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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Much as I ADORE 'tax chat'.....
Fucking hell. I'm tempted to start a 'revenge music thread'.

But I won't.

London Mayoral Elections: give a fuck? Have a preference? As you might imagine I favour Boris over that horrible Livingstone fellow. I've never voted in my life but the promise of getting rid of tube drivers is such an attractive one to me I am sorely tempted to give a shit for once.

Alt: Your best crab recipes please. I have a fucking massive crab at home and wondered what you'd suggest. My 'signature dish' is crab/chilli linguine but the only other thing I can think of is crab cakes.

Alt alt: Slip inside the eye of your mind, don't you know you might find, a better place to stay? You might also find me, savagely doing your mum, right up the 'Paul Gadd'. You secretly like the idea, don't you? You fucking sick cunt. I can't believe we're friends sometimes. You disgust me.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:46, 177 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
You can make a crab pate.
Well I can, you couldn't even make a crap pate

hahahhahahahaha, cooking skillz burn
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Oh man you got me AGAIN.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Seriously tho, you're shit at cooking.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)
Now I have a live-in cook that's not a problem.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)
I'll be deleting this in a minute, I'm not fucking suicidal.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:52, Reply)
Pussy.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Screen grabbed and posted to FB.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Did you learn nothing from yesterday?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Not in relation to FB I didn't.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Different site, different rules, right?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:07, Reply)
Yep. You should see what's allowed on gransnet. Dirty old cunts.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:09, Reply)

ansnet indr
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)
Loads of crab recipes here
bit.ly/GIlsx1
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Really? Ones with personal recommendations by people I know?


No there aren't, you massive spaniel.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)
I said there were loads of crab recipes. I did not say they were recommended by people here you insufferable joey.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Boris amuses me, that's why I'd keep him in there.
Alt: None at all.

Alt Alt: You might be fucking my Mum, but you're also quoting Oasis. Either way, I get the moral high ground.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:50, Reply)
Don't live in London so don't give a fuck.
And the rest of it was fuckering gibberish.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:50, Reply)
The last time I had some crab meat
I mixed it with some cream, garlic and white wine and made rather nommy ravioli. Rolling out your own pasta that thin is a total cunt though.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)
I'm sure Lusty will manage somehow.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:52, Reply)
You only roll fatties

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Innit blud.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)
I thought that was me?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)
Excellent
10/10
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I made gyoza the other day from scratch
They were excellent but making dumpling wrappers is nerve wracking at best.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Good idea. I'm a huge gyoza fan.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Pork and cabbage. I fucking love the things and routinely crave them.
No idea why. They're like little savoury parcels of crack.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Their first album was great
but then they went downhill after that.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:06, Reply)
'Plumgyoza' is alright but it's a bit too 'sadcore' for my tastes.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:07, Reply)
I did the same thing, only with a bit of chili too, and instead of stuffing the pasta, I used it as a sauce, and I added some chopped chives.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I really enjoyed the photo Lusty put up.
The poor creature looked pretty put out.

(and the crab hahahahhahahahahah no.)

However I have never eaten crab and I'm a bit wary of it. I am also pissed off that it is actually cheaper for me to catch an off peak train than it is to get a bus. I remember the days of £1 buses blah blah blah. £1.35? That's a fucking irritating number.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Do you mean that you have never voted at all or just in Mayoral Elections?
As a non-Londoner I have no interest in who your mayor is.

