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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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A REAL man doesn't love million girls"He loves one girl in million ways
Which is a group a facebook "friend" of mine just liked.

Does anyone else think that sounds creepy? I think it should end with "if she likes it or not"

What do REAL men do?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:16, 169 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
grow beards, chop wood, eat chilli
re: your friend liking that group - if it's not creepy then it's fucking bent.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:17, Reply)
That's not nearly as needy as I'd hoped for.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
what do you mean?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:19, Reply)
Something like "a REAL man, cries when he's upset" or some shit.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:20, Reply)
fuck that shit.
Real men are like the guy from Regular Ordinary Swedish Mealtime
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:22, Reply)
So "REAL men cook"
which I agree with actually.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
and eat a lot of re-dinner mayo
and mash potatoes by punching them

I do think that REAL men cook actually. I have a list of man skills in my head which I mainly came up with to mock one of my mates, but it includes things like making fires and wiring in plug sockets
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
how many top chefs are women?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
probably more than you think
not necessarily in this country, but it does happen
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:28, Reply)
I can do cooking. It's basically just mechanics, but with vegetables and meat and shit.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:33, Reply)
The addition of the final ingredient does not surprise me

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Definitely cook
also proper DIY, some form of sport or pastime, ability to survive in the wilderness, ability to actually have a conversation about emotions.

That, or killing spiders, taking the lids off jars and wanking.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:40, Reply)
kids

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Lettin ur bird by anyfin of da menu at macdonalds coz u fink she is da 1

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:18, Reply)
A real man uses VOUCHERS on DATES

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:19, Reply)
and insists on splitting the bill.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I just walk out without paying.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:25, Reply)
well, if you run you give yourself away.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Ah, nice to see the teenagers are out in force today
how do?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:27, Reply)
A REAL MAN takes under advisement everything that a modern woman
believes a real man should be and then does the opposite.

He loves his car more than his woman, loves his woman more than his personal hygiene and sits in his pants at every opportunity.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Cuts down trees, wears high heels, suspenders and a bra.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Just like your dear Papa?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:59, Reply)
YES!
5 points to you.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Real men do what real men want.
And don't give a shit what other people think.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Hey you
I wrote you a limerick yesterday too, while I was on a roll. You probably didn't see it.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1236408
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:04, Reply)
I like that!

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)
I had fun with the limericks
Unfortunately, once I started, I couldn't stop.

Anyone else want a limerick?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)
You could do one for Wookiee perhaps.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Wookie?
Hmm.... okay. What do we know about Wookie?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:23, Reply)
Have people figured out who you are yet?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:27, Reply)
is he you?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:30, Reply)
Not unless my last breakdown was considerably more severe than I thought.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:54, Reply)
Real men have a wanksock.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:39, Reply)
real men have a wankshed.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:40, Reply)
real men have a wank sandpaper

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:52, Reply)
real men have a woman to do it for them

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:57, Reply)
sorry, I meant slave boy

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:00, Reply)
man, that's so bent it's warped time.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:59, Reply)
One of the lads in work is going to be undertaking the "Curry Hell" at the Rupali Indian restaurant
If you can eat it, you get it free and a trophy. I'd recommend a YouTube search for fails of this!

He is now in training and made a curry last night with 50 birds eye chillis in. He brought a pot of it into work today - quite nice it was too. Lovely taste of cinnamon
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:52, Reply)
I can't access You Tube at work
but I would imagine it would feature someone drinking 15 pints of Kingfisher in 30 minutes and then shitting themselves at the table.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:00, Reply)
standard night out, then.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)
My youngest granddaughter can eat five alarm curries
I swear that girl has an asbestos gullet. She also has no fear, as evidenced by her going down the black ski runs. I am led to believe that this is impressive.

Also, cinnamon is evil. That is all.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:02, Reply)
how the fuck have you got a granddaughter
Let alone one who can eat hot curries? aren't you, like, 30 or something?

Kids are excellent on steep ski runs. lack of fear, light weight and low centre of gravity. It's rather galling watching six year olds ski down anything without pausing for breath
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)
She's 14 on Saturday
and I have managed to acquire two granddaughters by marrying an old man.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)
ah, right, so not biological, then.
Phew. as you were.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)
I do have a cousin who was a proper garndmother at 34 though.
She's from Scunthorpe, which I think says everything we need to know about that.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)
indeed
although it doesn't tell me any more about Scunthorpe than I already knew, sadly.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)
I thought Lord Harpole (or whatever he was called) had died.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:04, Reply)
He has, but the restaurant is still going

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)
Did he die eating one of his own curries?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)
I do hope so

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)
As long as they didn't suspect phaal play

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)
I heard he died vin-da-loo
like Elvis
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)
I heard he'd fallen into a korma

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Are you trying to curry favour with me here?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:21, Reply)
Stop with the curry puns
Or I'll give you all a good Tikkaing off
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:30, Reply)
My naan used to always do that

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:18, Reply)
Your mum

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 11:54, Reply)
I have quite a few teenagers on my facebook feed, and a lot of them seem to like these kind of groups.
Teenagers are weird.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Ballroom

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:06, Reply)
not latin though, eh?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)
I refer you to my point yesterday about Ekaterina Sokolova
But Ballroom is more masculine, yes.

