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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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graphic descriptions (no, not that kind)
i have just been put off my delicious burrito by seeing the byford dolphin diving bell accident described as "human toothpaste".

gimme some other great descriptions/similes/metaphors?

alt: do you get put off your food? what does it take to do so?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 13:55, 187 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
"she had a fanny like a burst badger"
It's pretty hard to put me off my food as obviously I'm an internet LOLfatty. As we all are.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 13:58, Reply)
eeeow that's grim
and i thought britney's "badly packed spotty kebab" was grim.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)
she didn't speak too highly of your ladyparts either.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)
this is a total lie
they are immaculately smoothly waxed, so clean you could eat your dinner from them, and tighter than a byford dolphin diving bell chamber.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:03, Reply)
POIDH
A gaz will be fine.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)
i'll add it to the request list
expect your clunge-gaz in 19-21 years
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)
won't it be wrinkly by then?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)
She'll be about my age you cheeker bugger.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
oops

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)
you're 55?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
No 46.
I thought Swipey was mid twenties.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)
you've met me
i really do love you
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Haha!
I would never have guessed mid thirties?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Haha
Fuck, she's old.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)
early thirties
you snivelling little manchild
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
A manchild I am
but little and snivelling, I am not.

Anyway, shut up, grandma.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
to be fair, so did I, but she's not.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)
well
i was when i started posting on here.

sigh.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
snap.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
cheers, but I'll be too old to care by then
Never mind, I'm sure I'll cope.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
no you won't
you'll still care. you might not be able to act on it though.

like "family guy" where the old dude is hitting his crotch and hollering: "work, damn you!"
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Meh, I'm sure it's lovely and all....
but I doubt it's worth the wait
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
reverse psychology almost works

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:18, Reply)
no, reverse psychology would be being the person that never asked y.....

oh, hang on.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
i'm so sleepy after a giant burrito
and getting up at 6am for the gym. urgh.

can't you wake me up?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Sorry petal ... work calls.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Really?
I doubt it, you're about as likely to actually gaz anyone on here pictures of body parts as I am to cry myself to sleep over not having seen your fanny.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
sadly
i have done it before. in the past.

actually.... that was by text.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Oh yeah?
To a b3tan? I've sent mms messages of bits and bobs to girlfiends before, but that's different.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
The trouble with being a man
is that you only have the one bit and bob to send.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)
Yes, I thought of that as I typed it. It went down well though.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I never have a problem with it going down.
it's keeping it up that gives me problems.

HAHAHA

*cries*
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
Poor kroney.
Tell you what, you seduce them, turn out the light and i'll nip in and service them and then nip out again so you can do all the cuddling and shit, sound fair?
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
An nice arse shot is always welcome.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
If only I had a nice arse.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Pfft!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)
A saggy hairy one, however
often offends
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
you want a picture of a 9atm explosive decompression of a dive chamber?
freak.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)

burst badger dead hedgehog
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:00, Reply)
man, if it had spines even I would think twice.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)
only about where to stick it

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:03, Reply)
well, yeah, "in someone else"
I feel.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:04, Reply)
i meant whereabouts into the spiny burst hedgehog
sigh. don't make me revoke your crown as "reasonably intelligent board member", mm-kay?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:07, Reply)
I know you did.
I was merely maintaining that I have some standards.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)
like i don't know you better than that by now

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:08, Reply)
I've never asked you for a titgaz
that makes me pretty much morally untouchable on here, surely?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)
true
in this particular land of the blind, you as the one-eyed man are king.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
A slice of ham on a barbershop's floor.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)
quorn curtains.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:01, Reply)
Vegetarian friendly!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Only maggots put me of my food.
Tiny squirming little fuckers.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 13:59, Reply)
If they were in my food, I might consider that a put-off!

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:02, Reply)
Just typing the word maggots makes me feel ill.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:06, Reply)
To steal one from Tourettes
'She's got a clit like a silverback's knuckle'

Alt: Never.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Nipples like Scammell Wheel-nuts

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)
BURGERNIPS!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
Like fighter pilot's thumbs

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:11, Reply)
that's when they stick out, right?
like chapel hat pegs?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
It's a bit of an obselete one
It's because older fighter plane trigger buttons are often on top of the joystick so you'd use your thumb to fire, so they'd get big with over-use.

