Thread is dead - that's what I said.
If Curtis Mayfield was

a) alive
b) not a cripple and
c) on the internet,

he may well have sung the above line.

If my applicant is late for her interview, should I dismiss her immediately for being a disorganised spastic, or is that a little harsh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:25, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I don't know who this Curtis Mayfield is.
So I'm just going to smile and nod and take your word for it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:26, Reply)

*shakes head sadly but understand your young*

( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)

She didn't say she had any young

(McChinaman banned, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Just to clarify, I think she meant it was because I AM young.
I don't have any young to speak of.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Who?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:26, Reply)

*shakes head sadly*

( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)

It really does make me sad.
No idea, the kids today.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

This is why society is doomed.
This and the invention of the A* grade. And microwaved pizzas. And Graze boxes. And Lady Gaga.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)

You're thinking of Pete Townshend.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Have you seen the book that he was "researching" yet?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)

And Pete Townsend is googling picture of him.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Why is everyone posting in the style of Little Plum/Tarzan today?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

the letter 'a'
is pssé
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

H h h h h

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)

It Wednesday. Tarzan on heap big banana come down.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

The "me tarzan" ape-man lingo was invented for Johnny Weissmuller
whose only qualification for the role were his ability to swim fast and yodel.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I don't know where the um heap big injun lingo comes from.
Probably racists. Or Jews.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

That I did not know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

To clarify, I did know he could swim fast.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Fucking hell.
Fucking fucking hell.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I think the love that he was living for is gone.
Or was that Michael Bolton?

Or Michael Barrymore?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)

There are no black people on the internet.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I wonder if black people really do taste different from white people, like the way people say that there is a difference between smoked and unsmoked bacon.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)

You do appreciate that black people are not white people who've been subjected to a food preservation process, right?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Nonono, what I mean is, if you get smoked bacon or unsmoked bacon, it tastes the same, despite people insisting it doesn't.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)

it tastes different!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)

It all tastes lousy to me.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I bet you reckon leaks have a flavour too.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

don't you start
I don't think I've ever eaten leeks except in a soup
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Oh no, it wasn't a racist thing, I genuinly think Leaks is the most pointless vegtable there is.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I love them
they're not too oniony and go nice with all sorts of things.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I am not overly partial to their squeaky texture.
They are the worst of the onion department, in my expert opinion.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

i hate them
but not as much as sprouts
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Sprouts get poor press due to most people's inability to cook them well.
On my life they can be delicious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I concur
they're fabulous. I have a friend whose brother's convinced her they were Martian brains when she was 5, which is a much better reason for not liking them.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Don't smoke so much.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

You ridiculous fucking mouth fail.
Go back to eating microwave ready meals.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

I like you, I've decided.
Revel in the validation.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I'll most probably have a wank about this.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

You post on the internet
the only thing that could stop you wanking would be to have both your hands cut off and, even then, that'd probably just spur you on to have a Jacksonectomy on your ribs.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Donno who that is, I'm guessing some musician from some band that was big in the 80s.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

If she calls ahead to advise she is late due to traffic, that is fine.
If on the other hand she's late due to idiocy, get rid.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

but then immediately reject her for using her mobile while driving.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I like this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Unless she has an epically good excuse involving the death of a loved one, then yes.
If she can't manage to be on time for a job interview what chance does she have on a normal working day.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Harsh, sometimes things are beyond your control.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)

which is why you plan ahaed and leave enough time
for trains to be cancelled, traffic etc. At least you should for a job interview.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:33, Reply)

christ I do that just for going to the doctors.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I had it set up, where I was getting a bus to the station, then having a taxi collect me 10 minutes later, so I'd be at the interview with 20 mins to spare.
The taxi doesn't show up for 15 minutes, so I phone. They say he'll be there soon, and not to worry. 10 minutes later I phone back, and they tell me there's no cars spare to collect me, the next one will be 25 minutes, which would make me late.

I didn't know the town well, so didn't know what to do.

I elected to leg it to the place, phoning to apologise the entire way. I ended up impressing them, and got the job, been here 4 1/2 years now.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

4 and a half years?
And still no taxis back to the station?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Hahahaha
He's 'oop north', old bean. They're having to wait for motorised transport to be invented up there before he can even think of getting a cab.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Luckily old Farmer MacGuffin should be passing soon in his hay wayn
on his bi-decade visit to the market.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Then they are forgiving.
and you should leave more than 20 minutes Leeway. I tend to leave an hour for job interviews. Maybe they liked your dress.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

What are her tits like?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)

this^

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Not bad at all.
I demanded she whap them out as an 'ice breaker'.


By which I mean they are big enough to aid shipping in the Arctic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I am interviewing "apprentices" this afternoon
I fear for them
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Yes Sir Sportscow.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

When did he get knighted? And, more importantly, why?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

For services to the food industry

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Your extensive pasty research paper must have really impressed them.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Indeed
It is being published in The New Baker next week
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

We had four coming in yesterday - not one of the little scrotes even showed up.
Harrumph *rustles Telegraph disapprovingly*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

My dear wife was late for an interview because she was involved in a car crash
Tough they said.
( Peej, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I didn't think your wife was particularly dear.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

She's the most expencive woman I have ever met

( Peej, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

bloody hell.
that's a bit harsh..
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

NHS
She was better off not getting the job. But yeh, harsh.
( Peej, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I once went for a job interview at the sainsburrys under the potter's bar train station on the day of the train crash, and they canceled the interview without telling me.
That was horrific, I spent an hour getting there and back. I could have made my way up to regional manager by now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:44, Reply)

it's not me, so I don't care

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Had you interview yet Welshy?
If not then good luck, if so then commiserations, I'm sure there are plenty of other good jobs out there.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

had it
done it

I think perhaps my success may hinge on the phrase"..ah yes! We met in the gowning room at graduation."

