They don't know what they're doing.
I've already mentioned that at an appointment last week I was told I "had" to do voluntary work to continue receiving JSA. So I thought I'd better do a bit of research to see what exactly I could and couldn't do so as not to fall foul of the regulations.

According to the DirectGov website, the voluntary work aspect is entirely that; voluntary, and not a mandatory requirement at all, the fucking dozy muppets.

When have you been told something by an official only to find out that they're talking out of their arse?

Alt: Where's Monty?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:34, 127 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Overdosed, most likely
then i suspect the tramp he had sucked off for a light pushed his body into the canal
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

waht wait so your not going to contribute formt he society your leeeching from?
out of order man
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I'm not saying I'm not going to.
But being told I have to when I don't is fucking inept on their part.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

it should be mandatory tho tbh

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

for why?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

to make the fuckas useful man, they're getting money for nothin they should contribute

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

This is the bit of the logic that I fail to see.
If,like DG, one has worked hard for 20+ years, paying taxes and NI all the while, surely some of those taxes should cover any benefits you get when out of work. There are limits and not every unemployed person is in his shoes, but in this case would you not say he's already earned the money he's getting by contributing in the past.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

true, see my posts below, should be officer's discretion relating to long term unemployed who are capable but not looking hard enough

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Hm. One of my clients actually hanged himself rather than go on a training course.
Well, the former bit is true, I'm sure the latter had nothing to do with his Speedy departure but it was a bit of a coincidence that he last time I interviewed him I'd told him we were going to have to look at that as an option. The training, not the hanging.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

*hanged

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

*whistles*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

At what point did you usually advise that they consider hanging as an option then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I would never do that. No siree Bob.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Yup, saw you posts below after I posted this, as you were
Some people seem to see all jobseekers as skivers getting unearned money, which annoys me. see also : smokers getting NHS treatment, when my lungs pack in I'll have paid for my treatment through the high levels of tax on fags, innit?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

For you and two other people in all likelihood

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)

fuck off will you dipshit
you want to smoke yourself to death fine, but don't be taking up the NHS's time and resources

PRICK
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:10, Reply)

The thing with smoking is that it harms other people as well
I'm guessing you're the kind of person that doesn't dig their heels in if someone asks you to not smoke near them but there are people who do and people that don't like to ask.
( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Maybe, but not straight away.
Looking for work, if you're serious about it, is a full time job in itself that's in all probability not going to be helped by giving your time up doing paperwork for a local charity or cleaning leaves up.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

You can give me some tips next week when I start looking.
I say I'll start looking next week. I may be a lady of lesuire for a while
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

with you there pal, should only be the long term unemployed who ahve to volunteer, say 3-6 months or whatever

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

it could be down to the officer's discretion
if they don't think your actually looking or some voluntary work would be useful they should be able to issue a mandatory voluntary work order or summat
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

See, I agree.
I've only been signing on for six weeks, and I've filled in over half of my jobsearch diary already. The woman who interviewed me was visibly taken aback at how much I've been doing. When I'm not cocking around on here, obviously.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

keep at it big guy, rainbows only happen after the rain

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

You'll be alright

( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I hope so.
Couple of possibilities in the offing, so who knows.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

its always darkest before dawn

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:03, Reply)

sometimes you gotta wade thru a river of shit to find that pot o gold

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

sometimes your mums gonna give you fish fingers for tea, but eventually your gonna get them pizza fingers you always wanted

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Being drunk in charge of a PC.
I still stank of it from the night before, fucking idiot.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Normally every work day when dealing with councils
Alt:
Hung himself due to the shame of being Gary Speed's secret gay lover
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Monty's dead
Run over by a flour delivery truck. It's how he would have wanted to go, covered in white powder
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

I hope he's okay and that nothing bad has happened to him
and that he's still with Lusty and that Gonz doesn't have a chance of comforting her in her hour of need.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Oh man that would be awful if that happened.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Alt: he entered into a suicide pact with Amberl

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

oh what no way? fuck i was only talken to her last night and she seemed ok

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

That's what pushed her over the edge.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

fuck i didn't realise the power i had, first the tamagothcies then amberl and this other person
could be the worst day in the history of the itnernet here, i'm like the stalin of off topic
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

i read that as "stain"
which is much more appropriate
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

when we fuck its gonna be one of those really angry, hateful, throw each other round the room fucks
and you'll be ashamed after, but it'll be worth it, so damn worth it whoa
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

She'll be all scratching your back and shit
and you'll be slapping her tits around and then she'll be all like "Choke me, choke me like the filthy slut that I am" and you'll be all getting out a satsuma and stuffing it in her mouth and she'll be all red faced an bug eyed and then you'll get bored and leave half way through.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

whoa fuck on, not sure if i feel horny or sick now

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

dude
we're not tory MP's
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

i could be if you want me to be yopu seem liike a right wing kind of a girl

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

no, no, I am the Stalin of /offtopic
Just ask Monty
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

why cos you got a tasche and you been murderin the mensheviks?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

The tasche and the communism I think.
Ask Monty, he came up with it, I prefer Trotsky
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

i had the trotskis once, had some bad kasha

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Alt: Shacked up with BGB?
I haven't seen her this morning either.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Probably busy at work, I'd expect.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Makes sense for both of them (and me) TBH.
I'm only here for a minute while waiting for info from someone else to let me get on with what I am supposed to be doing.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Has "bedroom cam" stopped working?
try turning it off and on again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

No clue why you think I have a cam in Monty's bedroom.
Or why he'd be in it ATM anyway.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

In my experience of job centers
there's about 1 in 5 people who work there who are any good, and they're so fucked over by the shitty processes they have no motivation.
I would hate to work there. Awful.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I can hardly bear driving past the queue outside the branch near work;
i have to switch to internal air on only and then my windscreen can fog up :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I can confirm that it's the most soul destroying environment I've ever worked in.
How I lasted two and a half years I'll never know. But, I always tried to do my best by my clients while I was there.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

My real answer to the main question is probably something very dull about Ballroom regulations and what does and doesn't qualify as basic syllabus footwork
So I shall invent a LOLARIOUS response.

