Starting a new thread here
I've been invited out to a "sexy school girl party". By a load of middle aged adults.
What's the obsession with cougars and the like?

alt: Strangest invite you've ever had.

alt alt: Sort of party you'd like to be invited to.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:19, 221 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'd really like to go to a proper fancy dress party.
Or a tea party. With lovely dresses, hats and gloves.
I'd probably get kicked out because I say "fuck" a lot, and proper ladies definitely don't do that.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Alt alt: NSDAP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:21, Reply)

please don't make me google that
I've no idea what it is
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Nazi party

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I got invited to a similarly middle-aged pyjama party.
What the fuck is wrong with people?
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

I don't know. This is at a bar, it's supposed to be geared towards drumming up business I guess.
I've already been invited to sexy heels, sexiest dress, and some others I can't remember but all equally sex driven and probably lame.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

My invite was at somebody's house.
I didn't go because I didn't fancy ending up in bin bags.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:26, Reply)

All the best parties end up in bin bags.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

...in shallow graves in woodland - where they are invariably discovered by dog walkers some days later,

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

"Rover? Rover, what are you doing, doing eat that! What is it, anyway?
"Oh, it's some miserable cunt off an internet messageboard. Or his toe, at least. Best call the police. Again."
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Don't make me laugh, you cunt, I'll only start bleeding again.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)

pfft

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Pyjama parties are alright

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Severe mental retardation, at a guess.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

People are obsessed with cougars?
First I heard.

Alt: I was once invited to a party in someone's pants.

Alt alt: I'd like to be invited to the communist party.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Well, as the General Secretary (and only member) of The B3ta Branch
I can offer you a membership, you might need to fill in a questionnaire though.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

I'll fill in your questionnaire if you know what I mean.
*pulls steptoe face*
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

OK, your first question is as follows:
The development of the industrial proletariat is conditioned by what other development?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

bigger tits.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Would that it were Mr Badger, would that it were.
Would anybody else like to buzz in?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

is it the development of the industrial bourgeois, mr keyote?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

No, no, no. It's the development of the industrial bourgeoisie, as you well know.
Sorry but you won't be able to play for the lounge suite now.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Point to Mr. Hequator
And on with our second question:
The struggle of class against class is a what struggle? A what struggle?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)

A class struggle.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Close but you're not quite there.
I'll open it up if anyone want's to buzz in.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Sing rittwl biwdie
Have I got the correct sketch here?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Right Sketch, wrong bit.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Aha
Took me a while, but I knew it was familiar.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:57, Reply)

nose?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

a "well gay" struggle.

political, but I'm not playing for the prizes, you understand. That would be capitalist.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Point To Mr Badger
And it's neck and neck now as we come to the final question:

Who won the Cup Final in 1949?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Germany.
Or was that the second world war. I get the two confused.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:48, Reply)

I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer.
I wonder if there's any mileage in doing a pub-quiz style thread at some point. I could do questions, but I'd need a bit of time for research and it would involve a lot of honour to stop people Googling.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:50, Reply)

Can I join then?
I have a khaki jacket.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

And a singular lack of knowledge of either Communism or Monty Python
We could maybe use you in a low-level labouring capacity...
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Stick me in a people's brothel.
I'll be fine.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

It's a deal.
*Hands over B3ta Communist Party membership, 3rd Class"
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Woo!
*sings the International*
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

*sings the Internationale instead*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:13, Reply)

^This
Couldn't be arsed finding out how to spell it.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:15, Reply)

Mabel, 87 from Scunthorpe

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Incorrect I am afraid

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

A buffalo with an aqualung.
Or was it Reginald Maudling?
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Another wrong answer, after such a promising start

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

there were no german cup finals between 1943 and 1953
so .. no one.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

That's not the answer I have on my card Mr. Badger

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

no one said it was german

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Well spotted Mr. Ros, no one did.
Would you care to hazard a guess at the correct answer?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:57, Reply)

the only answer I can muster is "only idiots care about fucking football"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

As the only one still playing, I'd let you have it.
although the correct answer is:
Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1
Sadly this leaves us with a 3-way tie between you, hequator and badger and I doubt any of you can be arsed to continue.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Karl Marx was a kraut, no?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Indeed he was Mr Badger.
But this has no bearing on the question. It may however come in useful in the event of a tiebreaker.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Instant coffee?

