Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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the pressure of having to think of a new threadit's like being asked "what shall we talk about?" so, what's the worst conversation killer you can think of?
alt: most patronising thing anyone has ever said to/near you (dear)?
alt alt: something nice, something nice... er........ chocolate. with caramel, with nuts, with fruit, with alcohol or au naturel? and what about colour, are you a chocolate racist? personally i'm a white supremacist with a caramel fetish.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:41,
189 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
White chocoate is not chocolateit's solidified Oompa loompa spunk
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:42,
Reply)
fuck thatthe hotel chocolat white chocolate lemon cheesecake slab (sadly discontinued, RIP mah niggah) and the white chocolate caramel slab are pant-creamingly fit.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:44,
Reply)
You probably shouldn't keep them in your pants(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:44,
Reply)
I just went to the toilet, didn't really do much, only went in there to take a slash and waste 20 minutes fucking about on my phone.But when I went to flush, the paper wouldn't go down (I blew my nose) and the bowl filled up and the went down slowly.... And oh great, now everyone will think the fat bloke with chrones blocked the toilet with a giagantic shit.
Even if nobody says anything, I'm gonna get the bloke to do a DNA test on me and the blockage and then get it printed in A0 size paper.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:48,
Reply)
stealth poo.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:01,
Reply)
"But it was only statutory rape...." Alt: Are you in yet?
Alt alt: Rare fillet steak in a Dolcelatte sauce.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
silly stunnedrotting animal carcass in rotting solidified milk is not chocolate.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:53,
Reply)
venison witha chocolate sauce is excellent(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:55,
Reply)
I made that for Valentine's day dinnerexcept the sauce also had port in, and with dauphinoise potatoes. It was pretty damn good, even if I do say so myself.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:55, Reply)
hang onI might need to reconsider my marital status, here.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:56,
Reply)
better tell her how your arm is firstshe won't want to go on top ALL the time
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:58,
Reply)
I'm hardly going to let a broken arm interfere with my sex life, sweetiealthough, in hindsight, that might be why it turns out I now have to have the fucking thing plated
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:59,
Reply)
i told you not to wank with a broken armi am sorry about that though, poor badger xx
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:02,
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I heard you had your arse plated last nightand not even by a real welder.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:04, Reply)
textbook quender accusation, sir*golf claps*
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:06,
Reply)
eyethangewe. Couldn't believe my luck when I saw the word "plate" in your post.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:07, Reply)
I spoil the lucky bastard rottenI wish he realised this more often.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
*thinks of behaviour with ex on sunday**realises she is in no position to lecture berk about ungrateful ridiculous men*
*hangs self*
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:01,
Reply)
Oh FFS Swipey, don't tell me you're still chasing that chutney ferret, are you?(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:04, Reply)
just seeing a bit more of him than i shouldit's platonic though. unfortunately.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:09,
Reply)
He is only ridiculous and ungrateful about 60% of the timeif that makes it any better?
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:06, Reply)
fuck no.DTMFA
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:08,
Reply)
dan savage."dump the motherfucker already"
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:14,
Reply)
not at allat least my ex is super-grateful.
on the other hand, yours puts out, so.....
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:09,
Reply)
noi cooked him lunch, we went to the footie, went back to mine and chilled out, i cooked dinner, then i drove him home. basically, i am his mother.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:17,
Reply)
I've been the one looking after the other in all of my relationshipsit has been more of a two way process than this in previous ones, however.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:21, Reply)
we should ditch them bothand go on a rampaging pulling spree across the states
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:19,
Reply)
you'd have to fuck American men though.poor show.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:20,
Reply)
I think I've seen this filmdoesn't it end with both of us driving off a cliff?
