Following on from the last thread
Invent an amusing weapon and tell me what it would do and who you would aim it at.

ALT: Young people are shit, discuss
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 15:54, 243 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Mine would be the Boyce Gun
You would aim it at your victim and upon pulling the trigger the contents of their wallets and bank accounts would immediately start to trickle down the nearest drain.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

or shoot up their nose

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Obvious answer is obvious
Yet very well-executed

*click*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)

I was going to do the Foxtrotinator
which was a giant robot made entirely of chrome and diamanté. But it's been done too often.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:00, Reply)

I appreciate your restraint
I also know what I want for my birthday now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

*Now with realistic fist raising motion!*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

WWF action figures nostalgia lols

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Haha, it's funny because Monty keeps on going on and on about how shit his life is...
... Which makes me feel sorry for Lusty because she is always being implied that she is also part of that shitmess and therefore it will eat away at her self esteem and self worth until she's turning tricks... Something that is inevitable if she stays with him and finds himself in need of a new dealer; and that seems like something will happen as all dealers end up caught at some point.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I don't think I'll be turning tricks anytime soon Gonz,
But reading about how horrible someone's life is when you're meant to be a part of it is rather upsetting. Especially when it's said over and over again infront of people who have met you and some of which are rather close friends.

I think I'm going to stay in Vancouver and marry a mountie.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

u ie +y

...oh hang on
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Don't do it Lusty!!!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Oh my, oh man, that's a very long distance relationship, and although I've been known as a "Mountie" as well as a "Mounter", I don't think I would make the offical canadian ones.
You know how sometimes you think things in your head which are best left there. Or, what I think has happened, and I think this happens to other people too.... anyway, how you think up something, and you think about something else based on that, and then something else based on _that_, and over and over until you've got a whole train of thought.... but then you mention the final thing without explaining the whole train of thought (because that would make you look like a phsyco), but without that train of thought, it looks mean and wrong and evil.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that's what I've just done.

Vancover is VERY far to send food, I don't think it would keep, I'm 99% it wouldn't stay warm, or cold, depending on what I make (did they tell you that I made amazing ice cream? I made amazing ice cream. And pasta. Lovely lovely pasta.). So no, please don't stay in vancover, it's too far for me to travel, despite you being worth it.

Actually, you know what, you do what makes _you_ happy. And if moving to N14 that is exactly one one outside of Monty's OAP bus pass. Then that way two people can be happy !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I hope you're feeling better Gonz.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Cheers, dude, much better, I'm actually at work, oh man.
I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday, you had quite the guest list, I just wasn't ready to take on an unadoring public.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

We'll work something out Gonz.
One day we'll be together.
( wanderlust, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:03, Reply)

As long as you're happy and content with life, that's all I care about. That and getting a dog.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:14, Reply)

M16
A gun which, when fired, induces in the brain of its target the soul-knawing inanity of being trapped in a hot car on a slow-moving motorway.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

HA!
I like this.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

The Ray Gun
Turns you into a blind, black man, but you're shit hot on piano.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:00, Reply)

*Click*
Is this your own work?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Yep

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

see also
The Wonder Cannon
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Surprised none of you sexist pigs have come up with this yet
The Bazooma - rocket launcher which causes explosive swelling of the breasts, incapacitating both victim and aggressor.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

on the topic of bashcrashing
and on a serious note for a sec, i do think that i'll prob have to keep it girls only, so that people can share beds. if there is space, of course i will confirm.

but... kroney and AA..... why don't you just get a twin room in one of the cheap hotels? that's only about £40 each, you will be out at the bash and then drunk so it's not as if you'd have to talk to each other much... seems ideal to me!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I did assume as much, not to worry.
Sadly, I'm not sure if I can make it yet either.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Plus Jim may be persuaded to
allow drunk internets to stay.

/Has done it before.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

If this could happen, I'd be forever indebted.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Twin room at the Travelodge at Aldgate East is 90 quid.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Not a bad idea

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Very much this

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

You'll need to wear your dress
so that we don't look like botty-badgers when we sign in.