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Sadly not Ms Blouse, but with 2 more questions still to go it's all to play for.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Lines such as "there's a party in my pants, and you're invited,"
just sound like the protagonist is admitting to having a really lively case of crabs.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Crabs + Herpes
best party ever.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

I think I'd prefer if you stuck to tapas

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

You don't know what fun is

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:39, Reply)

Although
"there is a party in my pants, they're full of tapas" could work. If you put some green down your pants you'll probably have PJM inside them in no time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

mmmm. Pulpo pants. mmmmm.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Have you been getting chickenlady drunk and extracting secrets again?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Sod it, I might just go with
"There's a party in my pants: I've filled them with lobsters. They've all got little party hats that I made for them and they're all having a really lovely time."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

*lobster hands*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

*hands lobster (replete with party hat)*

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Are they dead?
Or at least have you tied their hands? Otherwise, the experience can be painful.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

I think some sort of codpiece might be in order
But hopefully, if the lobsters are having a good time, they won't feel inclined to attack my testicles.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I'm visualising a pair of clown trousers with the enormous waistband
full of water and lobsters quite happily going about their lobstery business.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

In party hats.
It's not a party if there are no party hats.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:24, Reply)

It's not that difficult.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

*ignores you pointedly*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

*gets on with her life*

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

*listens to Awesome Tunes*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

*listens to Better Music*

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:42, Reply)

all these "theme" parties are a pain
I want to buy booze on the way there and that's it, I don't want to have to make rent buy a costume or play some stupid drinking game all night.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:27, Reply)

What's the hang up with drinking games?
A lot of y'all don't like them.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

I like the simple ones
but on the whole I'd rather have a chat with people tell jokes etc than stare at a pack of cards while people shout "WOOOOooooaaahh" and "DOWN IT!"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:32, Reply)

We like to play truth or dare.
It's a bit shit, to be fair. But when you're drunk, it's kind of fun.

I like playing cards, mostly because it gives me a false sense of superiority when I stomp others into the ground using my mad skillz.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Drinking games are alright
got nothing against them.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

it's enforced fun.
pointless
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Vipros, I respect you and think of you as a smart man.
But fun is fun, if it's forced it's not fun.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)

sorry
I forgot these " "
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

do you lot have drinking game bullies that make you play cards and have fun?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:49, Reply)

they do exist
but we've managed to slowly lose them from my group of friends. We are more than capable of having fun without being organised into it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

I like sitting around and talking but if I'm at a party I'd rather start a card game

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

You've been to the wrong parties
but to be fair you're not a big drinker
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

just because I don't drink much
doesn't mean I can't. I just prefer to do it in my own time.

Part of the problem with drinking games, aside from the really simple completely luck-based ones is that most people are too shit so it's not entertaining
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Actually, I see what you mean now.
At big parties they always play beer pong, which I hate and suck at, so I try to get a game of flip cup going and people generally tend to drift away from the table. I suppose there's only so many times you can play.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I have no idea
but I didn't like dressing like a schoolgirl when I was one, and I still don't now.

Alt: To the communist party. There's been some strange invites over the years including the All Blue party (election night) and some weird facny dress ones.

Alt Alt: I want to go to a toga party
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

I like the idea of a toga party.
But then it makes me think of frat boys and then I'm sort of put off.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

I seem to have missed all of them
when you come to England, we should have a toga party
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Can we do our hair proper ancient roman style and wear gold leaves in our hair?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

We definitely can
and indulge in the ancient English tradition of eating and drinking so much we throw up and need to eat/drink some more
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

If I puke I go to bed.
BUT IT SOUNDS AWESOME.

