Tomorrow is my last day of work
I'm baking a quadruple chocolate cake and an old favourite of mine: my grandma's almond cake. I'll bring them to the office as a farewell.

Then, I won't be working for what's probably going to be 13 months. I've never done anything like that. I'm a bit worried that I might find it frustrating not to use my brain much, but I'm hoping I'll enjoy this new phase. And in fact, I might start something of my own, if I have time, we'll see.

So, probably tomorrow is going to be busy in the office, and after that, I don't know if I'll come in here often. Therefore, and although I've never done this before, I'm going to open the Pandora box and let you ask me what you want, and I'll try to give an honest answer. It doesn't have to be about me, you just ask.

Alt. Is there something about someone in here that you really, really want to know, but don't dare asking? Or do we know each other so much that there are no secrets anymore?

EDIT (to make it more interesting) Alt. 2 If you had a year of free time from now, what would you like to do with it? Only free time, no extra money, just enough to live.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:19, 188 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Top three b3tans?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Me, me and me.
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Of course, dear
You're the first on my list!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:24, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Difficult to choose
Based on what? Best stories? funnier? Best friends?

If I'm going for my favourites, I think I'll have to go for BGB, of course. Then probably Chickenlady, even when she's not around here very often. Last one... buff... I think Thesupremecrow. That's assuming we don't count Markthebrewer, as he hasn't been here in a long time, because, of course, he's my favourite.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:23, Reply)

THANKS!
fucking bitch
(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

:-(
Can I at least be favourite Northern Male b3tan?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Oh, yes
It's difficult to choose, I said... You're there with the crow and Noel... mmmm...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Woo!
It'll do for me!

You're by far my favourite Spanish b3tan! (tbh, you're possibly my favourite b3tan anyway)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Shhhh
BGB will get jealous!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Hehe

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:03, Reply)

What is carrying a baby inside like?
Does it feel freaky or natural to you?

I have to nip out so will read your answer later.
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Freaky
when it moves it's very weird. And unconfortable and painful. I realized there are women who love this. I'm not having another.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:25, Reply)

you're going to be one of those moms that's all "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL, I HAD A HORRIBLE PREGNANCY, CARRYING YOU FOR NINE MONTHS AND NOW LOOK AT YOU SO UNGRATEFUL"

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I'm alrerady thinking about it
I'm going to set an email account for him/her and send pictures and emails explaining how stuff is happening; and I'm going to be very clear about how bad this is being, and how much s/he ows me!!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Mm chocolate cake
I'm trying to think of a question, but all my brain's suggestions are rubbish
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:24, Reply)

I don't like chocolate cake
but I make it because people loves it. I have to ask Mark to try the dough for me, as I can't stand chocolate, and this is heavy stuff chocolate.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Chocolate cake is my least favourite
of all the cakes (bar the allergy ones obviously) but I'll still eat it for the sake of cake
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

I can't
I made one 2 days ago, but it was too small, so Mark started it yesterday. I gave it a try and almost puked. Buaj... chocolate.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I'd quite like to know which off topic type has the pertest breasts?

( broadsword, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Pertest?
Probably Apple.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Mmmm...
I haven't seen them all. I like Amberl's and BGB's. If you prefer them smaller, then probably Kitty or Apple.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Ah, pertest
I read perfect. Sorry. Yes, Apple or Kitty.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I'm leaning toward freefair, the youngest and all that

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

alright Kristine, early morning or late night?

( broadsword, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:31, Reply)

early morning
the roommate cooked some sort of dinner that put me into a coma at 9 last night
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Wish I'd had some of that, I've been up pretty much all night

( broadsword, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:35, Reply)

pop by, I'll make you a coma inducing breakfast

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Yay fankoo! :) :) :)

( broadsword, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Are you worried about shitting yourself when you give birth?
This is one of the reasons I'm against having children. Imagine a room full of doctors looking at a human head coming out of your fanny and then you shit the bed. I'd rather have a cup of tea and a nice sit down.
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I'd rather watch Boy George take drugs.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:30, Reply)

A bit
But I think I'll be in so much pain that I won't care. And the midwives have seen it all.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Just have a poo earlier in the day and get an epidural, absolutely brilliant

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Is this what your wife did?
Or just general advice for life?
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Both