And I'm better at it, which means it's more important.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)
I don't understand why men continue to drool over perfect women like that
when there are real women like me and Blousie around the place.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:17, Reply)
real women tend to object to being drooled on, though.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)
I'd much rather have you, personally.
Nonetheless my point about her boyfriend using his dancing skills to punch miles above his weight remains
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)
The last time I saw mr b3th try to dance
he fell arse over tit and broke an antique torchière. I think this adequately demonstrates his level of dancing skills. And yet he manages to be punching so far above his weight he must be on steroids.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:22, Reply)
This is true
There should be a shrine to him somewhere for the likes of me to worship at
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:27, Reply)
I am choosing to assume
that "an antigue torchiere" is a euphamism for something.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:27, Reply)
Is torchière a fancy word for arsebone?
It's funny because your husband is very old.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:29, Reply)
I have no idea why,
but at about 6am this morning I was suddenly struck by the idea that "GOSH" in your sig stands for Great Ormond Street Hospital, then I went back to sleep
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:33, Reply)
...to dream about making sweet, sweet love to Wookie.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:34, Reply)
Many do. Dream, I mean.
*weeps*
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)
wolfbagging.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Real men cook steak, drink ale, are in charge of the BBQ, don't moisturise, don't cry at happy endings.
And all other shite like that.

EDIT: And also knows that Rugby Union is a far better sport than league, which is for benders.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)
nowt wrong with moisturising.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)
It's far too 'metrosexual' for my liking.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)
nobody likes stubble rash though
and rough skin can play havoc with a girl's face. And thighs.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)
especially the thighs.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)
My stubble is so pathetic it wouldn't cause a rash anywhere.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)
don't you dress in women's clothes?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Only when made to.
I'm comfortable enough with my own sexuality to not be freaked out by it.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)
haha, fair point
I feel that might have undermined your issue with metrosexuality a touch, though.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Had I a choice, I'd never have cross dressed in the first place.
But I'm not one to back down from a challenge as simple as that.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:17, Reply)
That was a very foolish thing to tell us

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:23, Reply)
I don't take internet challenges.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:28, Reply)
Very wise
However, I shall be most disappointed if I never meet you IRL

*evil grin*
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)
Damn straight
(See what I did there)

Morning sir
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)
Morning chap.
I see you've gone for Schteve. He's probably come over here to continue stalking Monty, yesh?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)
I ashume you are correct, shir
Can't wait to see what happens to his accent after a few months in Notts.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)
fiver says he turns up to the first training session in a green hat and tunic and carrying a bow.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Hahaha!
"Firsht player to shcore can be Little John"
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:22, Reply)
None of those critera apply to me
Therefore AA must be correct
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Real men aren't insatiable sodomites though, sorry.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)
The modern insatiable sodomite at least has the forethought to moisturise

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Ale makes me fart.
And Guinness is even worse for me. My housemates have banned me from drinking it unless I'm sat next to an open window.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Ale is wonderful.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Sure it tastes great.
But the gas... oh God the gas. It's bloody lethal. Came in useful for a Dutch Oven once though.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Any particular favourites of yours?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Anything from the Ossett Brewery.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)
I had Excelsior once upon a time, that was rather nice.
Currently I'm loving the Badger & Wychwood breweries.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:22, Reply)
Oh yeah Badger is awesome.
Golden Glory is lovely. Plus, it has a badger on the bottle. I was a bit obsessed with badgers when I was younger. Badger badger badger.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:26, Reply)
Fursty Ferret is probably my favourite, followed swiftly by Tanglefoot.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:27, Reply)
I'll have to get myself some of that come payday.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:28, Reply)
My friend picked them up for me on my birthday, I've enjoyed them as much as possible since
Fursty Ferret is possibly the nicest smelling ale I've ever come across.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)
that stuff is brewed literally just down the road from where I am
there are many better ones around. Everything that the Otter brewery produces for example.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:21, Reply)
Our local is a Badger pub
If you ever come to Weston, you need to go visit.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)
Weston super mare?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)
the Somerset Riviera.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:32, Reply)
Somerset has a riviera?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:50, Reply)
If one defines a Riviera as a depressing mudflat with a shithole of a town attached to it
then yes. Yes it does.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:52, Reply)
But it has got a pier.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:53, Reply)
I'm going to go burn the fucker down again
just to stop you harping on about it.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:54, Reply)
I might have mentioned it once or twice
But it isn't like I harp on about it or anything.

