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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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If you could go backwards in time and change one decision in your life...
What would it be?

ALT Q: What will be the pinnacle of your week?
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:05, 197 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I wouldn't have eaten that ice lolly Kroney gave me
ALT: Friday 5:30
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:10, Reply)
Hahahahah bravo

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)
You fucking loved it you shit-sucking slag.
Same time next week?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)
ha ha ha
Sure thing big boy, don't forget to eat some sweetcorn the night before!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)
Go back in time and tell myself to stop farting around and study harder.
Alt Q: My review in 40 minutes. No, that will be the Mariana trench moment of the week.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Is Megatron going?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:12, Reply)
That's the Laurentian Abyss.
You really aren't very good with these film references, are you?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Transformers hardly even qualifies as a film
More an epilectic fit of school boy robot fantasies.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:23, Reply)
You are a poor quality Monty AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)
That would make me a fucking gold plated AA

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Ooof

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)
I don't attempt to reference things I have no clue about, as I know it makes me look ridiculous.
Ergo, I'm already doing better than you.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)
and I don't see that having an encyclopedic knowledge of a children's film is agood thing...
By the way, this isn't a competition, it's a forum.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:40, Reply)
And yet you're still managing to lose.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)
Ha ha!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)
You sound like Wormulous
oh dear
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)
You're on the internet, dear
we've already all lost.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)
I've watched ten minutes of one of those films in Currys once, I'm confident that allows me to reference it as a fucking piece of bubblegum shit
Are you expecting forum users to have an MA in Transformers before being allowed to comment on how banal it is?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:50, Reply)
You say that like it's bad thing

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I'd watch it just for slow motion Megan Fox
Films like that are a like a quick wank, initially satisfying but they leave you feeling a little empty and sordid.

/Claudia Winkleman
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)
Ironically, I consider Claudia Winkleman to be worthy of a quick wank
A longer, more deliberate one would see my mind wander onto other, more attractive TV presenters, however.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)
She is filth
I bet she takes it in the tradesmans
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)
She's not as filth as Kirsty Allsop.
Claudia puts on a filthy act, but when you actually started smacking her around the face with it and trying to get five fingers up her, she'd get all upset.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)
I bet she's surprisingly prudish and uptight IRL
Alexa Chung, now there's a girl who could indulge anyone's filthy perversity. Except Kroney, as she obviously never eats anything.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)
Looks like a corpse
More a LiC kind of girl
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)
That Clare Balding, phwoar
I bet she loves a hot meat injection on a Friday night
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Clare Balding has bigger balls than you

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)
she might go for a lukewarm plastic injection.
She's fairly famously not into "the meat"
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)
She likes a kebab

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)
ah, does she now?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Allsop is a definite 'dorty bord'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:40, Reply)
I bet her clopper matches TGBs

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)
mind like a Welsh railway.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Going nowhere?
Up the valley?
A risk of a racially motivated beating?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)
one track and dirty.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)
but, yeah. Also all of the above.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)
not sure
there a few candidates, but wouldn't want to not meet the mrs and stuff.

getting home from secondment today will be a definite high point.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:14, Reply)
I can see how driving a Chevrolet Spark would be the highlight of your day

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)
I'm hoping I mentioned that yesterday
otherwise you know too much.

It is the worst fucking car. Such a piece of shit. It has literally no good features at all.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I think you've been moaning about it for a while...
It's amazing how it's possible to make a car like that
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)
I've only had it since yesterday
so seems unlikely I've been moaning about it for a while.

I had one a few weeks back as well, so may have mentioned it then I guess.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:30, Reply)
That'll be it, I assumed you had been stuck with it all the way through

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)
no thank fuck
I've had a different cars every week. Mainly Vauxhalls unfortunately, but they are better than the piece of shit I've got at the moment.

Even the Toyota Aygo was at least quite good fun, and was really really economical, even when driven as fast as possible.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Who'd have thought that American car manufacture
based on Korean car manufacturing would have such a poor outcome.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:58, Reply)
well, the spark is just a Daewoo with a different badge, innit?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)
and the worst front-end on a car that you have ever seen

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)
And re-interiored to American standards
which are low.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)
I know.
I've got a Saab and they seem to have gone for GMs lowest common denominator. The interior is fairly good but some of the plastics are just .... urgh. And Saab is seriously high-end by GM (and therefore US) standards...
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)
It's pathetic, isn't it?
My old mum had a Vauxhall for a while. Interior trim was falling off it after three months.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)
It's odd
so, my Saab is (I think) the top model 93. Really lovely seats, high quality leather, awesome 10-speaker hi-fi, etc, etc and then shit plastic everywhere. If you can afford the cows, why not the plastic?

