New thread!
Shiny, shiny, pristine new thread. Try not to sully it with your filth.

Actual question, as ordered by Labs: Three of my relatives have birthdays next week. Why does everybody have to get presents all at the same time? Don't they know I'm skint? Does your family have the decency to spread their birthdays out appropriately?

Alt: Will Andy make it a good day to be British, or will he be Scottish again by bedtime?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:29, 78 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I really couldn't care less.
Minge.
( Kroney, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Scottish.
Nothing changes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I don't give a fuck about tennis, national identity or patriotism
Now put in a main question.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)

You're a main question.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Your mum is a main question

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Your mum's penis is a main question.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Don't give me this pish about him only being British when he wins.
That is a lie perpetuated by that fat, smug, racist cunt Salmond and his cronies.

/rant
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I think it used to be valid
but I agree, it hasn't been for a good ten years at least.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

And looking at it from the other angle
how many times was 'Tiger' Tim Henman ever referred to as English?

Answer - never. He was always 'British' no matter how successful/shit he was.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Not in Scotland.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I couldn't give a monkey's chuff about either Murray or Wimbledon.
GASH!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Apparently I was on the tellybox on Wednesday
they televised one of the matches I was watching.
(berk, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Any idea what one? We can find you on the iPlayer.
It'll be like Where's Wally? But we can change the game to 'Where's Berk'

I hope you wore a red and white stripey jumper.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Knowing how fond BBC cameramen are of filming pretty girls and their boobs
She'll probably be right in the centre of the frame.

"I say! Boris, don't those look like ping pong balls in socks?"

"Ja, Tim. I Zink you are right."
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I'm perfectly serious. And don't call me Shirley.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Mixed doubles, day 9
Watson/Hutchins v Srebotnik/Zimonjic. There was a live feed on the bbc but it's not on iplayer. Ah well.
(berk, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

The most interesting 'main question' ever.
*Warning this post may contain traces of lies*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)

*cries*
What question should I have asked then?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Something about piers of the united kingdom.
I don't think they get the attention they deserve on this messageboard.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Which would you consider to be the best pier in Britain?
My vote would be Wigan.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Got to be Brighton
Possibly Southend, for length.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Morgan

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Late May early june is the bad time for me
but luckily I'm now minus 3 in-laws who have birthdays then so that takes some pressure off.

Alt: who gives a flying fuck.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

The other end of the year isn't great either.
December / January has five birthdays (including mine, I suppose), Christmas, and one wedding anniversary.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Out off 11 staff in our office, we have 9 birthdays in December and January
Do IT staff everywhere conform to this rule?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I read once that children born in the later end of the year tend to be more intelligent.
I think it has something to do with the school year age cut-off being August.

This may or may not have any bearing on your question.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I will take this as a backhanded compliment

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)

More intelligent or more advantaged?
Being up to a year older than others in the class can give you a head start, especially in the early years.
So it probably does have some bearing on his question - similarly qualified people having close birthdays.

/Augustbirthdaychiponshoulder
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I think that's what it comes down to.
Becaus ethe school year starts in September, half the class can be up to a year more mentally developped than the other half. Then again, if the school year was from January, you would get the same problem with a different half of the class.
The only suggestion may be to have two separate classes in each year.
*shrugs*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

That's why middle class people only have sex in late December/early January

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

yes, christmas can be fun
Just glad I no longer have a wife with a January birthday, that was a nightmare.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:48, Reply)

My daughter's birthday is January.
Sorry dear, only empty milk cartons again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:51, Reply)

This is actually one of my biggest annoyances.
People would give me a present for my birthday, and say "And that's for Christmas too". Like I was being greedy expecting something for my birthday and something for Christmas. None of my cousing got the same treatment, because they hadn't been stupid enough to be born in December.

I know that does sound a little selfish saying it as an adult, but when I was eight that shit was important to me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)

*checks Facebook for date*
Mine is the 4th Dec so I am just far enough away for people not to do this. My cousin and my mate are the 25th which is truly the worst day for a birthday, closely followed by another two mates who are on New Years Day.

"Coming to the pub for my birthday?"
"URGH"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

My friend's birthday is 25th December, so I always made a point of either getting him 2 presents, or 1 magnificent present, and a pint.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

He sounds as unlucky that that Jesus bloke.
He was unfortunate enough to be born at Christmas too.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Wasn't he born in July, or something?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I don't know. I wasn't there at the time.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

My brother in law's is on the 23rd
But mr b3th and I have an arrangement with our brothers that we will do birthday presents and not xmas presents. Probably because all our brothers are miserable old gits.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

My family are a pain.
Only 3 birthdays in the first half of the year, the other 13 are all in the second half, right pain in the arse.