I fear that I will vomit when I party with you lot.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:49, Reply)

my mate's sister had an American bf a while ago
and he came to stay and we went out drinking. He was a big guy and full of talk. We messed him up so badly he missed his flight home.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

See, I can handle my drink. HERE.
But it's likely that you'll be drinking different beer than what you do at home, the alcohol content is higher, adding into having people buy you drinks or goad you into drinking more.
I anticipate a fuck load of vom for me.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I guess so
I'm more of a spirits drinker really.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

eeuurrghhhh

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:01, Reply)

We'll get you some awesome gin and tonic

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:03, Reply)

gross :(

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:03, Reply)

You'll have your toga to console you

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Hug my toga to make me feel better about drinking nasty gin and tonic....
can't I just have beer?
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Sorry to say this
any party that involves dressing up is shit, fancy dress is shit. If you cant go out and just get ripped without dressing up as fucking Bungle then it isnt worth it.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

I thought it was a big deal over there.
I thought you lot fucking loved fancy dress.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:32, Reply)

He's just a miserable cunt.
Who apparently likes fucking people dressed up as gay bears. Who knew?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:34, Reply)

Hey... Bungle was a gentle and considerate lover

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I should hope so.
He had all the best lube. And you wouldn't want a blowjob off Zippy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Unfortunately I fear you may be correct
Just because others do it doesnt make it right though
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:34, Reply)

You people have some very odd ideas about us.

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Only because of facebook

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

It could be worth it
If you come home plastered and abusive, and still dressed as Bungle, and make such a racket trying to get in the front door that you wake up the kids, who sneak onto the landing and poke their heads over the balustrade to see lovable clumsy bear Bungle coming through the front door. Their excitement soon turns to abject horror as Bungle coughs and splutters and starts singing, horribly off-key, a song about the Good Ship Venus. They start to whimper quietly as their once-favourite television character knocks over the vase by the telephone as he turns around to urinate on the coatstand. You have been oblivious to their presence, in your drunken haze, until your youngest starts to cry. Whether out of fear or out of disappointment, you'll never know, but as you shake the drips from the end of your member, you look up to meet their horrified, disbelieving gaze and realise what an awful human being you are.

So, actually, probably not worth it after all...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Doing it like the Sex Pistols then

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

It could only be improved if you also clocked their mum one for complaining, the scheeky bitsch *hic*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Oh no, we're saving Mum for part 2: "When Stephanie from Lazytown trips over the doorstep, showers Bungle in kebab and then vomits in the kids' shoes."

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:39, Reply)

You massive fucking kebab-based paedo. Or something.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:40, Reply)

I can't see kebabs being very effective...
"Why don't you come back to my car, little girl?"
*thinks: Shit, I forgot to stock up on sweets at the newsagent*
"Erm...I've got a lovely chicken doner in the glove compartment..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:43, Reply)

I read that as "shows Bungle her kebab"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)

Good lord, your Freudian slips are even more disturbing than my imagination...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

ah, you.
You were right. Time had dulled my memory. definitely needly.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:45, Reply)

I thought that might be the case
you will be pleased to know that mine has stopped itching etc. and for the first time in a week and a half I am not aware of my shoulder
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

I stupidly wore a tight rugby shirt
and then went for a pint afterwards. Couldn't understand why I was getting such looks, turns out bleeding through your shirt in the middle of your back at lunchtime on a Friday in a posh Edinburgh gastropub attracts a level of disgust. Still, it's my local and the barman thought it was funny, so fuck'em.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

that was a little silly
strangely though, I didn't bleed at all
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

well, you did.
You might not have bled afterwards, but you bled while it was happening or else you have no blood...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I keep the levels low

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:01, Reply)

I knew it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

wasn't painful
but I swore last time it didn't feel like needles. This one is an awful lot of outline and no fill, though, so it's probably only a 3 or 5 needle rather than a 12.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

ah, the outline of mine was done with a two needle job because it's quite thin

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:57, Reply)

might have been 2 or even 1 for all I know
I wasn't looking. mine is only outline though, I don't want it filled.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Hmm
still needles though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

My cap is doffed to you sir...

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:47, Reply)

Agreed. Halloween is the only exception.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:35, Reply)

THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS
Halloween in particular... I will not have these American holidays coming over and spoiling Guido's day.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:46, Reply)

I love fancy dress parties
maybe because I grow up in Tenerife, where Carnival is the best party of the year, and involves 10 days of crazyness in fancy dress.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:37, Reply)

They have money or something like that?
Alt.: my first live Rocky Horror. I was in shock.