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I want to have a water birth
but knowing me, as soon as the pain starts, I'll ask for epidural.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:37, Reply)

can't have a water birth with an epidural?
are they afraid you'll drown?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Yes, they are
because your legs might not be strong enough you might end up under the water.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I'm no expert in the field
but I seem to remember once being told that they give you an enema, which kind of made sense to me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Some places do
Not in Worthing, as far as I know. However, a lot of women get diaorrhea just before giving birth.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

how many doctors do you require to have a baby?
back in the day it was like all your girlfriends and some hot water
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Back in the day the mortality rate for giving birth was over 30%.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Here in the UK
none, in theory. Only one midwife. Now, if things go wrong you might end up with up to 15 people in the room around you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

my cousin had a nurse up until the baby was practically crowning, then the doc came in and WHAM
baby
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Hahaha
Here they leave you more or less on your own and tell you to walk around and do stuff that keeps you busy. Then, they check you every 4 min or so, and off they go again.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I've seen it done
and it is not a lot of fun.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Oh and it is worse for the dad

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Why is it worse for the dad?

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:34, Reply)

typical man, me me me

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Because the doctor makes you lie underneath with your mouth open.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Because your baby will be black.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Because he's the only one not off his tits on MDs.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Well I guess you will struggle to see my point of view...
But it is actually quite distressing watching someone you love be in a lot of pain and be utterly unable to do anything to help. The only thing the dad can practically do is to physically be there. Nothing else. You feel useless, pointless and powerless. It is physically and emotionally draining. Oh and Mrs Dupinblue bit me during one particular stressful point, and that really hurt.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

HAHA!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Appreciate your support AA

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Sorry mate, it's nothing against you. It just reads as a stream of consciousness sentence, only to be followed up with "Oh, and Mrs Dupinblue bit me".
I'm aware the lolz are unintentional, but they're there nonetheless
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

It was.
and I wasn't offended. And the (trufact) bit about being bitten was intended to provide lolz at the end of an uncharacteristically wet post.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Ahh, good good

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:54, Reply)

this is the stupidest thing I've ever read

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Yeah, why would a women bite someone
when there is a constant supply of cakes at hand.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Actually, had she been eating cakes through the labour it might not have taken so long.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

When all the muscles in your belly
are contracting at the same time, and a big baby is kicking your stomach, you don't feel much like eating, I heard.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Eating was the last thing she wanted to do.
I recommend that you stock up on high sugar energy drinks in order to keep your blood-sugar levels up. If they dip, then the contractions will reduce and you will labour for much longer.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:52, Reply)

are you a doctor?

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:55, Reply)

More a quack

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)

He's on the internet
which is about 9 tenths of the way to being a doctor.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Funnily enough
(if you've read the 2nd story down on my profile) some people seem to put more trust in me than their GPs. I should reiterate that these people are fools.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Thanks
We're taking loads of gas free lucozade with us.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:58, Reply)

yeah, why weren't she eating cakes? couldn't be because her hole was voluntarily stretching on it's own, or being physically ill
or a man standing over her saying "I know you feel bad but I feel worse, it's really hard seeing you in all this pain"
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Yes, Kristine, that is exactly what I said
I pretty much turned the whole experience around to be ALL ABOUT ME!!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:50, Reply)

It must have been so hard for you.

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Yeah, I toss around the "worse for the dad" thing to annoy my wife.
And in this instance for Aber's benefit.
I am well aware that childbirth is horrific for women. It is not physically painful for men (apart from the biting), but that doesn't mean it is more fun.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I don't know if I'm upset with you now
but I'll change the places with the father at any point. He's already telling me how to squeeze his hand so that it doesn't hurt too much. Grrrr
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

"And here's Mark, holding our beautiful baby. The black eye is because he complained I'd hurt his hand"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Yes, something like that will happen
I can see him in trouble already. The other day I got one of this "painless" training contractions. They're quite painful, and I can't move when they come. We were shopping, and I stopped on the aisle, holding the trolley very hard. The conversation went:

Mark: Do you want to sit down?
Me (almost breathless): No, I can't move
Mark: Go and sit down
Me: I... can't... move
Mark: Go and sit down
Me: I CAN'T MOVE

He got upset because I shouted at him. I don't want to know what'll happen the real day.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Yeah, he should man up a bit and prepare himself for more and worse.
It is a scary thing to witness though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I don't think he'll cope with it
After my second shouting he'll probably get all upset and grumpy and leave me on my own. He doesn't do well with shouting.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:05, Reply)

He can't leave.
As I said at the start, the one thing that the father can do is be there in the room. And however much you appreciate the medical professionals or want to call for your mum, his presence is necessary however pointless and useless he feels.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:09, Reply)

