Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Monday morning, you pricklords.The train is terrifically stuffy, the weather is shite and I am wearing a very dull shirt.
What does today have in store for you?
Alt- why so much bullying, can't we just get along?
You bunch of pricks.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 7:59, 213 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
I have been in lectures all day, finding words to say difficult things, and studying as well. I don't know what tonight will hold in store for me.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:03, Reply)
Good Morning,Today I feel nothing but love for all b3tan's, even you.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:15,
Reply)
You been on the baileys again Poppet?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:21,
Reply)
We might be able to do good b3tan bad b3tanI’m in a great mood and ready for a fun packed working week
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:26,
Reply)
Your not helping your own post here.(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:27,
Reply)
HahahahhahahaAre you being mean to me? I'm gutted,Enjoy your Monday.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:36,
Reply)
I found out two things this weekendOne is that Chompy is a very nice bloke IRL, and the other is that ten-year-old French girls can really shift when you chase them.
There really is no way to make that last part sound good.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Girlfriend's stepmum's brother's granddaughterand I was trying to throw her into the pond.
OBVIOUSLY
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Did you two meet up for that drink on friday then?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:41,
Reply)
Meeting up with B3tans for drinks must be done with care.Otherwise you'll end up waking up on a Sunday morning smelling of gin and with bits of kebab all over your sofa.
Thanks Stunned.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:45,
Reply)
+ with Barry rifling through your pockets(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:49,
Reply)
Nah, I went to my own home.Monty, LiC & Lusty were sensible. Stunned and I ended up staying out and drinking gin. This was a stupid idea.
I have to do this again with B3tans tomorrow night.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:51,
Reply)
There were THREE b3tans in a Norwich puband 33.3% of them were women. This is even less likely than me and Chompy getting on.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:46, Reply)
The BaronessChompy's missus. Who is both lovely and hot. Boy done good.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Well I'm glad it all worked out.I'm about to go into meetings, I have already secured my seat near the back and next to the coffee.
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:49,
Reply)
Good work that manNowt more embarrassing than falling asleep in a meeting.
Well, nowt LIKELY.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I surprised you didn't throw a huge girly strop at him as soon as he walked into the pub.(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Oh, I didHe found it hilarious and let it go quite quickly rather than banging on about it for months like some kind of pre-pubescent schoolgirl whose BFF's run off with her favourite crayon
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Actually meeting Chompy has taught me not to judge anyone by how they act onlineSo next time I'm down in London we should have a pint and bury the hatchet, assuming that doing so won't rob you of all future internet dialogue
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Are you sure? I'd bring a photo of you with cocks on your face and show it to strangers in the pub.And I'd keep my back to the wall in case you tried to bum me.
Also, I've met Monty and this hasn't stopped me being able to point out what a dreadful human being he is on here.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:06, Reply)
It's not how big it is, it's what you do with itor so I'm assured.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:10,
Reply)
I think the more remarkable thingis the notion that someone might be physically larger than you.
You fat cunt.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Did you miss me?Alt: go and watch your dad shit in your mum's cunt whilst he sticks needles down his cockhole.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:40,
Reply)
Not too bad.Got some time off work soon though.
You still working on those business ideas?
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Yes I am. Using this week to make some more progress. I have the time as rain has delayed my shed construction again.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:46,
Reply)
Did you give any more thoughtTo the conversation we had?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:51,
Reply)
Yes. I will email you later in the week. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
Morning Batts, Did you have to press the sorry button again?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:42,
Reply)
I bet that killed you?How long did you glare at it before you finally pressed it?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:44,
Reply)
Pas mal sweetie like(This is what 'PMSL' actually stands for)
I take it your evening of drunken debauchery with your adoptive Dads was good?
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Yes. Apart from when I needed help to get down from one seat. They weren't too helpful with that.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
I took the precaution of arriving at the pub in my spandex tights, pre-oiled to save time on the wrestlin'Chompy appeared smartly attired but was concealing his combat garb in order to tear off his shirt Superman-style to commence our bout. The Baroness produced a card with a large "1" on it and paraded it around the pub in the manner of a boxing ring girl, the barstaff rang the bell and shouted "FIGHT" in an authentic Street Fighter 2 fashion before fending off a bevy of desperate drunkards who thought it was last orders.
MORE DETAILS AS I MAKE THEM UP
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Street Fighter 2 was, and is, inferior to Mortal Kombat.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
We should have got a picture of thatit was hilarious.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:11,
Reply)
It occurred to me yesterday that nobody had taken a photo. This caused me considerable relief.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:12,
Reply)
damn. still taller than me. But I think most b3tans are. Except Boss Keloid.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Technically it was a couple of pouffes you were sitting on you gaylord.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
A hangover.Oversleeping by 45 minutes didn't help.