Whereas I used to have a couple of Alfas and they were just ... beautiful. I mean, occasiaonlly all the instrumets would stop working for 30 secs or so, but lovely interiors... ;)
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)
at least yours is high spec
I've had the misfortune of driving cars where the steering wheel is made of that horrible plastic. It's so nasty. Not like the glorious leather steering wheel in my Seat.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)
I know, but if anything
it kind of makes it worse with the bits of shitty trim they don't upgrade?

that and whoever dictated that Saab inbuilt sat-navs shouldn't take postcodes needs a fucking solid cunting in the murray. I'm pretty sure googling mapping postcodes to get addresses whilst driving isn't "being 100% in control of the vehicle"
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)
it doesn't make a great deal of sense.
the satnav thing is pretty fucking stupid as well. I've only driven one car with satnav and that was a Focus I had the other week. Definitely seems like a dangerous thing to be operating while driving.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)
That is quite strange
since pretty much every sat nav you can buy separately will happily take post codes.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)
The reason is actually fairly obvious
Saab satnav is europe-wide and sold in every country. not using postcodes means they don't have to code for different country's systems I assume?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)
Is it hard coded then?
I thought most used a DVD containing all the info they needed, certainly my dads Audi does.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)
DVD is the same europewide too, I think
it's just laziness but it does kind of make sense
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)
But it's mobile phones that they ban.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)
I'd love an Alfa
but I'd have to move closer to work, where the occasional Italian skill with electrics won't cripple me for the entire day.

Have you seen inside a "high-spec" Chrysler or similar? Acres of leather, and then cheap wood-effect veneered plastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)
sounds vile.
I'm currently in the process of figuring out how I can afford to buy something pretty much like this
www.broadwayvancentre.com/www.broadwayvancentre.coms/info.php?p=2&pno=0&pid=2919762&cat=&ack=9&search=&sought=
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)
Are they classed as a car derived van, or a light goods vehicle?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)
light goods
unless you get one with windows and seats in the back
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)
Make sure you don't go above fifty on an A road, or 60 on a duel carriage way
that's why I got done.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)
yeah, I'll be bearing that in mind
annoyingly you can't get them reclassed as a camper without having a permanent stove and specific amount of storage and stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)
Are campers treated the same as cars then?
If so it seems a very silly system.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)
something to do with the possible load you could have in it I think
it is a silly system.

It's amazing how few people know about the lower speed limit for a van thing.

Did you get caught out by a guy with a gun or a fixed camera?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)
Man with gun
a fixed camera wouldn't pick you up.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)
that's what I thought
damn those men with guns
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:48, Reply)
I've seen quite a few of those T5s
with lowered suspension and alloys etc.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)
there are loads of them down this way.
I can't wait to get one. Can't quite afford it at the moment though unfortunately.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)
I can't even joke about it
every other car I've had has had at least one redeeming feature, even if it is as trivial as having heated seats and steering wheel, or in the case of the newest Astra it had red lights in the doors and round the bottom of the boot on the gear stick.

The Chevrolet has nothing. It's the only car I've ever been embarrassed to be seen in. I think I'd rather be driving a Fiat Multipla
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)
ah, you even prefer the "anally raped bullfrog" look.
that's bad, man.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)
that's how bad this car is.
I was so fucking annoyed when they delivered it this week. Glanced out the window and thought it was a new Ford Ka and was prepared to accept that as at least I hadn't driven one before, but no. Such a piece of shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)
Not meeting the ex.
Thursday around 6pm where I will have spent the whole day at the Sian water park with my nephew and sister.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:16, Reply)
*Makes note*
Blousie likes watersports.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:22, Reply)
There's not much I don't like.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)
I'm taking my own rubber sheets and a wetsuit to her party.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)
Uurgh she'll be the mixed toilets at her bash :(

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)
I'm going to put cling film over her holes for a laugh.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)
Everyone can lol at the unclaimed turd lying over her mouth

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)
Morning Blousie! How's you today?
I dreamt I hit a bad man in the face with and axe!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:24, Reply)
I'm feeling lovely all over.
Was it Monty?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:25, Reply)
Nah, he's a sweetie really
Odd, odd dream, I hit him in the face and rather than just dying he ran around with it stuck in his face shouting, "I'VE GOT A FUCKING AXE IN MY FACE!"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:27, Reply)
I would accept my scholarship to Winchester College.
Alt: I'm hoping NakedApe is going to be in a horrific car accident.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)
I would use a condom while fucking your mum

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)
and encourage others to do the same.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:29, Reply)
She charges less to go bareback

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)
....and she can service 3 at a time

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)
I head it was five, she has unusually large ears.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:35, Reply)
5 at a time for albatross wins

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)
Way too early for that sort of talk
and I wouldn't tell you lot anyway.