You tell him that

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Get him to read this page
and remind him that I was the helpful one who suggested you should be consuming his semen regularly for medicinal purposes.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:28, Reply)

I've watched Monty suffer through a cold for over two weeks now
so I understand what you're trying saying here.
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Oh god that must have been awful for you.
How are you bearing up? If you need someone to talk to I have Gonz's number.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:48, Reply)

It's been upsetting to say the least.
I need a shoulder to cry on and a can of that V energy stuff.
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I know just the person you should go and see.
They are only a couple of minutes from a tube station and there is a Tesco Express just over the road.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I think I should head over there soon.
Monty won't be able to find me either as he only has a travel card zones 1-4 and wouldn't head any further out of town.
( wanderlust, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:59, Reply)

And it's only a short hop to my place too.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I think the most astute thing I ever heard on the subject came from a midwife who said
"when you come into the maternity unit you leave your dignity at the door and pick it up on the way out".
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I'm pretty sure your brain will be occupied looking after a small human
that shits everywhere and pukes on your shoulder.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Yeah, well
I meant proper brain work, you know? Numbers and letters and thinking and all that stuff.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Once you have a baby
all your brain will want to do is go "Awwwwwww Isch A WICKLE BAYYYYY-BEEEE!!!!!"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

And that, ladies and gentlemen
is what worries me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:35, Reply)

It won't worry you after the birth.
Not once Placenta-brain kicks in.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Apparently the mother loses something like 3% of her brain after giving birth.
And no, I will not back this claim up with evidence.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Purely anecdotally it's more than that.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

You should watch Sesame street
It's all numbers and letters and words and stuff.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Too much
maybe I'll start with the Teletubbies.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:35, Reply)

In the night garden should fuck you up good and proper ;)

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:37, Reply)

That's what I like to hear

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Isn't that what got her into the state she's in?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

"ride the Ninky Nonk, and thank me later"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Busy today, so in case I don't see you
Good luck with the wee one, it's the most wonderful experience and you'll love it!

Alt 2: Write a book
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Thanks!
I'm looking forward to it.

Alt2: I think I'd do the same. But them I'm lazy so I'd probably just end up watching TV all day.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Alt 2: MDs and masturbation
and I might learn a new instrument, if there was any time left over.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:33, Reply)

What a great plan
you can learn to play the flute and do both things at the same time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Are you nervous about becoming a mother?
I know you'll be fantasic at it. Just don't let Mark near him/her with any homebrews.

Alt Alt: I'd take an intensive course in IT, get as many qualifications as possible under me, as well as learning to drive.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Not much
I'm so desperate to get it out of me that I don't care what comes afterwards.

Alt2. Wow, very adult. Are you AA for sure?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Ahh, good good
Haha, yes, I'm still me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Buenes Dias, querida.
I'd like to know - in minute detail - just what the fuck is wrong with people. Specifically, why they insist on being twats and annoying me.

Alt: what do trolls actually get out of trolling?

Alt 2: clear out the house, get someone in to fumigate it, redecorate and refurnish.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Alt: lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Sorry
house underwear
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:41, Reply)

See my Alt:

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Oh come on, I'm not a troll!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:48, Reply)

But you have eaten goat?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Nope, although I would have done if I'd noticed it before I bought my burger

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Buenos días, amiga
In minute detail? Well, we could be here all day. I think I better refer you to Chompy or Monty, as they're better at this than me.

Trolls... probably Chompy and Monty know better than me. Or Rory, in fact. I don't know, maybe it's a weird thing, like masochism, and they get sexual plessure from annoying people.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:41, Reply)

None of those three are trolls. Even Rory.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

No
But they're good at spotting them.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:48, Reply)

ah, I see.
I did wonder.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Out of curiosity.
and because this comes up most time anyone uses the T word, could I have your definition of trolls and trolling?

I've heard it used to mean either anyone who''s a cunt online or what is also called a sock puppet among other things. I'd characterise it as posting purely to get a (negative) reaction but I'm interested in other peoples definitions.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:50, Reply)

your last point is pretty much there
but it's definitely not about being a bit of cunt. It's a specific search for a reaction, usually by saying something deliberately inflammatory.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:55, Reply)

So, it is possible to troll from time to time
because lets face it we all go for a reaction some times, with out being a troll? For example see Al V Swipe. But one is not a troll unless this is one's raison d'être? This would be my position, but I'm fairly sure I've been told I don't understand the term before.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:00, Reply)

It needs to be your pure purpose for being there to be a troll, yeah.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:08, Reply)

While I agree in principal
There are people who spend 90% of their on-line lives being arseholes to get a reaction and yet avoid the label because they occasionally have a civil conversation. I think they are worthy of at least demi-troll status, or shall we just stick to arsehole?