Alt: I wouldn't mind that.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:41,
Reply)
MorningToday, if the weather allows, I'm going to watch some children running around a field.
Alt: It's because you touch yourself at night.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:45,
Reply)
ShhIt'll be our little secret.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
This thread is turning into a pedo one.Let's be nice and fluffy, sahare the love, peactice practice random acts of kindless, and senseless acts of beauty.
You bunch of pricks.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I'm going to find somewhere to rent Alt: we can't get along. The gulf is too deep ever to be passable.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
But if we all hold hands, perhaps we can bridge that gap.Come on, sing with me.
Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya...
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:57,
Reply)
Just hold still and keep singing TangledYour carer will be here soon.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:04,
Reply)
I hope soThe warm, damp sensation soon begins to feel unpleasant as my clothing becomes cold and clammy and starts to cling to my skin.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:13,
Reply)
Thanks!Didn't realise til I'd posted.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:02,
Reply)
I might be moving in October. Instead of going home to live with the parents for 5 months, I'm going to try to get on my own two feet. Scared is understating it.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Fuck that. Don't want some creeps filming every little detail of my life.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)
You probably shouldn't have let this lot know that you live in Woolongalong then(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:09,
Reply)
Geelong, Kurrajong, Mullumbimby, Mittagong, Molong, Grong Grong, Goondiwindi … Cabramatta, Parramatta, Wangaratta, Coolangatta?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:12,
Reply)
The poorly received opening number from Mary Poppins II: Mary Down Under(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
Nope but my dad is off to Ireland for the summerAnd he doesn't want the upkeep of a large house just for me :( terrible bullying. Luckily I don't really care where I live.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:01,
Reply)
There are dozens of b3tans that would have her.But I think she'd rather just pay for rent with money like a normal person.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Glad to hear it haha*moves to Australia and steals your Baileys*
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
She might try and reorganise your eductaion(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
It's okay, I've actually got private health insurance, so I'm fine on that front. (, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)
You're completely right Al have five pointsI'd like to say living in rented accommodation can't be that bad, but that's just inviting trouble.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
10 hours sleep last night which was much neededtoday has some meeetings, some work and no sheds
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:03,
Reply)
interesting as one of my knees does hurt todayIt's voodoo i tell you
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
Well I apparently passed my hangover on to someone else through here last week, I forget who.(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Darth will happily take load after load of your AIDS in his arse and mouth(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:19,
Reply)
I cooked a roast last night; rib of beef and it was AWESOME, even if I say so myself.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:11,
Reply)
Morning you prick of bunchesThis week should be interesting as I have no work to do and the one thing coming down the pipeline is huge and taking ages to get through, like an impacted turd.
The important thing is not just to look busy but to have something to say I'm doing in the team meeting tomorrow. I might re-organise the stationery cupboard.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:15,
Reply)
Well of course but that doesn't look as good on a status report.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
Sorting various traumas out and now co-ordinating a response to our biggest customer about them being pricksI get along with everyone on here apart fro JMG who is just fucknig tedious
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:16,
Reply)
I find JMG amusing. I think this puts me in the minority. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
I have to say, I rather like him too.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
He does something amusing, gets validatedand then runs it into the ground until even his most ardent supporters want to slap him.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:22,
Reply)
yeah. I thought he was?Isn't that why he had Roshoshana dinner with his family last week?
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:19, Reply)
With all those cockgazzes I sent you, surely you noticed my helmet was covered?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
I have staff on holiday and will be foced to WORK. Not happy at all about this.Alt: everyone hates you, sorry to be etc.
No, YOU bunch of pricks.
My kid's birthday was fucking brilliant, if you care, or even if you don't.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:19,
Reply)
No cake at all.Nor was there 'cayke'. Nor were there 'kittums', 'zombies' nor any of that bent shit.
