I think that's dead.
Would anyone like to imagine what the ideal job for a fellow b3tan might be? I don't think we've done this for a while.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:49, 198 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Monty = host of Bargain Hunt

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Hahaha
Yes, it's Italian, seventeenth century, and fucking shit.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)

I just picture him as halfway between David Dickinson and that other twat who presented it
but more of a cunt

I'd watch it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

My friend produces that,
she's in Australia at the moment filming Bargain Hunt down under.

My licence fee etc etc
(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)

christ
what a piece of shit that will be
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I think tv stations are running out of ideas,
when they take the same shit format, and film it abroad.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)

Nonsense
Strictly Come Dancing has been exported all over the world and... oh.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Does australia actually have anything that was made before 1989 ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Vippers - travel writer.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)

really?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)

I was being sarcastic.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

*cries*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

You've said yourself you've no interest in travelling.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

This is true
fits with whole Devon attitude of "why go across the road, when you can go across the hall?"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

"why get married when my sister has a perfectly good vagina right here"

(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I love that your post is in speech marks

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

You see it's funny because you can imagine Vipros saying it.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Croissant in one hand, sisters minge in the other

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

it's a terrible shame that I don't have a sister

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

Because you can see the benefits now?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)

hahahaha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Unfortunately my minge is a two hand job.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

*dons trunks, goggles and armbands*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)

You'll need some sort of breathing apparatus also.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

And some red string to mark your route back

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:17, Reply)

All he has to do is follow the white string.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

And something with which to battle the minotaur

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Minotaur?
Where's my fucking tractor?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Comrade Quixote - Mr Kipling taste tester.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)

B3th - Brothel keeper.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

She better get that idea out of her head now.
My family run the brothels round these parts.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

rrrrrrrooooooowwwwwwrrrrr
You betcha.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Al - stunt double for Duncan Goodhew

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I'm going to take that as a compliment.
As he's not at all fat.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

He looks like a lumpy penis

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Goodhew's no oil painting either.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

You can't see this
but I'm totally wiping away a tear here.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

From a lumpy penis

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

iping away aanking with my
+s
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Darth
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)

I'd be really good at that actually
I'd apply to be on the show, except I'm scared of being subjected to a witch-hunt by Heat magazine when they dig up my scandalous personal life and find a girlfriend and abject lack of nipple clamps
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Bobby - Joey Deacon impersonator

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Joey Deacon wasn't that fat.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

I would google 'fat retard' but I'm not sure work IT would appreciate it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Turns out you get some quite amusing you tube videos.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

hahaha
You are a bad man Al
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

I like this idea
and will charitably get the obvious meme-based suggestions out of the way.

Monty - Kolombian kartel Kingpin (seewhatIdidthere)
Vipros - ZZ Top emergency reserve member
Rory - Agony Uncle
Al - writer of withering "what the fuck are you doing looking for advice here"-themed fortune cookie messages
Swipey - austerity and humility consultant
Blousie - salacious relationship counsellor whose favourite piece of advice for struggling couples is "threesome?"
AA - female lead in the Green Day broadway musical
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

you meant "hooker", right?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)

What's an agony hooker?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Specialist dominatrix

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Come off it
even people who pay hookers have standards.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Really?
Shit.

*Goes back to the drawing board*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)

What are you doing hanging out with us reprobates?
Aren't you supposed to be getting spoilt rotten?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

You obviously haven't met my husband.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

I might have, I went on holiday to Weston when I was 9
If he was working at the outdoor pool in 1988 tell him there needed to be clearer signs about water depth
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)

You can meet him when you do the Bristol Half
if you come to our pub quiz on the sunday evening.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)

You're thinking of Al darling
I'll be in London with the missus on September 11th.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I'm always thinking of Al.
I thought you were doing the Bristol Half too?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Nah that was never really on the cards sadly
Al and I had planned to do the Nottingham half on the same date, then I realised we were likely to be away somewhere celebrating Ms Foxtrot's b'day. And so it has proved.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I'm in London on the 10th, with my American girls
and may meet up with Gonz for lunch. Would you trust me with Ms Foxtrot?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Of course I would
You're top of the list. Apart from Disasterprone, who's top by default because he HAS met her. However the whole meeting up with B3tans principle is entirely down to her discretion. It's her 30th thing so am acquiescing to whatever she wants (for a change), and she's very shy.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Oh, thanks.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

ha ha. I'm better than you.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Are you jealous or summat?
I'd introduce you to the missus very happily mate, and trust me it's a short list. I would, however, recommend to her ahead of the meeting that she not wear any of her favourite dresses in case you try to have it away.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Well, she definitely wouldn't have that problem with me.
She can't be more than half my size...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I am not giving you my girlfriend's measurements
Although your statement is clearly bollocks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)

whereas your wife clearly has really high standards
and hasn't at all settled for a whining penniless little cunt?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Wait a second
Are you calling YOURSELF a prostitute?