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:22, Reply)
we can write an alternative endingthat ends with me marrying bradley cooper and you....... i dunno, anyone else?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:27,
Reply)
christ on a fucking bike.I put in more effort with one arm out of action that your pair do normally.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:23,
Reply)
I can't decide if you mean this as an insult or a compliment ...(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:33,
Reply)
true.but by that argument you consider sitting on their fat arse doing fuck all to be a positive quality in a man, no?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:42,
Reply)
sadly there is a bit of me that quite likes looking after peoplebut i suspect it would grow very wearisome after a while.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:48,
Reply)
The heathen cretin does not have a corkscrew in his flat thoughso I took the rather nice bottle of Malbec home and drank it all myself.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:08, Reply)
Hahahahahaha. Good stuff. I very much approve of this, screw top wine all the way from now on.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:09, Reply)
seriously?that's wronger than Bert.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:09,
Reply)
He hasn't lived there longhe is missing what I consider to be a number of key kitchen implements, mainly because I use the kitchen more than he does.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:12, Reply)
a corkscrew is hardly a kitchen implement, though.I'd check for one of those before a functioning front door, myself.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:15,
Reply)
See also: bottle opener, cheese grater and a decent kitchen knife.his excuse is that he doesn't drink anything that requires a corkscrew or a bottle opener.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:18, Reply)
he's an uncouth lout and a disgrace to his gender.What HE wishes to drink should not dictate anything.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:19,
Reply)
I believe you've just expressed my sentiment far more succinctly.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:21,
Reply)
yeah, it's only a technicality, really.All that majestic internet, do they call you stunned the great poster? ... but you have sex with one 12 year old..
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:57,
Reply)
I absolutely hate how the first thing anyone says to me back home is "how's uni?".(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
You want them to ask about your new "tee" don't you(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:52,
Reply)
I don't underatnd your youth venacular; 'bare'?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:56,
Reply)
I feelthis may clarify
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:11,
Reply)
Wow they do t shirtsas well as overnight parcel delivery, now thats diversity in action
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)
"What football team do you support".To which I reply "I don't like football".
Alt: "don't worry, it's probably just stress. We can try again in a few minutes"*
Alt Alt: rare cheval with rosemary scented saute potatoes and a bottle of Margaux.
* This has obviously never happened to me.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:57,
Reply)
That's what I have written. Are you dyslexic as well as bent?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:08,
Reply)
alt altI've just been on a tour of every vending machine in the office trying to find a Drifter.
I failed that mission and came back with a Galaxy Bubble 'Orange'. It was okay, but no Drifter.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 15:58,
Reply)
galaxy orange bubble sounds both horrible and bent(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:00,
Reply)
I'm working from home this afternoon. Place to myself, so I have just cut my toenails.Many people take a shit on the company dime, but how many people do you know that are paid to cut their toenails? I'm damn impressed with myself.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:02,
Reply)
*Reads*Battered just did some filing.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:05,
Reply)
No I didn't file them, just trimmed them.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:09,
Reply)
I do wish people would stop talking about chocolate.I have decided to spend the day in bed, only venturing out to get food and cups of tea, but have no chocolate in the house and to get some I'm have to put clothes on and walk across the road to the shop and buy it. does this even count as a 1st world problem?
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:09,
Reply)
Damn right it is.You're local, you couldn't pop round with some dairy milk could you? maybe a couple pf cream eggs?
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:15,
Reply)
well, he's injured.so you get to be Daddy this time.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:18,
Reply)
you've been using this line since your injury haven't you?(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:19,
Reply)
Thanks for the very generous offer of sexual dominance over another manbut I regret I will have to decline this time.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:22, Reply)
er...no. soz.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:24,
Reply)
damn. I missed the opportunity for"sure, you can be daddy. now come here and suck momma's cock"
curses.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:25,
Reply)
and it's such a small window of opportunity toothat'll never re-open again
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:28,
Reply)
i meant with the missusit was more a dominance joke than an anal violation joke. but good to see where your minds were at, the pair of you.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:29,
Reply)
cashier at the petrol station last nightTalked me into also buying 3 creme eggs for £1 when I paid for my fuel. I was most pleased later when I remembered.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:29,
Reply)
the thing i love about chocolate is that first taste when you finally bite into itand your mouth floods with sweetness.
hope this helps.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:18,
Reply)
If you're bitingmore bloodylicious.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:26,
Reply)
Depends what you been feeding Mr B3th before hand. Isn't pineapple supposed to have an effect?Edit: FFS I keep getting the B3th and Berk mixed up.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:26,
Reply)
Mr b3th is old, broken and teetering on the brink.Mr berk is girly and useless as a man or boyfriend.
Hope this helps.
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Kroney, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:51,
Reply)
he was useless to start with as i remember(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:58,
Reply)
I got more details on that London jobI have the technical skills but under personal it says I should be self-starting, driven, hard-working and positive.
I'm positive I'm none of the other three, hopefully that'll be enough.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:44,
Reply)
All job specs say that, even the one for AA's job at Macdonalds(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:49,
Reply)
One of my users just tried to patronise me with a "I don't understand how so much difficulty has been caused by such a *simple* problem".
So I told the cunt to fix it himself if it was so easy.