So shut up.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
I care and I'm glad Medusa didn't fuck it upI was massively hungover for my daughters party and she was asleep as she's not very well. Good times
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
I wasn't too bad, despite getting utterly shitted the night before.Bed at 11pm and a bewildered 3am water-drinking interlude meant I was chipper for the morning - lucky as dancing the hornpipe to the Captain Pugwash theme might have made me vomit otherwise.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
I wish I'd gone home when you did. Stunned and I ended up in a pub drinking gin. Bad idea.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31,
Reply)
I saw the pic of you two rocking out(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
I am thinking about divorceAll I can do is think about it. We have a passionless marriage that is mostly my fault and fuck all in common these days. The kicker is the children, four of them, all quite young. I'm assuming in the event of a divorce I'll become a weekend dad, and I just can't do that. The thought of that terrifies me. I want to be there when they wake up and be reading them a story when they go to bed at night. I don't know how to make the marriage work, especially when I'm only doing it to stay in 24/7 contact with my children. I can't tell her the truth because that'll be the line drawn in the sand and bye bye daddy.
Do I still love my wife? I have to think about that question so I guess that answers it, but I'd probably fall apart without her, but trying to be civil at the moment is a stretch.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Fucking newbie blue namers, posting emo shit about the state of their marriage.Go and kill yourself.
Cunt.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
still a cunt that should kill himself.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy and Doc look upon him with a mixture of quiet contempt and tragic resignation(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)
I know not what you are on about(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
Sage accountancy software hilarity.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
Accountancy lolz.Thinnest on the ground of all the lolz
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31,
Reply)
You need to delete your account and kill yourself, it's the only way(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
With the greatest possible sensitivity towards your unfortunate dilemma,The Sun's Agony Aunt website is THATAWAY
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Serious question:How long have you felt like this? If it is a long time then you are better off out. If it is a few weeks, then chill out, take the missus out for some dinner and relax a bit.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
I may be better off outbut it'll be weekend dad time then and my superman costume needs letting out a bit
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)
You can borrow mine.That's definitely yoghurt on the leg, don't worry.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31,
Reply)
You kick your children?No wonder your wife hates you and is sleeping with me on the side.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
Not that she can feel anything when you do.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
No, read it againHis children kick him. He would be the kickee
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
Do you seriously want mature emotional and marital advice from B3ta/(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:34, Reply)
If you're offeringDear BPtJF,
I am finding it more and more difficult to make love to my wife without picturing livestock. Last night I insisted she moo deeply and make exaggerated chewing actions as I was otherwise unable to sustain my pitiful excuse for an erection. Also as the joints in cows' knees allow them to go upstairs but not down, it's only a matter of time before I'm caught in the act of shoving a particularly obstinate Jersey out of the window. How can I save my marriage and get the RSPCA off my back?
Yours hopefully,
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)
^ An early attempt at POTD here and a good attempt at that ^(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
Internet validation!*reads JMG's "How to be a hero of b3ta"*
Repeat... ad... nauseum...
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Don't listen to all these bulliesIf you want a sympathetic ear, go and ask for some advice on /talk.
They will be only too glad to help.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
Calm down son, it's not that hilarious, now fuck off back to the lollypop guild(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)
BOOM!*staggers*
*reaches heavenwards*
*grimaces*
*solitary tears*
*grabs comrade*
"AVENGE MEEEEeeee....."
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Alright AA? Missing Rory I guess?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:58,
Reply)
Rory has a new B3TA identity.The guy who started this divorce nonsense.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Bit early for a conspiracy theory isn't it?I heard one the other day that Q is Scaryduck's sock puppet. Ha!
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
One of Chompy's dad's classic bits of advice here.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:00,
Reply)
Yes.She enjoys sex with guys who haven't showered, shit the bed and are poor.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
that's Battered's mum you're talking about there, lennyleave it out
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
That's one subject I am more than happy for anyone to converse about.Watch out though; she's 64 so she's probably got a prolapsed vadge.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:56,
Reply)
Where have you been Quentin?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
NO, NO TANGLED UPINBLUE, NOYOU CANNOT ASK ME QUESTIONS NOW, TWICE TWICE ON THURSDAY I MENTIONED THAT I WOULDN'T BE HERE, AND DID ANYBODY ASK WHAT I WAS DOING?
NO, DID THEY FUCK AS LIKE, FUCK YOU ALL FUCK OFF I HATE YOU
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Not bad thanks, although I wasn't thrilled with paying £4.25 for a pint in Birmingham on SaturdayYourself?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:06,
Reply)
£4.25? that's cheap as chips!Very good thanks, lovely weekend, very tired though and my arm is sore :/
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Sore arm?How come?
And it's bloody expensive for me, especially when it wasn't that great a pint.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:13,
Reply)
In other news, I am thinking about becoming an air traffic controller. Is this a good idea?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
*something about your height making this an impractical choice of career*LOL!!!
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:59,
Reply)
My rage may be more of an issue...(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:01,
Reply)
It's a very stressful job, you can barely contain your rage on here.Bad idea.
(, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)
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