Alt: the only way is up after yesterday
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:31, Reply)
You are Yazz
AICM Plastic Population
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:32, Reply)
You're welcome to them mate
Useless fucking Autons.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:40, Reply)
Are you going to be moping around all day?
No Sleep 'till Brooklyn just played on the radio, it has perked me up imeasurably.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:34, Reply)
Nah I'll stop sulking now
At least until my Internet Nemesis turns up, she understands football and was most kind last night
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)
Mate, I'll say this once and go back to calling you a screaming Mary afterwards
I thought you were really, really unlucky last night. Must have been a bastard for a fan to watch. I mean, no real excuses, you should have torn Swansea a new one last week, but still. Hard lines.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)
I will endorse this statement also. But only once

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)
Cheers mate
Should've taken our chances in both games, neither referee fancied giving us a penalty, but I knew it wasn't going to be our day as soon as McGoldrick hit the bar. And yeah it was bloody murder to watch :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)
I really thought Earnshaw had scored in injury time
but you probably didn't need reminding of that ;)
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)
What bugs me about Earnshaw, apart from his absurd proclivity for giving the ball away
is that the one thing our team needs is a 20-a-season man, not taking our chances has been the story of our season. And he's always been that at this level. UNTIL NOW
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)
Take the job offer in New York
Alt: It is a straight choice between the Wisdom integration conference call tomorrow or the discussion on Thursday with finance regarding fixed price jobs

*cries*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:33, Reply)
You think that's bad
I have to travel to Birmingham next wednesday to go to a Sustainability Expo.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)
Oh man I wish I was you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:37, Reply)
You probably do, I'm in a stable relationship, I have no problems with debt
and I'm getting promoted in July.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)
You do however have a gay bike
and a stomach that can be seen from space
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:40, Reply)
What to, 5'8"?
Nice one.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:41, Reply)
Chief mong

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:42, Reply)
That would be funny if promoted also meant being made shorter.
But it doesn't
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:43, Reply)
This is a desperately poor retort.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)
No, this is a desperately poor retort
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1204529

The rest was just me kicking the corpse.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Yes, that's right.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:51, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1204552
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)
Now your festival's cancelled, when will the world next hear Blue Haze?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:59, Reply)
Oh Monty, you seem to have confused me with a sad old man, desperatly trying to recapture his youth
and boasting about all the cool things he's doing.

Actually, it seems you've also confused me with you.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)
What an angry little man you are.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Aaaah, accusations of anger
There should be an equivalent of Godwins Law for when people feel the need to do that.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)
I'm not sure you can be promoted to Capt Hood-Butter until the current one dies, by the way.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Yeah he can, if he finds the grail and drinks from it
Same as pulling the sword from the stone, innit. All these Arthurian legends are the same.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)
The grail being
Halle Berry's furry cup, yes?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)
You leave my cousin out of this

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:52, Reply)
Given the choice I would never leave your cousin's furry cup

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)
Me either
(When in Rome)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:55, Reply)
Would you like me to send you an anthrax laced letter?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)
please

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:39, Reply)
Did you know that women find it easier than men to put on a Midlands accent.
The female of the species is more Dudley than the male
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:46, Reply)
My mate had that as a facebook status a few weeks ago

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Oh man I wish I was you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:36, Reply)
Get in line

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:38, Reply)
everyone aboard the sportscow train.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:43, Reply)
Choo choo!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Why would you not take a job offer in NY?
Insanity?
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Same money as I was on (i.e. not much)
meaning I couldn't afford to live in NY
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:45, Reply)
commute

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)
The trains didn't go there direct from Sunderland.
I'd have to change.... 418 times
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:49, Reply)
As long as one of those wasn't Birmingham

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)
It is always New St you have to change at

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)
Because it's probably OK to visit
but it would be a horrible place to live unless you were screamingly rich, and even then I'm not sure it would actually be "nice".
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:48, Reply)
It's as arsey as Darth in a public toilet today
What's up with you all?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:53, Reply)
FUCK YOU
Erm, nothing really
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)
My previous statement about giving up sulking prevents me from answering this accurately
So I will simply say; your face
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:54, Reply)
You just wind people up.
I think it's your dog-breath.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Musky

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:02, Reply)
are you telling us you have anus-breath?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)
I'm telling you he does.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Long thighs though

