Look, Don Draper wants to be friends
www.b3ta.com/questions/bugs_and_feature_requests/post1335720

But b3ta won't let him.

EDIT - the fucking spineless cunt has fucked off again in his usual pathetic nonce like style.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:18, 89 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

just the one thought, really
you are edmund AICMFP.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Maybe we should all make friends with him, then leave all at once
driving him to KFC once and for all
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Duly commented on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I fucking hate guardian readers sometimes
www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/poll/2011/aug/30/homeopathy-nhs
(PsychoChomp, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)

It's always the same arguments between the same trolls and puritanical twats.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

so it's like b3ta
but with those doily hats?
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Pretty much

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Just with a swear filter.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)

There's one of those on b3ta as well, or at least there used to be one.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

It's more just a moderator
who actually deletes stuff when people get personal.

If they did that here there wouldn't be any posts left.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Oh yeah, it's still there on update your profile,
not that I'd use it, I like swearing, it's big and clever.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

No fucking way, man!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

...and less 'tricky end of level boss' references.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:34, Reply)

You're a card Monty.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

One of those ones you use to take stool samples.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I had to take a stool sample to the doctor's once.
I ended up not going as I couldn't fit the legs into the test tube.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:41, Reply)

BOOM BOOM!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:43, Reply)

The subsequent diagnosis of bowel cancer six months later was a bit of a shitter, though.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:45, Reply)

is that some sort of scouse joke I'm not getting?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:35, Reply)

No it's an 'adults discussing without a hint of irony the trials and tribulations of various computer games they've played' joke.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:38, Reply)

What are you having for dinner?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:39, Reply)

Nommy sammiches.
If my level 9 paladin isn't caught up in the fishy caves of Tw'aaa't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I've been making a bolognese sauce all afternoon.
The sauce is basically a little bit of tomato puree and a shed load of red wine, then reduced down. Pretty intense flavour, if I say so myself. Needs a tad more puree, though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Which herbs have you put in?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Just some oregano at the moment.
And some black pepper for seasoning. I may add a sprinkle of fresh parsley towards the end.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

no garlic at any stage?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Yep, a couple of cloves but not too much.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

good man

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Needs MOAR onions, MOAR carrotts and MOAR celery
EDIT: MAOR pancetta cubes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

The onions are there, the carrots will follow shortly.
But celery? Are you out of your bloody mind?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:08, Reply)

Nope, I hate celery witha passion
however Onions, carrots and celery are the base of so many good dishes. promise you won't taste the celery at all.

you must dice them all finely though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

I can detect celery in a dish no matter how faint the trace.
I usually grate the carrot in as well, I find it gives a nice balanced sweetness to the dish, that's not too in your face and still savoury enough to be nomtastic.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:12, Reply)

This post is an entirely ironic
'I couldn't give a fuck' joke
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Maps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111

(PsychoChomp, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:44, Reply)

hahaha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Yeah durr, history's for idiots. Pretending to drive a car is way cool.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Every post I can see on there is rational
And they all say no.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:18, Reply)

Now I'm not normally one to support pseudo science,
But I think it should be allowed, but only to those willing to pay ten times the normal prescription charge. And I mean pay, not available to freeloaders.

It would be this expensive to convince those wishing to partake of its efficacy, and the rarity of the ingredients, that the prescription contains. Each pharmacist would be sent a bottle buxton water to issue as the magic remedy. He can charge more if he pisses in it before bottling for the mental.

Result, the NHS would make a fortune.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

He's looking for opera-friends

( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:40, Reply)

That he can opera-te upon.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:42, Reply)

HAHAHA
I posted a reference to him mending a broken hand and now he's deleted his post.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Specifically I posted
"I don't know about that but I tried setting a broken hand once and just made it worse. Thoughts?"
( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:44, Reply)

I did wonder why Al had linked an empty page
Who is this Draper fellow?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

It's Craig Colclough or Clodough or however the fuck you spell it.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Nothing to do with me.

(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Oh you wag.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

great, a sockpuppet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

That evergreen comedic device beloved of all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I NO RITE!!!!

(althegeordie is not really a geordie, is really a virgin, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Hahahaha!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Edmund.
I'm normally fairly sceptical about people claiming that blue-names are x, y and z but I can't see why he'd delete his post after that particular reference if he wasn't Edmund.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

I've missed something here
Some part of B3ta folklore with which I'm unfamiliar
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:55, Reply)

He's been all over b3ta and the news.
How have you missed out on Edmund?
( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

DG's link below suggests he's a compulsive liar with various fantastical elements to his CV
I can see why he came here, etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:01, Reply)

He also ended up in prison over it all.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

google is your friend
www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Craig_Colclough
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:58, Reply)

He broke his hand fisting his step brother
who was 15 at the time
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I'm aware of Edmund, but no idea how we decided that this was him

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Start making reference to well-known Edmundisms and see how long he sticks around for.
Like I said, I can't think of any reason why a geniune new posterwould immediately delete his post once somebody made reference to an Edism.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:02, Reply)

So we're just going to do that with every new poster?
No wonder this place is dying on it's arse.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Fuck off Bert was getting old

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

it really really seems like him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Can someone list the top ten ways to spot Edmund please?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I'd say 'point the finger', but we all know what happened last time he got his hands on someone who did that.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:16, Reply)

I know nothing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Look, he's posted a massive lie on QOTW too
b3ta.com/questions/overheard/post1332596?highlight=answers-post-1335240
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 16:57, Reply)

that does just reek of Edmund
and if I can see that then it's got to be obvious
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:05, Reply)

OK, this has gone far enough...
...I am NOT this Edmund chap you lot keep talking about. Though, I must say, his story is funny! I'm just a newbie, nothing more. I don't know why people are thinking this of me. I wish there was some way of proving it to you, but unfortunately, there isn't. So, if I offend you that much, then please leave me alone. Hence, why I deleted my bugs post because I was getting silly answers!

