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This is a question Off Topic

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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Ok, that thread is unwieldy.
Time for a new one. Monty, by the way, sorry for making you bite the pillow in my last opus. You can be the pitcher instead of the catcher next time, if you like.

Ok, question. Why does Greggs exist?

Alt: Do you know anyone who actually goes in there?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:23, 195 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
Sandwich shop snobbery is the new music snobbery.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:25, Reply)
It is?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Yes I'm changing the thread to something I want to talk about now.
Why do some people smell of ozone? It's weird I don't like it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)
What does ozone smell like?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)
The smell near dogems is ozone.
dodge-ems dodghems dog helms...

cars you drive at fairgrounds
(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)
I think I know what you mean.
That kind of electrical smell. No, I don't get why people would smell of that unless they've had an accident with a hairdryer.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)
It might be hair straigteners to tell the truth.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:33, Reply)
My hair is nowhere near long enough for that.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)
How does ozone smell?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)
metallic

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)
'AWFUL!!!'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
"WITH A KNIFE"!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)
'A PROCESS OF ELIMINATION!!!'
er - what?
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)
HE TAKES MANY FORMS

(PsychoChomp, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)
VICTORY!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Why do some people smell like they've bathed in turpentine?
Lots of products made in China smell like that when they arrive too. WHY?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)
There are worse things out there than Greggs.
I find them to be a more than adequate hangover cure, especially the sausage & bean melts.

This thread is shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Aren't you the charmer this morning?
If you want a giggle by the way, read the long post on the popular page.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)
That wasn't so much of a giggle as making me want to vomit.
Aye, I'm wonderful as ever!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Monty wasn't very impressed.
And I wasn't feeling very well by the time I finished writing it.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)
It's rather vile.
I'm highly amused by the entire idea of it though, but please avoid doing any stories involving me. It's just that, for all you know, they could already be true. After all, I am /OT's resident lothario*

*Fat, desperate and lonely
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)
I'm sure I can find something for you to star in.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)
I never really liked them
the fact that the paper bag was transparent by the time you finished eating the sandwich made me sick.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)
I've never bought sandwiches from there, they just never looked appetising.
And I only started going to Greggs after the Hampsons shut, so I didn't have much of a decent choice!*

*We have 2 bakers in the same little shopping centre, but they always ALWAYS seem to burn the pastry on their wares.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)
I went a few times
when I was new in the country and didn't know there were better places. I spent a week eating in Burger King as I couldn't find any restaurants in Manchester. For me, a pub was a drinking place only.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)
The chinese just off Piccadilly gardens is impressive.
The one you have to go downstairs to get into.

The room looks crap, you can see the air conditioning units, the staff aren't great, and the drinks are expensive. But the food is fecking spectacular considering the price!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:33, Reply)
I know now
I didn't know 6 years ago. It was a loooong week, that one. There are only so many burgers you can eat before being sick.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)
From Burger King?
I don't think I'd mind eating them for a week.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Because they have a sound business model.
Alt: Yes, me.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Really?
Seriously?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)
I would presume seeing as they have stores all over the country (except my town)
That their business model must be working pretty well for them
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)
There are more Greggs than McDonalds in the UK.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Seriously?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Yeah boy.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)
No
There are 1500 greggs in the UK and 2500 Mcdonalds

However there are more Greggs in the UK than there are Mcdonalds in England.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Just Googled it and found a couple articles that back me up.
From last year though.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Are you sure you're not thinking of Subway?
I heard that they were overtaking McDonald's in terms of global domination.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)
I just went on their respective webpages and looked at uk locations
I think they know how many stores they have.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Any port in a storm I guess.
Their food is just so damned fatty though.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)
I tend to move around occasionally.
So I don't find it a problem.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Probably contains less fat than your standard chippy lunch.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)
I bet it doesn't