There's also the phenomenon of people who may only troll on here while being a 'normal' poster on /talk (and for all I know vice versa). They also resist the label, but I think 'at the time they are doing it' it's justified to an extent.

Sorry if this is all dull but I find internet sociology fascinating.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Can you imagine if that was true about the sexual pleasure
and then all the internet trolls went on the tube?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Is that like 'pressure' but in a racist 'Chinky' voice?
SHAME ON YOU.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I've talked enough about forrins today
sorry you missed your chance to praise the Daily Mail.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Trolls get payment for people what want to cross bridges.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Almonds are repulsive.
Hope this helps.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I like them
It'll have milk chocolate and orange jam too. And butter and sugar coating. It's heaven.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

^This^ many times
Also anything that may involve almonds in any way: Amaretto liqueur, Amaretti biscuits, Bakewell tarts, etc.
Vile.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:49, Reply)

But all those
are bitter almonds (which I hate). Normal, good almonds, are good.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:52, Reply)

when we had our house in spain
some of our spanish friends grew almonds in their garden (which they also sold to valor, divine!). i'm not normally a massive fan, but theirs were lovely.

mind you, they also had cats that loved paella, even veggie paella which they made as a treat for me, despite clearly thinking i was utterly insane to reject the best bits. this surprised me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Hahaha!
We don't understand veggies much...

I was so dissapointed when I started buying almond cakes and sweets here. They are all bitter. Why would you do that? Almonds are so tasty, but bitter almonds are just plain wrong.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:02, Reply)

i went for dinner at a client's house recently
she told me she was cooking and not to bring anything, but i insisted i would bring a pudding. reluctantly she conceded and said anything with almonds.

i headed to waitrose and eventually unearthed some prohibitively expensive almond, raspberry and frangipani tarts. i then added a load of houmous, dips, another cake, crisps, wine etc, because you can't go round to someone's house empty-handed.

not only did i semi-offend her by turning up with shitloads of food (her exact words were: this is a jewish household, do you think we don't have too much food already?!), but apparently she had said the one thing she DIDN'T want was anything with almonds in.

because they are repulsive.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:51, Reply)

So your story is
I went to a clients house, didn't listen to a word they said and offended them.

Cool story bro.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:53, Reply)

She should have taken some bacon, just to top it all off.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:54, Reply)

She should have hired a tanker, filled it with warm pig fat
and got them to use the pump to spray it all over the front of the house.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:55, Reply)

there are lots of different interpretations in just that short masterpiece
if you want to choose that one, i'm happy with that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I like mine best.
it explains the self loathing
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Actually reading more carefully the story doesn't really make sense
since she said "she told me she was not cooking and not to bring anything" which doesn't really make sense, why would someone tell you they weren't cooking and therefore don't bring anything?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:59, Reply)

no idea what you're talking about
or indeed why you bothered to re-read it.

even i would admit it scarcely stood up to being read once. i just wanted to talk to monty about almonds.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:01, Reply)

maybe they ordered out

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:03, Reply)

That's true.
I can understand her being really pissed off, if I had my friends round for a chinese takeaway and they brought humous and tzatziki, it doesn't go at all, it's just pointless, but you'd feel obliged to open it because you wouldn't want to make the friend feel like the retarded twat that they clearly were, so you'd have all this random greek shit to dip your prawn crackers in and then it would put you right off your sweet and sour pork.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:07, Reply)

if you had any friends
and if they could be bothered to schlep out to the concrete jungle on the outskirts of london that you call "home" and you only fed them a skanky greasy mono-saturated chinese takeaway... that would suck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:10, Reply)

OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE NOBODY BOUGHT ME A FLAT IN THE MIDDLE OF LONDON!!!!!!
I MUST HAVE FAILED AT LIFE SOMEHOW!!!!!! OH WOE IS ME!!!!! WOE IS ME!!!!!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:11, Reply)

omg caps AND bold AND exclamation marks
careful with the excitement there. you're not building a fence or painting a wall now, you know.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Oh boy, if only the html tags you used in a post bore some relation to the mood you experienced as you wrote things.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:23, Reply)

this does not dispute the fact
that you find building a fence to be exciting.

woo! yay! FENCE!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:30, Reply)

this is how the other half live, rach
we enjoy hearty meals and company and listen to our friends when they tell us not to bring food because it's wasteful

as a side note, when I first wrote "rach" I actually wrote "rash"
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:12, Reply)

tasteful, not wasteful
i keep telling you man, the food was delicious.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:15, Reply)

that's how I read it
"i didn't do what they asked me to do and so I offended them and pissed them off as well"
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:58, Reply)

she wasn't seriously pissed off, she was only joking
i am a GOOD guest, i bring delicious food.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:59, Reply)

...that they don't want and won't eat...