We'll be Mr and Mrs Fuckknuckle from Scarborough, in The North.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Absolutely no-one will make jokes on B3ta about you two sharing a room
Nope. Not a chance. No way.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I know I won't
I'll be too busy growing vegetables.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Totally anticipated this up here ^

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Anticipated implies your post preceded mine

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

The jibes, I mean.
As for your post, well, mine's funnier so ner.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Hahaha
Is there any finer defence than the "NA NA NA YOU STINK" response?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Absolutely none.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Earrings and a face, says it all really

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Kroney and AA bumming up a tree.
R-I-M-M-I-N-G.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

i am full of good ideas

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Fine then, see if I care if you're going to take all the drunk women back with you... Again.
I'm not even a sexual preditor anyway, it's not like I was going to take advantage in the first place.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Did you see the last thread Gonz?
So close, I was SO CLOSE and five minutes later, she snatches it out of my grasp like a BASTARD
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Swipy playing Mother Goose, yet again, promising golden eggs and delivering delivering disapointment and dispare.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:55, Reply)

The 44. Sphagnum
Covers your target in difficult to remove moss. 44 times.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

See also the .357 Spagnum
A sauce-based projectile weapon with a range of .357 miles.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Cruise Missile
Turns you insane, makes you bounce on couches, and you believe we descend from aliens.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

The Gaddzooka
When fired near playgrounds caused instant peado fear
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

RPG launcher
Surrounds target with mint condition copies of immersive role playing games. Can be calibrated according to enemy's maturity and intelligence levels; from Hero Quest to Final Fantasy VII.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

FF7 is awesome.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

No diggity

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

8 was better.
Science.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

No, 7 was better
Storyline.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I disagree, but it is a very good game.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I like duck hunt

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

ALL Final Fantasy games are shit.
Proper, proper shit.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Wrong.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Just woken up?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Spectacularly wrong
The later ones are utter bobbins but VII and, to a lesser extent, XIII and IX are fucking brilliant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

The Thownsey Gun
Fills the victims computer up with images of child porn, purely for "research purposes"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

The Gravity Gun
Undoes all effects of any gravity defying clothing, leading to saggy breasts.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Alt: They are fucking awful.
Terrible, clueless with huge senses of entitlement.

Try growing up in the seventies or early eighties! 'member the 70's?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I do not, i was only born in '82
however as I near 30 i feel old enough to sneer and teenagers and young 'adults'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I love the sneering.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Think just think they know it all, and they don't know shit
I was in this group at one point as most people were, but I've grown up and now enjoy looking down on "young people"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Where is FreeFair these days?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Probably demonstrating about how much taxpayers money he is not getting next year
despite the fact he's never paid fucking tax.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Taxpayers? Or Jobseekers?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Either/or Al.
Sponging student motherfuckers.

I wouldn't mind if they made them do academic subjects that serve society. I reckon if a university subject has little practical application then you should pay for the course yourself!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I feel exactly the same about people using doctors.
If it doesn't directly benefit me, then they should just be left to die.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I know, right?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

'specially if they're part darkie.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:54, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1320573
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:00, Reply)

I still reckon The Luggage scared him off with his SEXPORN
Either that or quite the opposite, and he's still wanking over it now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

That's the closest The Luggage has ever come to a real lady
and now he's passed it to someone else.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Are you suggesting that The Luggage writes erotic fiction featuring himself?
Possibly involving Jet from Gladiators?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I would never make such a terrible accusation.
But, you know what, Jet form Gladiators is still a bit of a fox.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Is she really?
Can't say I've been remotely aware of her existence for a good long while now. Being about 15 when Gladiators hit our screens, I obviously had an obscene crush on her at the time
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

I just googled her
she still looks alright
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

POIDH
/lazy as fuck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:03, Reply)

www.dianeyoudale.co.uk/
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Too fast
Far, far too fast.

Perver... BLOODY HELL
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

She looks like a weaponised Kate Bush.