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Yeah if you have one thing.
But that don't fill you up. I had to have three steak bakes the last time I was in there (there was nothing else in the station and it was about four years ago).
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)
One would be plenty for me.
What's wrong with you?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
I tend to go for the Sausage, Bean & Cheese ones
One of the best hangover cures I can get.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Four pints and a massive line is better.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)
Sadly that's a no-no if I'm off to work.
What a cunt, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Have you tried their chicken and stuffing pasties?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)
greggs don't make pasties
they make abominations
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)
As if you'd know, you don't even like Ginsters.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)
greggs are worse than ginsters
and that's saying something
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)
You obviously don't know what a good pastie tastes like.
And you a Cornish, too. For shame.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)
I'm not cornish, nor have I ever claimed to be.
and your feeble attempts at winding me up aren't working. I was making a point, if you morons want to carry one eating that filth you are more than welcome.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
You're mean.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)
Fuck off are they.
Ginsters are 90% air. At least with Greggs you get a decent level of slop.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)
And peas and carrots apparently
WRONG
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)
I have never been in a Greggs as there isn't one near me.
So I can't comment on it.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)
they'd get torched in your neck of the woods
also, never go in one. you'd be disgusted
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)
I'm disgusted when I see a cheese and onion pasty.
Greggs would probably cause me to have a stroke just by looking at it
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)
I can practically guarantee it

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Cheese and onion pasties are disgusting.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Because fat people lap up that shit as well as fast food. They're all for absolute wrong'uns.
Alt: The entire population of Newcastle.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)
No idea, I guess enough people like their products to make them commercially viable.
Alt: not that I know of.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Because working class people don't know how to make sandwiches?
And will only eat food encased in pastry.
Alt: Good grief no, the only time I speak to working class people is if I need my car repairing, or something...
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Oh yeah, regarding Greggs, this is brilliant.
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/8490604.stm
"Greggs is being awarded the honorary freedom of the city of Newcastle........The freedom of Newcastle has also been awarded to the late Sir Bobby Robson, Alan Shearer and Nelson Mandela." Nelson Mandela? You can't go giving that sorta shit out to just anyone.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Hahahahahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)

www.greggs.co.uk/menu/savouries/cornish-pasty

Isn't this illegal now? FUCKING PEAS! CARROTS! WTF! GET OUT! I take it back I can't comment on greggs they are fucking evil and need to be destroyed
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)
Bit odd, they're usually sold in store as 'Traditional Pasties'
Also, what's wrong with carrots?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:43, Reply)
Carrots and Peas have no place in a pasty
and its illegal to call it a Cornish pasty if it has them in. Plus side crimp not top crimp.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)
Carrots can go with most things, for they are magnificent.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)
Not in a Cornish Pasty
CORNISH PASTY



NOT A CORNISH PASTY


(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)
So swede(?) is allowed, but the far superior carrot is not?
Racist.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)
It's Turnip
There's no such thing as a swede in Cornwall. Turnip and Yellow Turnip.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Carrot is still far superior.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Look there is nothing wrong with Carrot
But it does not belong in a Cornish pasty. Neither do peas.

You don't put carrot on a pizza because it doesn't belong.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Hmm, I suppose I can accept this.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)
A swede is a turnip

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Up in God's Own Country
it is a well known fact that swede is the white and purple one, and neeps is the yummy orange one.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
So you're saying the Scottish are backwards?
We knew that.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)
Peasants need food too.
Alt: of course not. What do you take me for?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)
I figured you'd be the pitcher rather than the catcher is all.
But, if your preference is to bite the pillow...
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Because fat birds need jobs too.
Alt: I used to, when I was a student. There was a Greggs on the corner of George Square in Glasgow. The queue used to stretch all the way out of the shop and round the corner at lunch times.

Why don't they sell bridies in England?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)
thai bridies?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
No, bridies.
They're sort of like a pasty, but with puff pastry.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)
All our pasties are like that.
We just call them pasties.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Yeah, well, you're weird.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
Have some nutrition information
www.greggs.co.uk/assets/Uploads/NutritionalInfo-July2011.pdf

A single chicken bake contains 32g of Fat, a third of your RDA
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)
I just came back from there
it's all part of operation Wake The Fuck Up
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:51, Reply)
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!
Better now?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)
I wish that would work
I think there is something wrong with my head today and it really important I wake up and do stuff and do it well.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Just go back to bed
do it all tomorrow.

