Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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it's slow on here todayhow about a bit of off-topic cluedo? i think stunned murdered monty in the ballroom with the MASSIVE DRUGZ.
or if that doesn't float your dinghy, what's the best/worst conversational opener you've ever heard?
or if you just want to sink the dinghy.... lunch?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:39,
238 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
Kroney, in the kitchen, with the frozen shitAlt:
Her - "Didn't you used to go out with Katie? God, isn't she a right prick?"
Me - "Actually, we're getting back together."
Her - "Oh, fuck."
Then again, this is the girl who, when playing 'I have never', her answer was "I have never carried a baby past the first trimester". Stupid bitch.
Alt Alt: No idea yet.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:46,
Reply)
YepUpon hearing it, everyone just stood up without a word, and left her sat on her own. I absolutely cracked up when they told me this.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
was she saying she'd had an abortion specifically? or had she miscarried?
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:49,
Reply)
I'm aware that it's not the done thing to accuse someone of lying about something as serious as that, but no, I don't believe herShe's a perennial liar, drama queen, anything to get people's attention.
Sad thing is, when she's not being like that, she's quite a sweet girl, and very kind. But she's just completely fucking mental.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:23,
Reply)
I may be capable of a lot of things, but murder?I'd just stop talking to her first.
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:39,
Reply)
She'd follow you, decide you were her 'american friend', and tell you about all the places she'd want to go in America, before changing her mind, and telling you she'd already beenThen she'd say she'd fit right in because she's fat, then complain about that, etc.
She's one of the most annoying people I know.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:42,
Reply)
Best served with lashings of ketchup and brown sauce so it looks authentic.(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:51, Reply)
are large portion of meh, with double sides of meh as welland you?
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:52,
Reply)
Pretty good actually.Lots of work to do and I'm feeling quite lazy.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:57, Reply)
happy new year Knice pics of the Doggg on fb
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:48,
Reply)
she is, my little black princess is a sweet baby girrrrrrrl(
Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:01,
Reply)
i want a dogbut i can't really justify it in a flat and i'm out every single night so it's not fair :(
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:03,
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Wouldn't it be easier to just have a baby?At least you can take them on holiday.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:15, Reply)
unlikelyyou don't have to squeeze a dog out of your clunge
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:18,
Reply)
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:42,
Reply)
That sentence is much better when the emphasis is placed on the word "you"(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:21, Reply)
i love my nieces and nephewand i like my friends' kids.
but omg has it ever put me off the whole thing. you can't do ANYthing!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
you don't typically want tobecause it's not about you anymore
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
this is fundamentally untrue, stunned!but my brother has to pretend he needs to go to the bank/work/toilet just to read 5 pages of a book. and then when they get to be 13, they'll turn around and tell him they hate him and they didn't ask to be born and...
oh no. i'll just stick to getting a dog as my ambition. and a toyboy.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:23,
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I'm not sure about anyone else but I'd really like to see swipe become a mother.You're not so smug when you're covered in baby shit.
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:26,
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kids love mebut i am too impatient to have one around 24/7. and i get bored easily.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
have a baby swipe...it's someone to love you, that will never leave(
Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:28,
Reply)
until it turns about 16 and gets itself pregnanturgh!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:33,
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Very sensible. Kids bring a life filled with resentment and disappointment.
Like being a West Ham fan.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:27, Reply)
I think DG murdered BGB in the pub with a bad pint of Northerner's brown ale. Alt: What drugs, Cuntstable?
Alt alt: I haz chicken laksa.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:51, Reply)
just because you southerners can't handle itI hear BGB has it on her breakfast cereal
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:53,
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i should know. i had a brief fling with a westerner once. it included his mother. and his sister.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:55,
Reply)
it reached the peak of its hotnesswhen i realised his mother still did all his washing.
and he was 39.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:02,
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i just kept thinking about her having to wash the beddingit wasn't a sexy thought
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:04,
Reply)
washing bedding rarely isare you some sort of freak that loves to sex up bedding instead of a person?
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:07,
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you're still a "douchebag"I'm not missing much here
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:14,
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well, this reallywhen we were messing around with spunk and lubes and lotions, i just thought "your poor mother will have to wash these".
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
how many people do you actually think have done this?(
Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:30,
Reply)
if it's superglueI'd go with nail varnish remover
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:40,
Reply)
A mate of mine is 42. His Mum cleans his flat and does his grocery shopping and his Dad drives him about because he has never taken his test.