Edit: no I won't.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Hahahaha
*clicks*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I won't lie to you, that was unexpected

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

he dropped this [!]

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Bend over and pick it up for me, would you?
*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Contrary to your usual posts, mine was dripping in sarcasm
not dripping in jism.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Alt: I've found Monty
He's nicked Himjim's login
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Rumbled!
*tweaks moustache, dives away under cape*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Every time someone tells me anything which includes the word
'law' they're generally talking total hogwash.
( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Sod's law isn't it.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

haha
i like this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

even your professors?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I think you're labouring under the impression that I'm a student.

( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

i think your labouring under the impression that as an unemployo you get to sponge off the state scotch free
get yourself a job or volunteer you cunt!
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Did somebody mention free scotch?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

alkeylol

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

haha

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I've got a job
I also do voluntary work.
I got the job I'm doing through doing voluntary work.
( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)

tell it to the judge tubster

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:15, Reply)

People who work in "law" are cunts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

My ex studied law and is now a solicitor in London
She's not a cunt, she was (as you might expect) extraordinarily patient.

She is also not Swipey.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

i am many things
patient is not one of them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

You've probably got bigger tits than her too
Only probably, mind. And how are we today?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Inspector Gadget's nemesis was called The Claw
Not always
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Adding worcester sauce to coleslaw really adds a nice zing

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I'm going to look into this.

( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

It only needs a little bit

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Sadly this has to be ruled as hogwash
on account of the inclusion of the words "coleslaw" and "nice" in the same sentence
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

whatevs tiny dancer

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Hold me closer
I must take objection to "tiny". Sadly.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

the zeroth law of thermodynamics is horseshit, I agree.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Like the smoking ban.
When you see a sign up saying it's against the law to smoke on these premises. Even when the premises in question is a big, open air railway platform at some provincial railway station. Isn't that actually bollocks because the ban applies to enclosed public spaces?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

That's the ban,
but it's up to anyone if they let you smoke on their property, and Network rail don't.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Well, therefore it's against company policy and not the law, then.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:07, Reply)

You're both wrong
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2006/28/part/1/chapter/1
( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:12, Reply)

That's quite useful, thanks.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Only lawyers are able to google legislation.

( WormuIus, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

To be honest I wasn't too desperate to find out the ins and outs that much.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Everything the dispatch manager says at my work is bullshit.
You HAVE to do it like this, that, and so on, yet there are always quicker ways of getting the exact same result. When you try to show her a quicker, easier way of doing it, she'll argue, tell you to 'fuck off', and do it the long winded way again.

Alt: Fook knows.

This weekend, I found out it's likely that for the first time in my life, I won't be seeing family on Christmas Day, and will likely be spending it alone. This is bothering me far less than I thought it would.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

They've finally told you that they hate you?
never mind, at least you won't have to eat the piss soak christmas pudding this year
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I can't stand Christmas pudding, vile stuff
Nope, as my step-brother is spending Christmas with his housemates, and my parents have decided they want to volunteer this year, we're not going to do anything on Christmas day, and instead see everyone on the 27th.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Sit around in your pants, wanking and drinking vodka straight from the bottle.
It's the only way.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Might make it whisky instead, it's Christmas after all, I should treat myself.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:08, Reply)

vodka is superior to whisky/whiskey in every single way

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:10, Reply)

BOLLOX
vodka is a bland girly drink
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Except taste
and smell
and colour
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:16, Reply)

they do PINK vodka
when they do PINK whisk/ey, you can comment.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:17, Reply)

you could add fruit and barley to it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

BUT
what if you're wearing green whilst holding the pink vodka? It'll clash HORRIBLY
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

it is sweet that you think i would be holding it for long enough

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

It is permissable to savour an alcoholic drink rather than just necking it, you know
*flawless poker face*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

You really have to ease up on the foundation matey

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Asimov is an unforgiving master

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Both are shit, Gin is the best of all the spirits
but only mixed with slim line schewepps
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Whisky is foul stuff.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

to think, your parents will be spending Christmas day with monty instead of you
You really should consider killing yourself, Speedily
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:12, Reply)

That really is in phenomenally poor taste
plus I made the pun better below
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:19, Reply)

i thought it was convaluted
i also thought he was Welsh so it took me even longer than usual to understand
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:22, Reply)

He was indeed Welsh
but he lived in Cheshire, hence "was found dead in his Cheshire home", etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I only read the headlines, because I couldn't give a shit about fottballers*

*actually I feeel extremely sad for his family, having had a friend go through the same
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Sorry to hear that mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:26, Reply)

yeah it was pretty awful

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Pretty much every minute of every day
since I deal with university bureaucracy.

Alt: he's MD'd so hard he's transcended reality.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I wondered what that itch was

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:03, Reply)

your new username is....
..... a touch homoerotic, in this context...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Keep you clopper frothing fantasies to yourself young lady

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:10, Reply)

i wouldn't want to disappoint

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:11, Reply)

best use of "clopper frothing" so far this week
8/10
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:12, Reply)

to be fair
it's the only one that's going to include you, so...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Alt: Monty's quest to eliminate all forms of lesser drug took an unexpectedly ugly turn this weekend
He is now on the run from the police after a name-related misunderstanding caused him to murder a well-known Cheshire man, believing him to be a poor-quality amphetamine wrapped in foil.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:07, Reply)

alt:
well, BGB is also conspicuous by her absence. maybe they eloped?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)