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:19, Reply)

"Heathcliffe, oh Heathcliffe, I'll fucking batter you wooahwoahoh"

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Matured into quite the Lusardi

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Excellent point of reference

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:24, Reply)

The Tommy Gun
Turns you blind, but you're shit hot at pinball.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)

You're on excellent form here sir

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

CLICK

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:50, Reply)

The Heckler at Cock
once fired causes the victim to ridicule his own tiny member,

"call yourself a penis I have seen bigger staples"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

The pump-action shotgun
Not the most effective, once it reaches a certain age it has to be fet a little blue tablet an hour before usage, and even then you still have to pump gently, or you'll hurt it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

.44 Magnum
Tricky to operate - requires gravelly, threatening prologue to be convincingly delivered before it will fire - but bombards the victim with more chocolate-covered ice cream on sticks than can possibly be healthy.

Ineffective against recently-dumped women.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)

Chaingun
Makes darkies realise their place in society.

WARNING: May lead to singing of 'Swing Low, Sweet Chariot'

/Monty
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Railgun
Causes untold anger and resentment in people it hits.

Only works in ideal conditions, snow or leaves render it inert. Can't fire up hills.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

A back door battering ram
that fires a large, blunt projectile right up the jacksy of the intended target. It can accommodate many different sizes of projectile, from 'nun' through 'sexy nun', past 'Foxtrot', all the way up to 'Barrymore'. A separate 'ABC' adapter can be attached for riot control.

Alt: oh, they fucking are. The country is seriously screwed. If reincarnation exists, I shall be most displeased.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

The Walter pcp
Each bullet sends enough angel dust into Wjatever it hits is incapacitated and cannot continue fighting.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:36, Reply)

isn't that CPC?
/Trading Places blog

EDIT: PCP, wasn't it?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Dunno, drugs are bad!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Hahahahahahaha
HahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahahahahaha.

Hahahahahaha.

Ha.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

As any Trading Places (or James Brown) fan will tell you, you mean PCP.
PPC is 'pay per click' which involves Google Adwords.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

The nunchucker
Burly athiests lob nuns.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:37, Reply)

The Nailgun
Afflicts its target with a funny accent and an unjustified belief in their own ability to sing.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Hahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

He's lying.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Crocodile skin accessories optional

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

HAHA!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Damn you Al, damn you to hell

*I don't need nobody else...*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Why does she pretend!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:53, Reply)

ARARRRAGGHHGHAGHAHA
it's been 15 years, 15 years since i last heard this, now it's stuck in my head
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Have you heard the Cher Lloyd song?
I listened to it on the radio and it hung around in my head for days. I hate it so much.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Well, thank you.
Now I have it too.

Cunt.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

Oh god, is she still alive?
How annoying does something have to be before lynch mob justice becomes viable?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

The only tunes I have had looping my head for the last few weeks are the theme to Ski Sunday, and Rapper's Delight
That song keeps attempting to join in, but I've managed to keep it at bay so far.

Did you see Sylosis at Sonisphere?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

No.
I was drinking cider and urinating into a plastic cup.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Ah, fair enough
I saw them there, they were very good. I've been listening to their albums, and they're absolutely superb.

Might be worth a listen for you.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Not pushing any boundaries
But i quite like it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

My thoughts exactly

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Saw them a year ago I think
was sadly unimpressed :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I was the same
I've seen them twice now, they keep getting better. And I've just discovered I can't see them when they tour this time, FUCK!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:17, Reply)

That sounds like the sort of thing where you really need to keep track
of which hand is which.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

I think this guy hates it more.
She's to blame for the riots, apparently; www.youtube.com/watch?v=utOX5-x_79E&feature=player_embedded
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:12, Reply)

It's shit
almost as shit as Heart Radio which was on today until I felt like smashing in the heads of the people around me with a rickety metal chair
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I think I've avoided this song so far.
I really hope this run continues.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:24, Reply)

15 year, 15 years, she got one of your kids, got you for 15 years
Does that help?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Due to the unique my brain is funded
I actually have Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achey Breaky Heart" going around mine.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Oh thank you very much.
*gibbers*
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

No, no, Billy Ray Cyrus
not Billy Gibbons.