Or drink coffee.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)
can't
had 2 cups of tea. Interview is tomorrow so I have to write shit, sneak into work and print everything out before the place closes.

I think I should have slept more las tnight
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Coffee beats tea for waking up
and you can make it far stronger.

Yes, you should have but it's too late now.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
caffiene does odd things to my brain
hoping lucazade will work
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)
oh yes?
Do tell. Also need I point out that if you need to get stuff done you should not be on here.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Nothing exciting, it just sometmes
makes me a bit hyper. Usually only manifests itself in talking mre than i usually do.

see also something they put in sunkist orange pop

I have three windows open, gonna write int he other one once I'm conscious
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Hyper could be useful if you need to get things done....
Just saying like...
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)
not in a useful way
I'll just be bouncing off the walls
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)
OK, will just buy you double espressos at the next bash.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)
seriously bad idea
also: who says I'd ever come to london again?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Funny for everyone who's not you though
How could you resist?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Just scan read the rest of the thread
FUCK YOU ALL, I'M A PEASANT!
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)
We knew that already
from the 'chip salad' debacle.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)
there was no debacle
it's a perfectly legitimate construction of food I sometimes have in the house
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Chips with salad creme
just leave out all the frilly green stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Ham sandwich with cheesy doritos and salad cream was a favourite childhood snack of mine.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
brown sauce!
salad creme is for serial killers. My serial killer friend eats it all the time which is proof it's for serial kilers
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Brown sauce is for bacon and fish.
Ketchup is for chips.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)
I have been known, in my youth
to have a plate of chips with ketchup on one side and salad creme on the other.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)
And gravy is purely for Sunday lunch.
Why the fuck do people think it is a good idea to put gravy on chips?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)
especially when curry sauce exists

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Ketchup and nothing else.
Scraps I will stretch to though.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Where do you stand on pea wet?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
by the urinal?
usually the best way.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Oh you card!
You totally misread "pea" as "pee" for comedic effect.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Wha?
What's that?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)
The juice from mushy peas.
Proper mushy peas. Not the tinned sludge.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Tinned mushy peas are a crime against humanity
I recently had home made ones, and they are rather fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Think I'll pass, thanks.
I fucking hate peas.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)
because it is
gravy and cheese on chips is even better
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
that's Poutine, innit?

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)
putain de merde more like

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)
c'est bon?
Oui! C'est JamBON!
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)
*googles*
Yeah, pretty much
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Chippy chips with gravy is wonderful
I'm less convinced with oven chips.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)
Says the woman from the country that invented the deep fried, well pretty much anything really.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)
There's very little that can't be improved by deep frying
with the possible exception of one's arteries.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
I don't dissagree
I think it's my scotch genes, but it hardly puts you in a place to judge Welshy for liking chop salad.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)
it's not about liking
its about failing to shop/cook properly
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)
I like how you no longer even bother to complain about being called Welshy
Acceptance is the first step.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)
shit
i can't hold my shit together to argue
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Hmmm.
I could put you, b3th and rswipe in a triple scissor epic if you like?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)
um, no thanks
I don't think you should run with scissors
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Mutual frottage perhaps?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)
in textiles we learnt a technique called 'frottage'
I sniggered my way through that lesson and had to explain myself to the middle aged women in the class
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Oof!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)
*faps at the mere thought of it*

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1294040
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)
I think I've found my niche.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)
Yes
This worried me a bit, being called creepy by Chompy is like you accusing me of having a sad hobby. *sadface*
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
I'd be too intimidated.
Swipe's sexual expectations are far too high for me to keep up with.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Ah yes.
You'd have to be able to keep up with her stud of a new man. A rotating big veiny strap-on would be the only way.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)
no she wouldn't
the mere suggestion that there had been any scissoring activity would be enough to keep him going at it 3 times a night, 8 nights a week, for the next 137 years.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Fucking hell.
That's a long time.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)
yeah
he is good at the sex though. it wouldn't feel that long.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)
After all that time
I think you'd lose all feeling in your clopper.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)
you have suggested putting me in quite a few
why don't you just cockgaz me and we'll call it quits?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
I prefer the medium of the written word.
Much more fun.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)
and i would prefer posting your cockgaz on here
so go on, help a sista out?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)
No.
I'd cause a riot.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)
ok kaiser chief
you'll send one eventually. they ALL send one eventually...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)
In 18 years of using the internet.
I have never once got my old chap out on webcam or sent a picture of it to anyone.