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Kroney, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:47,
Reply)
Whilst this may technically be accuratehe's a salesman. They turn over like nothing else and his contribution to my wages will be relatively small.
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Kroney, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:52,
Reply)
computers are shit and annoying and should break as much as they do(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:51,
Reply)
It is. I regularly get told off for the way I speak to our users.and I am in an especially bad mood today.
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Kroney, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:51,
Reply)
...of HimJim's business.I heard he gets a Christmas card off them he's such a major customer.
Last week he spent £500 on a 'Chocolate Starfish Enter-prise'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:53,
Reply)
Yup, I forsee a good'un on the horizon.This is the second guy I've laid into today.
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Kroney, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:53,
Reply)
isn't it your job to help, regardless if how simple it seems?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:55,
Reply)
It wasn't the simplicity or difficulty of the problem that was the issue.(
Kroney, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:59,
Reply)
was it the simplicity and ifficulty of the user?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:00,
Reply)
Chocolate does fuck all for me.If I never eat it again I say 'meh' and 'meh' again.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 16:52,
Reply)
OI'M TRIPPIN', MERSH.TRIPPIN', OI ARM. TRIPPIN' OAT MOI BAR-LERCKS.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:00,
Reply)
Apparently I'm the same with Bacon, who'da thought it?(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:01,
Reply)
Not me. From your name I thought you were a bloke.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:04,
Reply)
Oh Monty, do you not recognise me?after all we've been to each other...
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:08,
Reply)
I thought you were a bloke.Goes to show, you can't be too careful.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:13,
Reply)
I can ride one better than yyou, you hag.(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:12,
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My cycling proficiency badge and perfectly intact collar bone say otherwise...(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:15,
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You just sit there in the corner with your flunce hat on. And don't distract the rest of the class.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:17,
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I knew I could cunt on you to make this joke.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:23,
Reply)
I am in the mood for a large boozeup.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:00,
Reply)
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:01,
Reply)
The mood for and the realistic prospect of said pissup are barely related to each other.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:02,
Reply)
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:10,
Reply)
Bring us a pint along with the choccy and you can have some bacon(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:02,
Reply)
I've heard quite a lot of boys have had your salty meat (
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:24,
Reply)
Afternoon bendersI'm just wading in here to kill the conversation. I'm quite good at that.
Alt: yes, dear. Whatever you say.
Alt alt: I like milk and white chocolate together. There's a bar that Cadbury do called spots and stripes. That's nice. I'm avoiding chocolate at the moment though :-(
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:04,
Reply)
They used to do a thing called a Snowflakewhich was white flake covered in dairy milk. I bloody loved them.
(, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:05, Reply)
Wasn't that the thing that Anthea Turner hawked in her wedding photos?I don't think I ever tried one of them, but they sound nice.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:08,
Reply)
FUCK YEAHthere is a new thing on tv at the moment, a chocolate biscuit wrapped in white chocolate, wrapped in milk chocolate, which looks amazing.
damn this detox. i mean, yeah, i am disappearing daily, but it's not as much fun as eating that sort of thing :(
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:08,
Reply)
This.I'm doing very well so far on ww, but considering I've got three stone to lose, I can't start thinking about chocolate again for a while.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:10,
Reply)
Yes. What of it?I heard she was the orignal 'Monty Python' foot model.
That's what I heard.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:26,
Reply)
It must have been great growing up with monty Python(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:27,
Reply)
it was lols a minute as the small boys limbs were hacked off by industrial looms(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:30,
Reply)
One of't' cross beams has gone askew on't' treadle.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:32,
Reply)
Is this a popular culture reference?Only I don't watch ITV.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:11,
Reply)
Next to me is a box of green and black'schocolate: milk, white and dark. I will be completely multicultural in my ethnic cleansing
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:11,
Reply)
oh mansomeone just posted a link to a site specialising in steam punk vibrators on the steampunk group I'm on :(
What is wrong with humans?
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:37,
Reply)
I know!What kind of an imbecile would be 'on' a 'steampunk group'???
It really does make one despair, eh?
Hang on....
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:46,
Reply)
are you on one, too, then?I wouldn't have thought it would be your thing?
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:51,
Reply)
Oh man you totally zinged me back, there.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:53,
Reply)
you want chips with that zinger burger?(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 17:58,
Reply)
Oh man you're like television paedo 'Jonathan Zing'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 18:01,
Reply)
I'm the zing of the jungle, yeah(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 18:05,
Reply)
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