*grows beard*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Haw haw haw haw

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Now I've got a mental image of line-dancing monkeys.
I wish I hadn't started this now.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Diversity?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:05, Reply)

You're terribly racist this evening
Anyway, he was clearly thinking of Flawless
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

I was really impressed with my other one too, haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:08, Reply)

The Bowie knife
With each slice your victim screams random Bowie lyrics at you until their head explodes due to the over filling of awesomeness.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

God I don't want one of those.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

The spinning hourglass
Selectively speeds up time, so that the next hour and twenty minutes pass in the blink of an eye but the period between 6.30 and 8 while Ms Foxtrot is teaching and I can have all the Xbox I want is mysteriously unaffected.

Application and appeal somewhat specific.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:40, Reply)

it would be a super awesome career ray gun and id shoot myself with it so i could have loads of skills so i could get a job
Alt: they're all confused and junk, they can't help it
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Still no job eh?
Are you looking for garage work?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

She should try over here.
You know - UK GARAGE!!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:53, Reply)

*Two-Steps*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

I've heard that's 'fucking shit'

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

You heard right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:58, Reply)

looking for anything
I might start hookin' behind a dumpster
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Well stay away from the back of Aldi
That's monty's patch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

The Hammertime
A massive steel hammer with a clock in the handle, when you strike them over the head they become a badly made up monster, complete with obviously latex appendages held up with wires.

Other effects can include giving the victim terrible teeth, the ability to speak about 5 languages fluently and a lightsaber.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:50, Reply)

The A10-Warthog
Fires 10 Warthog cluster bombs at your enemy, and after goring them to DEATH, explode into delicious sausages.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

The General Electrics 7.62mm Rotary Mani Gun
Causes targets to develop frosted pink nails with French Tips, making it difficult for them to use their own weapons, and also embarassing them immensely.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:13, Reply)

The Harry Seacomb bomb
When it explodes it gives eveeryone within a mile radius type 2 Diabetes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:14, Reply)

The Gatting Gun
Causes targets to grow an odd beard, consume large quantities of pies and become extremely susceptible to Australian spin bowling.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Badger is here to save the day with cricket based punnage!
Only me and DF will get it but still...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I saw we click the fuck out of it
so that there's something on the popular page that only we get.

It'll be like being part of a cool club with our own code.

We should devise a handshake.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:21, Reply)

It would have to involve making a T with our arms, or something.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Seeing as how we're English
surely a 1 would be more appropriate?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:28, Reply)

I was thinking of requesting a TV replay
but, yeah. That could do. Although it doesn't do to be boastful in front of the colonials, old chap. Simply to be born English is to have won first place in the lottery of life, after all.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Sod that
25 years I've been following our cricket team through thin. Let's not pretend there was any thick. I am milking this for everything it's worth, before some cunt brings up the football team.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:33, Reply)

Or the rugby team, to be fair.
I refer again to one of my close friend's theories that it is physically impossible for England to be any good at more than one sport at once.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Does that mean that a good showing in the Olympics next year
can only be facilitated by the sacrifice of cricketing competence?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:39, Reply)

it's only one of the big three I think
smaller sports are not affected.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Frankly I wasn't expecting anything more than basic competence from the football team
and don't give a shit about rugby. Your friend's theory is fine by me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:47, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:41, Reply)

where are-
oh fuck it, don't make me ask AGAIN!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Fucking hell, I leave my computer for 2 minutes...
My camera is still in the back of my mates car as I went straight out on the piss. Later tonight or tomorrow, assuming someone actually took a decent picture.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:43, Reply)

you promised
typical bloke.... but tomorrow will do....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:46, Reply)

No, if I was a typical bloke
I'd probably have sent you a photo of my cock instead and then fallen asleep.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:48, Reply)

i will accept a pink cock shot in lieu of a pink sock shot

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:49, Reply)

no, no you won't.
well, you might accept it, but I'm afraid you're not getting it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:52, Reply)

oh go on
you can use a zoom lens if you like, i won't know.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Disgraceful encouragement of dishonesty
*buys zoom lens*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:59, Reply)

There's this thing called a gaz, right...

