Threadstomp in the name of Jesus!!
Christian Rock, God TV, Evangelical God botherers, potential sexual abuse victims.

They really frighten me to be honest. I usually like to catch a little bit of God TV from time to time to laugh and be cowed by the mental bastards at these Christian Rock gigs. They are totally off their Christian titties. It always looks like the last hour of a particularly heavy 3 day rave. Folk lying about crying, shaking, having fits, going bananas, generally acting like they have no grasp on reality.

Is the communion laced with 'rave drugs' or is the music so intense it transports these feeble minded disciples to an alternate plain of reality?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:18, 95 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I think's it's a kind of Emperor's New Clothes scenario.
They see all their chums 'speaking in tongues' and rolling around so they join in, secretly thinking 'fuck - why isn't it happening to me? Shit, I'll just fake it'. That or they are genuinely menkle.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Maybe.
If so, that's a little disappointing, I was thinking about signing up so I could attend a few of their unhinged raves.

I would obviously protect myself against the 'Passion of Christ', eg, the Priests greasy old banger knocking on my back door.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)

HOW DARE YOU STOMP APPLE YOU NON-GIRL
There is arguments that over the years religion has found many ways to subtley make people go into trance like states. From the obvious: use of drugs, insense, darkness. To the more subtle, repetition, acoustics stained glass, pacing of readings.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)

i bet none of them started with anything as inept or lacking in eloquence as
"there is arguments" ...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:25, Reply)

But they could all capitalise the personal pronoun

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

stylistic choice
is a whole different ballgame to being a flailing word spastic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Plus you're a girl on the internet who's more attractive than Kate Moss
and can therefore do whatever you want.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:44, Reply)

debatable

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:14, Reply)

which part?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:18, Reply)

i am really not into a lot of christian rock and i think a load of it is lame
But there's a lady at our church that sings a lot and if I happen to be there and she's singing I cry like a big baby.
Probably a combination of her voice and the inspiration behind the words.
But that's usually more like celine dion type music and not rock.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Old style gospel is fantastic and gives me goose bumps.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)

like Amazing Grace. That gives me shivers.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Swing Low Sweet Chariot
that really gets to me
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Rugby fan eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Let the circle be unbroken
The rock cried out no hiding place

Both lovely.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:09, Reply)

maybe one of them could give you absolution
for butchering your cat?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I said sorry
to its hairy cadaver after I buggered it, therefore I need no further absolution. If I may impart a little internet advice...get another angle, this one doesn't work. Then again, being a vapid fucktoy doesn't give you many intellectual options.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Did you throw your cat through a window or feed it coins?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

thanks for the advice, but in real life i have a very good job
a masters from oxford and a publishing deal lining up, so i guess i'll stick with those for a wide variety of intellectual options.

i could always add a character who is so tedious and toxic that even his cats would rather kill themselves in a variety of desperate ways than stay with him, making him weep like a little bitch, however.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:07, Reply)

What are you publishing?
Chick Lit? lawyer confessions?

Edited due to retardation
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Chit Lit
Stories revolving around the hilarious antics of insects.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:09, Reply)

This is very funny, you miserable bastards.

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:16, Reply)

chick lit is probably a fair assessment. best not to mention the law, i don't want to lose my main job!
i am in the incredibly flattering and exciting position of having about 5 people all wanting to take me out to talk terms and conditions. there's still a lot that could go wrong, but it's 5 times more interest than i ever thought i'd get - shows the masters course was worth the money, as that opened the door to get them to read it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:13, Reply)

have you written the whole thing? Or just a few chapters to peak some interest?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:14, Reply)

somewhere between the two!
the agents/publisher think there is more than there is, which is a bit of a nightmare given my masters deadline is also coming up, and i am working 15 hour days this week because people keep suing each other...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Oi.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:10, Reply)

hello you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:15, Reply)

Hey!
Are you still on the same number? Might text you tonight and give you a nudge.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:19, Reply)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO
or i WILL forget again, because it's in my old handbag.

same number xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:19, Reply)

*YAWNS*
Tell us more about your job, your HOT new boyfriend, what you've spent all your enormous wages on and how great you are. It all sounds terribly interesting and you never ever boast or bleat on endlessly about yourself, you're such an enigma.

*waits with cock in hand*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:20, Reply)

ooh, MIAOW.
(that's also the sound that a living cat makes, btw)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Oh wait, is this the guy whose jizz made you nearly puke?

( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:23, Reply)

ha, no!
this is some twat who was dumb enough to buy a house on a really busy road and THEN buy a cat and THEN let it out. THEN the retard wondered why the poor bastard got squashed, probably traumatising the driver too. THEN he came on here and bored everyone with pictures of the damn thing and THEN he was rude to gonz when gonz asked him very politely to link to his online shrine instead of thrusting it in everyone else's faces.

although i am sure his jizz would also be highly puke-able.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Oh right
this one just seems to carry the frisson of a man with a score to settle.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:29, Reply)

nah
i remember this one yammering on about kids. it won't have had a blowjob in about 15 years.

hopefully he is a damn sight better at keeping said kids off the busy main road though, the irresponsible prick.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:31, Reply)

They are high on jesus, Hallelujah!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Evangenical Christians in general give me the creeps.
I know a few, and they have that shiny eyed, smug, I'm not going to burn in Hell and you are, look.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Don't worry pookie, you won't burn in hell
But you will rot in the ground I'm afraid
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

http://www.chick.com/default.asp
Try this for an example of their mentality.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:59, Reply)

My ex-girlfriend used to sing this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V8vcmVaq54

Now, I'm not into most christian music, but hearing her sing that was always absolutely beautiful.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

but was it achingly beautiful?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:56, Reply)

The only ache I'd ever get was headache from how loud she'd get on the lead into the chorus.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:57, Reply)

No and neither was she

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:57, Reply)

She was fucking stunning.
Alright fella, how's the new arrival?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Good thanks, she is incredibly sweet and so good, she never cires really unless she needs a very big poo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:59, Reply)

She's about ten inches long
How big a poo can she need?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:00, Reply)

massive, but it's all soft

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:01, Reply)

I've always wondered
if breast milk is so good for them, and they 'eat' it at such regular intervals, how come so much of it is 'waste recycled'? Surely they should be using a lot more than they do.

As you can probably tell, I know fuck all about babies.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I have never wondered this if I'm honest!
At least breast milk poo doesn't smell, that comes with solids
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:05, Reply)

It's bloody foul looking stuff though.

( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:06, Reply)

but I'm led to believe that it is green, yes?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Their first couple are black/green like tar, which is cleaning out their guts
From then on it looks like mustard
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Smells delightful doesn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:11, Reply)

i find it hardly smells at all tbh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Ahh, good good
How's the missus doing?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Tired but happy!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Good good, glad to hear it!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:02, Reply)

"potential sexual abuse victims" ? What ? Why are you saying that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:57, Reply)

When you go in a trance the priest will slip you a digit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Do you have this priest's number?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 12:59, Reply)

just pray, he'll get the message

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Dear god
Please send me a nice young man to perform unspeakable sexual acts on me while telling me that Jesus loves me.

kthnxbai
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Hellooooo

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:02, Reply)

You do better
not asking imaginary beardy skywizards for that kind of thing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Dear b3ta
Please send me a nice young man etc etc.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:03, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1305308
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:05, Reply)

haha, obvious mindpiss is obvious.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Okay
So, these unspeakable things...

Speak of them.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:06, Reply)

How are you on reverse Dutch steamboats?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:08, Reply)

I should probably be glad that I don't know what that is.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:10, Reply)

It's not actually anywhere near as bad as it sounds.
Essentially, it's shouting right-wing propaganda during anal sex, despite being left wing. I just think it's a brilliant name.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Fancy a Superman?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:09, Reply)

I've obviously had a very sheltered life...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:10, Reply)

try a Spiderman...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:12, Reply)

Ooh, now I know that one.
*feels a bit less square*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:12, Reply)

"go web go!"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:13, Reply)

How about a monkeyface?
I must admit, of all the oddly named sexual acts, I've only done one of them - The Eiffel Tower.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Oh come on
it's pretty difficult to go through life without at least one accidental angry dragon.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I've never done the most important part of that
Since one horrific incident scarred me for life (literally)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Nope, don't know any of these either.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:22, Reply)

The Eiffel Tower occurs when two guys who are spitroasting a girl high-five.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:25, Reply)

hmmmm.....

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:28, Reply)

The only one you need watch out for, as a woman
is the Angry Pirate.

Men actually win prizes for managing to pull off one of those.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Haha.
I've always liked the idea of 'the rodeo'. In the doggy position, reach down and hold her shoulders where they are, before moaning someone elses name, and see how long you can hold on for.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:20, Reply)

Haha
as a gender, we really are despicable.
( Kroney, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:22, Reply)

It's great fun, isn't it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:25, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1305308
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Craigslist is probably quicker
if a little more murder-y
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:04, Reply)

"Kneel before me child and prepare to receive a faceful of absolution"
"Pop those titties out in the name of the Jesus"
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:06, Reply)

"she was left with a face like the inside wall of a priest's confessional"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:07, Reply)

Hahaha nice

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:10, Reply)

"Face like a plasterers radio"
is my favourite
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:10, Reply)

well, that was what I was adapting from.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:16, Reply)

I like Gregorian chant
but it's not music to rave to
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Remember Sadness by Enigma?
Actually, you may well be too young. It was really relaxing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F9DxYhqmKw
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 3 Aug 2011, 13:25, Reply)