Edit: this is very much akin to the witch trials!
(Don Draper is, indeed, mad and a man., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Please be Edmund.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:08, Reply)

If you're not Edmund, you genuinely have my sympathy for the pasting you're going to take over it
but asking OffTopic to leave you alone is a futile gesture
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

FUCK YOU*
* Not really**

**no really
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:12, Reply)

If you're not Edmund
then just roll with it. Darth's not really gay, he's just bi-curious, but he soon got past all the jibes and now embraces his on-line fruit-picking sodomite persona with gay abandon.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:16, Reply)

shhhhh, you'll ruin it!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Don't tell him I'm bi-curious
What if he munts?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:20, Reply)

What if he Ed-munts?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Munting is munting
(click)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Naked photos with a copy of todays sun covering your junk.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:16, Reply)

I have no idea, Don. I don't know how Al has the time to read such a large body of text during work.
But I'll tell you what, Don, if you don't stop bullying Al, I'll do time. I'll do time and I'll walk it. Mitigating.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:35, Reply)

if you're new
you are either edmund, bert, or rogerboresme.

you have fucked neither your sister nor your cat. therefore you are edmund.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:36, Reply)

You're not a newbie, your account is two years old
but all of a sudden you've started posting long eloquent tales of things that may or may not have happened.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:38, Reply)

No web access in chokey, is there?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Hadn't you heard?
It's all playstations, Sky TV and wall to wall fanny, courtesy of 'bag a female warder Fridays'.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Fucking prisoners, got it well too easy
they should all get bread and water and bare knuckle fights to the death.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Exactly.
And bummed in the shower.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Oh, you were suspected of being a witch?
Was this before, or after, your career in the Army?
( Kroney, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:49, Reply)

There is absolutely not one single fucking chance in hell
potassium dichromate would be kept "in a shed" by an Afghan suicide bomber, let alone a chemical company. It has an MSDS that would make John George Haigh walk quickly the other way.

Just sayin.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:27, Reply)

I keep mine in a sock under my bed
That was a pretty wank I can tell you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:31, Reply)

it's this sort of thing that makes it seem like him
it goes into too much detail on stuff like that, and is often wrong.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:32, Reply)

and the length of the posts
and the self-righteous tone to it, even though it is expressed as someone who was genuinely trying to do the right thing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:40, Reply)

I just ate yoghurt covered blueberries
They were 'nyom' and had nothing to do with Edmund
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:06, Reply)

Turns out the guy who was killed by the shark was from quite close to where I grew up
Ah well, that's about all that's happened to me today.

Fucking hell, how dull.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Robert Shaw was from Macclesfield????
Fuck me, you live and learn.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Haha
I said where I grew up anyway, not where I live now.

EDIT: Turns out Robert Shaw was born not a huge distance away from there either!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:11, Reply)

I feel like hell today
I blame you for this
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:10, Reply)

It's entirely your fault.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Up late bumming each other whilst a large Ukranain languidly wacks off in the corner
occasionally throwing coppers at you and spitting on the floor.

Or did you drink too much?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:14, Reply)

You bought me a pint on Saturday
Therefore it is at least partially your fault
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I donno, I wish I knew a fat chick so I can borrow her clothes and dress in drag, I think I'd make a wicked drag queen.
I guess Rachael's clothes would be the closest to fitting me, out of women on here.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:37, Reply)

*volunteers*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:37, Reply)

You're pretty much spot on actually Gonz, she is about the same size as you.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Do you think she'd lend me her La Senzas ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

I've never warn more than my monthly wage in clothing before.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:42, Reply)

I reckon, right, you cook her one of your meals
you know, properly pull out all the stops, no scrimping on the trimming or anything, and I reckon she might leave you her undies afterwards.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Oh man, maybe home made fish'n'chips?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 18:05, Reply)

You'd have to be considerably bigger than you are
to have moobs the size of her norks. And not even women share their suspenders and the like, so....no.
(berk, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Evening, Berklington.
You coming to the BA$HHH?

Just trying to keep the HOT CHICK numbers up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:51, Reply)

I most certainly am
and I am looking forward to it greatly.
(berk, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:55, Reply)

I'm not :(
But the missus is :)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:57, Reply)

Boo and woo in equal measures
I take it one of you is staying at home to keep the young 'un in check?
(berk, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 18:01, Reply)

Magnificent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 18:05, Reply)

also darling
i can't believe he thinks i would stoop to the high street for my stockings and suspenders... :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:53, Reply)

Gonz is dyslexic.
He meant to type 'sportscar'.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:53, Reply)

that also
does not take easily to the high street
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:55, Reply)

I guess you're right, it _is_ unusual for you to be wearing knickers in the first place.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:56, Reply)

Pffffffffffffftt!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:57, Reply)

Totally taking the implication that I have fried eggs for tits, like beck letters, as a compliment.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 17:57, Reply)