Cool.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Just a wild guess, but is it a specially adapted kangoo?You tight fuck
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:15,
Reply)
Only when they're little and the parents want to have it adopted(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:20,
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I guess their forehead would just have to poke out of the top(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
This sounds remarkably like TBcute but useless. Apron strings are for teenagers boyo, man the fuck up and learn how to program your washing machine. And your heating. And your internet.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:51, Reply)
He has been battling with his new broadband for 24 hours nowit is unlikely he will win, and highly likely that I will have to sort it out and set it up for him the next time I visit. And no, he still can't figure out how to use his washing machine OR how to program the heating, and has lived in his flat for two months now...
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:00, Reply)
If by that you mean special, then you have a pointhis inability to deal with very simple things like taking an electricity meter reading or cooking an edible meal does get quite annoying sometimes.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:04, Reply)
In terms of having children, it's not the full time care that I object toit's the gestating and birth bit that bothers me. Have you seen the size of a baby's head? No fucking thank you.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:14, Reply)
no those guys only drink rotten apples(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:56,
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Not guilty, guvnor.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:55,
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She'll be busy with work.Christmas shutdown and it was first day back yesterday.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 12:56,
Reply)
Christmas shut down. How very civilised.
I booked next Xmas as leave yesterday. My boss thought I was taking the piss.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:01, Reply)
we're not allowed to submit our requests until about 1 decdrives my dad mad as he always wants to book the family christmas holiday in jan.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:02,
Reply)
I was the only one in between the bank holidays so I got in early. My turn innit.
This time last year I was in Oz. I miss that.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Engineering factory, innit?Standard practice. Although my old firm used to make us save 3 days holiday for Christmas and New Year as they used to close down for the festive period.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:02,
Reply)
I have 29 days holiday to take this year!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:11,
Reply)
yeah I know, 3 extra for being long serving and the day off on my birthday(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
Nice. I get five extra next year coz i will have done 10 years. And I'm going to use them to go away for my fortieth. *groans*
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:19, Reply)
Don't worry, I'm THIRTY next month, that's like almost dead(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
I will be 36 this yearThus I am in the middle and perfect
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:21,
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30s for chumpsI got married at 30. 33 is where it's at
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:28,
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then she's certainly getting no taller(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:41,
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I have 365 days to take, unless something comes up.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:22,
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I'd rather be working to be honest.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:23,
Reply)
Bella murdered AA in the bedroom with her munchy-boxAlt: "If i was gonna die right, I'd go down Catford with two sub machine guns..."
ALt Alt: ate sandwiches earlier so I could go to the gym, but I forgotten my shorts
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:11,
Reply)
I thought about running in my pants and vest, but HR might have words...(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:16,
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nope, he has to do it in his pants(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:17,
Reply)
Skid marks treacle, skid marks(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:19,
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how did treacle marks get in his pants?(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
He'll try anything up his bumhole(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
Mr. Davies the PE teacher dunks his willy in it to make a Worthers original sausage(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:21,
Reply)
RORY!happy new year and all that. treacle.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
Yer, I'm looking forward to a year of picking on fat kids(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:22,
Reply)
don't forget the retarded onesyou can start on quentin/bert
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:24,
Reply)
whoa whoa whoa, whats all this about? i hope your not trying to gang up on me, i thought we was pals(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:33, Reply)
why would you care if he starts on bert, bert?an admission of bertness.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:45,
Reply)
i read it before you edited and it said quentinin fact, it still does, you no bright for a lawyer
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:48, Reply)
no, it said "quentin/bert"it has always said that, it has not been edited.
the idea being that there is no difference between "quentin" and "bert". because quentin is bert. and bert is quentin.
you no bright for a sister fucking nonce pest retard inbred weirdo, eh?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:56,
Reply)
is it of the dog??will check it after work...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
pretty sure that you edited itit only said quentin before, your a very strange and angry lady
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:58, Reply)
and you'RE a sister fucking nonce pest retard inbred weirdo
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:59,
Reply)
you are the strangest most desperately flirty woman i've enver seen on the interneti will never sleep with you you know
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Oh go on, or at least don't totally rule it out.She's gotta have hope.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:07, Reply)
well if you will keep dressing all sexy around him
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:20,
Reply)
This is the probaem with having a wardrobe full of chaps(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
i played cluedo hundreds of times over xmasi was ALWAYS professor plum
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:30, Reply)
you're meant to change the cards in the middle(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:31,
Reply)
strangely enough, miss scarlet was the murderer about 99% of the timeasnd we shuffled the cards and had different people select from the pack each time
scary eh/
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:32, Reply)
I just got called 'quite funny' by Brayndedd.I take that as quite a compliment.
