply)

stop it, please
every time i read it, i start laughing.

and there is NOTHING funny about the deeds on my desk that could justify that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I see
*licks*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

'PS, 'Crazy Bear' is a shit name that is redolent of some kind of Canadian theme pub'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

it's a stupid name
there is nothing crazy about it. and nothing bear-like about it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I know the feeling...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 10:56, Reply)

It's Friday, where the fuck is everybody
and don't say you are all working as we know that's a lie
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

wanking

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:08, Reply)

still here though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

How's your secondment going?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

dull and pointless
mostly due to their shit organisational skills. The purpose of being there was to teach them how to do what I do. So far we've managed to spend about half of four days doing that, teaching one guy, rather than two or three. Now that one guy is changing jobs so it has been pointless.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

that makes more sense

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Working! well someone has to.
I am now at your disposal.
( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Prey tell BGB, is it ever acceptable for a chap to drink green tea outside of a Japanese restaurant setting?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

No.
Barry from Eastenders drinks it.

I rest my case.
( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Interesting, are you saying Barry is some sort of perishing left footer?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

You know that I am not one to insult someone online so make of it what you will.

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

^FACTS.
Only Nips and benders drink it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I drink it at work
saves milk drama.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:30, Reply)

ignore these spastics
green tea is the good shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I quite like it, I also like white tea

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

That's a euphemism for 'Chinky spunk'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

No, because that's yellow

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:27, Reply)

LACIST

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

TOP TIP:
'Run out of green tea? Simply drink your washing-up water, for a cheap and identical-tasting alternative'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

To hungover to post.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

LIES
Also it's "too"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Good lad.
I was asleep at 9pm myself, having enjoyed the delights of 'Kipper's A-Z'....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Oh Nakedape, I've been on horrific pain for the last 3 days. I've had one packet of crisps in this time, first degree (or whatever the lesser one is) burns all over my torso from my hot water bottle, had a rediculous amount of morphine, solphadeen and ibu
purotham cream.

Today's better than yesterday, I was like "AGHHH STOP BEING PAINFUL BODY ! STOP IT ! PLEASE !" and today I'm just like "DAMN IT YOU'RE NOT BEEING LESS PAINFUL ENOUGH BODY, PLEASE TRY HARDER AT BEING LESS PAINFUL".

I'm going to the doctors this afternoon and I hope they don't put me in hospital because I hate staying in hospital and they hardly have any doctors there on a weekend anyway.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Oh man that sucks massive balls.
Just like NakedApe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Monty, you and I both know your single gonad is average sized at best

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

And thanks to popular song, EVERYONE knows where my missing orchid may be found:
'the Albert Hall'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Trufax

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

It's Sad Times.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

: (
I wish I lived nearer. I would totally come round with grapes and lucozade.
( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

BGB - Internet nurse

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Hurry up and move house !
I think I'm going to my ma's this weekend and I'm going to demand chicken soups with lockshan and kanadlach.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

*puts house on market*

( girlinthehole, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

The last thing Gonz needs in his present condition is a look at your haemorrhoids.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Are you guts woe-ing?
Can you not get an intestinal transplant?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

It's my insides, my back feels like, erm, you know when you need to click your fingers or something but you can't, and someone is pressing a really blunt object very strongly into it.
my left hand side from my moobs down (my belly) feels like it's going to both explode and implode.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

It's probably just appendicitis then

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Yeah', I think so, had it 3 times last year and it's the same thing.
Well, I went into hospital 3 times with it, had these pains about 8-10 times but most of the times it cleared up on it's own.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:40, Reply)

:(
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Sheesh that's grim
hope you feel better soon!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Fuck yeah
Millies Chocolate Chilli cookies are great!!!1!!eleventy!!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

No, but I do have 2 earworms battling it out in my head currently
I'm varying between having 'Bring Me Sunshine' and 'Son Of A Preacherman'(montylolz) stuck in my head, very annoying.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

all this bum licky internet thing
has put "informer" in my head... a licky boom boom down...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Same here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)