It's rubbish if you have to explain it so yours is probably better.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
chapel hatpegs

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Tank starter buttons

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I once saw a bloke topless on the beach in Blackpool
whose nipples looked exactly like slices of Peperami.
(berk, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I was once challenged to "describe working here" to a bunch of interviewees
I said "do you want the basket of kittens metaphor?"
She said "sure"
I said "it's like treading in a basket of kittens."
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:09, Reply)
So, 'a right fucking laugh and sexually stimulating' eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:13, Reply)
also crunchy

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
Crunchy is indeed a right fucking laugh and sexually stimulating.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)
I want this on my gravestone

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)
alt: very little
except people putting their paper napkins on their plate, especially if there is food on there. I hate it when people do that
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:10, Reply)
Only one thing is capable of putting me off my food: cocaine.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Looks like a Bulldog eating porridge.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:12, Reply)
'Face like a bucket of broken twats' is a good one.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
"like she was set on fire and put out with the ugly bat"

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:15, Reply)
"like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
I have a friend who once described an encounter with a gentleman
as 'I ate more cheese going down on him than I did when I spent a week in Paris'. It takes a lot to give me the ick, but that surely did it, especially as I know the gentleman in question and I do not know what she was thinking.
(berk, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:14, Reply)
*bokes*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
She's a great mate
but by christ she can be a total skank.
(berk, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)
nice.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:17, Reply)
yetch.
just why would you? but once have I been with a woman with poor personal hygiene, and I got half way down there, took one wiff and backed up double quick. How on god's earth would any woman not do the same?

and can I have her phone number
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
She said she didn't want to be impolite
as he had delivered such spectacular cunnilingus she thought it would be rude not to return the favour. And she was pissed.
(berk, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Definitely want her number then
low standards and a desire to please
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Hay, you've already got someone with low standards and a desire to please !
no fair !
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)
it's a sweet offer gonz, but while technically you have breasts....
They are not the kind I like.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Manners are so hard to come by nowadays.
Pass on my appreciation.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
damn
beat me to it
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
REBOUND CHEESE ! REBOUND CHEESE ! REBOUND CHEESE !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
It's like a explicit version of Shooting Stars in here.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Being able to hear or see other peoples' food in their mouths.
Nothing turns my stomach faster.

This doesn't answer your question.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:16, Reply)
well answer it then

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Can you recommend any Australian short story writers?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:20, Reply)
I really can't

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Me neither. Ah well.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
They appear to be all fucking shit

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:22, Reply)
I think you're going to need to publish a lot more stories
before you can make that kind of judgement.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
Er, Al
How many Reverends have you fisted lately? Do the groundwork before posting, please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
Darth, you're a spectacular retard, so I'm gonna break this down for you.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1329085

In this post Reverend Fister responded to apeloverage's comment that only people who had published better stories should comment negatively on his.

I made the same joke because Fister said all authors were shit.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
That is a fucking lie.
Only all of the Australian ones.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Their cricket team are fucking shit

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)
I'm inclined to agree

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
Yes I know that Al
I was attempting to elaborate on the notion
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
But nobody commented on that guys ability to love apes.
So your attempt at being funny failed spectacularly.


Bender.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
YEAH IT DID
And it won't be the last!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
A friend of mine told me of a sexual encounter with a well-endowed Swedish gentleman once
She told me that she didn't know whether to sit on it or lean up against it and wait for a bus
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:26, Reply)
haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)
What's worst than shoving 12 oysters up your granny's fanny?
Shoving 12 oysters up your granny's fanny and licking out 13.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Now THAT has put me off my food.

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I read that as Oyster card and kept thinking 'eh?'
Then I read it properly. I wish I didn't, hahaha that's fucking grim.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
Grinning
like a fox eating shit off a wire brush.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I like that one

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp
is also a good one.
(berk, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
BOBFOC
Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)
I'm a big fan of "Waving a wand in Hogwarts"
Although the simple expression "bucketfanny" is also very amusing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)
I like "opened the window and fucked the street"

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)

street night
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
I can't believe it's not butter.
It's like lobbing a hotdog down a hallway.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
rolling a marble down a bowling alley

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Like fucking a bucket of water

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)
String in a bucket.
Toothpick in a volcano.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Is it getting a bit slow again?
Shall I explain something to pass the time?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Can you explain why a downloaded ebook isn't as high quality as a published book please.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
In what context, sorry?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
I want numbers and pixels and a scientific reason why a paperback is better quality than an ebook
and then I can tell you why it doesn't matter.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Oh right, that.
Yeah sorry Al, you're still wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Also
why an ebook costs just as much as a real book.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
books look lovely
an ebook looks like you're still at work
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Even when you read it on your leather bound reader?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Swipe doesn't buy leather products Al
She's a vegetarian
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)
I've never understood this
I mean, they're not going to be chewing on it, so what's the fucking problem?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Initially, it was meant as a joke, as Swipe is what I would call a partial vegetarian
Whether or not a veggie feels comfortable buying leather products is dependent on their reasons for being vegetarian. If it's because they don't like the taste of meat, then fair enough, buy leather shoes (but you're weird). If they don't eat meat because they feel that animals are entitled to not die for our sakes, buying leather is hypocritical.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)

hypocritical sexy
(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)
FINALLY
Al has admitted what we always suspected
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
as long as it's about
particle physics
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
I'll have a bash, what is it you would like explained?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
You know how when you put your headphones down in a straight line, with no part touching any other
and they end up in a massive tangle of knots by the time you pick them up again?

