I had duck achai last night.
It was fucking nom. Kind of halfway between Indian and Chinese. Lots of tamarind and a dark, aromatic sauce.

What was the last new food SENSATION to ROCK your shitty world?

Alt: I'm not 100% sure, but I reckon Nakers might be the most titanic helmcheese to have ever lived. Name a bigger one. I bet you can't. Nick Griffin is like waaay super cool compared with Ol' Nakin' Stevens here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:44, 127 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Threadstomping shitcunt!!
And new food wise, discovering the joys of mange tout.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:45, Reply)

Mange tout are nice
I usually end up eating most of them raw before they get into the stir-fry
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

They go oddly well with steak.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

I had loads of proper nom food in London
The one that springs to mind is dry meat, but you obviously know all about that. Have soem fantastic tiramisu ice cream from a place called Scoop in Covent Garden.

Alt answer is an obvious alt answer; Liam Gallagher.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Compared with Nakers, Liam G is like Antonio Fargas.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:48, Reply)

"Liam G" sounds like a member of Goldie Lookin Chain
but, ironically, even less talented
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:53, Reply)

You knows it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Safe as fuck

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Indo-chinese fusion works well in my limited experience
My local Indian genius of a chef does a Paneer Manchurian which is absofuckinglutely nom.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:48, Reply)

It certainly is a candidate, yes
Very drunk in an Indian near Baker St a few years ago we ordered Muttor Paneer which we misread, thinking it would be Mutton. Turns out cheesy peas are fucking brilliant - by accident!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Muttar is peas
This is something different, the paneer is cooked with loads of ginger, chili and soy sauce.
But you are correct cheesy peas is delicious. Paneer is food of the (Indian) gods.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Sorry, yes
Muttar Paneer

My local Indian takeaway does a Royal Pilau with flaked almonds and Paneer. Fucking lovely
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Yorkshire Curd
Two unappealling words that come together to make the best pastry based foodstuff I have had in a long long time.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:48, Reply)

Using guinea fowl in Coq au Vin instead of chicken - better depth of flavour.
Chimichurri - for which I thank you, you scruffy-looking homo.

ALT: Bono.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Compared with Nakers, Bono is like Kool Moe Dee from The Treacherous Three.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:55, Reply)

The same Kool Moe Dee who made a guest appearance alongside Sisqo on Will Smith's self-aggrandising single Wild Wild West?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I felt a disturbance in the cool
like a thousand Monty's crying out.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:07, Reply)

very good sir. very good.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Between about 1980 and 83 he was arguably the best MC out there.
Perhaps Keith Cowboy from the Furious Five or Spoonie Gee were in the same quality bracket.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

As if I can argue the point here
It'd be like you making a case for Michael Malitowsky over Bryan Watson
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

The opticians I'm in
seems to be staffed entirely by attractive girls.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:50, Reply)

Reappraise this once you've actually put some glasses on

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:51, Reply)

No really!
I checked again with my bad eye closed
( Kroney, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:52, Reply)

So you winked at them all?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:56, Reply)

i a
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:57, Reply)

I'm nothing if not a lady's man

( Kroney, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Or a sex offender.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:59, Reply)

man reproductive organs
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:01, Reply)

They often seem to be don't they?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:52, Reply)

I don't go in them often enough to judge
this is the first time i've been in a good fourteen years
( Kroney, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 14:53, Reply)

s + old.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:01, Reply)

I hate you
and all of your kind
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

You don't like people who wear glasses?
How odd.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

I hate people whose eyes work

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Because they won't sleep with you?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

zing!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:25, Reply)

This is genuinely very good
Am looking forward to Gonz criticising my spelling too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:29, Reply)

It's your fault
For having inferior genes.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Not been since 2002 when I got my MechaEye$

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I don't think I've ever been in an opticians
I must be missing something.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Possibly the door
blind lolz
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I also find them to be ludicrously overstaffed
I can't believe that my local optician is so busy that they need four counter staff as well as the optician. Unless he is trying to increase his attractive girl quota - most of the counter staff are the horrific sort of harridan that you usually get at the GP tring to prevent you from seeing the doctor. There is only one attractive one.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Waitrose does these seafood sticks, they taste amazing and are about an inch thick, maybe even bigger (I'm not good in thinking in inches, more of a cm man), they're twice the fatness of the average one.
And they taste really nice, like lobster...and the texture is like a thick crab claw.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

I may check this out next week
I like crabsticks for some reason
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

stick

because your missus lets sailors up her round the back of the bins on a saturday night?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

She has stopped this now though
She told me. She is going out on Friday though. I'll douse her when she gets in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

I love most crabsticks, I'd rather have them than inconsiquential prawns, in my pasta...
... and they're amazing for bulking out Crab'n'Sweetcorn soup from the chinese.

I'll take a photo of the brand when I get home, they do two, one of them are ace, the other one I haven't tried but look alright.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Bloody hell
You're making me hungry now. I'm so having a chinese when I get home this evening. No, you can't come round and watch Hollyoaks, you'll scare my housemates.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Hi Everybody!
Can anyone link me to that rather amusing picture of Monty on a childs playground ride
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Come on, someone must know where the original went

(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Can't see it yet. Will this do for now?
www.b3tards.com/u/14ebb740f3120de4f77d/highhorse.jpg
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

No, I want the source image for something I'm doing.
thanks for that though.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I'm all about the game recently
mad for the wood pigeon.