Also, I just paid £2.30 for a yogghurt again. Can someone please follow me around reminding me not to buy my lunch in Cafe Culture?
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:42,
Reply)
While you are following me, can you check my spelling before I post too, please?'yogurt'
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:42,
Reply)
Fuck.It is too. I don't know why i thought there was an 'h' in it.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:48,
Reply)
I spent longer looking into this than I should havebut yes, both seem to be OK. I'm not as retarded as I believed for a moment there.
Although 'Yogghurt' was clearly just me being an imbecile.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:50,
Reply)
This is the longest conversation we have ever had.You're alright when you're not being a screaming dick.
A bit boring, with all this yoghurt talk mind...
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:59,
Reply)
i'm not always a screaming dick and i don't always talk about yogurti even triewd helping rachelw ith her phone earlier but she ignored me.
i was going to fill one of my employee's tins of spicy tomato pasta with man milk earlier, don't think i'll bother now
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:00, Reply)
That's a wise decision, I am proud of you, you're growing up.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:01,
Reply)
Quentin "mad dog" oftiweak died earlier today, don't speak ill of the dead(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Taht's quite funny, I mean you buying that shit yogurt again(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((thankfully it's only a few hours, which isn't actually good at all since I'm not making much money
I was thinking yesterday that I was going to start a jar, the "Get to England" fund and pass it around at the bar when people are SCHWASTED.
(
Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:43,
Reply)
yeay, we have "Geordie Shore " here now so you'll feel right at home(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
for clarification, geordie shore is NOTHING like jersey shoreyou guys are weird
and I'm off to work now
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
Hello Everybody.1st day back and, predictably, snowed under here, although I have managed to pick up my new glasses. /boring
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
Coincidentally I've just bought a pair of Tom Ford (sun)glasses. Because everyone needs a pair of sunglasses in January init.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:56, Reply)
£129 down from 200 odd.I sold a pair of Ray Bans I've never taken out the box to fund them, mind. Only forked out twenty quid on top.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:03, Reply)
good deal, I coverted some of his aviators a few yeasrs ago, couldn't stretch to £200 +(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:08,
Reply)
It's a daft amount to pay really. But after selling the Ray Bans that I've never touched the outlay doesn't seem bad. I used to think I'd never get a decent pair of sunglasses because I'd lose/sit on them but my Persol ones from two summers ago are still going strong. So why not.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:18, Reply)
so which ones did you get?I've had my ray bans for about 3 years now, this is a miracle
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:19,
Reply)
Do they make your eyes gay so that you cry salty tears of jizz?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
Always like new glasses stories. Are they pinching behind the ears?
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:56, Reply)
No, but I'm not wearing them, because they are distance glassesI might ride home in them, or not. /even more boring
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
Danke.I'm sure I can beat it though. Have I mentioned my new bed today? I also got some cheap but inevitably crap sheets for it while I was out.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 13:59,
Reply)
I hate cheap sheets, worth investing I reckon(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:03,
Reply)
In the long run this is truein the short run all my old sheets don't fit my new bed, I'm skint after new years and these were £5 with 2 pillow cases. They'll do for a month until I can buy good ones, or until I get sick of these ones.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:08,
Reply)
wow, we really are a bunch of snobs on here(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:14,
Reply)
standards are for chumps*goes back to sleep on ASDA sheets*
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:16,
Reply)
you're kidding?those things are like 5p a time round here, now!
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:21,
Reply)
You're not, you live in Wales. You've got nothing to be snobby about.
(, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:16, Reply)
I'm snobby about camerasand ..um...toilet paper
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:17,
Reply)
I maded a new thread regarding this issue
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:26,
Reply)
Why does your bed need sheets for when you're out?Are you "hotbedding"?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:50,
Reply)
Damnit.I had high hopes of my yoghurt post holding that accolade for quite some time.
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 4 Jan 2012, 14:00,
Reply)
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