Altalt: I find your quoting of Oas*s lyrics far more offensive than any violation of my mother. Please do not post such things again.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)
I've never voted for anything at all, ever.
I'm a staunch 'none of the above' man when it comes to politics.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:54, Reply)
I'm always a little bit shocked when people say that they don't vote.
I do think that there should be a None of the Above option on the ballot paper though. And also that it should be binding - if none of the above gets the vote then none of them should take office.
This could go some way towards reducing voter apathy.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
I'd genuinely vote if there was a 'I think they're all cunts' box.
I live opposite the polling station, it's not laziness or apathy. It's a genuine lack of agreement with the whole tawdry lot of 'em.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:06, Reply)
I know of someone who votes for Arthur Scargill as a protest vote.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:10, Reply)
I'm tempted to add my own 'A. Hitler' box at the bottom.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)
Alt Alt: Who are you talking to? As if you have friends
Also Alt Alt: All your opinions on music are now null and void
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:55, Reply)
I firmly believe it to be the worst opening lyric of all time.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)
That is very hard to contest
Not only a terrible lyric but a memorable and prominent one, and the opener to one of the worst songs ever written.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:03, Reply)
Stick a pin in Oasis' discography and you will find many equally bad opening lines
And that particular one is from their supposed "peak" and all.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:06, Reply)
I am genuinely befuddled by this notion that Oasis had a peak or indeed a trough
They basically repeatedly reworked two Beatles songs - a fast one and a slow one - and somehow eked out 6 or 7 albums from this, all utterly awful, totally unstinting in their shitness. So how did they have a peak?
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:08, Reply)
I'm with you all the way on this, Trotter.
It is why there are few music journalists I will trust.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:17, Reply)
That, and the fact that they all talk utter hogwash in return for money.
Kris Needs is an exception. Nice fellow too. Nick Kent has written some interesting stuff but is an utter, utter tosser.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)
His brother Clark is an excellent writer
but hardly ever seems to be at his desk
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:28, Reply)
Please die. Thanks x

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:35, Reply)
You remind me of Kris' brother 'Special'.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:35, Reply)
Special Akabusi?
Awunnga *belms*
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:41, Reply)
'Free Nelson Mandela' lolz

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)
I do favour Boris, yes. Livingstone's a creepy git.
I generally have crab with a rice salad, plenty of garlic, black pepper and soy sauce.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)
I want to see what the simplified tax is for buisnesses with a turnover under £77k

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)
The FT will have tax calculators on their website later I expect.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Fatally Tedious?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Yes. You certainly are.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)
If you don't cease this relentless bullying immediately I am going straight to the UBER-MODS.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
^ Fucken druggled prick ^

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:02, Reply)
I think it's behind a pay wall at the moment.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
GOD SO DO I!!!!!!!!

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I'm going to be running my own super buisness soon, I need to know these things!

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)
You're going to give me a job, so I'd better pretend to give a toss too, right?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:02, Reply)
Yeah, I plan to use you like a canary
and get you to pick up all the bits that look a bit asbestosy
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:04, Reply)
Shouldn't be a problem given what he inhales most of the time.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:05, Reply)
One way to get rid of the piles of white crystalised powder

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:08, Reply)
That's what I was thinking.
I can handle a bit of the old toxicity, it seems.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:08, Reply)
turnover under £7 more like

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:05, Reply)
I don't give a fuck as I live in Cornwall
I have never cooked with crab but its delicious so I am sure you will make a fine dish.

Alt. Alt. My first ever band covered that song but were were 13 or something so we were shit even without doing shit covers. Funnily enough when I slip inside I regularly see you doing my mum up the council but I can't say I like it. I am a sick cunt though, are we friends? I dunno Internet friends are all secretly old perverted men, but then you don't make a secret of it so does it count, I'm very confused, maybe I'm just very happy because my tax has been cut loads because I am a multi millionaire. Who want to come for a ride on my new horse rebekkkkka brookkes
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Have you been at the cooking sherry again?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:02, Reply)
No,
I've been at the oven glove a lot lately though
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)
Well, who wouldn't? Sexy, sexy glove.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:18, Reply)
I've been married for 5 years this month
Can you imagine it, 5 years with no sex life.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)
Congratulations. Kind of.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Is that some kind of sick joke
I can't afford a divorce + Rent on a flat + Child support payments + loans taken out in my name.