Your threat to burn it down is SICK.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:59, Reply)
*plans journey*

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:32, Reply)
If you make it there AA
Be a good lad and go on the pier.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:37, Reply)
boys, it's lovely you're so into me and I'm flattered.
but I really am strictly straight.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:28, Reply)
Yeah right.
You want our man-love. Just admit it.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:30, Reply)
No, he really is straight
Turned me down. And I'm irre-fucking-sistible.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:36, Reply)
You sure about that?

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:43, Reply)
I would ask the ladies of B3ta to back me up
But, bizarrely, they're all lesbians. All of them.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:48, Reply)
Lapsed lezzie.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)
mad for the cock.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:42, Reply)
My ipod is currently blasting Mika at me.
I have now lost all concept of what a real man might be.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)
You big gay!

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Well, there's your happy ending gone then.
You're destined to be in love today, before being left sucking on your lollipop.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)
I like lollipops.
Chupa Chups are the best thing to come out of Spain except Aber.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)
I respectfully disagree, and wish to inform you that you are wrong. So so wrong.
1) Aber
2) Sangria
3) Everything else.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)
I see your sense of self-preservation compells you to keep Aber in the top spot though.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Well, she makes Sangria
So she's double awesome.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)
Calimocho is the way to go.
Sangria is for screaming Marys.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:23, Reply)
That sounds absolutely vile.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:27, Reply)
It has exactly the same effect as vodka red bull.
and it's a lot nicer tasting than it sounds
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:29, Reply)
Hmm, I shall wait until someone else makes some, before trying it.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)
you've forgotten pulpo.
that is all.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:18, Reply)
No no no no no,
Barcelona fc and paella
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)
CHORIZO

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:58, Reply)
Senorita beater
Or 'San Miguel' as the pub insists on calling it.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:27, Reply)
don't know many other people who call it that
I don't like it though. Every dodgy pint I've ever had from a pub has been San Miguel
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:31, Reply)
That is really bad luck.
A well tended pub should be able to deliver you a good pint of San Miguel.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:33, Reply)
most of my favourite and regular pubs don't have it on tap

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:37, Reply)
As requested, a limerick for Wookie

A Wookie's a great hairy thing.
His gutteral roars loudly ring.
But this one's groomed well,
Washed and brushed; doesn't smell.
And never has been known to ming.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:46, Reply)
You're very good at this
and I do not distribute limerick praise lightly
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:48, Reply)

The fans said "We really believe
That Forest deserves a reprieve.
Relegation was shit,
But the ultimate hit:
Now they want us to all embrace Schteve!"
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:59, Reply)
Real men wear pink
As beautifully demostrated by me today
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

How's the grovelling working out for you? Did you escape Primark with your life?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:00, Reply)
Grovelling is good thanks, to be fair, who could resist this face?
I went to TK Maxx and succeeded so managed to avoid Primarni.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)
^this
I love a man in pink.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)
In THE pink, more like!

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:04, Reply)
This shirt is nicely fitted and when I get cold you can see my nipples
*circles nipples with fingers*
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)
Hahaha!
Did you lick your finger first?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:06, Reply)
But of course!

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:09, Reply)
Phwoar!

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:10, Reply)
wrong
only gays and the Welsh wear pink
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)
a REAL man will clean the hair out of the clogged drain without complaining.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:13, Reply)
always do that
but I had long hair for a long time, so got used to clearing my own out
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:19, Reply)
I'm going to get one of those strainer things to catch the hair in the drain so it doesn't clog up.

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:27, Reply)
it's a good idea
even with that thing you have to empty it pretty much everyday
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:28, Reply)
I don't shed that much right now, but when my hair gets longer it will

(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:33, Reply)
Come on, own up
Who set fire to the dessicated body of Monty?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-13764540
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:15, Reply)
"People have taken pictures of the fire"
Best photo caption EVAR.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:18, Reply)
I dunno
"finally you get your day in the sun and then...Sand Ninjas!" is pretty good
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:30, Reply)
Real men run their girlfriend a nice hot bath with bubbles and scented candles.
Then when they're lying back, eyes closed, teabag them.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:22, Reply)
*high fives*
alright?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:22, Reply)
*reciprocates*
Aye not bad thanks, and you?
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:22, Reply)
good stuff
yeah, I'm pretty good. Looking forward to heading home.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:24, Reply)
You and me both
Your missus kept me awake all night last night and I'm shattered.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:26, Reply)
yeah, she'll do that
do you recognise my sig btw?

probably not too much of a leap to figure out what it is even if you don't...
(, Tue 14 Jun 2011, 13:28, Reply)

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