Alt: Nakkers has some way to go to beat Rebekah Wade/Brooks
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:10, Reply)

But amusingly she doesn't have to go far to beat Ross Kemp.
She just rolls over in bed and he shits himself in fear.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

badum-tish.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

So that's why he does all that army and gang shit.
It's easier than having to deal with her.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Compared with Nakie-poos here
Rebekah Wade is like John Shaft.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

INTERESTING STATISTICS
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15108966
you fat cunts.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:17, Reply)

OXY MORON

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:22, Reply)

It hints at the answer to the eternal question.
"Why are you all such fat cunts?"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:25, Reply)

The new internet spot treatment

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Alt
James Harries,
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:26, Reply)

James Lauren
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I heard that Nakers was trans-gendered too

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Compared with Nakers
Lauren Harries is like Chuck Norris.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Slightly the other way
but after never having a vindaloo I was quite disappointed with it. Not nearly as tasty as other curries and not even particularly hot either. I quickly moved onto a phaal, of which my first one lulled me into a false sense of security by being comparitively mild. The 2nd and 3rd were arseburners though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Vindaloo is not inherently a hot dish.
What it is, is sour. It's a peculiarity of UK restaurant tradition that it is also generally very hot. This is not the case in India.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:41, Reply)

It just didn't have very much taste

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

sausage dip

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:39, Reply)

What do you dip it in?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:41, Reply)

A gentleman never reveals, Al.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Good point
Kristine is a true gentleman.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:45, Reply)

it's too bad you didnt take this seriously, because sausage dip is no fucking joke
I was going to give you the recipe and everything because it is amazing
Nevermind then
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Al's just blown it BIG TIME re the old Dip du Saucisson, eh Krimbly?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Al blows "sausages" all the time
So the toilet wall grafitti tells me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

I can't believe you're the cunt that takes the piss
and I'm the one that misses out. I hate you even more now and your birthday card is going to be fucking shit now.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Oh come on offtopic - entertain me.
Too slow and boring today.
You know who I blame? That Ape chap. What a cunt, eh?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Not loverage - he's even written a book to try and entertain me
No that horrible Naked Ape.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

You mean entertain in the loosest possible sense
re the diet, it's been over two months but not much change.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I mean in any possible sense.
How can there not be much change? From what you detail on here, even typing must be burning more calories than you consume.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Slow metabolism I guess

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Stopped more like
You said (I think) that you were on 400 cals a day. Is that right? You also said (I think once more) that you had lost 11 pounds
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

yeah 11 pounds
but I'd been hoping (and expecting) more. Still on 400 calories a day, though I had one break day where 30 shots of gin put me on to 1600, plus the inevitable need for chicken after wards.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

This is allowed
Gin is practically a health food - it has the "memory" of plants and seeds in it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I seem to remember some cleverer chap than me deconstructing the whole slow metabolism myth on here recently
I'd love to be able to offer help and advice, but I know nothing of your start weight, height, target, etc. and it would be unchivalrous of me to ask.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

It could just be that I'm supposed to be fat I guess
but all of the people in my family are slim- my sisters are size 6 and 10 respectively. I'm betting I'm the milkman's child, backed up by the fact I'm the only one with green eyes and blond hair.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Nonsense
You'll get there if you eat and exercise sensibly.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Nakers has also written a book.
It's called 'I am the Biggest Tool in the World'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Why is he such a cunt Monty?
Why oh why?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I think it's something to do with penises.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Here's a picture for a start
Amused me, somewhat
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Meh

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Gay.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Am just going to list people Nakers is marginally cooler than
in order to see how many comparisons Monty's got filed away in preparation for this abuse-fest of a thread.

Jamie Oliver
David Walliams
Richard Blackwood
Gillian McKeith
Louis Walsh
Robbie Williams
Robin Williams
The Spice Girls

Have a go at those while I think of some more, or possibly about food, again
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:50, Reply)

I heard that Nakers is single-handedly responsible for the careers of all of those people

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I've heard he IS those people
All of them. Have you seen them in a room together (apart from the TV Quick awards)?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Then death is too good for him
We should train cats to alternately piss on and chew off his kneecaps
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Good death move

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

That's a trick Mortal Kombat missed
not enough cats
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Agreed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)

If I suspect for a moment
that you are criticising the British Will Smith (tm) I will personally drown you in the Regent's Canal in Camden and I assure you that is NOT a euphemism. Got it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I fucking love that description of Blackwood
It's like calling Nakers the new Genghis Khan because people think of a word beginning with "Mong" in each case
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

He actually referred to himself in that way.
He made it up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I know. That's why it's so funny.
"Hey, I'm black, and a comic, and a rapper! So I'm just like Will Smith!"

Yes dear. I'm white, like to think I'm funny and say "cunt" a lot, but no-one's comparing me to Peter Cook.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Paedo cock, more like.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)

I know the mantra "If you haven't anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" is anathema to the lifeblood of B3ta
but in this case, "If you haven't anything funny to say..." would be apt.

tl:dr etc - that wasn't very good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Compared with Nakers
Jamie Oliver is like Steve McQueen in Bullitt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Needs MOAR hubcaps

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Compared with Nakers
David Williams (I will not call him by his stupid stage name cf Darren Brown) is like Dirty Harry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Dirty cunt more like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Compared with Nakers
Richard Blackwood is like Will Smith.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)

nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)

YO HOMES, TO BELL-END!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

I'm feeling more suggestive already.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Your child will smell like hammers

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Nothing new recently that I can remember
I'm cooking a beef stew tonight but it's not for me. I have the delights of celery
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Why would you torture yourself in this way?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

The stew looks pretty good
it was the first result for using braising steak so that's what I made
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Eat some!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Having made it myself
I am aware of the amount of alcohol :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

EAT SOME!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Nah off to the cider boat tonight

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Alcohol boils off if you cook it more than 10mins.
boiling point is 64.7C, it'll be gone by the time it's done.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)