Cos I'm pretty sure Al will do that for you.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

I always thought Blousie
recommended anal
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)

SYFTS - News of the World journalist.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Has he been listening to your v mails again?
Or is he simply a poor excuse for a human being?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I was thinking more of the gobbyness and fondness for a drink.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Don't forget the jingoistic racism.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

and we get back to column b

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

How could I forget : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

A little of column A, a little of column B.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Gonz
Head chef at Cafay Roodge
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)

click

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Oh look
it's your girlfriends
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Monty - Bon vivant and raconteur.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Darth - lift operator at 'The Oxo Tower'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Packer at the fudge factory

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

That sounds boring
As do uphill gardener and backdoor milkman - imagine all the extra walking!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

mr b3th just bought me a really nice hot pink trenchcoat type mac.
I look like a gay spy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Gay-mes Bond

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Uphill gardener?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

In your own time sonny

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Read the time boyo. Mine was on before yours coz I looked.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Boyo?
Terrible, isn't it? Coal mining!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

It's honest work.
Unlike EVERYONE on here.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Are you suggesting that all B3tans have a shoddy work ethic?
ON WHAT GROUNDS?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Evening sir, can I take you up the Oxo tower this evening?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Monty - Editor of NME
It'd certainly improve the output of it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

This week we interview up and coming space rock band Hawkwind...
...again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Can't get much worse...
www.guardian.co.uk/media/2011/aug/18/nme-circulation-falls
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Needs moar tits.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I gotcha tits right here, baby

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Editorial - no good music has been made since Jimi Hendrix died.
Now fuck off.

Remaining pages filled with pictures of Monty's Goatse impression. Montse, if you will.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Click.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Here's a picture from the time he hid a camera up there before doing it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)

coincidentally
it's also had Tim Robbins crawl out of it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Surely that's Susan Sarandon's capacious snatch?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

I have heard that La Sarandon has a fanny like a temporal vortex

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

I hear she was the inspiration for Portal

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Rejected cover art mental image lols

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I have a bit of a thing for her when she was younger

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

You like the Rocky Horror then?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Be warned, Ape:
Answering yes to this question makes you B3ta's chief bumder-in-residence. I don't care if you are married and sprogged-up. Even I think Rocky Horror is too gay for words.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Gonz - proof reader

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)

I'd say this was good news
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/aug/18/dublin-catholics-levy-church-bankruptcy

But I'm sure they'll tap up impoverished Irish folk for more cash
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Ha! the good Lord gives with one hand and takes with the other.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Is that what they call "God's reacharound?"

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I would love to have Monty as my bank manager.
"Extend your overdraft to go out and get spangled?"

"Let's make it a thousand."
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)

Speaking of which
Busy tonight?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Are you cruising for a piece of ass?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I believe the pharse is 'looking for trade'

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Not in 'Highlander-land' it ain't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

So she was YOUR woman?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

this is outstanding work

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:27, Reply)

B3th - giver of hope to boob lovers everywhere

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)

see this
This is why I no longer feel at home here. I'm no fan of the Bert-loving and quite frankly I don't want to hear about my sister's norks.

But for me, I think my ideal job is my current one. Not having one.
( djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

but it's alright for me to hear about your sick sex life with Al
or the enormity of your penis?

MTFU

And we haven't got your card yet. I'd fire your secretary.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Piss off
I was here first. You don't get to move next door to Ministry of Sound and then be outraged at how much noise they're making.

And, quite frankly, I'd rather not hear about my sex life with Alexander myself.
( djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Oh, you love it, you slag!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Good point
None of us here on B3ta are ever subjected to things we don't want to hear ;-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Douché
( djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)

I like this
And incidentally, the club I DJ at in Norwich is subject to a petition to close it every time the licence comes up for renewal, submitted by the twats who live nearby. None of whom have lived there for as long the club's been noisily kicking out at 2am.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)

*jiggles*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Page 3 girl?
They still have those right?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Darth - gyneacologist.

( girlinthehole, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

"Do I *have* to touch them? They're all icky."

( djtrialprice, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Why do women have legs?




Have you seen the mess slugs make?!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)

To ferry food from the kitchen and dirty plates back to it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

I went to a charity do the other day for women born without legs.
The place was crawling with fanny.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Dirty cunts.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Low down bitches

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

He'd be like a fussy pizza delivery boy
Can smell the goods, but has no wish to taste them.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Do Pizza Hut do fish tacos now?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Ah, so THAT's why you wear skirts
Deterrent. Clever.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)

It also helps to aerate his musky anus

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

he should get one of those things you put in a bottle of wine to aerate it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Amorous Badger - short story publisher
Jam Master Geordie - humility and self-awareness life coach
Chompy - joke translator
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Coup coup