Alt alt.: I'm not in party mood these days, but fancy dress is always good.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Ain't no party like an S-Club party.
So I've been reliably informed. Especially when Rachel Stevens goes airtight.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:33, Reply)

man I fucking love Rachel Stevens

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Excellent dancer
She was robbed in series 6
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:41, Reply)

Haven't really seen her dance, but I love her music
the bff bought a cd and had it shipped here for me because we couldn't download a certain song
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)

They're still touring, you know
As S Club 3. I forget which 3. I fancy they get most of their work at Universities
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:42, Reply)

I bet they do. On pool tables with rugby teams.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:44, Reply)

That is absolutely ridiculous
as if a pool table could support the weight of a rugby team
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:48, Reply)

slate bed tables can take a lot.
trust me on this.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

The lacrosse team and H proved that didn't they

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

H was in Steps, not S Club
It's things like this, isn't it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

No, he "performed" in Steps
He was "in" S-Club. The boys, obviously.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Each day on here
is like a lesson in self-awareness for you
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

A lesson I am spectacularly unwilling to learn
A bit like Chemistry
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:08, Reply)

It really is
I can't remember the names of any of the S Club 7 members. Google tells me you can subsitute Paul Cattermole for H though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Rachel Stevens
Hannah Spearitt, who's from round these parts
Jo O'Meara, she was the long-faced racist on Celebrity BB
Tina something or other, horse-faced lass
Bradley Macintosh, token black guy
Can't remember the other two lads.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Paul and Jon
Hannah is in that Primeval wank these days.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:12, Reply)

*looks aghast*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:15, Reply)

I choose to read this as one of the following
a) you weigh the same as a rugby team

or

b) you frequently partake in pool table-top buggery sessions with a rugby team
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:57, Reply)

little bit from column a); little bit from column b)

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

You weigh as much as half a rugby team
and tested the weight of a pool table by inviting 7.5 rugby players to sodomise some poor lass atop it?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

I think I've cut the roof of my mouth on my crusty baguette
How the actual fuck?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Very easy to do Darth.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

this
all I need is a piece of french bread and the roof of my mouth is grated
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Am still eating it
There's dead animal in there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:54, Reply)

I wish I had dead animal in me
I'm hungry :(
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I have what is ostensibly dead animal in me
but it was so thoroughly processed as to be completely tasteless.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I do that quite often
it's stupid

edit: hold on, you're talking about auto-fellatio aren't you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Do you call your member
crusty baguette?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Depends how recently he's cleaned it

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Crusty croissant in his case

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Served with cheese I hear

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

no, I was implying that Darth does

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I'm going to assume that "crusty baguette" is a euphemism
And chuckle quietly to myself from the comfort of this not-particularly-comfortable desk chair.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:52, Reply)

You want to ask your former compatriot Tom about his new invention mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:56, Reply)

I beg your pardon?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I'm making reference to TGB's old suggestion that you look like Leon off the most recent series of the Apprentice
In case you didn't watch it, he was the one who protested way too much about trying cosmetic products and spoke of his girlfriend at every possibility.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:59, Reply)

You could probably have made an informed guess that I didn't watch it.
When did TGB make this suggestion?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Oh, fucking ages ago
Obviously for the purposes of this joke I was rather hoping she'd perpetrated it rather more thoroughly.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Nope. 'fraid I don't remember her suggesting that.
And obviously my not knowing who this person is, or what they look like, doesn't help. This one's not really getting off the ground, is it?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:03, Reply)

I think it's fair to say this is one of the most laboured and unsuccessful jokes in the history of anything
Thank you for being party to it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Tell you what, just make a joke about me having a small willy or something, and we'll say no more about it

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I can't back that up though
and your missus might get angry. Everyone knows accurate insults are the lifeblood of this forum.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:14, Reply)

A very valid point, you mincing shirt-lifter

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

In the spirit of my last poijt I would ask you to retract the "shirt-lifter" part
Am bang to rights on the mincing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

THATTS TH JOWK

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I know dear
You should be nice to me, my presence here makes you look rugged and manly by comparison
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:24, Reply)

Your presence here
makes ME look rugged and manly.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I wouldn't spill your pint

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:30, Reply)

It's kind of you to suggest so,
but I don't think anybody has ever been fooled into thinking that I am in the least bit manly, let alone rugged.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:26, Reply)

I'm led to believe that my mantle of "token gay" was once yours
and my arrival was like someone smugger than Vipros rocking up. Except plausible.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:29, Reply)

HA, YOU USE YOUR TEETH ON ME ! I USE MY SUPER SHARP CRUSTY COCK ON YOU ! TAKE THAT !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:00, Reply)

BOYZONE !