So I am stuck.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:31, Reply)
I am truly sorry mate.
That sounds rubbish.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:35, Reply)
Yeh I'm incredibly emo about it
Pah I tell you what, I couldn't give a crap, I promised Akira She-ra ManatArms that I wouldn't leave
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)
So, what you're saying is, your wife puts out?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:34, Reply)
You're getting my wife confused with my oven glove again

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:48, Reply)
Does the oven glove put out voluntarily?
Technically this is gloverape
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)
Not everone's favourite author

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Hahah excellent

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Mind you that Boris plays up this harmless bumbling fool persona
but I don't believe it, he's evil I tells ya
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
i can handle bullying, but threads this dull are too much (no offence)
i'm off out of here pal, there's no game for me anymore

laters, taters
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
*Oh ok, alright.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:07, Reply)
Wooo Milton Keynes Wooo
www.mk-news.co.uk/News/Bid-to-rename-us-Milton-Keynes-Garden-City-21032012.htm
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:10, Reply)
I'd start celebrating now.
Petitions usually have the desired effect, don't they? It's in the bag!
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:14, Reply)
I'm going to make a petition to call it
"Milton Keynes Garden City Awesome Times Yeah"
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)
I'd sign that.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Eff that!
This is right next to my house!!!!
www.london24.com/news/crime/gemma_mccluskie_more_body_parts_believed_to_belong_to_killed_eastenders_actress_found_in_regent_s_canal_1_1325465
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)
Trickier to cook than crab though.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:20, Reply)
But *what* a flavour!
How goes it, old bean? Saw you pop up the other day before the deleting zapped your post.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)
Feeear tae hellish, pal.
Am ... er ... "resting" at the mo, times being hard and all - so am now off out to work on the tan, otherwise summer'll be all over and I'll still look like I'm made of the plaster of gay Paree.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Unlucky mon.
Well come round my house for some cheap beers one night if you fancy it.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Cheap beers and mystery meat eh? Goodness gracious me, what an offer.
Just because one's crackpipe may have narrowed considerably doesn't (sadly) diminish one's tastes. It's all wrong, I tells ya.
What sort of beer, by the way? Just out of interest?
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I was just proposing off license booze rather than pub.
For the leaner times, a leaner solution.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)
VAT on booze has been frozen
That warrants a celebratory drink.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Huzzah!

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:42, Reply)
*hiccups*

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:44, Reply)
*pisses pants in bus stop*

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)
*shouts at bins*

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)
*vomits on slippers*

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:51, Reply)
*slips on vomit*

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:52, Reply)
It's time I watched that film again.
It's fucking brilliant.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)
*directs traffic 'unofficially'*

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:54, Reply)
*moves diversion signs round*
^^Don't get caught doing this kids, police don't find it half as funny as drunken you does.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)
'but we're just re-enacting Smokey and the Bandit 9 offisher!'

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Haha

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)
Absolutely understand. I've been known to prop up a 'spoons bar when there's a beer festival on.
I'll consult my crowded calendar of social engagements and drop you a line. It's been far too long ...
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:44, Reply)
It sho' nuff has.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)
Would have been better if they found three legs
that would have confused them
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)
Not in the East End it wouldn't.
Business as usual in that canal.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Well I hope the two they found both turn out to be left legs

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Is this some kind of Genesis joke?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:43, Reply)
Alt. alt. alt.
Milton Keynes can fuck the fuck right off.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)
People like you should die of Aids.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:26, Reply)
People like him do, all the time.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Its the children I worry about

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:28, Reply)
With good reason.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:31, Reply)
I shouldn't have come back
Maybe I should get a bebo account
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:33, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Butter, garlic a hammer, to be eaten naked to save the washing up
A hammer is the only tool you should use, except maybe a chopstick. Just think how sexy and raw that would be.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)
Gonz, this morning

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)
hahaha

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:44, Reply)
Oh Lordy, the eyebrows !!!!!

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:10, Reply)
Why would you garlic a hammer?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:44, Reply)
or butter it and eat it naked, for that matter.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:44, Reply)
To make it taste nice
Duurrrr
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:47, Reply)
I can't garlic a hammer up your mum's arse.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:45, Reply)
I can

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:47, Reply)
I don't live in London, so I'm not allowed to care.
I'm interested in this shiny new idea about having regional mayors though. Bristol is on the potential list.

Alt: ew. You have crabs.