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Chompy - interweb detective
TGB - sets up own business: "the big pink storage company," which will eventually increase its capacity when it takes advantage of new "negative space" techniques developed by Labs when he's not busy selling Level 42 merchandise.
Vipros to don an appropriate costume and make a living as a pantomime viking
Wetthaman - wherever someone's bacon has gone too crispy; wherever somebody's pork joint has dried out in the oven; wherever somebody's gammon is a little on the chewy side...he will be there.
B3th to work in a care home full of randy old men
Ape and Jeff to start touring as a highly dysfunctional comedy double-act
Noel to use his l33t taxi-management skills to "get himself a CON-VOY!" If such a thing can provide income, that is.
Al to provide a service as a novelty garden roller.
Happybara - fuck knows, short thighs must be good for something...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Rory Lyon
Motivational speaker
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)

kristine should have the job of brushing unicorns

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

and polishing their hooves
is it a euphemism?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

+up against
unicornsyoung boys
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)

gonz - chef
bgb - male lingerie consultant
DF - dance instructor (oooh, spaghetti-arms)
amberl - lawyer
bella - "big issue" seller
kroney - mechanic/vintage car restorer
crow - timotei model
vipros - lifeguard
al - organ donor
kristine - dog/man trainer
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

The only organ al could donate
would be his nicely bloated liver, to a producer of fine French patés.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

we don't need to find a patient desperate enough to take them, just taking them out would be sufficient
OR he could just donate his fingers and his head dobber, that would have the same effect for the rest of us on here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Oh.
I was looking forward to some Geordie Paté and all...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)

we don't always get what we want in life, crow

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)

this is true
for example, I have never seen a picture of your tits sitting comfortably in my gazbox
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

steady on albert!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

how very dare you!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I don't care enough about other people to want to save their lives

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

no but you'd care about sitting high up above the beach
getting stoned and strumming yourself. that's how i picture you.

your guitar, i mean.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

That was surprisingly generous of you

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

i know
i mean, i don't really think they'd let someone with so few social skills sell the "big issue"...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

...and we're back to type

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

oh come on, it makes a change from ribbing you about being bent!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

assistance
my mrs wants a new phone. With the amount she wants to spend a month, getting an iphone is prohibitively expensive.

Which other phone would you recommend? Not a massive one for preference.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

My Nokia N8 is superb - simply because the camera on it is better than many stand-alone cameras.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

*cries*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I want to take pics of my kid jumping about.
I'm not 'into photography' and the camera on that phone is better than the bog standard £100 digital camera I had. Therefore I only need carry one item around and the photos are FINE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

but but but
the shutter lag
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:31, Reply)

I just got one of those to replace the N900 that UPS lost.

( Kroney, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)

I got my Samsung Galaxy for £25 a month, and added unlimited texts for another fiver.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

I bought a Samsung Galaxy S2 from Amazin
And pay £10/month for a sim-only deal...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

depends on the deal, dude
my iphone was about £50 because i took a 2 year contract with orange?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Are you asking him or telling him?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

he's from devon
it doesn't really matter either way
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:32, Reply)

that's true
I automatically know better
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

I am aware of that
trying to gauge what sort of phone, because other than an iphone I haven't used any of them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

HTC's are good but the chargers are a bit shit.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)

The HTC Desire
appears to generally be thought of as the best smart phone available at the moment.

I have a Blackberry Torch, if you want to send and receive e-mails they are great, for most other stuff, they aren't.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

that's good to know
do you know how the wildfire S stacks up?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Sensation is out now, which is an upgrade

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)

neither of us want to pay enough a month to get the newest phone without having to pay several hundred
can get a decent package for £25 with a free Desire
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

That's what I've got, it's good.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

is it a bit massive?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Well yes, but chicks like it.
Oh the phone, nah it's almost exactly the same size of the iPhone, bigger than my last phone but you get used to it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:36, Reply)

ok that's cool
neither of us have smartphones at the moment, so anything is going to be bigger anyway.

Thanks for the advice.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

I had a palm pre which was surprisingly excellent
I've jumped on the Android bandwagon now though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

thanks for your input everyone

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Albert Marshmillow really is the creepiest person on the planet, isn't he?
b3ta.com/questions/firstrudething/post1324130
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)

he's getting there
doesn't seem to have any shame in it, which goes a long way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

...yes
And if I'm wrong, I hope to never encounter the reigning champion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Is that the hentai person?
I read that when he first posted it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Naw that was paof something or other
This guy likes to stalk people's hotmail accounts and other dubious activity.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)

he's faking it
it all sounds very false
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Is it my imagination
or are there a lot more trolls than usual around here this summer?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

it was a cold winter
but the frost was early so it didn't kill them off when they were just shoots
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

If it was false
Surely it would be funny?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I'm afraid that assumes that there aren't people
on b3ta who do things they think are funny but aren't
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

my own view
is that whoever it is writes them to laugh at the reactions, not the story itself. he thinks he is trolling the trolls.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)