Haven't found a wide-angle lens big enough yet.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)
is that so you can use the
perspective compressing effects of wide angle to make your cock look bigger than it's surroundings?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)
Bugger, I hadn't thought of that.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)
well I wouldn't go as far as
fish eye - it'll just make it look a funny shape.

on a DLR I'd go with 18mm
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)
I have no idea what you're on about now.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)
I am channelling my photography fu
and leaving you the opportunity to imply you have a tiny 18mm cock
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)
Not falling for that.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)
then you are definitely doing the internet wrong
correct the wrong. cockgaz me. cockgaz me up real nice, baby.

i won't post it on here or anything.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)
No.
Someone sent me a minge in an email once. I don't think it was theirs, as it was all blue and drippy.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)
How predictable.
EDIT: GAHH, FUCK.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Chip salad?
Bloody hell. That's like putting sodium in water.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
just sent a mail merge to a customer list and put the emails in the CC not the BCC *bangs head on desk repeatedly*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)
*belms*

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)
We had somebody that did that once.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Were they summarily dismissed?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)
I thnk they got a bit of a telling off.
They were temps, so it was all personal email addresses, not work ones.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Oh dear.
There was a bank that did that once. The sender of the email suddenly discovered the delights of Jeremy Kyle, Loose Women and sleeping at odd hours of the day.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Are we helping with the pain?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Yes

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)
Look on the bright side.
When you've been sacked you can look for a proper job that doesn't involve mail merges.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
hurrah!

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
i have had them on the other side
in a few claims. their lawyers take some silly points. that is all.

oh no, my friend's mum works in the didsbury one. THAT is all.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
anyone got a good example of a pleasant resignation letter?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)
"laterz haterz"
on the back of a blurred photograph of your genitals
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)
perfect!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)
are you resigning?
is the travelling getting too much? Can your bladder not take the long journeys? Did you get arrested for pissing on the side of the road?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
I haven't been travelling anywhere for sometime now
do keep up
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Oh sorry the tediuosnessess of it all got too much

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)
Dere Bos
Fuck u and fuck yore jobb. Im outta heer.

Your's
Dr P Howard-Faffington
Professor Emeritus
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Post them a 'bot dog' - they will guess the rest.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)
If you're serious, I probably have a copy of my last one on file somewhere.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)
if I wasn't serious then it was the worst fucking joke ever

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)
Sorry, I have lots of shit on my thumb drive, but not that it seems.
I think I just Googled "standard resignation letter" and filled in the blanks anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)
no worries, I've cobbled a couple of examples together.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)
I don't think it matters as long as you are courteous and factual
Probably good to lie a bit and say you've enjoyed you time with the company, as you'll want a reference out of them. If you're hoping they'll offer you more to stay you can site better salary as a reason for leaving, other wise just and offer too good to refuse' has a nice ring.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)
time to move on is the angle I'm working
it's not about the money, it's about the boredom

the people here are nice though
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)
sounds good

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:32, Reply)
you feel opportunities to advance/improve your skills are becoming limited there
something like that.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)
I just saw a copy of my last one last night
I shredded it, sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:33, Reply)
Dear Boss
I simply cannot abide your bent face a day longer - I have no new job to go to, but even vagrancy is preferable to another moment spent in the company of your halitosis.

Your sincerely

Vippers off that there internet

PS I have been boffing your missus for the past year. Her arse now permanently looks like she has a pink sock hanging out of it. Enjoy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)
not quite the angle I was going for

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)
Send them a REAL cornish pastie
just take it out of the Ginsters packet first, otherwise they'll know you for the fraud you are.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)
Threadjacking my own thread here.
What a brilliant name for a teddy bear (picture caption).

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14231337
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

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