Explain that. With science.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Brownian Motion.
On a macro scale.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Use words I understand please

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
I would have thought
of all people on here, you would have had the most experience of 'brownian motion'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)
The alternate name for Brownian Motion is "Pedesis"
Made me chuckle. Sounds liek "paedo"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
LOL!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)
When he was trying to squeeze past a bloke in the pub on the way to the toilets
he tapped him on the shoulder and said "Can I push your stool in?"
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)
This is a very old joke, you cunt.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)
The actual reason is down to inputted energy. It won't happen if you lay your headphones down in a straight line on your desk and don't touch them.
It will happen though, if you fold them neatly and put them in your pocket. The reason lies in entropy. When you have a system (headphone cables) with many possible states and then you input energy to scramble the current system, it is far more likely that the resulting system will seem disordered. Walking around inputs energy to the cable in your pocket.

This is because there are far more potential disordered states than order states and when you move around, thus inputting energy and therefore movement into the system, it's statistically improbable that you'll end up with a neat system, let alone the precise system you left it in.

"Brownian motion" was tongue in cheek.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)
isn't that entropy rather than chaos theory?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
Honestly, I'm not sure. As I understand it, entropy describes thermodynamics
whereas chaos theory describes the apparently random movements of matter based on existant but not observable causes.

You're probably right, I shall correct it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)
I think entropy can be other stuff to
it's used in communication studies, too, to describe trnasfer of information or something, but I think that's more metaphorical
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
It's gremlins.
Scientific ones.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Don't forget the doohickies.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Oh, yeah, the doohickies.
that's the bit I always forget.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
there was a thing recently
where someone invented a way to wrap headphones and things so they wouldn't tangle
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)
It's my birthday next Friday
*looks hopeful*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)
it's not a thing
it's a technique
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Get me something else then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)
I hope you're taking a note
of all our birthdays.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)
I know yours
and that's what matters
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)
It certainly is.
I'll let you know when I've posted yours.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Thank you again :-)

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)
Not fussy
I just haven't bought a New Scientist in a while and I'd like to know something new I can bore my workmates with tomorrow
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Oh fuck, I just wiki'd that byford chamber, they went from 9atm to 1atm in a fraction of a second, did you see a picture or something, because I really really DO NOT need to see that.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
NO!
urgh!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)
One guy got squeezed out of a hole 60cm in diameter

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
It's like Darth's nocturnal activities in reverse!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)
BTW apeloverage has just responded to our battering of him.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)
*runs off to check this shit out*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)
I replied and everything

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
Wait a sec, it's a bloke? Seriously? Is he 13 years old or something?
He's like those cunts who call themselves 'photographers' because they have been 'published' having a single photo used on some shitty little mate's company website; and goes on and on about Creative Commons on Flickr.

What the hell kind of prententious twat bangs on so much about their "poem" or "stories" or "writtings" that are on their own blog and then fucks off (unless there is negative responce, where they get mardy).

I feel like shouting at him "FOR FUCKS SAKE, OK, I'LL PRINT IT OFF AND PUT IT ON THE FRIDGE, CAN YOU STOP CRYING NOW PLEASE?".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)
And then the only person he has a go at is the only apparent girl there (guessing, didn't look).
Aww BLESS, did she turn him down? Did he think he was in with a chance by being all 'deep' and 'dark' and 'meaningful' ? He's about as deep as an unoffical Twilight poster made in japan and sold in corner-shops. Wait, he's not even that deep, because no one would buy his content.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Your first paragraph there, Gonz
is the precise reason why I was so scathing of him. I feel a bit bad about it now, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)
You mean him being 13 or the photographer one?
Because eaither way, we'd be doing him a big favour, or at least, his parents, while he bleets on and on about becoming an author instead of getting a job that means he can pay housekeeping to his 'rents... asking to be sent to 'creative writing workshops' involving some poet that's only income is doing these 'creative writing workshops' to begin with, "BUT HE'S REALLY REALLY BIG AND HE CAN PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH PENGUIN BOOKS, LOOK AT STEVEN KING AND JK ROLLING AND TOLKEN AND SHAKESPEAR... SO MANY AUTHORS OUT THERE ARE RICH AND CAN MAKE IT".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
I went out at lunch
and some little scrotebag said to me 'I wouldn't mind you sucking my nuts'. Which put me right off my sandwich :/
(DeeDee, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)
the movie trainspotting put me off my dinner

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
was it the accents?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
This nearly made me cough my dinner back up
comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=350217&no=20&weekday=tue%22

Does that count?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
That's not scary you girl you.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Freaked me out.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I don't understand that, or it doesn't work.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Wait until the page has fully loaded, then scroll down.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Can you just tell me what it is and then I'll decide if I want to or not.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
It's a webcomic short with some clever animation halfway through.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)
It made me jump

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
and me :(
I don't like jumping
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)
*is not surprised*
I'm well ard innit.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)
are you calling me a poof?

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Yes I am.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Have you seen the latest meerkat advert, where they jump a mile when the dog barks?
Yeah, that's what I did.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)
That advert makes me laugh despite myself.
And afterwards I spiral down into a pit of self-loathing.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)
Not really, you're a veteran of the munchy box no less, if you can handle a sitting of that, then you can have no fear.

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 23 Aug 2011, 15:17, Reply)

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