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)
I've been out rimming again
Some people just aren't polite enough to douche first
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)
much as i loved my time at university
in hindsight i'd have taken a year out to have another crack at oxford. then if i had fucked up another interview, i would have gone to one of the other offers: nott, bristol, edinburgh etc. london is a great city, but it's a fairly difficult student life compared to everywhere else, because you have no money and all your mates live an hour away. compare that to nottingham, where everyone is the same campus, and my mate evie still goes skiing once a year in a huge gang of about 30 of them...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:00, Reply)
But you'll get shot in Nottingham

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:01, Reply)
Whereas in London
you get either mugged or not appreciated
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)
Partridgelolz

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)
Thank god you got that
It makes very little sense as a non sequitur
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)
Funnily enough I think it does make sense even if you haven't seen partridge

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)
OK, but it's not funny unless you imagine it in his voice
Much as was the case with a lot of his best lines
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)
oh that's true
and nobody ever gets shot in london
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)
Yeah but it's all black on black so it's alright

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)
I lived in Nottingham for 19 years and am bullet-hole free
The gun crime problem only arose after Swipey would have finished at Uni, if I guess her age right. A more pertinent (and terrifying) threat to her safety had she been in Nottingham in the late 90s would have been the possibility of a teenage me trying to cop off with her in Rock City.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)
The halcyon days of denial

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)
Ironically I had really long hair then
So my efforts to snog most of the female population of Rock City was my lesbian phase.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)
You really are a confused young man!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)
I like the young part

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)
+ing their pert buttocks for me to enter

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Oh very good
Very good indeed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)
At Oxford
there's a fair chance you'd have turned into a total shit, though.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)
So, no change then?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)
just because i will never ever sleep with you
does not mean you have to take your angry testosterone fuelled rage out on my pixels, man.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)
you are a total shit though

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)
tru dat.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)
sssh
i am glamorous and beautiful and kind and sexy and popular and i won't hear anything to the contrary.

or i'll cry.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)
we only have your word to go on
I've always thought of you as a total shit. Must be because of a photo of you were you looked like one.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Was it this one?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)
could be

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)
That was in her Sparky Backtits phase

(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)
why is there no nipple on the bottom one?
or is that my massive stomach?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)
That's a skirt
to hide your modesty.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)
Oh don't take it to heart. It's just small man syndrome, that's all.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)
oh, does al have a tiny micro-cock?
that explains a LOT.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)
That's what his wife told me. Don't tell anyone, though.
He'll be even more petulant than usual if it gets out.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)
+ of the folds

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)
There's a lot of homo-eroticism here at the moment.
Darth and Chompy were flirting the other day, Bobby and Rory were in the throes of intense foreplay yesterday and now you and Al are at each others' trousers.

I know Spring's in the air, but could you keep it to PMs? I'm getting slightly embarrassed for you all.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)
Urgh
I refer you to my previous comment about standards
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)
I don't regret nuffink.
Well, there are a couple of times where hindsight is a beautiful thing, to be fair, but I don't think I'd change any of them. Even the spectacularly wrong 1st marriage. All your choices lead you to where you are now, or some other pseudo-new-age horseshite.

Alt: Going on honeymoon. Or, if it has to be before the weekend, ball on friday at the Balmoral should be a good craic.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Oi love de craic.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)
+ pipe

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)
THAT'S THE...

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)
....most addictive thing I've had in a while

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)
I endorse this horseshite statement
Whilst I do wish I'd plowed my way through Uni instead of spending four years in a long-distance relationship, had I done so I wouldn't have been decent boyfriend material for Ms Foxtrot.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)
Got to be done
Uni the entire Norwich FC squad
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)
Look, I've said this before; call me gay all you want, but respect the fact that I have some standards
Iwan Roberts played for Norwich while I was at Uni
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)
No teeth = better blowjob

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)
Good point
*punches Sporter's teeth out*

*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:18, Reply)
I'd have gone back to my A-levels
redone those, gone to University to do sound engineering and would now be in the career that I've discovered that I want to do, rather than trying to get into it via sideways job hops.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)
...all the while folornly freezing your poos in the hope of a like-minded 'partner'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)
GAZ THIS FELLOW B3TAN
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=37903
He has an AMAZING recording studio and has worked with the likes of Jimi Hendrix and none other than Blue Haze
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)
He uses this account more frequently:
b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=60673
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)
Harsh Dawg

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)
Obviously you might not get a reply straight away,
as he'll probably be in a meeting about his promotion, having as much sex as he wants (due to his stable relationship) or counting his millions - or shopping online for height-enhancing shoes.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Thanks for the tip, but I can see what'd happen.
I'd email him, he'd list all his impressive clients and industry experience, we'd arrange for a trial period and then he'd start getting really busy and he'd regretfully have to put it off. THen I'd mysteriously lose all contact with him.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 17 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

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