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:02, Reply)

..... lies. it was delicious food.
she had told me she was just doing a poached salmon and trimmings, so i augmented it well.

it might be a bit odd, but i can't ever go to see a friend at home without taking something. i like it best if they have a dog, then i can buy treats and toys for the dog.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:11, Reply)

"I can't go round to someone elses house without demonstrating that I am capable of purchasing expensive food or gifts, despite the fact that I am requested not to"

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:16, Reply)

a pot of houmous or a packet of dog chews is your idea of "expensive"?
fair enough.

only clients get fancy tarts. friends have to make do.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:22, Reply)

*HIGH FIVES*

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:00, Reply)

So you're saying Monty is Jewish?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:53, Reply)

cool story bro

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I NO, RITE?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Alt 2 - I'd like to actually write the four or five papers that I've needed to write for about 4 years now
but that would only take a month or so. I'd probably do a back-to-back northern/southern hemisphere ski season and then go back to work. I'd be bored without it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:40, Reply)

You really think so?
I thought I'd miss work after 4 months without it; but no, I didn't. I was happy travelling the world.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Yeah, but I don't have the slightest interest in travelling the world, really
and I specifically chose to give up a career in which I would have made a lot of money for one that I get to do almost exactly what I would choose to do on a day to day basis. It kind of is my life, sad as that might be, but it makes me happy, I can sleep at night and I know that stuff I've done has changed lives and will carry on doing so. Everybody go "awwww" now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

It's not sad if it makes you happy
I choose my career because I liked it. I enjoy what I do. I just enjoy travelling more.

Awwwwwwwwww
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:50, Reply)

alt: will Al take my dog back to UK with him so I don't have to take her to a kill shelter?
alt 2: I'd go to school, culinary probably
they've an open house this weekend and I'm going to try to go
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Oh man, I so would if I could.
You can't kill Echo, she's too cute!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Do they still have kill shelters?
that's just barbaric.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I'm not sure, I just threw that in there the drive home the fact that I'd rather send her to the UK than send her to the dog pound here

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

If she lived in teh UK, you'd have a reason to come and visit.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:47, Reply)

b3th, they kill people
why on earth do you think they would stop killing animals?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Alt 2:
I would love more than anything to spend the rest of my life learning stuff. I detest the real world, the responsibility of earning a living etc - I consider it an imposition and just not fair.

I would like to learn how to make swords, and to become the world expert on Genghis Khan, for example. These are just two of a thousand pointless fields of knowledge I desire.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Sounds a bit larpy to me.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I must make it clear
that at no point would I like to run full tilt into a barbecue, and also I don't want to make them out of foam
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I want to learn how to make crowns, Monty.
It's pointless but I'd love to learn.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Then you could work for burger king.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:46, Reply)

they make burgers chompy, come on now, I thought you were the "smart one" of the group

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:50, Reply)

that's just a polite way of calling him ugly

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:57, Reply)

THEY ALSO GIVE OUT THOSE PAPER CROWNS WHICH WAS THE JOKE I WAS MAKING

(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:59, Reply)

worst joke ever

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:03, Reply)

No that's "what type of pastry makes bakers the most money?"
Profit--eroles
(PsychoChomp, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Why did the baker have brown hands?
Post your bakery related jokes here folks:
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:14, Reply)

He was a coprophilliac
Also, I already gave you the correct answer to this several days ago.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:17, Reply)

I only know one joke
*sadface*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:26, Reply)

It's all Adam's fault
blame it on him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Alt Alt: I'm pretty much in that position
it's not fun in the least. In a different world, I'd spend that year getting fit and healthy, and totally sorting out my body
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Why in a different world?
I thought you were on it already. And when you go back to work you'll be all fit and sexy.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:52, Reply)

She needs to get a job first.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 11:54, Reply)

But she will
And then she'll regret she didn't use her free time better.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 18 Oct 2011, 12:04, Reply)