Alt: I'm not fussed, I'm more interesting in the boxing, as I've just put a bet on.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Is Haye going to win?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I'm not sure
I'm confident he will, but the more I hear about Klitschko, the less condident I get. My bet is a sort of 'shot in the dark' one, as I've only stuck £5 on, so I'm not really too fussed if I lose.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:48, Reply)

"£5 on Haye"
I don't know why, but every time people talk about sporting bets, I get a peculiar mental image of boxers and horses walking around wearing a patchwork covering of banknotes.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

fucking hell, no.
He'll be lucky to get out of the ring alive, let alone win.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

All evenly spread for my family.
Guess I must be lucky. And why would I give a flying fart about a pointy-nosed porridge wog with anger management problems?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

The first match he played this tournament
he was his usual miserable cunt self. He looked like he wished the whole crowd would just fuck off and leave him alone, which I thought was a little churlish, seeing as they were there to support him.
Since then, he seems to have chilled the fuck out and started playing to the crowd.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

His trickshot thing was good
but can someone tell him to get a haircut and a shave please? He looks like a twat - literally
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

to be fair
a small percentage of them keep shouting "come on, Tim" at him

that would fuck most people off. Although, as I said earlier, he's still a miserable shit with a face like a skelped arse.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Did you hear that Wag the other day shout "You cannot be serious!" during a really quiet bit?
You could literally feel his pride through the television.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I would hate to be that person's partner.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I know, you can just imagine it...
"Oh not tonight, darling, I've got a heada-"
"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

sadly missed that
as I've been watching most of it from airport departure lounge bars this week so no sound.

On the plus side, that does give me the wonder that is auto subtitles, the best one so far being "so, murray needs to come in closer to receive as the Serbs are getting further apart"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

There's a simple way to deal with the "come on, Tim" ribbing
He just needs to bring a large, wooden crate onto the court with him, which he leaves just off to the side. When the crowd starts to yell "Come on, Tim!", he walks solemnly over the crate and stoves it open with his tennis raquet to reveal Tim Henman's bound, gagged, quivering form. He then proceeds to vigorously bukkake the ageing tennis star.

When spent, he can then wittily call to the umpire,
"New balls, please!"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

hahahaha
*click*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Wouldn't there need to be more than one of him
for bukkake? Maybe if Becker/ McEnroe/ Navratilova joined in.

*edit* And if the crowd are going to heckle him surely a Dunblane gag would be much funnier?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Quite possibly, I do need to brush up on my Japanese...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

haha!
Click for Navratilova
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

bukkaka is the singular
trufax.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Shikaka?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Oh come on
I utterly refuse to accept you can call Henman a tennis "star"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Hahaha!
Good point well made, sir!
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

*wipes arse with corner of thread*
My family have been good enough to spread out their birthdays. My sister and father have theirs at opposite ends of the winter, my mother in the spring. Mine's at the end of this month so that gives you all plenty of warning to get me a damn good present.

Alt: Tennis is the reason I'm so flat-chested.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Alt; and you're a bloke!

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Out of my entire immediate and extended family, my birthday is the furthest away from Christmas.
It's March 5th.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

no, my younger sister has her birthday the day after my older sister, and my dad's and brother's are on the same day
all within the space of 3 weeks. February is a poor month for me
(DeeDee, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

The press photo of him bowing to the Royal Box,
was a bit puke making. Unless he was taking the piss.
Edit, 8/15 Nadal, 9/5 Murray.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I'm not really well-versed in betting techniques.
Does that mean they're both odds-on to win? This seems odd.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I'm reading that as
"Nadal is so blatantly going to win that if you put 15 quid on, you'll only get 8 quid back."
( Kroney, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Well, yes.
He's the new Tim Henman.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 13:11, Reply)

I love tennis and hopes be wins

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:30, Reply)

and wishes be horses?
WHUT?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)

I've been sent a racing tip.
Daamiman in the ten-past-two at Warwick. Apparently is might be worth an each way punt.*

*Please note that JeffTheDogFucker is only passing on information, and that betting is a mugs game. Jeff hasn't researched the horse to see if it's worth backing nor is he aware of the size of the field would would serve as a guide as to the number of places a bookie will pay out on.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)

It's currently about 20/1 ish.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 13:15, Reply)

I've spent £10 in bets already today, that's more than I've ever spent before
So while I do appreciate the tip, I'm going to behave for today!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 1 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

What have you bet on?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 1 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)