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:06, Reply)

A local mental semi-tramp who always asks me to buy him some chips just walked into the turkish shop I was in, got a big basket of beer and fags, then looked in his pocket and said "My money is at home, can I drop it off later?"
I've bought this man chips 3 times, and reduced stuff from tescos too. He's alright, but I don't believe in cheating people out of it, espeesh for booze and fags, so I went to the turkish guy "Affendim....Tahali, yok tanna lira....effis chok tahlai... teshaku alah guru shulus affendim" which means "My friend, danger, No [belongs] money. Effis (a beer) is very dangerous, good bye my friend".

I don't care if he gets cheated or not, i just got to speak turkish though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:51, Reply)

Oh look at you, Gonz. International man of mystery.

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

And I'm about to meet a friend for lunch but first I'm baking her a creamy rose tart.
GAWD, how am I single?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:01, Reply)

You should take it to her and then mash it in front of her.
She'll be so confused when you ask her to be your girlfriend she'll just automatically say yes.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Nah', grew up with her and all that, one of her mates maybe.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:26, Reply)

If someone invites me to a party
I generally don't go. Anyone who has the type of party that requires an invite who isn't getting married is a cunt.

I once got an invite from a nightclub inviting me to my own birthday party. Like I'd go to your shitty club on my birthday.

I'd like to be invited to a wine and cheese party with loads of free wine and cheese.
( Peej, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Everyone who's got me on facebook
should click like on my latest status, it's my new favourite joke.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Pray, what can those of us who don't have you on facebook do to celebrate this development?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

My friend bet me I couldn't make a bike out of spaghetti last night
you should have seen her face when I rode pasta
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:19, Reply)

Ah, that is pretty good.
On a similar theme, my sister sent me this one the other day:
"All my friends have stopped talking to me because they're fed up with my obsession with pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:21, Reply)

STOLEN!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Google LEMON PARTY
Best party ever. Probably a lot NSFW.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:11, Reply)

There's a gif on the internet somewhere
called best party ever, where some topless girl who looks like she's pilled up is dancing hilariously while two other girls are getting fucked behind her.

I haven't really described that well... it's very funny.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:14, Reply)

I've seen that.
It's not that funny. Mind you, they all seem to be enjoying themselves tremendously.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Did they not ask your permission when they took the picture?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:17, Reply)

I shall never dance in public again.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:20, Reply)

We're going to dance up and down the pier!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:21, Reply)

Just this once, for you.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:21, Reply)

What are the two girls getting fucked by?
The validity of your last sentence hangs on the answer to this question.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:17, Reply)

AIDS and The Coalition Government respectively

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Ouch
I'm not sure which is worse.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:31, Reply)

( Peej, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:31, Reply)

oh, SHALL DO NOW LOL

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:18, Reply)

And?
Say what you see!
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:24, Reply)

I didn't actually look it up.
I'm not new to the internet.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:28, Reply)

not even in the name of education?
Furthering the human mind. Expanding your consciousness?
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:38, Reply)

Henry Kelly lols

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:28, Reply)

Roy Walker you mean

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:40, Reply)

I do, you are right.
What did Henry Kelly say?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:41, Reply)

What am I? and Now you're playing catchup.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:43, Reply)

That's the chappy.
I was trying to remember his name.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:42, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/socialnetworking/post242278/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:38, Reply)

Bollocks
KP's on 94. Which means as soon as a soft delivery comes his way, he's sure to employ "The Pieterson" - an attempt to bring up his ton with a 6, in which he tries to hit to ball into Wales but actually slices it to deep mid-wicket, precipitating a middle-order collapse.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:33, Reply)

No wonder you don't have any stories about party invites

( Peej, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:35, Reply)

CLICK
Now can I come?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:35, Reply)

BREAKING NEWS
The Greek government has announced that it is ceasing all production of taramasalata and humous in an attempt to avoid a double dip recession.

/JeffTheDogFucker
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 14:35, Reply)