I'm hoping I wasn't arsing about being a wizard at that point
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

wait!
reread that, you're mean!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Having read your answer
and having a fairly good idea of the likelihood of you doing anything other than arsing about being a wizard, I think I had it spot on.

I'm sure it'll be fine, you are good at what you do and only mental in a way that fits in well with being an art teacher, they will be very silly if they don't employ you, not least because you will unleash your goblin hoard upon them in furious vengeance.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

i shall not feed them for a week
hungry goblins are the most violent
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Seriously hope you get it
If not, at least it gives you a good excuse to get out of Wales.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

cheers
I really don't have a back up plan if I don't get it, but getting out of wales is a pretty good idea
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Yup.
Or at least Swansea, I was going to try to prove I was harder than h=you based on the crime stats for our different areas. Oh boy was that a bad idea.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I think we have the road with the 2nd highest crime rate in britain.
there's a couple of nice pubs down there
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)

How are you for non-KFC fried Chicken franchises?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:45, Reply)

I don't think there are any
we're beyond that shit, it's all about the chip shops with shonky health records

My friend prefers one over the other near him on the basis that the percentage of times he's got food poisoning from that one was lower
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Jesus that's grim
Mind you I find being veggy helps avoid the worst of the problems with shit food and I don't eat much from the takeaways around me. Damn I want Pizza now. I bet my usual place would deliver to my work as well. Must resist....
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I just ate cold pizza
also: *smugs*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

and got a job.
Well done you, enjoy warping the minds of the young
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

Horde.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

no, I've been collecting those dudes together for years

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

Cheers, I shall endeavour to keep the spelling straight in my mind.
Bloody homophones

*tries to think of joke about how Homo-phones = iPhones*

*gives up*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

When he says "unleash the goblin hoard"
He means he's going to throw gold sovereigns at their heads until they go away.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

anywhere but london, yes
but the tubes in london could fuck up jesus and the second coming, frankly. i once left THREE HOURS to get to "get-to-know-the-team" third round interview, and got stranded between uxbridge and the middle of nowhere. i was hysterical. still got the job, mind. suspect the amount of time they had in the bar without me might have helped.

off for my fancy all-day client celebration lunch in about 2 minsmost excited.

also that new overtones' song "gambling man" may be the most addictive thing EVER, totally stuck in my head.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Three hours? Did someone jump infront of every tube you were on?

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

yeah
some of her suitors are quite tenacious
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

I'm gutted that there's nothing I can do to get my revenge on that crunchy bastard who jumped under my train.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Oi Roooooota.
Text me. I have a phone once more and I done got no numbers saved to it. I can finally call you and breathe heavily down the phone again.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Will do.
Oh oh oh it's magic! (It's not. I've just missed those texts.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

It feels well weird having a phone in my front right pocket.
It was liberating without it, but I suppose it's the price you have to pay if you want to be able to update someone about your (magic) bowel movements at the drop of a hat.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

They must have been fucking desperate.
What sort of hapless prick can't find an alternative route into London from inside the M25 in three fucking hours?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

ha as if
It takes over an hour with no problems. And you try getting off a tube when it is stopped between 2 stations for 45 mins, go om. And when it does limp into rayners lane there isn't a cab for miles around.

You've never worked in the shithole that is uxbridge, have you?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Hang on ...
so you weren't even trying to get into central London? You failed to get into Uxbridge in three hours?

Was this a job weaving baskets, by any chance?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

no, it was FROM uxbridge
On a broken tube line that we weren't allowed to get off. And when we did there was no other option.

I.M sure a superman like you could have flown there on your wings of sarcastic power though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

How far out is Uxbridge from the city? About 12 miles?
I could comfortably walk it in three hours.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

It takes me three hours to walk 12 miles and all.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

*walking fives*

( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Only if it's flat and that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)

It's London.
You don't get much flatter. Other than Norfolk. And you don't walk places in Norfolk, you don't even wind down the windows on your car. They can smell fresh genes a mile off.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Fucking right.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Yes, that's right Kroney.
Highgate Hill is indistinguishable from Der Nederlands, isn't it?*




*special clue: no, it fucking isn't. It is very steep hill.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I live in the middle of the South Downs
London may as well be a salt pan to me.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

You have South Downs.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

oh zing

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 13:18, Reply)

in high heels and a tight short skirt?
Ooh matron

Not to nention it was raining and i had a hairdo to preserve. But actually with london i often find the nearer you are, the longer it takes to get there!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:25, Reply)

If you like. I have excellent legs.

( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

is all this a cover for your tiny penis?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

No, I'm quite open about my tiny penis.

( Kroney, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:30, Reply)

No, THIS is a cover for his tiny penis:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:58, Reply)

it's a late entry
but I'll allow it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 13:05, Reply)

I don't want you to take this the wrong way or owt
but you sound proper shit.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Zeno's paradox of London Transport

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:32, Reply)

I'd work for you Monty.
Unfortunately now you know how much time I spend on here you wouldn't employ me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Oh I'd make you work alright.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Gless!

( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 12:53, Reply)