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Gaz doesn't allow maximal embarrassment of the recipient.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:45, Reply)

oh soooo much this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Swipey, you're making your self look like a nymphomaniacal, bunny-boiling sex pest...
Oh. Carry on.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:49, Reply)

jealousy is a very ugly emotion, DF
let it go. i'd happily look at your pink socks too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:50, Reply)

Don't own any
Nor do I play hockey, shave my head or have tattoos of pale blue snowflakes or paw prints.

Just saying.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:54, Reply)

my friend has just had a white tattoo done
she is white. it does not show up very well!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Please tell me it says "SUPREMACY"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:57, Reply)

haha, proper LOL.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:59, Reply)

I only bothered because I knew you were both here, to be honest ..

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:21, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:41, Reply)

I misread your username as MechaApe then
and was thinking "this is unusually funny for him, I should click this".

Then I realised it was you. Par for the course.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:20, Reply)

: (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Oh I don't MEAN it, darling

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:21, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:39, Reply)

The full nelson
Victims are instantly transported to prison and ordered to serve 27 years (or however long he was in you pedantic cunts)
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:22, Reply)

..or have people shout "Ha Ha!" at them?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:23, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Much to my shame
I instantly thought 'doesn't he mean Napoleon, in which case the year was definitely wrong.'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:23, Reply)

no I meant Nelson as in Mandella.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:25, Reply)

That was the second thing I thought of :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:27, Reply)

to be fair, it was the only one I thought of...
you win this round.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Or have their arm cut off
before being shot.
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Or be stored in a barrel of rum.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:25, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Or having to listen to 48hrs of 'comedian' lee nelson
shouting at them through a megaphone
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Oh, he's supposed to be a comedian?
I just thought it was an elaborate kind of cunt-based plot.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:27, Reply)

CLICK

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:27, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:41, Reply)

48 nanoseconds would be too cruel.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:27, Reply)

how many seconds of Bowie does that correlate to?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:37, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:40, Reply)

The How-witzer
It fires giant shells out which come pouring thousands of Gaz Tops and Fred Dineages in a kind of Trojan Horse update for the NOW generation.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:32, Reply)

The Harryer
The world's first ginger jump-jet.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:34, Reply)

where are the pink socks then???

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Fucking spammer
are you on drugs?
( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:41, Reply)

It's worse than that
She's horny
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:43, Reply)

I think it's more that she wants a good laugh.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:44, Reply)

She wants your leg in her pink sock

( Kroney, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:45, Reply)

if she wanted a pink sock
she could watch someone perform a Voltaire's Angry Glove
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:45, Reply)

best of all the broken-glass-based anal violations.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:46, Reply)

I shudder to ask
but how many broken-glass-based anal violations are you familiar with?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Some.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Mostly those that also use a hockey stick

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:50, Reply)

I'd previously been advised that Edinburgh was, y'know, nice
*cancels flights*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:50, Reply)

The Thompson Twins submachine gun
When struck the victim will know what it means to work hard on machines.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

80z lullage.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Turning out squares of tintin I'm guessing

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:51, Reply)

I often wondered what a 'hard on' machine would look like

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:59, Reply)

Fucking hell look who it is! You OK my dear chap?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 18:06, Reply)

Never been better my good man.
Yourself?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 18:57, Reply)

It would look like me!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 15 Aug 2011, 18:10, Reply)

Sybian lols

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 18:12, Reply)

The spam javelin.
It would fire out millions of proto-Montys in a sticky, opaque arc.

I would use it to 'tackle' the 'menace' that is Dr Francesca Stavrakopoulou.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 15 Aug 2011, 17:49, Reply)