Alt Alt: will you leave my mum alone, you sex pest? She's had enough now.
And she's sick of you crying afterwards.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)
Does your mum have giant boobs too?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)
No.
My mum's skinny. I take after my dad's side of the family. Woman on that side are right heiffers.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:53, Reply)
What's your Dad's name, Robert Paulson?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:53, Reply)
lolwhut?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:58, Reply)


(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)
Well, that certainly looks like my boobs...

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Does this mean we can start calling you 'Bitch tits'?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:13, Reply)
boris ftw
ken is an odious little shit.

i've never cooked or eaten crab in my life. but my friend was raving about a crab risotto. although it might be you that hates risotto?

worst opening lyric ever: "now that we've caressed, a kiss so warm and tender, i can't wait til we reach, that sweet moment of surrender". pervert.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:51, Reply)
The story of Boris chasing after the kids with a metal bar makes me laugh, every time

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:52, Reply)
He's excellent.
Also his 'Dream of Rome' is a well-written history book.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Might have to read it at some point

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:01, Reply)
I don't hate it, but as with Thai sticky rice,
I can't get over the feeling that you're deliberately fucking up the cooking of rice in a risotto.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 14:56, Reply)
you should make a crab quiche
you LIKE quiche.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Quiche is shit and dull.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)
no no no
quiche is LUSH. goats cheese and roasted garlic mushroom quiche ftw.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)
i don't like quiche either
i'm not fussy or anything, sometimes its nice but it isn't my favourite
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)
I'd rather drink a milkshake made from raw sewage and Arab's pubes
that eat quiche.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:11, Reply)
Homemade quiche is much nicer than that shit you get in the supermarket
mind you, this can be said of many, many things.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:12, Reply)
Very true
I make a bloody lovely pasta salad, but I find supermarket ones mostly vile.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:14, Reply)
I was going to send you a copy of that CD
I must get round to that...
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Not to worry, take as long as you want, haha!
I'm still yet to send out my Randomburns for this year, found them again recently.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:17, Reply)
At primary school
my mother used to put home-made individual quiches into my packed lunches. Bin, every time.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:16, Reply)
You ungrateful little shit.
After starting school my son started asking why he couldn't have jam sandwiches on white bread like some of the other kids. I didn't know how to explain to a five year old that they are the pikey kids whose parents care little for nutrition.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:27, Reply)
I had a similar issue with my mother.
I wanted shitty crisps and Club biscuits, not some alfafa sprout salad bully-magnet shit. Lucky I was FUCKING NAILS and thus was never bullied.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:34, Reply)
aka KFC Krushems.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:13, Reply)
i don't like risottoe
or jumbalyer, wtf is jumbalyer? shit is what it is
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)
I have no idea what jumbalyer is
But I can tell you that Jambalaya is a Louisiana Creole dish of Spanish and French influence.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)
its shit

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)
now most of the time when i tell you that you are a wrong cunt, it's forum banter
but here? you've gone too far.

ANYTHING with rice ftw. risotto, stroganoff, jambalaya, curry, cold rice salad...

except rice pudding; that can go fuck itself right in its sloppy hole.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)
Rice pudding is lovely.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)
i don't like rice pudding either

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)
i like rice duishes other than risotto and jumbalya

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:07, Reply)
Can we have a new thread yet
About ladies bums or something good like that?
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:15, Reply)
I've missed you.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:18, Reply)
lies on the internet
No-one would have missed me. I am about as dull as they come
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:21, Reply)
Nonsense you big ponce.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Poncesense

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:23, Reply)


(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:26, Reply)


(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:28, Reply)
I broke a rib
that was interesting. I don't react well to Tramadol you see.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:27, Reply)
Ewww! Me neither, can we be friends?

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:49, Reply)
You'd better start that thread about ladies bums
This one seems to be dying.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:32, Reply)
I really love your AltAlts Monty.
Thank you.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:32, Reply)
Bless you.
This one is no.3 in a series of 15, signed by the author.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I just hope you had to google those lyrics
or else everything you've ever meant to me is a sham...
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:40, Reply)
Bar the first couple of words absolutely I did.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:45, Reply)
You can write?
You were so born into the wrong century. You should have been a duke, like that bloke Johnny Depp played in The Libertine, you know the chap.
(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Tits.

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)
Arse!

(, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)

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